I was on full on panic mode, I had just come into talk to that idiot, one of a kind dumbo, dancing machine of our group. I wanted him to see the pain he was putting the rest of us, especially Sehun through. That poor guy would talk about only him, he wouldn't eat on the days Kai wasn't eating. He too had stopped smiling.

I had realised that what Sehun had for Kai was deep. But still, I confessed to him, I wanted to get it off my chest, and I wanted to feel his lips against mine for a little while, before I return him to Kai. But after that, Kai just seemed to become more distant, and everything had changed.

But really it was time to stop this madness, I have to talk him out of being miserable, I have to sacrifice a bit of myself to make Sehun happy, even though I had Lay now, I still had a little feelings for Sehun. So I made my way to their dorm. No one was there when I entered, and i welcomed by silence, I thew the bottle of beer into the dustbin, and made my way towards the closed door of the bedroom.

I opened the door to see Kai by the window, I expected that, his face slowly turned towards me. He looked so tired, so worn out, so...so defeated. If I was in my senses I would have ran to him and hugged him, told him to forgive himself, and told him it's all going to be alright. But in my current state of drunkness, I don't even remember what I said to him, all I remember is his empty face, and no reaction whatsoever to what I had just said, and it made the blood in my vessels boil, and made me want to punch that face to get some kind of reaction.

But even before I could get a proper punch on his face,I was welcomed with a unconcisious Jongin. He had colapsed onto the floor, blood flowing from his plam, why was there blood flowing from his hands?? I ran to kitchen, Beakhyun had mentioned some time ago that he kept his first aid kit there. I was soo into fiding that damned kit that I hadn't heard the front door open, neither had I heard the footsteps that had made its way to the bedroom.

I rushed there as soon as I found the kit, only to find a pale Sehun on the ground by the door, he was looking at Kai, his expression blank, he was just sitting there like a statue. But as much as I wanted to comfort him, I could not, not with Kai almost dying.

I rushed up to him to clean his hand, only to find that he had lost too much blood already. That means that he had been in this state since before I came inside the room. Was he plannig on commiting suicide? OH !! I realised that the bleeding wasn't stopping at all, I tried again and again to clean that wound up, but it was too difficult, I should be calling the ambulance now right? But how am I supposed to leave him like this? And then there is Sehun too...

All of a sudden I felt a pair of cold hands stops my hands and take the cotton swabs off my hand, and started to do the neatfull himself, his eyes were filled with tears, they were slowly dripping down his cheek. I snapped out of my trance and ran to the phone to call the ambulance and manager hyung.

****************

Looking at the body of my Kai, all dressed in white, on the ther side of the glass, all I could feel was regret. If only I was a few minutes earlier, if only I hadn't waited so long to tell him that I still loved him. If only I had paid more attention to him and taken care of him in a better way.

Luhan hyung had explained what he had done and seen in the dorm, all indicated towards suicide, but I still couldn't accept it, how can he let himself go, doesn't he care about me? Am I not his anymore? 

Thinking back to those nights that we that spent in silence, with his head on my shoulder, and how he slowly fell asleep and murmered how much he loved me, the night we had become one. The time we showered together, and the little make out session in the practice room. Wasn't all of that enough for him to understand my feelings for him?

All of us had gathered here, even the SHINee hyungs, they had been the utmost supportive of Kai till now. They were there for him throught the whole process, I couldn't help but fell a bit jealous at the way he would let Taemin hyung and Minho hyung into his bubble.

But even as we all sit here, silently weeping because of his stupidity, I couldn't help but chuckle at the fact that it was him who made this decision, the decision that wanted to leave me, the same guy that had promised me that he would stay with me no matter what?! But I don't care, I don't care that he doesn't want me to be there for him. Because I want to be there for him.

Just looking at him like that, attached to all those things, made me want to protect him more. And thats exactly what I am gonna do!

So for the next few days that he was in the hospital I never left his side, even when the hyungs all forced me to leave and go take rest I wouldn't budge. I would leave his side only when I had to go to the bathroom, to bathe, or to eat. The nurses had laid another bed in his room for me to sleep on.

He didn't wake up for a few days, the doctors had give him the pills so that he could take rest that he deserved so much. And with me waiting patiently beside him, I am sure Kai hyung will feel much more energized and happy when he wakes up!! Won't you Kai hyung?All the hyungs would come in regularly to meet Kai, especialli SHINee hyungs, who used be here whenevr they had any free time, I guess the missed him too.

So a huge grin covered my face as I held is lifeless hands in mine, and kissed them, each finger then the wound. Slowly drifting off to dream land, a beautiful land in which Kai and I would be happy together, and his laugh would fill the whole area, and be the music to my ears.So here I am waiting for him, only for him, because I wanna see his sweet smile again, see him live again. So for him, I am going to change him, so that he can see that all he needs is me, and only me. The me I have become for him.