Chapter 5

 

The next day I was so happy, having spent the evening with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time. I went to the office in high knee skips. There were only 5 days until the concert and everyone at the company was hectic and stressed. I went back to walking normally, but I couldn't keep my smile down.

 

Since I was early, I decided to greet the members in the underground parking. I only needed to wait a few minutes until they arrived. I opened the door and hoped to see surprised faces, but all I got was a tired look from Yunho. I got out of the car without saying anything. The others did likewise. Not even Yoochun, who'd teased me yesterday, said anything, not even a greeting.

 

I closed the door after them. “What's up with them?” I asked the manager, who'd gotten out of the car as well, he seemed as exhausted as the others.

 

“They're just tired” he said.

 

“But we ended so early yesterday, didn't they sleep a lot?”

 

He shook his head. “No, they practiced until late. They didn't feel confident enough and didn't want to stop until they'd perfected the song.”

 

“But every song I've heard was already perfect!” I couldn't understand. “Did you stay up with them?”

 

“Of course” he sighed, “that's my job after all.”

 

Suddenly I felt ashamed. I had been having such a good time while they'd stayed up most of the night to practice. Even the manager had done so.

 

“Next time, can you not let me go home early? I... I don't want to be excluded again.”

 

He let out a laugh. “It's okay, Shinae. You'll have enough opportunities to prove yourself in the future. Don't feel like we exclude you just because you slept while we didn't.”

 

But weirdly, I did feel excluded. And it was weird because initially, I had only taken this job in order to fulfill my task and suddenly I wanted to do a good job at this. I didn't even understand myself.

 

Since this was the last day of practicing, it was crammed with schedule after schedule. I didn't have much to do since the manager was around, so instead I started watching the members.

 

They had vocal practices in the morning and afternoon, while dance practice was in the evening. Now that I started watching them, it felt differently. The first song they practiced was one of their previous songs, Love is.

 

I was captured instantly when Junsu hit the first note. I noticed how much he got into the song. I almost only watched him while they re-practiced the song. It was amazing. They hadn't sung the song in a while and it still sounded like the recording. They only needed to sing it a few times before they moved on to the next song.

 

I watched another member for every song they practiced. There were other people filing in occasionally, like Shindong and Donghae from Super Junior and Key from SHINee to practice Yunho's and Yoochun's rap battle. The other members watched while they did and it was really interesting seeing Junsu nod to the beat, Changmin staying focused and watching them intensely. When my eyes wandered to Jaejoong, I could see that he'd closed his eyes. He looked so tired at that moment that I wanted to hug him and say that everything will be alright. It was easy to forget that they had only gotten a few hours of sleep when they practiced. Every single one of them was concentrated.

 

Soon they were done practicing the rap and their juniors left, alongside Changmin, who would practice his rock song in another room. Too late did I realize that with the manager being here, I should probably follow him. I scrambled to my feet and almost sprinted out of the room. But the hallway was already empty. I checked my schedule to see if the room had been noted on there, but it hadn't.

 

I went around aimlessly for a bit before deciding to ask at the reception. The last thing I wanted was to ask the manager. The lady looked at me suspiciously, but gave me the information after seeing my ID card. I was wondering why she hadn't given it to me at once, since she must have seen me with them a lot already.

 

When I finally found the practice room, the atmosphere was great. I could see Changmin was smiling brightly and Siwon and Sungmin, who would perform with him, seemed to be happy too. But once they saw me, their smiles died.

 

“I'm sorry, I couldn't find the room. Go on, I'm just here to...” To what exactly? It wasn't that I had any special assignment next to checking on Changmin, but how could I say that? I looked at him apologetically, and he gave a resigned sigh.

 

“Come on guys, she's nice. She's new so let's not give her a hard time, shall we?” He nodded to me and I looked at him thankfully.

 

The other two nodded and continued their talk. They ignored me pretty much, except a few occasional glances. It was funny how I'd gotten used to them. Being the only female manager assistant of a boy band was a reason to be glanced at, I guessed.

