Soon it starts pouring
I'm "singing in the rain"
And as I frolic about, everything before my eyes grows blurry
The small, round flowers left by the raindrops
Bloom on the pavement and spread out

They bloom and spread out

They bloom and spread out

Plastic Tree - Ame ni Utaeba

He hated to watch how it rained outside.

The colour of the sky, mostly gray, white if you looked at it with more determination, the threatening clouds ­– all of it scared Baekhyun. It sent shivers down his spine and made him think of the end of the world, or at least something close to it. It’s not like a few lightning and thunders could make him close his eyes, run to bed and stay there all day until the sun would shine on the sky again. But the fact raindrops could fall and become ice and destroy things, even the most beautiful flower… it made him angry. It made him angry because the sky has no right to do that, “I even try not to step on ants!”, he always thought.

But he looked at it anyway. And they sky would not feel sorry for him, it would go on letting the rain fall, soaking the streets. He heard conversations, people talking, he saw people smiling. But he just let out a small sigh, hand cupping his cheek, pouting while his breath collided against the crystal and left a round mark of moisture. He giggled. With one finger, he drew a heart. Raining days always made him think about stupid things, so he spent maybe a lot of time thinking why when people are bored they tend to draw hearts or stars. Is it written anywhere you have to? He sighed against the crystal again, and drew a sad face instead. Ironically, it made him smile.

Maybe rainy days weren’t that bad. He had time to spend alone, without any of his fellow members asking him to do cute faces, making fun of him because of his… kind of obsession with girl bands and he didn’t even have to go out for a walk with Chanyeol. He always knew how to make him agree even if Baekhyun didn’t like it. Anyway, Chanyeol always knew how to make Baekhyun do anything. Oh, and he could also stay on the sofa watching sad films and blame them for his tears.

Yeah, maybe rainy days weren’t that bad, in the end.

But he still hated them.





It didn’t took too long until he figured it out, actually. It wasn’t like he didn’t know. These kinds of feelings don’t come to your head – or heart – from one day to another, but they grow inside of you slowly. But knowing it just made him feel worse than he did before. Out of all the people, he had to choose one person that lived with him and was almost 24/7 next to his side, touching him, pouting at him. Out of all of them, he had to choose the weirdest one – not in a bad way… he thought.

He kind of liked Chanyeol. Well. Not really.

Yes. He did.

But that didn’t take him anywhere. Realising something in your life means taking a step forward or backward, but with Baekhyun, his feet kept glued to the floor at the same spot. The fact was, he didn’t know what he wanted. Which step would he like to take? And, therefore, he didn’t even tell Chanyeol. Maybe that was why he felt bad.

Chanyeol would come closer to him and make him happy, and Baekhyun would just smile and try to keep himself as far from him as possible. It pissed him off, that Chanyeol didn’t even notice, because before he realised his feelings, they were what people call best friends. They would even sleep together, for god’s sake. And now, every time Chanyeol tried to make physical contact, establish any kind of conversation with him – he would just go away. And Chanyeol would ask what happened. But he would just smile and say he’s sleepy. Or maybe that he was ill and didn’t want to spread it to him. Or maybe that aliens had taken his soul so he can’t come closer just in case he’d try to replace it with his soul. Anything, really.

He thought that maybe it was time to tell him, and just deal with what happened next.

But then Chanyeol smiled again, and held his hand so they could go for a walk, and Baekhyun thought that was enough.

“What are you looking at?”, Chanyeol’s head just appeared from the door frame in a comical way, while his body soon was entering the room and sitting next to Baekhyun.

He was silently watching how the raindrops fell to the ground, creating small flowers – again. It was being a rainy season. He didn’t know how to feel about it, but as soon as he felt Chanyeol’s sweet smell, his body reacted and turned to him quickly.

“Just - I was – looking at the rain.”

“You don’t like it when it rains.”

Oh.

The fact he remembered only made his nervous system more confused.

Chanyeol shifted his position, imitating Baekhyun’s, staring at the sky like he was trying to find some answers in it. He half-closed his eyes, like the more he looked at it, the more interesting it could become. After a few minutes of stealing glances at him, he suddenly got up letting out a groan.

“Aah, I don’t know what you find looking at it. It’s just a sky, and rain, and… and… wet stuff!”, he tried not to laugh at Chanyeol’s words, but it was quite difficult. “Therefore, you’ve been here all day, and we’ve all watched films and all that kind of things people do on rainy days. You’re not with us anymore. I don’t know what’s going on in your head.”

‘If you knew’, Baeykhyun thought.

“I just… feel free”, he glared at Chanyeol when he was about to laugh at what he was saying, “It just makes me think, you know. I can’t think when I’m with people. And this way, I can just try to… figure out what’s going on. Because, it’s hard. And I wish I could tell you but I can’t and I feel sorry. But the way the rain falls just makes me wish I could have more courage and people would be easier to understand.”

He just kept quiet, watching the sky again as he felt a pair of eyes on the back of his head.

