My first one shot.

It's long though!!

Please comment and upvote!

Love ya!

Sometimes it didn’t feel right. But then it all made a lot of sense too.

In a world where he belongs, nothing goes your way, no matter how much you want it too. Sehun knew that, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a hard time accepting it.

A majority of his childhood was spent with his grandparents, away from his parents, at the countryside, and maybe that was the reason that even as an adult, Sehun was so innocent and pure. He couldn’t handle the blow of the harsh city once they passed away and he had to move back to Seoul. Maybe he felt the burden because he didn’t have even a single friend by his side to help him face reality.

He had only two people who he considered friends, Jongin and Kyungsoo. And he had left them behind to start a new life.

They were the two chubby hands that held his when he was the new kid at kindergarten. They were the toothless duo who played with him on the new swing set his grandparents had gotten him for Christmas. They were the two double-lidded eyes that cried with him when it was time for him to leave.

He’d never admit it. But he always had a softer corner for the darker male. Ever since the beginning. Kim Jongin, at the age of 14, was Oh Sehun’s first love. But he’d never tell, not when he knew his only friends were also the only couple he knew. Kim Jongin and Do Kyungsoo.

He hid his hurt and supported them. He was used to hiding his feelings, he’d been doing it since birth, so it was nothing new. He was sent away from home, away from his parents, amd one just gets used to the no shows on Christmas, the empty promises and the silent phone on birthdays after the first few years.

His grandmother could see it all though. She pulled him into one of her warm hugs the night his two friends officially announced that they, in fact, were a couple. The whole world cheered and Sehun shed invisible tears whenever the two kissed. His Grandmother helped him avoid the duo for a while, not that he wanted too, but he really had needed the space.

What hurt was, after the first two tries, they had completely given up on trying to call him or meet. But then, what else was expected? Why would anyone try to keep Sehun by their side? Sehun wasn't hurt nor surprised by that, they had each other, and not having Sehun around maybe they liked it?

Eventually he did come out of his hiding, and all was well again. At least his friends never saw the difference in his behaviour.

A whole year later, two days after graduation, Sehun was informed of a fire at a local restaurant his grandparents frequent. It had been the venue of their first date, the place where his grandfather proposed to his grandmother, the place where they went when they had his father and the place for every happy or sad occasion. He wasn’t surprised to hear they had been there at the time, but it did shock him to hear that they died in it.

They burned to death, and Sehun was numb. He was too calm for his friends’ liking and yet he was too devastated at the same time. Kyungsoo was at a loss, he had tried everything to cheer his friend up, but nothing seemed to work. Jongin tried too, though he had been just as sad, and he was getting frustrated.

How do you cheer up a boy who was already seemed pretty cheered up?

It happened within days, the move. Sehun had seen it coming, he wasn’t a fool. His parents would have take him back home. Not like they had a choice. His parents loved him, but they were just too busy for their own good. They wouldn’t dream of leaving their son alone by the countryside. No, they’ll uproot him from everything he had ever known and dump in a hell hole, they called the city.

On the last night at the house his grandparents owned, Sehun found himself unable to fall asleep. He was restless, he was finally going to stay with his parents, but he wasn’t happy. He didn’t want to leave yet. He didn't want to leave his life behind, he didn't want to leave his friends behind, and mostly he didn't want to leave Jongin behind.

They might not be romantically involved, but Jongin and Sehun were much closer than him and Kyungsoo. His day would start with Jongin and end with him. The thought of not seeing his best friend/first love's face the first thing when he looks out his window; of not hearing Jongin shout out for him to hurry up; of not being able to casually brush their shoulders together and hug the boy, it wall all killing him. And he was suddenly very scared.

He had crept out of his room when his two friends had fallen asleep. One glance and he knew Kyungsoo had cried himself to sleep while Jongin held him close. He averted his eyes, when he had felt the familiar pricks in his heart. He had thought the six months of seeing the two shower each other with affection would be enough 

He crawled out his window, on to one to the parapet that covered the porch. He sighed, finally feeling the weight on his shoulders.

“Hey Sehun. You okay?” Jongin whispered from the window and the boy found himself wiping his face furiously in an attempt to hide his tears.

“Hi.” he croaked out, knowing the other could tell he had been crying anyways,

“It’s okay to cry. I won’t tell.”

What happened next was something Sehun would always beat himself over yet at marvel at the same time. He had kissed Jongin. There was surge of panic inside and he wanted him to know at least now that he was leaving, it wouldn’t be fair to both of them. He didn't want to leave without knowing he hadn't even tried.

"Sehuna...Soo." Sehun shook his head, he didn't need to hear what his mind and body knew from the begining.

A small part of him was bitter that he had never been in Jongin's mind, while the other was all Sehun ever thought about. But then, there was a bigger part of him that just understood. He was pathetic and broken, even he himself wouldn't choose him.

At the age of 19, Sehun had his first heartbreak, by the hands of his first love.