 

They started practicing soon enough and I was wowed once again. Changmin's voice was so powerful, even when he sung higher notes, that my jaw literally fell open.

 

When they had finished their first run, I heard Siwon laugh.

 

“Guys, if everyone in the audience has the same reaction as her, it'll be a hit for sure.”

 

Only then did I realize that they were looking at me and I still had my jaw open. I closed it as fast as I could.

 

“Sure” I said, “if you do it like that, everyone will be wowed.”

 

“Thanks noona” said Changmin. He smiled and winked at me.

 

I realized that he'd done so quite a few times already. I shook my head. He was such a flirt. It was amazing, watching them. When I'd thought they were amazing the first time, by the third time I couldn't believe that they were still improving.

 

“Okay, we have to finish” said Siwon. I watched them hug each other goodbye and then held the door open for Changmin. It was time for lunch break and so we went to the cafeteria together. He walked next to me in silence. To be honest, I'd never spent much thought on him. He always seemed so happy and, well, naïve. At least a bit.

 

“You seem to be friends with the two” I said, to start a conversation. The silence was bearing me down.

 

“Yeah, they're good hyungs” he said.

 

I sighed. It was hard to get him to talk.

 

“You know, noona, you sigh quite a lot.”

 

I looked up at him, surprised. I hadn't noticed him paying close attention to me.

 

“Eh, I guess I do. I never thought you noticed.”

 

He smiled contently and tried to get his bangs out of his face through a flick of his head.

 

“You don't notice much, noona.”

 

I frowned. Not anyone had ever told me that, and to be honest, I felt kind of hurt. I was proud of being mature and cool-headed.

 

“You probably didn't see those girls we passed stare after us, right?” he continued.

 

I turned around automatically. Sure enough, two young girl turned away as fast as they could. I frowned again. I really hadn't noticed.

 

“Just because I didn't see them doesn't mean I don't notice stuff” I said, defensive.

 

“Well, I guess your job description doesn't include making sure no rumors come to life. Anyways, you probably don't even know what job exactly you are doing.”

 

That was too much. I turned to the door next to me, opened it and found it empty. I took Changmin's arm and pulled him inside. After the door fell shut, I turned around, my eyes narrowed.

 

“Shim Changmin” I said, “who do you think you are telling me about my job, huh? I know that I've only done it for a few weeks and that I screwed up a couple of times, but I dare you to tell me how to do my job. You should stop scolding others about things you know nothing about.”

 

“So that's what you think? That I should just keep my mouth shut when everyone is debating wether you're one of the boss' -ups or one of our girlfriends? That I should keep silent when our image is getting ruined by an assistant of two weeks?”

 

I stared at him, dumbfounded. There was nothing in my head but the question 'What?'. How could that be true? He must be making it up, right? I would have noticed people talking behind my back. I'm not one of these stupid girls who walk in this world obliviously.

 

“I'm sorry, noona, I didn't want to say it like that, but it's important that you know of the effect you have here. And I don't think you're always like this, however, since you are now, I'd rather tell you.”

 

He seemed honest and to only want to help me. It made me consider his words as truth and I didn't like that truth. I had never been subject of rumors and I felt utterly helpless.

 

“I don't know what I should do” I voiced my thoughts, “I'm really none of the said, I'm really just an assistant and I got your band because you are the easiest to take care of. Imagine Super Junior. Rookie groups are hard, because they're still insecure. You're already popular, you've been in Japan. There's nothing more to it.”

 

I realized how much these words sounded like pleading for understanding. It was, in a way.

 

“I thought it'd be something like that. And Seunghyun hyung really has a lot to do, handling us five.”

 

“I'll just have to make clear to everyone that I'm neither a -up nor a lover. They just need to know me to know it's not possible that I could be, anyways. I more at up than I do at dating.”

 

He chuckled and patted me on the shoulder.

