I Want To Dream With You (Forever)
The Secret World (Spheres One-shot Collection)
This is the last stage I would share with her. Not because our group will dismiss or something. Our CEO still don’t want it happen because enthusiasm of our fans. But this is our last performance with her.
Yesterday she quit from our group and our company. She won’t appear in any shows, dramas or even our performances anymore except they invite us as resigned artist or idol.
Her first reason is her dad condition. Like what I heard, he already lost his vision because of his disease. She wants to take care of him. We could understand that because we know she’s a great daughter. She is the little hero for her Appa. And that also lead to another reason. She will marry and built her own family like what her dad wish.
Honestly I was shocked hear that news. Even we already know it when she met Lee Sooman, the first man in our company, I still hard to believe it. Sunny is the one who brought that news for us. And a week after, after our performance in television show, she told us about that and about Lee Sooman’s decision.
Sometimes I kind of regret my decision left our dorm. Even now I can spend my time with my family more, I didn’t regret this part; I start not to know her well like before. I lost the time I spent the night to share thought or story with her since I’m no longer her roommate. Even we spent almost all day after our activities, but we always had story to tell each other. About our members mistake on stage, their funny answer on variety show or even how Hyoyeon killed our boredom on backstage.
And now… even I ever there’s no boyfriend for her, she is the first member who left our group to get married.
“Sica, are you okay?” Taeyeon, our kid leader, suddenly patted my shoulder end my thought about her.
I only gave her a weak smile and nodded. But she suddenly grabbed my hand when I walk to the stage. Even Tiffany held my hand in other side. Somehow I feel like a 5 years old girl who just step to my first school.
The song arrangement just like what we usually did in our performances. “Into The World” will always be our first song. The first intro successfully took me back to the past.
My eyes teary remembered my accidental confession to her, she even looks happy with that. She also ‘confessed’ to me in out Phuket video. But sadly she did it because she doesn’t want to be in one group with me. Sighed… How could at the same time she bring my hope up but push me down too?
Like just performance, we sing Gee. I know she will look at me when I said ‘babo’ because she should knew, she’s the real babo who ever live in this world. Why she couldn’t see my obvious feeling for her while other could see it?
But… when we finally sing ‘Kissing You’, I don’t know I should smile or cry. I remember again she intertwined her pinky finger.
I should look up to the sky to help myself from tears. I feel an arm on my shoulder, it was Sunny. She smiled at me and I do my best to return it. In the corner of my eyes I saw her looking at me. At this time, I successfully gave her my perfect smile.
The last song we sang together was “Forever” from Oh!’s album. Taeyeon said it was the best song to bid farewell with her. Even she’s not here with us anymore in the next performance, she’s forever Girls’ Generation’s member.
“yeongwonhi neowa ggumgugo shipda (I want to dream forever with you)” Yoona’s intro start the song.
Following the happy breeze, beneath that bright sky that blinds me
Beautiful melodies and fresh air fills this road that I'm walking with you
Do you remember? Those awkward and unfamiliar times when we first met
I'm thankful to you for silently taking care of me when I was hesitant and young
My exhausted heart beats once again
My weak heart has found light again
I want to hold your hand and walk like this forever
Together with the person I love in a world just for the two of us
Some members were crying when we start singing the song. She also part of them. I guess no one ready for farewell.
Those unforgettable memories during that long time
Throughout the laughter and the tears, the one who always believed in me was you
My exhausted heart beats once again
My weak heart has found light again
I want to hold your hand and walk like this forever
Together with the person I love in a world just for the two of us
She walked closer to me and put her arms around my shoulder. I still gave her smile, but she returned it bitterly. It made me put my arm around her waist. I mouthed ‘it’s okay’ to her. Somehow it remind it in our debut when she hold my hand tightly in the way we asked for another performance. She even cried when we go back home. I was the one who wiped her tears in the past.
