There is a certain charm in being stuck in memories, in being caught between nostalgia and bittersweet feelings. You can relive moments and rearrange them the way you want over and over again. Memories are a comfort zone in which nothing hurts. It's only about picking the good moments, it's only remembering the nice parts.

But memories are a spining track. They're playing in loop and eventually, you get caught in the never-ending spin. It goes round and round and round. The symphony never really changes so there comes a time when the charm tends to fade away. You no longer want to hear that same old melody. Eventually, everything has to come to an end. It is inevitable. No matter how hard we're trying to cling onto the moment. No printed picture displayed in dusty frames, no broken records spining endlessly can bring back the special moment. Memories can't last, can they ? They become blurry pictures, uncertain glimpse of what may or may have not happened, they are distorted reality. Feelings, memories... Everything disappears. It's barely noticeable, barely perceptible. You think less and less about it. It slowly faddes away. There is no going back possible. Time passes by and life goes on, leaving a bittersweet sensation of nostalgia.

But sometimes we are holding on too tighly. We don't want to let go. We don't want to move on. We are stuck in a world made of dust.

You were stuck and it was getting tiring. Tiring to think, and re-think, and think again about what happened, about how it happened, about how you could have done everything differently. You were stuck between billion of scenarios, billion of alternative possibilities of something that already occured. You were re-playing the game again and again. But no matter how many times you were playing the game in your head, you had lost. The game was over.

Chanyeol was a memory. He was the smile at the library, the kiss at the cinema. He was the butterflies in your stomach, the blush spreading accross your cheeks, the missed heartbeats when he would look at you. He was bursts of laughters and quiet smiles.

But he was also guilt, regret, bitterness. He was everything you had done wrong, everything you couldn't fix. Chanyeol was both, the good and the bad. But most of all, Chanyeol was the past. A memory hard to forget, hard to erase, hard to let go of.

You were going round and round, and it was now time to find an escape. Reality was catching up, Chanyeol was no longer around to make new vivid memories.

Chanyeol was a memory and you needed to let it go. Once and for all.

____________________________

Salvation came in the form of finals. Never-ending sessions of studying and sleepless nights were the best painkiller you could have asked for. Your brain was getting too numb from all the mysterious equations and easily forgettable historical facts to properly daydream about Chanyeol. It was just too much to do at once.

The school library became your second home. But it was also the case for most of the ambitious students and soon it became hard to find a spot available. Especially on Wednesdays. Wednesdays were the worst. On Wednesdays, it was the war to get a sit. Today was a Wednesday, but luckily for you, you had arrived early enough to find an empty spot. You stared to work right away and only stopped occasionaly when you'd realise you needed to find extra informations in some books.

You stood up and walked towards the book section, leaving your desk without supervision. Your index jumped from book's spine to book's spine as you mouthed the specific title you were looking for. Your eyes narrowed. Your finger stopped. There it was. You grabbed the book, opened it and started to randomly flip the pages as you made your way back to your table. Head deep in the book and not paying close attention to your steps, you bumped into a shelf and let the book fall on the floor. With a groan, you stretched out to grab it and as you stood back up, the book firmly kept between your hands, your gaze landed on your table. The book effortlessly slid from your grip.

This had to be a joke.

You stared at your table, not knowing whether you were supposed to laugh or supposed to cry at the situation. You weren't even gone for long. How did this happen ? How did Chanyeol end up sitting next to your seat ? Where the did the girl who was next to you go and how the Chanyeol replaced her so quickly ? You had just left the table ! You shut your eyes really tighly until you could see millions of colourful dots swinging in an ocean of darkness hoping he would disappear as soon as you would open them again. It didn't work. He was still there, grabbing different notebooks from his bagpack to neatly put them on the desk. You closed your eyes again and sighed. Why was this happening ? The world was taking it out on you and you didn't deserve any of this. And to say you were finally moving on.

