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If I were a boy

Even just for a day

Maybe, if I were a boy, I could have understood what he's going through...

I'd roll outta bed in the morning

And throw on what I wanted then go

"Good morning, yeobo," Jaejoong said as his lips captured mine. I'm 20 and he's 23 but we're living together for 3 years already. He works at the company owned by his father, while I work as a clerk in the library near our house. He has been very busy for the past few weeks to arrange their group's so called annual gathering.

Or so I thought.

"When will you be back?" I asked quietly with an evident tint of sadness in my voice. He was in deep thought when he suddenly flashed his very charming smile. I caught a glint of excitement and betrayal in his smile. I knew, I always knew.

Drink beer with the guys

And chase after girls

"About three days, babe. Yunho invited me to a guys' night. Since I've been very tired from work, I decided to join the party. Changmin, Junsu, and Micky will come too," he said innocently. But it didn't work for me. I was pretty sure he was hiding something from me. I have always known his secret, anyway.

I faked a smile. I stood up from my chair and hugged him from behind. "Have a safe trip and remember to call me, oppa. I'll miss you much." I could feel his hesitation on whether to hug me back or not. Like he wasn't so sure of if I was still the same woman he fell in love five years ago. And it breaks my heart so much that I was only a part of his past.

I'd kick it who I wanted

And I'd never get confronted for it

Coz they'd stick up for me

I never told him that I knew his secret. I have always feared that he would leave me and I'll be all alone again. And that would be my worst nightmare. I can't even imagine what my life would be without him.

As soon as he left our house, I called Yunho, his best friend. I asked him if he was going to throw a party three days from now and he stutterdly said yes. From the tone of his voice, I knew he was lying. Jaejoong was lying to me.

Yunho told me that they would hit up the beach to take a break from work. I asked him if he knew a girl with a name of "Jung Jessica." He quickly said no and hanged up. As every truth begins to unfold, I feel like there was a sharp knife stabbing my heart repeatedly.

But how come Jaejoong can't see and feel the pain I'm going through?

If I were a boy

I would turn off my phone

I've called his phone thirty times. Yes, thirty. Yet he never answer even a single one. I was very worried about him. What was he doing right now? Was he enjoying the party? Was he alright? Did he drink too much beer?  I wanted to hear his explanation but he never gave me a single reply. Unknowingly, I cried.

Tell everyone it's broken

So they'd think that I was sleepin' alone

When he finally got home after three days, he didn't even notice the eyebags formed on my face from staying up all night waiting for his call or text. I was worrying for him too much. When he finally saw me, he hugged me with a satisfied grin on his beautiful face. I let myself be touched by this angel even with the obvious betrayal strings. How could he do this? Did he ever loved me at all?

"Sorry my phone broke while I was playing a game with Changmin. I couldn't really answer your calls because I was very busy. I'm really sorry." I only nodded in response. I've never felt so low.

I'd put myself first

And make the rules as I go

Cause I know she'd be faithful

Waitin' for me to come home (to come home)

He'd always knew that I wouldn't suspect him. I've never accused him of anything. I was too inlove with this guy. I even let him do whatever he wants to do, even if it hurts me so much, even if it's betrayal, because I'm still holding onto the little piece of hope that he'll love me again.

"Please, I'm so sorry! Listen to me, let me eplain, I beg of you!" Jaejoong pleaded desperately as I hurriedly took all my belongings to my car. That's it, no more. I caught him yesterday making out with Jessica who even had the guts to do it in his office room while I was supposed to deliver the lunch I just made for him. He pushed her away immediately and chased after me. 

"There's nothing to talk about Jaejoong. Enough is enough," I said with a glint of anger and sadness in my voice. He pleaded and begged as he hugged me from the back. I was tempted to hug him back but I just shrugged him off. He'll no longer be my concern anymore. He could go to Jessica as if I'll care anymore. But the truth was, I was just waiting for those words to come out from his beautiful lips.

It's a little too late for you to come back

Say it's just a mistake

"It was just a mistake, baby. I am so sorry. I really don't know what was I thinking back then. I'm sorry, baby, please forgive me," he begged again, with his knees touching the ground. His eyes were filled with tears. I was tempted to wipe them off and say that I forgive him already but no, it hurts so much that it could actually kill me. I need to love myself too, Jaejoong. I'm so sorry.

Think I'd forgive you like that

If you thought I would wait for you

I forced myself to give him the meanest laugh he could ever hear of, "Really? What about last week? Last month? And now you're telling me that you weren't thinking straight today, Jaejoong? You could have just turned away now when I gave you all the time to change, but you didn't," I said harsly as tears started to flow from my cheeks. His jaw dropped from realizations.

You thought wrong

"You... knew?," he whispered. And that's it. I got inside my car and slammed the door loudly. I quickly drived away from our house and find a quiet place. I cried and cried. I don't even know what to do anymore now that he's not with me anymore. 

But you're just a boy

You don't understand

Yeah, you don't understand

How it feels to love a girl someday

You wish you were a better man

You don't listen to her

You don't care how it hurts

Until you lose the one you wanted

Cause you've taken her for granted

And everything you have got destroyed