The first time Kibum woke up, it was screaming and thrashing wildly. As he was slowly regaining consciousness after losing so much blood, the pain of someone pulling and kneading his left hand had hit him so hard with no warnings whatsoever. He had heard people shouting instructions, had felt hands holding him down and had seen the white, too-clean walls of the room that he was in where it seemed like dozens of people were flitting around him in a hurry.

Something sharp had prodded his arm and he heard a very familiar voice telling him to relax. He had no choice but to, as he was pulled into a surreal realm. For a while, he was watching what was going around him like he was underwater and everything else was above it. Then, everything had simply faded into blackness.

It was in that darkness that Kibum relived the nightmare he hadn’t had in months now. The one in which his parents die. The one in which his father tells him to run and Kibum heeds, leaving behind everyone he had ever loved in his short life. There was something new about the dream, though. Kibum had seen a ghostly figure of his grandmother calling out to him from within the trees and when he got there, there was nothing but tall, majestic trees and the moss under his feet.

It drained all the hope little Kibum had left. It left him crying even harder than he ever has. Little Kibum decided to never love again. Until, he sees the small ray of sun lighting up the floor a few centimeters from his feet. The ray that has managed to pass through the thick canopy of the forest is a small flicker of faith for Kibum but he has no energy to touch it. No energy to bring himself closer to it.

Because he’s afraid that he would only lose it like with everything else in his life. He would rather stay in the dark than reach out for the hopeful ray and be disappointed again. He thinks that he will not be able to take it if that was to happen.

“Kibum?” a muffled voice questioned.

Kibum was still barely opening his eyes, squinting against the brightness. His body felt heavy all over but he seemed to be regaining his senses slowly. His left hand was especially numb but that was the least of Kibum’s worry. He couldn’t see anything clearly. It was all blurred and just a wild mix of colours to him.

“Kibum? Are you waking up?” the voice asked again and Kibum recognized it now. It’s Jonghyun. Kibum blinked to clear his vision and he came face to face (and also almost nose-to-nose) with his best friend.

Jonghyun looked wrecked, to say the least. His eyes were too swollen and he had dark circles that made him look like a raccoon. Kibum would have laughed. He would have made fun of it. That is, if he didn’t know why his eyes were that way. If he hadn’t seen those tears welling in his best friends eyes.

“Kibum-ah…” Jonghyun said, trying hard to smile reassuringly. It was not reassuring in the least.

Something shifted on the left side of his bed and it distracted Kibum. He turned his head in the direction and met dark, forlorn orbs. It was a depressing sight, the sadness etched into every feature on his face. It made him look pathetic and weak. Kibum hated it. He looked away, bringing his eyes back to Jonghyun’s.

Kibum felt his heart break again. This time, torturously slow in the way it cracked into a million pieces. He had not the energy to comfort his best friend who’s sobbing against his chest now. He had not the will to allow more tears flow from his eyes. What’s the use anyway?

His grandmother was gone. Forever.

Kibum drifts back into unconsciousness, the emotional and physical exhaustion taking over once again.

The next time Kibum woke up, it was with resolution and more power. Unfortunately, this meant that he could feel every pain in his entire body clearly. The room was quiet so Kibum assumed he was alone. He did not want to make a fuss about his pain, so he only scrunched his eyes, gritted his teeth and tried to make the numbness settle in again. Perhaps, he was also being a little masochistic in feeling the pain anyway.

 Good, Kibum thought, let it hurt. At least that way, I can forget my heartache.

A big, warm hand clasped around his right hand, squeezing reassuringly. Kibum looked down and knew what he would find there before he even saw the other.

Minho, still in his depressing state, looked at him blankly. He sat on a chair beside the bed, caressing his thumb against the back of Kibum’s hand gently, wordlessly.

Kibum felt angry suddenly. So infuriated. The rage filled his entire body with adrenaline and he summoned the energy to pull his hand out of Minho’s grasp. Minho frowned a little at that and went back for Kibum’s hand. When Kibum pulled away again, Minho got the message to not touch him.