Ok, you had two possibilities here. Either you could decide to act like a mature and polite person meaning you had to walk back to your table and pretend this wasn't affecting you in any way possible. Bonus point : You greet him. Victory : You keep on studying because it was why you were here for.

Or, you could choose the easy way out meaning you had to leave. Now. Immediately. And the farthest away possible.

You nibbled your lower lips. Nah, you couldn't leave. You had left all your stuff on the desk.

Screw you, Park Chanyeol. From all the empty chairs (ok, there were no empty chairs actually. The library was pretty crowded. It was not really his fault to be fair.... but still !), he had to pick this specific one next to yours. Fantastic. Amazing. Not awkward at all.

As Gandhi said, you must be the change you wish to see in the world. Not that this quotation actually fit the situation or gave another deep meaning to the stupid thing you were about to do, but sometimes people need the great words of great men and that was exactly what you needed right now. You breathed in and breathed out, grabbed the book which was lying miserably on the floor and made your way to the table.You were mature. You were polite. You were about to sit back there and stay as freaking calm as you could.

You made a step. And another. Your feet were awkwardly swinging and you wonder how comes it was always hard to walk in those kind of moments. Your legs moved like jelly sticks and you seriously wondered if you'd be able to make it.

You did make it though, your heart pounding against your chest and your cheeks burning. You slowly pulled the chair, avoiding potential eye-contact at all cost. Not that Chanyeol made any sign indicating that he had acknowledged your presence yet, but still. You had to be careful. You quietly slipped onto your chair, praying the Gods to make him disappear. It was only when you carefully put the book in the desk that you realised you had been holding your breath. There, you had made it. Congratulations. Now what ? You waited, starring at the desk, too afraid to make another move.

Chanyeol's finger clinked the end of his pen and he flipped a page of his notebook. Wasn't he going to greet you ? You glanced at him before looking back at the desk. He was chewing the end of his pen, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes fixed on whatever he was reading. You shifted in your seat. Could he be too focused to notice you ? Was it actually what was happening ? Ok, seriously, didn't he notice you ? Yes, Chanyeol was kind of slow. Yes, he was the dense type. But come on, he couldn't be that sunken in History, or Korean, or whatever he was studying to actually realise you were right here next to him. You scoffed, relaxing a little. And to say you had gone through all those phases of despair and anxiety just to sit next to him and to be royally ignored. You grabbed the book and sighed. Maybe he was actually ignoring you. Or maybe he didn't. There was a lot of "maybes" when it came to Chanyeol.

Your fingers were lightly shaking as you flipped the book's pages. As much as you try to not care, you did care. He was right there, by your side and that one-sided awkardness was killing you.

Maybe you could say hi. Or maybe you could give him the same cold treatment as he was giving you. You turned more pages, your glaze flying too fast from paragraphs to paragraphs to actually process what the book was even about. But maybe saying hi would make the situation even more uncomfortable. He would feel obliged to make small talk or to even leave. You flipped a couple more pages, your teeth playing with the skin of your lips. But no greetings was kind of rude. You already had the "" etiquette. You didn't need the "rude" one.

You closed the book after what felt like an eternity of internal debate and struggle. You were wasting your time when you were supposed to study. This was getting ridiculous and this needed to come to an end.

Just when you were about to say something, he stood up. His chair scraped loudly the floor and you shut your lips. You looked at him by the corner of your eyes gathering his stuff before putting everything in his bag.

« Oh, hi ! » He suddenly exclamed, putting his pencil case in his bag.

Your heart missed a beat and you almost forgot to answer.

« H-Hi. » You smiled.

Throwing his bagpack over his shoulder, he glanced at your opened notebook.

« History ? » He asked.

Chanyeol was acting so natural, he was so at ease when you were just dying. You were as amazed as confused.

« Uh, economics actually. » You corrected him, trying to not stare to hard at him.

Chanyeol nodded, his lips curling into a polite smile.

« Fighting, then ! » He said, raising a victory fist in the air.

