-----

 

The times. The times when Yixing cries, cries out the fear; the fear of people hating or judging him.

 

Remembering those nightmares, he covers his ears from those dirty  words escaped from the person who he used to respect the most; his teacher.

 

He promised to Jong-In, promised to himself, that he would never cry, he would never be weak again, but those promises starts to break, as he realises that he is alone...

 

 

----

 

 

 

The next morning, Yi Fan is concerned about the younger Chinese male.

 

Yixing looks paler than usual. His usual eye smile is not there anymore, instead it is replaced by bloodshot eyes and eye bags underneath for a finishing touch.

 

 

"Are you alright? What happened to you? Yah, Yixing who is responsible for this?!". Oh how badly Yi Fan wants to bombard these questions toward the younger, but he can't and he knows he never will.

 

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

Yixing is conversing with Lu Han, smiling until his dimple were visible. But there was one thing Yi Fan noticed. 

 

The warmth on the younger's eyes has gone away. Those warmth has left his orbs, replacing with nothing, but just a blank hole.

 

Yi Fan is so absorbed staring at the younger Chinese male, he doesn't even realise another presence coming and sitting next to him.

 

"You do know about the incident that happened couple of months ago, right?" Kris, startled by the familiar voice, he curses under his breath.

 

"What is it now?" Kris asks, annoyed at the Korean male, Se Hun.

 

 

 

 

"I just found this out yesterday. Remember the time when there was all the talking going on about a trainee being se-"

 

 

 

"Se Hun-ah, can you help me over here!". Interrupting on his talk, Lu Han called out, showing his innocent smile, which obviously resulted a red-face Se Hun and Yi Fan notes this.

 

 

"I-I'll tell you later." he mumbles, getting on his feet and approaching towards Lu Han way too quickly. Yi Fan just nods his head in response, interested at the sudden change of character.

 

In the corner of his eyes, he feels a certain someone watching him.

 

 

__________

 

 

 

After 3 hours of dance practice, Yixing collapses on the cold wooden floor.

 

One by one, every members disappears to their respective rooms, while Yixing stays for another round of practice.

 

Practice is just an excuse.

 

 

 

Streaks of tears cascades down his cheeks, as he eyes himself in front of the huge dance mirror. Recalling the fears, he lets out a strangled cry, as he suddenly finds himself filthy and dirty.

 

 

'I'll make you feel good'

 

'I want to you senselessly.'

 

' it!'

 

'What did you learnt today, Yixing?'

 

'Scream my name.'

 

'Don't you ing understand?! I said faster! We need to improve your Korean more.'

 

'Good boy Yixing. That's more like it.'

 

 

And before he knows it, darkness invades his vision, as for a last time, he only hears someone screaming his name out.

 

 

_____

 

 

 

 

Stirring awake from his beauty sleep, Yixing adjusts his vision from the disturbing sun ray; blinding his unsettled vision,as he rubs his eyes with his right hand and the other hand, carelessly caresses his toned stomach-mind you, lifting his t-shirt up at the process and exposing his milky white skin.

 

"Hyung! His awake!". Furrowing his brows in confusion, Yixing stares at the familiar smiling figure, Se Hun.

 

"Se Hun?" by hearing his name, the younger quickly tackles the older on the bed.

 

"We were so worried!" he says, hugging the older as if his life depended on it.

 

"W-What happened a-and w-where am I?" Yixing asks, finally realising that this was not his room.

 

"We're at Yi Fan hyung's room." the younger male replies, releasing himself off from the older.

 

"Yi Fan...Yi Fan?" the Chinese male mumbles Yi Fan's name, in an attempt to recall the said male, but to no avail.

 

 

He doesn't even know me...

 

 

"He's here." the younger chirps, getting off from the bed. And just in cue, Yi Fan enters his room, the same usual hard -look, plasters on his face.

 

Pointing his index finger towards the older male, Yixing blinks for a few seconds.  "Oh! You're the silent dude!".

 

Silence.

 

 

Yi Fan stares at Yixing blankly, not knowing what was going on.

 

"Y-Yixing hyung- ahaha." with that, Se Hun burst up in laughter, as he clutches his stomach. "..S-silent dude, oh my god!" he carries on, earning a blush from Yixing.

 

"I-It's not funny!" he protests, throwing the near pillow towards the younger male.

 

"It is!"

 

 

By the entrance, Yi Fan's lips slowly twitches upwards, as his vision is invaded by the most beautiful human being; Yixing.

