Reviewer: wishful

Title:5/5
Definitely eye-catching. The spaces in between the words as well as the idea of having all of the letters lower-cased is something that I don’t see around here often. The title is also interesting enough without the added effects to it.  Plus, I think that it fits in perfectly with your storyline. :) Haha, I wish titles like this came easily for me as well. I find titles one of the hardest things to come up with in a story. ^^;;

Appearance: 9/10
I really like your poster. Other than titles, the poster of the story is the first thing that a reader sees. And let’s face it: if it’s not attractive, there’s always going to be at least one reader who hits the ‘back’ button in assumption that the story won’t be that good. I think that this poster not only fits in with the aura of your story, but that it’s also attractive enough to hold a reader’s attention. I especially like the way the words “Eternally In Love” were written in the upper left of the poster. Kudos to the designer! :3

I took off a point from your score for two different reasons: the first being that other than the poster, your story seemed very plain, and the second one being that the way you structured your paragraphs made your story look very skimpy and short. If the story had been longer, I would’ve deducted more points, but because this is only a one-shot, that didn’t seem fair. I mean, it’s perfectly understandable to not want to go through the trouble of getting a background commissioned when there’s only one chapter, right? XP As for your paragraphing, I understand that (again) the story is only a one-shot so there doesn’t necessarily have to be a lot of words (I’ll talk about this more in either the Storyline, Characterization, or Writing Style section ^^;;). But I feel that because of the way you structured your paragraphs, the fact that there wasn’t that many words was greatly emphasized. When I read stories, this tends to be a turnoff for me. I guess you could say that I enjoy reading stories that appear more “fattened up.” XD

Description/Foreword: 6/10
I understand that your story is a one-shot, but I still feel like you could’ve said more in your Description/Foreword. XP It looks very empty in my opinion. I guess that instead of just listing the generics of your story in the description section, you could maybe type them out. While I liked that you included a quote from your story, I feel like you could’ve made it more mysterious by typing it out like this:

“Because if we just walk together like this. . .”

Instead of:

“Because if we just walk together like this”

It doesn’t seem look like too big of a difference, but I like to think that little things like this do make a big difference. The way you had it written, the sentence ends with no punctuation whatsoever (other than the quotation marks of course). By adding the three dots, not only does it add in a sense of wonder (I always feel as though the three dots symbolize that something is more is coming or something of the sort), but it also makes the sentence look a little better.

Storyline:  19/25
I think that your storyline was something interesting, but I think that it moved way too fast. At the beginning of the story, I was curious as to why everyone in Baekhyun’s class seemed to hate him, and the way you revealed it made me feel a little… bummed. I feel like you could have elaborated on it a lot more. I know that the story is a one-shot, but I personally feel like just because it’s a one-shot doesn’t mean that it can’t be lengthy. :) That might just be me, of course, but in the case of this story, I feel that if you elaborated on more things, the storyline would’ve come out a lot better. By this, I mean that there would’ve been more emphasis on certain things that could cause a bigger reaction from the reader.

Grammar: 24/25
Out of all of the stories I’ve reviewed, it’s easy for me to say that this story has some of the best grammar I’ve seen! I spotted a couple of mistakes, but most of them were just simple things, like not adding a comma in a spot that you should. For example: [“Hey hey~ Have you ever been sick before? …”] should read: [“Hey, hey~! Have you even been sick before? …”] Another thing you should remember is that when you’re addressing someone (or rather, when your characters are addressing someone… XD) there should be a comma between the greeting itself, and the name of the individual that is being addressed. An example from your story is: [“Hi Baekhyun. This is Dr. Choi.”]. You should add a comma between “hi” and “Baekhyun” so that it would read: [“Hi, Baekhyun. This is Dr. Choi.”] I think that you might’ve just forgotten though, because a few lines down, you do it properly [“Thanks, Dr. Choi.”]

You did have a word slip-up though! But don’t feel bad, because it’s the only one I found. :3 [I shook the thought out and decided I’d just wear casually.] The sentence should read something more like: [I shook the thought out, and decided that I’d just dress casually.] Like I said, it’s not a big deal. It was probably just a typo of some sort. :3

Characterization: 11/15
Even though your story was short, I feel like you pulled off character development pretty well. I was curious about what was up with Baekhyun from the very beginning of the story, and I thought that Chanyeol just had to be one of the most adorable people in the world. X3 However, I can’t help but not understand some of the reasoning behind some of the actions of the characters. I mean… Teachers giving out the phone numbers of students? XD To me that seems a little strange. But I suppose that the thing that bothers me the most is that even though Chanyeol and Baekhyun only met the day previous, the next day they’ve already decided that they love each other. I mean, I guess some people believe in love at first sight and things like that. But to me (and I like to think some other people as well XD), life just isn’t like that. You can’t really say that you love someone when you barely know them, and that seems to be the case here. They sit next to each other at school, plan to hang out the next day, and then they’re in love? It might just be me, but I think that that might be moving a bit too fast. ^^;;

Writing Style:  4/5
I don’t actually think that your writing style was bad at all! :D The only thing that kinda of bothered me was that you typed out numerals instead of writing out the actual name of the number in your writing. I think that I spotted one occasion where you didn’t do it, but all the places where you did do it bothered me a little. I believe that words and numbers are two very different things, and that they should be treated as such. I feel like when you say “20” instead of “twenty” it decreases the professionalism of the story. I mean, when you read books or any other sort of published work, it’s not very often that you see numerals in the actual bodies of those texts.

Other than that though, there’s not really much I can nag you about. XP I think that you could’ve been a bit more descriptive and that your story moved a little too fast, but that’s about it. :)

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
I think that this was overall an interesting story! I think that I might just have to check out your other EXO one-shots… ;3

Reviewer’s Comments and Advice: When I think about it, I can’t think of much advice for you that I haven’t already said. XP You’re already a very good writer, and I genuinely enjoyed reading this oneshot. (:

Score Calculations: Title. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .+5
                                    Appearance. . . . . . . . . . . .+9
                                    Description/Foreword. . . . .+6
                                    Storyline. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .+19
                                    Grammar. . . . . . . . . . . . . . +24
                                    Characterization. . . . . . . . .+11
                                    Writing Style. . . . . . . . . . . .+4
                                    Overall Enjoyment. . . . . . . .+4

                                                             Raw Score =82
                                                                                 +0 [I don’t think that bonus points were necessary here. ;3]
                                                             Total Score=82

Letter Grade:  B: Not a bad story, and I recommend it. Read it you have time! :)

Review by wishful from W i s h f u l Thoughts Shoppe

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Big thank you to the reviewer, and Wishful Thoughts Shoppe for the amazing review! :D
I agreed with your some points there ~ I got more points than I expected! hehe :D
Thanks a lot for the review!