You awkwardly raised yours in response. His grin widened. Your cheeks turned pink. But before you could reply, he turned back and left leaving you as flustered as perplexed.

____________________________

You had never believed in coincidences. Things don't just happen by accident according to the the rationnal and reasonable girl that you were.

But when Chanyeol sat next you the following day, you tried your best to not let it go to your head. You tried really hard to not overthink the situation. The library was crowded and empty seats were rare at this hour of the day. But still. He was there, right next to you, pulling out notebooks and a bag of chips out of his bag, acting like nothing was going on and you found it hard to believe that this was pure « chance ». Or luck. Or bad luck. You were kind of lost on that part.

Chanyeol seemed to have acknowledged your presence this time as he whispered a polite « Hello » before opening effortlessly his bag of chips.

You greeted him, confused.

He then started to flip pages of his notebook, scribble notes, underline words on his textbook... and remind you what both of you were here in the for the first place : to study. Your attention, or what was left of it, went back to math equations and mysterious formulas. You stared at your textbook for a while, too puzzled to do anything else. You glanced at him curiously. You almost asked him what was this masquerade all about and why did he choose to seat here, but something held you back. If you asked him, he would probably be aware of the awkardness of the situation and leave.

But you didn't want him to leave. So you didn't say anything. You stayed quiet, endured his presence next to you for a couple hours, wasn't focused enough to get any work done and yet, didn't regret not saying anything at all.

____________________________

If the first and second days had been coincidences or misleading accidents. The third one was definetely not. Friday's afternoons at the library weren't very popular among highschool students and even on this particular time of the year when finals were just around the corner. Entire tables were available, rows of empty seats were waiting... And yet he sat next to you, whispering the same « Hello » as he did the day before, pulling out of his bag another bag of chips and some notebooks. You tried so hard to not overthink the situation, to not misread his actions and to find sense in signs that didn't even exist. You knew that if you crossed that lign, if you gave the tiniest bit of credit to it, you were done.

« Want some ? »

You lifted your eyes from your notebook.

« It's BBQ flavour. Not that great if you want my opinion, but it gets me going. » Chanyeol added.

He shook the bag of chips in front of your face, a strong artifical scent of BBQ escaping from it.

« Uh, yes. Thanks. »

You slowly dived your hand in the bag, grabbed a piece and felt your cheeks reddened for no freaking reason.

« Thank you. » You said again, without looking at him.

« You're welcome. » Chanyeol replied, throwing some chips in his mouth before putting the bag on the desk and focusing back on whatever he was doing.

The chips left a salty taste on tour tongue.

____________________________

As you step in the library on Monday's afternoon, you wondered if Chanyeol would come today. Or even worst, if you should keep a seat for him. It was quite crowded today and he might not get a chance to find a chair if he didn't show up soon.

____________________________

On Tuesday, he decided to try another flavour of those chips. BBQ flavour was a little too salty for him and he thought mustard would be better. It actually set fire to the tip of your tongue but when he asked you if you wanted more, you said yes.

____________________________

Rain was falling on Wednesday. When Chanyeol sat next to you, his hair was soaked. Tiny drops fell from the tips of his locks, landing on the your notebook and dampening the pages. You didn't complain tough, his smile making it up for it.

____________________________

On Thursday, you realised that it was getting harder and harder to not let it go to you head.

____________________________

I hit you on Friday that Chanyeol and you were taking the same bus to go home. You noticed him when you got on the bus, looking for an empty seat. Chanyeol was sitting on the last row, his head leaning against the glass and his eyes lost somewhere outside.

You had somehow crossed the less-than-friends-but-more-than-strangers line and now sitting somewhere else than next to him felt as awkward as taking the available chair next to him. Lately, Chanyeol was pulling you into many sorts of uncomfortable situations.

With a sigh, you made your choice. Slowly, your feet took a couple more steps and you made your way towards him. Chanyeol was still lost in his thoughts when you stopped next to him. He was looking outside through half-closed eyes.

« Can I sit here ? » You shyly asked, your heart beating suddenly very fast.