No one will bother us
There's not even a reason to waste any time
(Sometimes) We could be far from each other
(With the same heart) The same heart as one, dreaming the same dream
Even if a very long time passes (A long time passes)
Even if you and I become a bit different (A bit different)
I want to dream forever with you like this
The one who fulfilled my wishes, the one who became my faith, with you
Even I know my wish won’t come true, I think I still need to thank God for all precious moments I had with her. That’s why since earlier I became so stubborn and don’t want to let a single tear escape from my eyes. I won’t cry because I feel grateful to know her who always do her best to take care of me even she’s younger than me. I think I should learn how to stand by myself even she’s no longer in my side. I shouldn’t be weak. I should give her my best smile and best performance today. Because this is the last stage I will share with her. Because this is the last time I’ll sing with her.
Even if a very long time passes (A long time passes)
Even if you and I become a bit different (A bit different)
I want to dream forever with you like this
The one who became my miracle, the one who dreamed with me, with you
Even a long time passes, I want to dream forever with you
Along with the song I start to understand. My part with her was in my dream and in her dream. As long as we had a dream as a singer in Girls’ Generation, I can be forever with her. At least now I had her heart in our stage although I can’t see her presence anymore because she needs to face her reality aka wedding,
Nine of us holding hands when bowing to the audience. This is the last time we did it with complete members. I guess that thought comes to each member mind because some of them can’t help but cried.
Taeyeon asked the audience not to leave the stadium first. This will be the moment we let her go.
“Hello everyone, I’m sorry for this, but can you not leave this stadium first?” Taeyeon started. “Today, as you know, it was our last performance with one of our member. We know the media has reported this massive problem. But we want to emphasize there was no problem between us. We just want to respect the decision of one of our members to choose her own path. This stage belongs to her.”
Taeyeon passed the microphone to Sooyoung. I think she can’t hold her tears anymore. I could see Taeyeon turn around. Sunny and Tiffany comes to her and hug her to comfort her.
“I…” Sooyoung’s voice cracked when she started to talk.
I hold her hand tightly to give her strength. In the other side I saw Yuri rubbing her back even I could see Yuri was crying.
I really don’t know since when everyone already has their tears on their cheeks. Even Hyoyeon who usually find a way to create a joke was crying next to me. Am I the only one not crying here?
“I’m really thankful to God for gave me this family. He gave me eight sisters and also big family called SONE. I’m so proud I can be part of Girls’ Generation members. Along with sweats, tears and smiles we passed many years together. A lot of rumors about our members attacking us but I’m thank to you SONE to always believe in us. And I’m really thank to my sisters to protect each other when it happened,” Sooyoung talked between her tears. “I will never forget all the stages nine of us standing together while you, SONE, cheering us from the bottom of your heart.”
Sooyoung took a deep breath before she continued.
“For Kim Taeyeon aka Kim Leader aka JummaTaeng aka Kim Midget,” Sooyoung tried joking around.
“Yah~!”Taeyeon shouted at her make the audience and us chuckling bitterly.
“Thank you for being great leader for nine of us. Even sometimes we argued you know it was for light the mood, right?” Sooyoung glanced at her. “Please take care of our seven sisters. And just don’t forget to share with us if you have problems.”
Sooyoung received a hug from Taeyeon.
“For Eye Smile, Tiffany Hwang Miyoung,” Sooyoung continued. “I’m sorry for telling you to do this and that since our first performance. Even now you became our Manager Hwang and checked everything keke XD”
Once again everyone laughed with her remarks.
“I’m sorry for ‘bullying’ you and lead misunderstanding to your family,” Sooyoung continued. “Keep your eye smile, Tiff, because you’re not alone. You have your family here with you.”
Once again, Sooyoung received a hug, now from Tiffany.
“Lee Sunkyu!!” Sooyoung screamed Sunny’s real name like what she did in Intimate Note. But it’s effective for another burst our laughter. I think Sooyoung doesn’t want her farewell fill with tears.
“Stop your aegyo! It’s makes me jealous because I can’t be small and cute like you,” everyone knew Sooyoung doesn’t mean to underestimate our bunny. “Please always be our energy pill and take care of yourself. Don’t force yourself to stand in our stage if you’re not feeling well. And thank you for protecting our Tae from random guy that day. You’re our hero.”
And it successfully made Sooyoung get another hug from Sunny.