 

 

_____

 

 

 

"Sorry for bothering you..." his voice trailing off, as he folds the blanket and tidies up the bed. "..and thank you so much for your help, Yi Fan ge". Bowing slightly, Yixing takes off, but is stopped when feels a hand clutched around his wrist.

 

Hesitating for a second, Yi Fan exhales a long breath.

"Why were you crying?" Yi Fan asks. Those once intimidating sharp gaze sparks to life, as he watches Yixing up-close.

 

 

 "I-I..." and before he knows it, Yixing's lips quivers as he lets out a stifle cry. "I-I w-as r-ra-" choking onto the thin air, he managed to stutter a lot.

 

 

Extending his arms forward, he wanted to embrace the younger, embrace him and comfort him. However, Yi Fan couldn't do it. Letting his arms drop in their original position, he bit down lower lip and watched Yixing breaks down in front of him.

 

 

 

'After all, he was mute...'

 

 

 

________

 

 

 

Se Hun smiled bitterly, hearing the sobs coming out from Yi Fan's room. Call it eavesdropping or rude behaviour, but the young Korean male couldn't help it.

 

'Its going to be alright hyung' he thought, as he walked past Yi Fan's room. 'Yixing hyung will be alright soon...'

 

 

 

 

_________________

 

 

Yixing's condition worsened. 

 

One day he'll space out, the next day he'll be starving himself, the day after that, he'll either have blood-shot eyes or either scratches on his fore-arms.

 

 

Wearing a long sleeve t-shirt, he tried to hide those harmed marks, but a certain someone knew all of those.

 

 

 

 

"Yah, Yi Fan hyung, what happened between you and Yixing hyung when I left your room?" Se Hun asked, out of the blue.

 

"Nothing..." Yi Fan's voice trailing off, as he watched a tanned Korean male pulled Yixing and leave the practice room.

 

"That's Jong-In. Yixing hyung's best friend." his mouth forming into a shape of an 'o', Yi Fan got up as well, Se Hun following suit.

"What's wrong?"

 

 

But there was no reply, as Yi Fan walked out off the practice room, leaving a confused a Se Hun.

 

 

_______________________

 

 

 

 

"What is this?!" Jong-In pulled the sleeve up, exposing the damage done by Yixing.

 

 

"I-I-"

 

"How many times Yixing? Didn't I told you that there's no need, you even stopped harming yourself, but now when we are close to debut, what happened to you?"

 

Yixing bit down on his lower lip, trying hard to not let those tears fall. Sighing, Jong-In rubbed Yixing's shoulders, in an attempt to calm the older down.

 

"I'm sorry, okay? It's just that...i've been very busy lately and I couldn't be there for you.."

 

"A-Aniyo, it's my f-fault...I keep losing it e-everyday.." his voice stuttering and trailing off, Yixing looks down at his feet, as if it was the most amazing thing in the whole planet! "I'm sorry Jong-In. I'm sorry."

 

Enveloping under the warm embrace, Jong-in comforts the chinese male with his sotting deep voice.

 

 

 

Little did they know, Yi Fan was silently watching the two of them. His fists balled up, as he bit his lower lip, until a metallic taste fills his tongue.

 

 

 

Only if I was there instead of him...

 

 

--------

 

 

 

Yixing seemed to have improved bit by bit, as he less harmed himself and smiled more often. However, that did not stop his cries or his hurt, as his future band mates and other trainees found out about the assault over him.

 

He hated being judged and pitied, but right now, things started to grow out of hand.

 

Every time he passed by, some would whisper a “poor him” or even rumours such as “he was the one who seduced the teacher”.

 ‘How would my life be, if I wasn’t trying to pursue my dreams?’  Yixing’s mind thinks, as he hangs his head low and avoids every possible stare.

 

-----

 

“You know hyung? Yixing hyung was asking about you.” Se Hun says one morning, where they were at the top of the SM building, eyeing the beautiful city. “I told him that you’re sick and stuff like that, but I know that you can’t always hide from him.”

 

The younger was right. Even Yi fan knew it, but…

“We are debuting as one, Yi Fan hyung. There’s no point on getting all jealous.” Se Hun replies, earning a glare from Yi Fan.

“I’m not”

“Ooh~ denying.”  With that, Yi Fan pulled Se Hun by the wrist and pinched his cheeks.

 

“Y-Yah! Hyung, it hurts! It hurts!” Se Hun fidgets under the strong grasp, while Yi fan enjoys the sight of his dongseang struggling cutely.

 

“Wow. Yi fan ge heals fast!”

Frozen from their playful act, Yi fan dares to avert his gaze towards the intruder, Yixing. Letting go from the hold, Se Hun takes his chance to escape, as Yi fan curses his slow reflex under his breath.