You knew he was going to say yes. Chanyeol always said yes. But the sudden fear of rejection crippled in and it didn't quite disappear even after he had nodded and tapped lightly the chair in a friendly manner.

« Yeah. Sure. » He smiled.

You slidded onto the seat, putting your backpack on your knees and murmuring a quiet « Thanks ». Chanyeol leaned his head back on the glass and his smile slowly fadded away.

The ride was quiet. None of you said anything.

When Chanyeol's stop came up, he slowly stood up. You mimicked him to let him pass.

« See you tomorrow. » He waved with a tiny smile.

You waved back as he turned around and took off the bus. You then sat back and as the bus drove off, you looked at his long silouhette walking away. It was only when he disappeared behind trees that you realised that it meant there would be a tomorrow.

____________________________

Finals were in less than two weeks. Despite studying for hours and hours, you felt horribly unprepared for the exams. You were too distracted, all your motivation and determination were miles away. You needed to react.

____________________________

It was becoming a habit now. You'd be the first one to show up. Sitting by the table near the dictionnaries section, you'd save him the seat next to you. Few minutes after, sometimes more, he would walk through the door of the school library, a bag of chips in the hand, and join you. He would offer you some food and you would accept. Then, both of you would work in silence. Not a word would be spoken, not a stare would be exchanged. The session would last from an hour to four. It depended.

Then, one of you would close their notebooks and pick their stuffs, giving the signal to go for the other. Small talks and friendly words of support would accompagy you to the bus stop. Then, you would get in the bus and sit on the last row. Chanyeol would get off the bus the first one, and four stops after that, you'd get off too. It was a routine. Just a routine.

____________________________

Chanyeol had always been like an open book. Everything he felt, everything he thought, everything he wanted, he would voice it on the spot without any shame whatsoever. If for a long time you had thought it was more a burden than a quality, you were now desperate to know what was going on in his mind. He was still the same, but something had change from the old Chanyeol. His smiles weren't as wide and vibrant as they should be. His laugh wasn't as contagious and loud as you were used to. Chanyeol had lost of his transparency.

____________________________

You drew littles waves on the bus' glass, the steam liquefying on your fingers. You added a sun and its rays, a palm tree and a cloud, making it seems like a little parcel of paradise. You stared at your drawing for a while. Just when you were about to rub your sleeve of your cardigan on the glass to erase it, you felt Chanyeol leaning against you. Your heart literally dropped. He extanded his long arm and his fingers met the glass. He drew two circle impaled on sticks with horizontal lines. It was only once he sat back on his chair that you breathed out, realising you had been holding your breath the whole time.

« It's you, » He said pointing at the drawing. « And me. »

You gave a look at the rounds and frowned, unable to focus.

« You don't like it ? » He asked, aware of your silence.

« No. I do. »

He gave you a toothy grin before focusing his attention back on his phone. You stared at drawing for a while. What did all of this meant ?

« What are we doing, Chanyeol ? » You asked, more to yourself than to him, leaning your head against the cold glass.

Even though you were trying to not overthink the situation, you had to admit that something was going on. You eyes didn't leave the drawing.

« Hmm ? » Chanyeol asked, his fingers sliding on the screen of his phone, his eyebrows furrowed.

He was too focused, playing to Candy Crush.

« Nothing. »

You rubbed your sleeve against the window and erased the drawing.

____________________________

« So you and that gigantic weirdo are back together ? » Kai asked, chewing obnouxiously a piece of chewing-gum.

« Good morning to you too, Kai. » You sighed.

You sped up your pace to get to the locker. It was way too early in the morning for your daily dose of annoying Kai.

« I've seen you hang around a lot lately. » Kai stated, following you.

He made a huge bubble and poped it.

« Spying on me now ? »

Kai rolled his eyes.

« I'm a busy man, you know. » He chewed a little harder on his gum. « I have way better things to do than acknowlegding your boring existence. »

« Right. » You sighed.