“Kwon Yuri even no one understand your joke, don’t worry, I will always be your best buddy. Even I no longer become SNSD member, doesn’t mean you can’t send me your lame joke. Don’t forget to keep in touch with me,” Sooyoung continued. “Thank you for always made me laugh with your kkab-ness and continue your professional face on stage.”
The audience laughed when saw us laugh with last line from Sooyoung. Yuri punched her shoulder lightly but then like the other member did, she hugged her.
“Im Yoona, please listen to Taeyeon! You’re the face of Girls’ Generation, don’t make the flounder face anymore!” Sooyoung shouted make us feel we’re in Intimate Note. “Don’t stop being shikshin because our best power comes from food.”
“Soo, I will miss the time we shared food,” Yoona said while hugging Sooyoung. Sooyoung just smiled and patted her head.
“I don’t mind if you share your food with me!” She shouted again and everyone laugh.
“Kim Choding Hyoyeon, please don’t stop make us laugh! You’re the mood maker in our group!” Sooyoung continued. “Thank you for that! SNSD members won’t be this strong if you weren’t there to help us laugh again. So please don’t give up on us. You’re the Dancing Queen!”
Hyoyeon smiled to hear it.
“But I also know you have a hard time too. So please, don’t be afraid to share with us. Our ears ready for you like you always ready to make us laugh,” Sooyoung continued and finally receive a hug from Hyoyeon.
“And for maknae, even you’re not baby anymore, you will be our cute maknae. Just ignore, Sunny’s aegyo,” Seems Sooyoung in the mood to makes another joke. “And I’m sorry if our behaviors stress you. But please don’t be uptight like what Hyoyeon said. We need to enjoy our life, okay?”
“Ne, unnie,” Seohyun nodded. Sooyoung pull her for a hug.
“I think that’s it?” Sooyoung asked. Try to ignore my presence, huh? Or this is part from your joke?
“JESSICA!!!” the audience screamed my name.
“Who?” Sooyoung pull out the microphone to the audience.
“JESSICA!!!!”
Sooyoung smiled while look at me.
“To Jessica Jung Sooyeon, my roommate, my longest friendship and also our Ice Melting Princess. You gave ‘Summer’ as my English name because you said my heart was warmth. But people didn’t know you’re also warm. You always be there to help when one of us in trouble. You always ready to listening all my stories even now we’re not shared our room together.”
I smiled.
“Thank you for being my bestfriend. And like you said I want to be your besfriend even for 10, 20 or 30 years more,” Sooyoung continued. “I’m sorry for not accepting your offer to do performance together. I had no confidence when I should share stage with your loveable voice. But if I had a chance someday, I will.”
“Please singing! Please singing! Please singing!”
I exchanged my glance with Sooyoung when the audience and our members start cheering. Tiffany even handed me a microphone. Sharing a glance with Sooyoung, we decided to sing “Hard to Say Goodbye”. We ever did it in karaoke. (AN : this part is in my karaoke imagination keke XD)
(AN again : please pretend Celine Dion was Jessica and Paul Anka was Sooyoung)
All the time we sang together I never take off my eyes of her. She also did the same. She flashed a smile to me in the almost end of the song and I do the same. The audience clapping and cheering when we finished the song and I think this is the best way to say goodbye to her.
“To all SONE in this world, thank you for always supporting us. Thank you for always standing behind us, support and cheering us,” Finally Sooyoung goodbye almost reach the end. “I’m really sorry if I didn’t do my best till my last performance. Please keep support my eight sisters. Even I wasn’t there to support them anymore, please always be there for them. My heart always in their stage along with their performance and maybe someday I will join you all to cheer them up. So please keep believe in us and be SONE.”
The audiences start crying because of her message.
“Jigeum-eun, SNSD! Ap-eulodo, SNSD! Yeongwonhi, SNSD! SONE, saranghae~! Jeongmal gamsahabnida!”
Sooyoung perfectly bowed 90 degrees to the audience and the light suddenly died. In our back there are a lot of pictures of us from our debut until now. ‘Forever’ played again as background song.
We finally off of stage. All members are still crying, each of them trying to hug Sooyoung like it will be the last time they can do that.
I was on my way to the changing room when someone tapping my back. It was Sunny.