 

“There we go, now you only have to tell everyone else.”

 

“I will” I nodded, “thanks a lot, Changmin. I don't know what would've happened if you didn't tell me.”

 

“No problem. But I'm sure you'll buy me dinner.”

 

“Tse, and I thought I should be careful to not seem like a girlfriend!”
 

 

“Since when do only boyfriends and girlfriends go out eating? It's normal for anyone to do that.”

 

“Your words my dear, your words. But I'll order something to you apartment if you want.”

 

His eyes gleamed. God, why was it so easy to make this boy happy? You just had to fill his belly and he'll love you. As in answer to my thoughts his stomach grumbled.

 

“I think we need to fill that” I said. “It's my job to make sure you have enough energy to practice well.”

 

We finally went to the cafeteria, which was crowded to the fullest. Since there was no free table left, we decided to take our lunch upstairs.

 

“The hyungs just texted me, they're in room 233” he said after checking his phone.

 

We climbed up again and found the other four in an empty practice room.

 

“Where have you two been? I've never seen Changmin get his food later than us” asked Jaejoong.

 

“I...” I started, but Changmin butted in.

 

“We've had a talk” he said simply, sitting down next to Yunho. I squatted down next to him. Then I was aware of the looks the others gave us two.

 

“Aren't you eating with your friends?” asked Yoochun, just finishing his last spoonful of rice.

 

“Eh, it's kinda full so there wasn't any room left. Do you mind?” I remembered to ask. I had totally forgotten that they might like to keep to themselves.

 

“I can find another room if you want” I offered.

 

“No, it's fine” said Changmin, mouth full of today's pork stew.

 

“Yeah, really” said Jaejoong, eyes glinting. Only later would I find out that that was a sign that he was planning something that was good for him, but definitely not good for you.

 

“Yeah, actually we've been wanting to ask you something” grinned Yoochun.

 

“Come on guys, let her at least finish eating” said Junsu.

 

“You think she'll stay here once she's finished?” said Yunho.

 

Now even Yunho joined in. What did they want to ask me? They kept arguing wether to ask me or not that I ended up finishing half my bowl before they came to an agreement. Admittedly, I did eat fast.

 

“So, Shinae, we know you've never done it with a boy, but we'd really like to know one thing: Which of us would you like to do it for your first time?”

 

Oh God. I could feel my head redden as I bore my gaze into the grinning Yoochun. No one can understand how embarrassing it is to be ask that kind of a question from five guys who know you're still a and totally innocent.

 

“I think she's going to boil soon” said Changmin, who'd started eating my food, too. The laughter that followed made me even redder, although I doubted that you'd be able to see the difference now.

 

“So, who is it?” asked Yunho.

 

Their eyes fixed on me, I realized that this might just be the chance to start up on the love thing with Jaejoong. Actually, this might be the best chance. I stared down on the floor a while longer, working up the courage to say something. Calm down, Shinae, I told myself. This is you chance.

 

I glanced up quickly at Jaejoong, wanting to say his name too, but seeing him, my words stuck in my throat. It was enough anyway. The others started roaring, holding their tummies, hitting the floor in excitement.

 

“I never thought she'd tell us. Jaejoong hyung, how do you feel, being the object of desire of our Shinae?” asked Yoochun, recovering from his laugh attack.

 

Jaejoong didn't say anything, and when I stole another quick glance at him, I found him staring at me intently, so I lowered my gaze at once. My cheeks were burning and I just wanted to get out there. Although this was my actual assignment, I was still human. And very, very embarassed.

 

Since no one seemed to be paying any special attention anymore, and rather started to pester Jaejoong, I got up quickly and said:

 

“I'll see you soon” and left the room, before anyone could follow me. I stormed into the ladies toilet, said down in a cabin and stared at the wall for a while.

 

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A/N: I'm so sorry for the long wait, I was on vacation :) But I'm back to updating. There are only a few chapters left... :))