“You’re weird.”

Baekhyun scoffed, moving his hand as telling Chanyeol to go out of his room.

“But you know I like you this way”, and he left a kiss on his cheek.

Baekhyun’s face turned red, maybe too much, and he just kept staring out the window asking who-knows-who he wouldn’t notice. He heard steps, and a smile grew on his face.

“You know”, his head was on the door frame again, with smiling eyes, “Maybe what you need is just a lover to make you happy and stop thinking about all of this philosophical stuff.”

“Yeah”, he says.

Sure.

Maybe.

Nobody counts the days when everyday is the same.

It had stopped raining, and Baekhyun found himself with nothing to do. He drew things he didn’t even know what they were, he said things that no one could understand – but Chanyeol would come by his side and smile at him and tell him it’s okay, because that’s just what best friends do. They started to communicate as before, sometimes talking too much and sometimes with no words because they weren’t necessary. They started to sleep in the same bed, sharing stories no one knew and kissing his cheeks while both blushed.

But that was it.

Baekhyun never had the courage to tell him Chanyeol meant something more to him, and those kisses on the cheek were just goodnight kisses. And they both kind of liked it that way.

He always thought what would have happened – life is always full of what if’s. But he never got to any conclusion. Mostly, because he know Chanyeol loved him. He just didn’t know in which way he did.

But again, he just smiled and told himself the best roses blossom when you just don’t expect it.

He was just a bit tired of waiting.

“Hey”, his voice sounded weird against the fabric of Baekhyun’s shirt, and the fact they were both lying on the bed didn’t help at all. “If I tell you something, you promise you won’t laugh at me?”

“I promise”, as if he could deny Chanyeol something.

“Like, you won’t, under any circumstance, laugh at me? Pretty please?”, Baekhyun laughed at his funny notes, and agreed nodding his head. He slowly pushed his fingers through the hair of the youngest, caressing it and feeling how he was shivering. “Then…”, he let out a long sigh, “I think you should know that, before, just before, I… before all of this, I was… I liked… I think I was a little bit in love with you.”

Well. He didn’t plan this.

“Just a little bit, huh”, he quickly added, seeing how the oldest had just run out of words.

When Baekhyun was about to say something, he didn’t even know if he was going to talk about the weather, how the economy was decreasing, how his mom hadn’t called him in weeks or actually just confessing, Chanyeol spoke.

“But I don’t anymore.”

And smiled.

Smiled like it was a good thing.

“I, I mean”, he started again, running circles in Baekhyun’s stomach with his fingers, “I don’t regret it, and I think I never will. So sorry for that. But I learnt, you know. I learnt that you didn’t feel that way towards me, so I should stop feeling those… weird feelings towards you, and I think that after months of trying it, I had succeed.”

Months. God.

“Well, you didn’t ask me if I felt the same way or not.”

Chanyeol looked up at him after his words, not sure if he was smiling, he was angry or he just didn’t feel a thing. He was unpredictable.

“Then, did you or do you feel the same way, Baekhyun?”

And that moment could’ve changed it all. That moment could’ve been the end of something or the start of an event, but sometimes people make mistakes, and those mistakes can lead to something good or worse. Under moments of pressure, your own mouth just speaks for itself.

“No.”

Chanyeol stared at him, poker-faced, and then a smile grew on his face, slowly. He didn’t know if it was because of happiness or not, but he was smiling. He slowly closed his eyes, and tried to sleep on top of his hyung.

“Good.”

Watching TV was never that boring. He flipped through channels, over and over again, and ended up on one that showed you how to cook Spanish food. He found it interesting, and even if he didn’t, he’d have stayed watching it anyway.

When he was about to fall asleep, a body collapsed to his side, and two warm arms embraced him.

“I’m so so so so so so happy!”, the words came out like a murmur, Chanyeol’s mouth pressed against Baekhyun’s side.

He didn’t want to ask, but after all, he was his friend. Just that. Friend.

“What has happened?”, he looked down, “Tell me.”

“You know that guy I told you about last week? The one I met when I was walking outside.”

He remembered, of course he did. It was once, just once, that Baekhyun had declined Chanyeol’s offer to go for a walk. And this is what happens. He nodded just so he knew.

“Well, he asked me out!”, a big smile appeared on Chanyeol’s face, tears of happiness creating in his eyes.

And well. People say best friends are the closest thing to lovers you could ask for, and that you should be happy for them, so Baekhyun wasn’t going to be the one that didn’t obey that rule. Not because of it, but because he actually felt happy that Chanyeol was… happy. More than that. He pressed himself even more to his side, letting him know that he was there. For him.

He always was.

And Baekhyun didn’t even say a word. He just kept staring at the TV and let Chanyeol fall asleep next to him. Like those times, when they shared kisses and loved each other without actually knowing it.

The raining season had just ended, but Baekhyun’s cheeks were wet.

It’s not like he hated to watch how it rained. It’s just that he hated to do it alone.