« Right. » He repeated. « So are you two together ? »

« I don't know. » You shrugged. « I don't think so. »

Kai slowly nodded, thoughtfully chewing on his gum, his lips curling into a satisfied grin.

____________________________

Chanyeol seemed in a good mood today. His fingers drumming on his thighs, he was whistling a melody breaking the silence of the bus ride. For some reason, you didn't quite share his cheerfulness. Your heart was heavy.

Chanyeol's bus stop came sooner than you had expected it. He stood up, ready to get off the bus. For some reasons, Kai's words were still echoing in the back of your mind. As much as he had annoyed you, you had to admit he was quite right. What the heck was going on ? Were you just his study-buddy ? Were you a little more ? Or were you a little less ? Your head was buzzing with unasked questions and uncertain assumptions. So when Chanyeol waved at you before taking off the bus, the words fell from your lips on their own.

« I miss you, Chanyeol. »

Chanyeol hand froze in the air, his eyesbrows furrowed in a confused expression. Maybe he hadn't heard correctly, maybe you didn't put enough feelings into it.

« I miss you, Chanyeol. » You said again. « I miss you a lot. »

You didn't expect an answer. You didn't expect a sign. You just had to say it. Heat spread on your cheeks as you poorly looked at your hands, feeling suddenly self-concious of your own actions. You could feel his glaze on you as he stood there, speechless. The bus opened its door and a cold breeze rushed into the vehicle. Chanyeol had to take off but he didn't move an inch.

« I'm sorry. » He finally said.

His voice sounded deeper than usual. You slowly nodded, your eyes glued to your hands. It was ok. You understood.

« I'm so sorry, » He said again, his voice shaking.

He then slowly walked away and stepped out of the bus just in time before the doors closed. The bus thrumed before driving away. You didn't look at him through the window this time.

____________________________

What happened on the next day was kind of predictable and yet, it hurt more than you had thought it would. You tried to not feel bitter, to not be sad nor disappointed. You had no rights to expect anything of him. If he wanted to break the routine, it was his choice. If he decided to seat at another table even though you had kept a seat available for him, then you had to accept it. If he started to avoid you, it was fine. Everything was absolutely ing fine.

____________________________

Through the months, you thought you had learned how to deal with Park Chanyeol. You thought you had figured him out. But can we really figure people out ?

The sun was going down when you walked out of the library. Your head was hurting from the long study session and you couldn't wait to get home to sleep. Those past few days had been tiring. The bus stop was deserted when you got there. You sat on the bench and sighed. The headache was getting stronger. You just wanted to be home. You slowly closed your eyes. You could hear wheels of passing cars against the asphalt and the wind shaking leaves on trees. You stayed like that for a while, eyes closed and holding your bagpack against your chest while waiting for the bus. Your head was heavy, your respiration slowed down. Falling asleep right here, right now, would have been so easy. But you opened your eyes as you realised someone was approaching.

« Hey, » Chanyeol smiled at you, sitting on the bench.

You shifted to the side to leave him more space.

« Uh, hi... ? »

Your glaze fell on the ground, as memories of the last time you spoke hit you like a rock. An embarrassed blush spread on your cheeks and you just wanted to disappear. You should have shut your stupid mouth and kept those embarrassing thoughts to yourself.

« So about what you said the other da- » Chanyeol said.

No, no, no, you refused this conversation to happen.

« Can we not talk about this ? » You winced. « I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry. I'm stupid. I'm ju- »

You never got the chance to finish what you were about to say, as Chanyeol's lips met yours. His sudden move caught you off of guards and for the first seconds, your eyes stayed wide opened. What was he doing ? You stayed still, lost in confusion, while your heart was violently hammering against your chest. Maybe you had fallen asleep and this was just a dream. Yes, it must be your imagination. But then, why did it feel so real ? Chanyeol's fingers reached your cheeks before slowly sliding down on your neck, soothing you. You finally closed your eyes. The kiss was soft, effortless, natural. It was just too easy to melt between his hands. You shyly kissed him back, fearing he would come back to his sense and stop anytime. But he didn't. He stayed right there, his fingers on the back of your neck, his lips against yours. He even deepened the kiss, pouring a little more eager in it. You couldn't tell how long it lasted as you had lost all notion of time.

