I knew it. I knew they’d think I’m insane. Just look at them. Their faces show everything on their minds. They’re probably trying to devise a plan to get me to an institution as soon as possible. I bet they’re trying to figure out what to say. Something that won’t make me angry with them, so they can easily whisk me away to an institution far off in the mountains away from society. Someplace where I’ll be away from any outside human contact, so there'll be no one for me to tell my far fetched story other than a bunch of mundane nurses that will reply with a mere “That’s nice, now take your medicine.” 

I’ve learned this lesson before. You never tell people your problems. Let them ask you and even if they ask, don’t go into depth. No matter who it is. They say they won’t judge you, but really, they all do. They just don’t tell you. They keep their judgements on you to themselves, slightly altering the way they act and speak towards you. You never notice though. You don’t know any different or maybe you just don’t pick up on it, at least, until it becomes obvious what they really think of you. Maybe they forgot who they were talking to or finally snapped that day, but in the end you figure out what they really think of you and you’re crushed. Who would have thought they would think such a thing? So you begin to question yourself, what did I do wrong? In the end, you’re asking yourself, did they ever really like me at all?

I know what they’re doing. I know exactly what they’re doing. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before. Back at the orphanage, I once told someone that I longed to leave the place, maybe even the world. I had opened up, spilling out my deepest thoughts. Later that evening, I was called down to the office. The girl had told them everything I had told her only hours before. I received a lengthy lecture and a shrink. 

I was to see the shrink twice a week for an hour. I hated him, but even more, I hated the girl who betrayed me. It was her fault I was stuck with some middle aged man who wore thick rimmed glasses that took up most of his face that questioned me about every aspect of my life, while he recorded it all down in his stupid little notebook. He did nothing for me. No one can help me. Not like I’d let them anyway.

They were still sitting there. Quite honestly, they look stupid. Most people in their right mind would have said something by now. They make it seem like what I just said was so esoteric that they’re at a loss for words and are unable to respond, but I know what they’re really thinking. 

* * *

Her parents disappeared, she was in and out of hospitals, and all she has left is scars on her back. Sounds rather fishy to me. Something happened back then. Hae Mi deserves the truth. It’s her past, she has a right to know. I was jolted out of my thoughts by the slamming of the front door. She must be fed up. Annoyed. Embarrassed. I can understand. It’s probably partially our fault for not responding. It’s a lot to take in though. You can’t just expect someone to have a response immediately. 

Mir seemed to be distant in thought. I left him. If it were me, I wouldn’t want to be disturbed while thinking. That’s one of our rules in the apartment. Do not interrupt each other’s train of thought. Once it’s lost, it’s not coming back. Sometimes, I’ll lock myself up in my rooms for hours, days at a time just lost in thought. 

I decided to let Hae Mi have some time on her own. She needed it. Noticing the time, I grabbed a couple packages of ramen for Mir and I. I contemplated making some for Hae Mi, but decided she wouldn’t want soggy noodles. She’d probably complain, saying I made them the wrong way or something anyway. 

Mir and I ate in silence. Hae Mi wasn’t back yet and the sun had set. Part of me wanted to believe she would be fine, but I was worried. I tried shaking the idea from my head. She’s a gown woman. She can take care of herself. All the same, I was worried. I made up my mind to go look for her. Mir seemed tired, so I left him to take a shower. He’d probably be asleep by the time I got back.

The stars were hidden behind the clouds along with the moon making it even darker than usual. It made me wonder if it frightened Hae Mi. Was she the type to get scared of the dark? Or was she one to embrace it? I’ve always preferred the darkness. It hides what the light shows. Therefore, I think she’d be one to favor the darkness. To hide her past and her scars. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed something move in the alley I was walking by. I could make out a grainy human figure sitting leaned against one of the buildings in the alleyway. I knew it was Hae Mi immediately. She’s not very hard to pick out. A full grown woman in the body of a child. It’s not really something you see everyday. 

Unsure of what to say or do, I approached her slowly. Close now, I could see that she had hid her face. Most likely out of embarrassment or in an attempt to hide potential tears. I tried to talk to her. I whispered her name. Trying only to get an acknowledgment from her yet, she didn’t dare to even look at me. Sighing, I sat down next to her. “It’s quite a secret to keep all to yourself. I’m not sure most people would be able to carry around such a thing for so long without telling anyone.”

She said nothing. “I’m sorry for not saying anything earlier. I needed the right words. I’m still not sure I have them, but what I have is just going to have to be sufficient for now.”

I had gained her attention now. She had raised her head from her knees. There were no signs indicating that she had been crying. No puffy eyes nor streaks running down her face. “Go on.”

I looked into her eyes, “You deserve the full story, not one with holes and black spots. It was your past. We’ll help you, Mir and I. We’re going to find out what happened all those years ago.”