“Sica, please cry…” that’s what Sunny said to me but I return her order with smile.
Tiffany suddenly run to me and hug me so tightly. She’s crying in my shoulder. “If you’re not crying, its break our heart more. Please cry…”
I’m her back instead of crying. Even tears build in my eyes somehow my pride won’t let it slipped away. I can’t. I don’t want to cry in her farewell. I want to show her that I support her in any path she chose. Like what the song said, I won’t hold her back if that what she chose.
Someone took Tiffany from my embrace, I thought it was Taeyeon, but I was wrong. It’s Sooyoung. She pushed Tiffany to Sunny and suddenly she pulled me for a hug.
I hugged her back when I can feel her tears on my shoulder.
“I love you,” Sooyoung whispered in my ears and I know what she meant. Slowly but sure my tears falling the time I replied her.
“I love you too.”
Since the beginning we knew our feeling was mutual. We tried to ignore it by being close with other members and convince ourself that feeling wasn’t real. But we knew, from this hug, that feeling was real. Our heart was beating so fast the time we said that three words. Even this will be the first and the last time we said that.
Sooyoung stared at me with a broken smile and I return it the same way. I feel her breath brushed my nose and her warm lips touch mine. Our feeling exploded in our first and last kiss.
Other members hugged us so tightly. The hug like we always did in our stage. Everyone was crying. There’s no easy way to say goodbye especially to the one we loved.
*
Me and other members attend to her wedding a month after our last performance with her. Sooyoung’s husband was nice person and I surely believe they will build great family together. She deserved it.
As her best friend, I perform a song for her wedding. I kind of amazed, the song they chose for me is a sad song. Sometimes I confused why sad song always fulfill wedding ceremony. Here the song…
Sometimes I feel it funny when attend wedding they only gave sad song as a choice for sing. I glanced at Sooyoung and she flashed a smile at me even I could see tears skipped from her eyes. I secretly wish people will think she just overwhelmed with this wedding although nine of us know the truth.
When I finished my single pefomance, Sunny and Tiffany came to me.
“Great job,” that what Tiffany said while Sunny my back.
Taeyeon, following by other member, also gave their performance to congrats Sooyoung’s wedding. We should be happy for the best day in our sister’s life.
*
A week later, me and other member finally come back to stage without her. Before we start, Taeyeon representative us to congrats Sooyoung’s wedding. We let Sooyoung’s part to be un sing to show the world Girls’ Generation still have nine members even one of them not standing with us in here anymore.
Sunny told me, after our performance, I was faint.
The doctor said I faint because I don’t have enough rest and possibility lack of sleep. I thought other member won’t believe his explanation since I’m sleepyhead but I guess they understand my reason because none of us asked me why.
Our management gave me one day rest. But destiny played with us. That day was my last day performance with my 7 sisters.
Author’s POV
The next day after their last performance, Sunny, Tiffany and Taeyeon went to Jessica’s house. First reason of course they want to check their sister condition. They were worried but they can’t ask why to her since they all know the reason. Let’s just say, no one dare to ask because it might hurt her again if they forced her to talk.
Reality not always sweet and easy to accept. The day when they came to Jessica’s house, her sister, Krystal told them Jessica lost her voice. Not because she doesn’t want to sing or talk anymore but because her voice won’t came out.
Her parents finally called doctor. The doctor said Jessica was stress. She wasn’t hurt physically but mentally. If no one could heal the broken inside, she won’t be able to talk or sing anymore. It forced Taeyeon to take hard decision.
*
Girls’ Generation lost another member in their next performance. Only 7 girls standing on the stage even there’s 9 spotlights in there. And like their last performance, there’s 2 part left un sing.
The time they sang “Forever” none of them lift their head. They can’t hide it anymore the feeling of lost their sisters. Even they can’t hide their sobbing voice when they sang together. The audiences tried to cheer them up and do their best to support them, but they also can’t hold their tears. Whole stadium filled with tears at the time they played Sooyoung and Jessica last duet when it’s still nine of them on the stage.
Pictures of nine girls gave last bow to the audiences in the big screen closed the show even only 7of them did it on stage. The light finally off left silence in the stadium as their performance end.
Tissue? - SYLove
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