He then slowly pulled away, leaving you with a heart about to explode. Your cheeks were on fire, your breathe erratic and your mind numb.

None of you felt the need to say something. Chanyeol sat back correctly on the bench with an awkward cough while you just you zoned out, staring at an invisible point on the ground, trying to understand what just happened. Your cheeks were still burning and a dumb dazed smile was hanging on your lips. This boy was something.

Chanyeol was the one to break the silence.

« Don't get your hopes up. »

« Mmh ? » You blinked, heart and eyes still full of stars.

« I didn't mean to kiss you. » He said.

« But you did kiss me. » You frowned, not sure to understand.

Chanyeol ran a hand in his messy hair.

« It was an accident, » he said, standing up from the bench.

« Wait, what ? » Your heartbeats increased, deception and crushed hopes already weighting in your chest. « How can this be an accident when you purposely leaned against me ? »

« Sometimes you do stuff that didn't mean to happen. » He shrugged, sinking his fists in the pockets of his pants. « It just happens. »

« No, it does not just happen. » You frowned harder.

There was no way you would believe this was actually an accident.

« Anyway, it didn't mean anything. Chanyeol looked away, checking if the bus was approaching or not.

The scornful tone in his voice broke your heart. His voice never sounded so deep and mean. You could almost still feel his lips against yours.

«  What is this Chanyeol ? » You asked, you voice slightly shaking. « A bet ? A game ? Oh wait, let me guess .It was Sehun's idea, right ? »

« Not everything that doesn't go your way is Sehun's fault, you know. »

« You want your personal, own little revenge ? Is this what it is about ? » Your voice was unsteady, your hands curled into fists and your eyes looking for his. « Was it why you started to talk to me again ? I already said that I missed you, Chanyeol. I said it. You ing have my heart. You've won. What do you need more ? »

He shook his head, his eyes on the ground.

« If you're still angry at me, just say so. I can handle that. Be mad all you want, hate me with all your heart. But don't play with my feelings. Not like that. It's not fair. »

« Oh, so you are allowed to play with people's heart, but I'm not ? » He snorted. « So that's how it is. »

« Chanyeol, that's not what I said. »

« But that's what you think. » He coldly replied.

« I don't want to fight, Chanyeol. » You burried your face in your hands and sighed, feeling the headache coming back.

The atmosphere was heavy, the silence oppressing. You realized you never had a proper talk about what happened and both of you had so much to say. You just didn't know how to say it, how to make the other person understand.

« Well yes, I am still mad at you. » Chanyeol shrugged. « There. I said it. »

He ran a hand in his hair, pacing up and down in front of you.

« And if I kissed you, it was only to know if I still had feelings for you, alright ? » 

« Do you ? »

« Do I what ? » He stopped walking.

« Do you... still... have, hum, feelings ? » You asked, blushing and not daring to look at him in the eyes.

He ignored you, pacing up and down again. Your heart tightened.

« Why is this so... complicated ? » He mumbled.  « It's getting tiring, you know. »

« I know. »

« It's like... It's like I'm lost. I'm trying to get over it. I'm trying to forget. But can't. I just can't ing move on. »

He sounded pissed and the frown on his face deepened with every passing seconds. You had never seen him like this before. You slowly nodded, not really knowing what to say. That was all you could do.

« But you know what's even worst ? » He asked. «  No matter how mad I am, no matter how much I hate you, sometimes I wished Sehun hadn't told me anything. I wished I was still that naive enamoured idiot that I was back then. Because then, everything would have been real. At least to me. I would think that you actually loved me. That you had felt something for me. That it all meant something. »

« Chanyeol, I- »

« No, don't. I don't want to hear what you have to say because you'd only make things worst for me. I'm so damn tired of feeling this way about you. I'm exhausted. I'm sick of it. I miss you as much as I hate you. »

Your heart missed a beat.