Kibum was angry and Minho was the only person he could take it out on.

“Who did this to you?” Minho asked simply.

Kibum wanted so badly to tell Minho who did this to make the latter feel responsible for his grandmother’s death. This was all Minho’s fault. Why did he have to appear in Kibum’s life out of nowhere? Why did he have to make Kibum fall in love with him? If it weren’t for him, Kibum would have had a much more peaceful life, not having to worry about constantly being threatened by army men who simply hated his guts for being so abnormal. If it weren’t for him, his grandmother would still be alive.

“Tell me, Kibum!” Minho said, standing up with his fists clenched and looking down at Kibum with so much anger. Kibum knew that all that anger was directed at the perpetrator who caused all of this. It made Kibum even more angry.

It made him angry because he knew Minho was not to be blamed at all in this. If anything, the relationship Minho shared with Kibum made him a victim in this situation as well.

“What does it matter now?” Kibum managed, glowering at Minho for effect.

“I won’t rest until I have their blood on my hands. So tell me, Kibum!” Minho said, exuding a terrifying cold anger that Kibum had only seen once on the other’s eyes- the night Minho had slit the kempetai’s throat open a long time ago.

“Really? Then go do it! Go kill those military men, the ones you call your brothers. Give them what they deserve!”

The murderous glint in Minho’s eyes was nothing short of terrorizing.

“WHO?” Minho asked and Kibum told him exactly who had done it from his memory of the man’s eyes. It was the same man who had beaten up Minho and him in the forest when he found them together in the tent.

Kibum felt the thirst for their blood more than his hunger or need for water. If it was possible, he wanted to go with Minho and watch him take the lives of those men. He wanted to deliver the final blow himself, hear their last breathes with his own ears as he bathed in their blood.

Unfortunately for Kibum, fate had a different game to play with him. Just then, Jonghyun had rushed into the ward, terror obvious in his eyes. He had hesitated when he had seen Kibum awake but it didn’t stop the older man from delivering the news that would give Kibum a new reason to be angry.

“The Japanese, they’ve declared war in a week…”

The funeral service for Kibum’s grandmother was a quiet occasion despite the amount of people that showed up in short notice. Almost the entire village was there to pay her final respects. The atmosphere had been very somber, not only because there was a death even before the war. But also because this funeral reminded everyone of just what may be awaiting them in the near future.

Kibum had stared at his grandmother being lowered into the ground, not shedding a single tear as the dirt was returned back to where they belonged. Kibum found himself numb watching the disappearing coffin with the woman that had raised Kibum. He doesn’t know why but he felt like he was dead inside as well. The pain in his left hand was barely even bothering him. That can’t be good considering that every bone in his hand was just beginning to heal and it should be hurting like hell, right?

Jonghyun held Kibum’s right hand tightly while clinging onto Jinki on his other side for support. It must have seemed to others that Jonghyun was more affected by the sudden death but they didn’t know of the soul-ripping wails that echoed inside his own ears without being released to the outside world. Jinki, who had returned into the village, for the funeral service served to be just the stronghold Jonghyun needed in his state now since Kibum was busy being stone-like now.

Some people cast sympathetic looks his way. Most people gave him comforting words. Close ones gave him pats on his shoulder as their show of empathy. Minho, well, he gave Kibum the sense of not being alone. He stood in a corner, watching over him silently, letting Kibum know that he was not mourning alone. He had chosen to distance himself from Kibum only because Kibum was being so cold to him.

Kibum would not let go of his stupid anger for Minho because that was his only hold on any form of human emotions left in him. He doesn’t think that he’ll ever be able to let go of that anger until the blood of those men had been shed. Meanwhile, it was Minho that was going to be accepting the wrath because Kibum was a selfish person and he did not want to suffer alone.