 

Yixing silently approaches toward the older Chinese male, smiling softly.

“I didn’t know that, you could act like a child, sorry if I hurt your pride.”  Yi fan’s face flusters up, hearing the sweet voice commenting about him.

 

“H-How are you now?” oh how badly he wants the floor to open up and swallow him, because he can’t even keep his cool in front of his crush!

 

“Better than before, I guess …” the younger Chinese male mumbles, as his gaze averts toward the city in front.

‘The beauty so mesmerizing’ it’s either Yixing or the beautiful city, but the first one seems to be much more rational.

 

“You’re beautiful.” His eyes widening, Yi fan quickly covers his mouth, as he says the perfect phrase to describe Yixing.

 

Caught off guard, Yixing coughs awkwardly, while Yi fan rubs the back of his neck, his cheeks glowing a bright shade of red in embarrassment.

“Uhmn. Thanks?” Yixing replies softly, a small blush creeping on his face as well.

 

----

 

“So, what happened?” Se Hun asks when Yixing is out for practice, as the younger notices a red-faced Yi fan.

“Nothing.” Mumbling, Yi fan tries to escape from this annoying brat called Se Hun. In response, the younger puffs his cheeks out and complains about how Yi fan is so unfair.

 

---

 

“Uhmn. Thanks?” Yixing replies softly, a small blush creeping on his face as well. “But, Yi fan ge…You’re so handsome”

 

Snapping back to reality, Yi fan is awoken by his dongseang.

“Aish, Yi fan hyung! Why do you space out a lot?” furrowing his brows, Yi fan realises that he is in the dance practice room.

 

“Sorry.” And with that, Yi fan sighs, as his eyes wanders off to see a certain someone, but to no avail.

“Yixing hyung is up at the roof top again. He said he wasn’t feeling well.” How the hell does he do that?! Yi fan thinks, as he gets up and walks off, in search of Yixing.

 

 

---

 

When Yi fan does reach his destination, he is surprised to see Yixing sobbing.

“I thought you were much better than before.” Startled by the voice, Yixing places his hand on his chest. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

 

“I-I’m fine” Yixing replies, wiping the bead of tears, but new drops cascades down his cheeks.

 

Yi fan cautiously approaches toward Yixing and crouches down in front of the younger Chinese male. “W-What’s wrong?”

 

“I-I’m fine. It’s just that- I-“

‘Should I hold him? Should I embrace him? Should I comfort him? Should I-‘

And before he knows it, Yi fan is pulled by Yixing into a warm embrace. “-I’m s-scared Yi fan...”

Rubbing his back comfortingly, Yi fan inhales the unfamiliar scent of Yixing’s. “What are you scared of?”

“W-What if other people starts to find o-out? W-What if t-they hate me and w-what if i-“

 

“Nobody will hate you, Zhang Yixing. Do you know what a light you bring to your loved ones? There are so many people who love you Yixing, they care for you…and I-I do t-too.”

 

Holding his sobs for a mere second, Yixing silently process what the older was saying. A handsome man such as Yi fan likes me? Yixing thinks, as he feels the embrace loosening, and soon, Yi fan hangs his head low and let’s go of the embrace.

“S-Sorry” Yi fan’s voice trailing off, he ready’s himself for the rejection, but it never comes up. Slowly looking up, Yi fan sees the shock written all over the younger’s face.

“I-I-“

 

Interrupting, Yi fan smiles bitterly. “I know you can’t accept my feelings and you’re sorry, it’s okay.” No it’s not! It’s not.

“No! I-I was s-saying that-” Yixing takes a deep breath before continuing. “T-Thank y-you ge. I-I thought that p-people would n-never l-like me and-“

 

“Babo, you’re just blind. Who wouldn’t? When you smile, when you sing, when you dance, just everything you do... you’re perfect, so don’t lose it all when you’re sad.”

 

A small smile forming onto the porcelain face, Yixing blushes at the remarks. Cupping the elder’s face, Yixing leans forward and plants a sweet kiss at Yi fan’s left cheek.

“Thank you so much, Yi fan ge.”

 

 

 

 

He once used to be mute, but now he has changed. He shares his feelings to his once ‘annoying’ dongseang and his…crush.

He once used to be blind, but now…. He knows there are people around him those cares for him…such as Yi fan.

 

“He was mute and I was blind…”

 

 

---

A/N- I know a disappointing fiction >< so sorry!

But do leave a comment below, neh! Thank you for reading this fiction.