« I wish I could forgive you, » he finally said.  « I just don't know how. I don't even know if I can.»

You opened your lips, ready to say something, when the bus lights appeared from the other side of the road. Chanyeol and you both stared at the vehicle.

« Chanyeol, » You called him, standing up.

He couldn't take the bus now. Not in such a crucial moment.

« Chanyeol," »you said again, trying to not think about the bus. « I know I've made terrible mistakes and that I have been awful with you. But if I had the opportunity to go back in time and change everything that happened, I wouldn't. I wouldn't change anything. I would still play that stupid game, and I would still try to seduce you, and I would still go out with you, and I would still madly fall in love with you. Yes, it all happened for the wrong reasons but I fell for you for the right ones, Chanyeol. What I feel for you ins't a part of the role. It was not lies. Everything I feel for you is real. »

The bus slowled down, its headlights blinding you a little. It then stopped in front of you and opened its doors. You stared at Chanyeol, fearing he would leave. Your heart was about to explode, your fingers slightly shaking. If he got in, it would mean it was over. If he left now, then there would be no other chance. You could already feel the heartache.

« Are you planning on getting in or not ? » The driver honked.

Chanyeol's eyes locked with yours. The driver pushed the horn again. Chanyeol didn't move. Neither did you. The door closed. Chanyeol was still here. The engine started. Chanyeol's eyes were still lost in yours. The bus drove away. Chanyeol stayed still and you looked away.

« So what are we supposed to do now ? » Chanyeol asked.

« We can fix things out. » You suggested.

Chanyeol shrugged as he made his way to the bench and sat.

« It will take time but I think it can work. » You added.

« I'm not sure... I still... It still hurts. » Chanyeol whispered.

« We don't need to rush anything. » You said, sitting next to him. « We don't even need to date right away or anything like that. »

Chanyeol frowned.

« What are you thinking of ? » He asked.

You took few seconds to think.

« Well, we should stay friend as long as you are not ready. »

« Wait, friends ? » Chanyeol raised an eyebrow.

You knew this was complete bull. Labelling your relationship as friendship was absolute bull. You could hardly breath next to him. Thinking of him turned your heart in some sort of supernova. You had just confessed for God's sake ! Who were you kidding ? Staying « just friends » was impossible. It would be playing with fire.

« Yeah, friends. » You nodded.

Because it would still be better than not being around him anymore. Especially now that he admitted something was still possible between you two. You couldn't let go of him anymore.

« Are you sure we could handle it that way ? » Chanyeol asked, not feeling it.

No, none of you could. Sooner or later, someone would mess up this so-called friendship. It was just a matter of time because you both wanted more than this friendship.

But until then, you'd have to act as if it was enough.

« Then let's make this a game ! » You suggested. « You need time, then let's make give you time. The first one who makes a move on the other looses. »

Chanyeol scoffed.

« Isn't the main goal to, like... start dating again ? »

« Oh, yes, you're right. » You frowned. « That game doesn't make any sense. »

« We don't need games, you know. » Chanyeol said, bumping his shoulder against yours. « Because we both know you're terrible at games like these, anyway. »

You blushed. Partly because the physical contact made your heart go crazy, but mostly because he was right.

« I'm just trying to help healing. »

« I know. » He smiled. « And thank you. But I don't want to play games with you. I want it to be honest and real. »

« Ok. » You nodded. « Ok, let's not make this a game. »

«  So, friends ? »

He extended his hand.

« Friends. » You smiled, sliding your hand in his to shake it.

« Friends. » Chanyeol repeated, fixing his glaze in yours, a mischievous grin hanging by the corners of his lips, his left eyes twitching lightly.

The handshake lasted a second too long, his palm burning against yours. And right at this moment, you knew that if this would have been a game, you'd have lost in the following second.   

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THE END

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