That evening, Kibum, Jonghyun, Jinki, Minho and Taemin gathered in Jonghyun’s father’s reading room. Kibum’s intention was to brief them on the war strategy he thought of some time ago. This was yet another attempt of Kibum’s to distract himself from his grief. It was clear as day even to the others gathered around him now.

However, the other four, as it turned out, had other plans for Kibum. They wanted Kibum to go away with Taemin who was being sent away by his father to the city. There, a relative of Taemin’s would take them in and protect them until the war was over.

Like hell, Kibum would agree to leave.

“Let me go. I’m doing this and I’m not asking for your permissions,” Kibum shook Minho’s hand off from his wrist roughly. The force of his own motion had him stumbling forward a little and Jinki helped stable him. Right now in this room, this ex-military man seemed like the only person on Kibum’s side although he had no say against Jonghyun and Minho’s stubbornness.

“Listen to us, Kibum. You’re no help in your state. You have to go away so that we wouldn’t have to be worried about you during the battle,” Jonghyun explained calmly. Kibum stared at the map laid in front of him on the table instead of at the other four in the room.

“No one asked you to be worried about me! I can take care of myself. Now, if you all will pay attention to what I’m saying. This, here, is the most strategic place to dig the gorge because this is where all the archers will be-“

“Kibum, you have to go away with Taemin tomorrow. You don’t have another choice,” Minho said, cutting Kibum off in the middle of his explanation.

“Or what? I’ll die here pathetically like the weak being that I am?” Kibum dared question the other out loud. It seemed like the tension in Minho seemed to reach a breaking point at that. All this while, Minho had been holding back from shaking the life out of Kibum to get reasons as to why he would not so much as spare him a glance now, much less talk properly to him.

At this moment, Minho looked like he couldn’t take the cold shoulder treatment any longer. He closed the small distance between them, grabbing Kibum by his collar.

“Why are you doing this Kibum? Why are you acting this way?!” Minho asked, his eyes contrasting his strong grip by seeming so vulnerable.

“I lost my grandmother, Minho. Do you expect me to walk away from a battle in which I know I would lose everything and everyone I ever knew my entire life as well?” Kibum said in an indifferent tone that only added to Minho’s fury.

Minho growled at him in frustration.

“Minho, I think you sh-“ Jonghyun tried to remove Minho’s grip off of Kibum’s collar, only to be shoved back so roughly by Minho’s free hand that he fell on his backside. Jinki immediately helped him up glaring daggers at Minho, only being held back from charging forward by Jonghyun’s grip on his arms.

“Don’t touch him, Minho!” Kibum shouted at Minho.

“Oh now you show your emotions? If you care for him and him and everyone here, you would leave with Taemin tomorrow,” Minho challenged, his hands shaking on Kibum’s collar despite the angry façade he was trying to pull off.

“I’m staying BECAUSE I care!”

“Really? Because it seems like you don’t. Do you want all of us to be worried about you being helpless here while we’re trying to fend off the enemies? Do you want us all to die th-“

Kibum silenced Minho with a sharp slap to his face, his palm burning from the contact. Minho released Kibum’s collar slowly, one finger at a time. He looked up into Kibum’s eyes, defeated. The look in his eyes made Kibum feel like a wretched being inside. He hated himself for always hurting people around him, no matter how much he tried not to.

“It’s alright, Kibum. That was not that painful, not compared to the hurt I can see in your eyes that you just wouldn’t let out…” Minho said, turning to leave the room. He paused just before he left the room, like he was contemplating whether to say something on his mind or not.

“I grew to love halmeoni like she was my very own grandmother that I never had. Her death isn’t something unimportant to me like you seem to be thinking, Kibum. She was the only family I had besides you and I lost her too soon, just like I did with my family. I understand that you blame me for it and I deserve to be blamed. I should have been able to protect you but I failed to. And now, now I’m going to fix it, Kibum…” Minho said before walking out of the room.

Kibum collapsed onto the floor, eyes fixated on the door that Minho just left through. Jonghyun rushed to him, fretting over his well-being. Kibum said that he was alright despite how empty and disgusting he felt on the inside for inflicting pain on someone who loved him as much as Minho did.

“Hyung, please come with me. Please…” Taemin begged, tearing up yet again.

It was early in the morning and the car was already packed with Taemin’s bags, driver waiting in his seat for Taemin to get in. Everyone was silent, Taemin’s father being the quietest one there. Kibum hugged the younger boy, petting his hair soothingly to ease the sobs.

“I can’t, Taemin. This is my fight as well,” Kibum told him. He heard Jonghyun’s father mutter something from behind about how this doesn’t have to be Kibum’s fight but Kibum promptly ignored him.

“Father, please let me stay! I want to fight along with the others. I don’t want to be a coward!” Taemin said to his father, giving up on convincing Kibum to go with him. If an entire night of persuading hadn’t worked, what difference would a few more tries make?

Taemin’s father remained silent, not looking up at Taemin.

“WHY WON’T ANYONE OF YOU STOP ME?!” Taemin shouted at everyone there. Jonghyun’s father took a step forward to console in the place of the boy’s own father. He caught the thrashing boy and made him stand still long enough to listen to him. Kibum couldn’t really hear what the man was saying since he had dropped the volume to a whisper. All he saw was the expression on Taemin’s face that indicated that he was calming down.

After a few more minutes of farewells exchanged between everyone there, Taemin finally got into the car and drove away in the direction of the city. The boy’s head was turned back in their direction, waving sadly until they couldn’t see him anymore.

Kibum ignored the pang of pain yet another farewell gave him. He had more important things to do right now.

Kibum’s curiosity of where Minho disappeared to last night was answered later that day when he had been with the rest of the villagers at the edge of their village that bordered with Osan. He had only finished briefing the villagers on where they had to dig the gorge and how deep it has to be. Just when everyone was getting to work, Minho had somehow blended himself amidst the crown and begun working as well. Their eyes had met for a short, fleeting moment before Minho had resumed working like nothing had happened.

Later on, the General had arrived on the site and was busy explaining to the village heads about the weaponry that would be arriving at night. He, along with Jonghyun and Jinki (who seemed to be attached to Jonghyun and knew everything about the British army being here by now as there was simply no point in keeping him out of all these plans) were helping the villagers with the digging. Kibum did whatever he could to help despite his weak state and everyone telling him not to.

The person who had answered Kibum’s curiosity was none other than Tae Jun, the leader of the military base camp in the woods.

Everyone’s attention had been attracted by the sudden arrival of all the army men. Kibum’s attention had immediately been on finding the man he was dying to kill, the bloodthirst rising in his throat again. When he failed to locate the man, Kibum had been attracted by the sight of a furious Tae Jun pulling Minho to the General. Kibum approached them, feeling everyone’s eyes on the new scene unfolding now.

“Quit standing around and get to work!” the General bellowed to the army men and Kibum watched as those men hurried to grab shovels and began digging alongside the villagers, who got the message to look away as well.

“What did he do now?” the General asked in a lower tone that wasn’t any less harsh. Minho looked quite indifferent to the situation at hand, although he did send his uncle piercing glares every so often. Kibum glared at the General as well.

Tae Jun glanced at Minho’s face once and met Kibum’s eyes after. Finally, he turned to face the General, still wearing that same disapproving expression.

“He almost killed a fellow soldier, sir!”

(A/N) Chapter 32!!!! This was so hard to write I swear (damn my writer's block... OTL)

Anywho, we Shawols (and Minkey shippers) have something to celebrate today! Today, 9th of December, 2012, is not only Minho's 21st birthday but also the day that he proposed to Key!!!! I'm such a proud shipper now... *sobs* He even got on his knees with the flowers and all.... *goes to cry in a corner out of happiness*

Thank you for reading and COMMENTING and have a great Minhoday guys!!! <3

P.S. Credits to shinestarsky unnie for my new poster. Thank you so much unnie!!