“Let’s breakup...”

That was the first thing I said when I met up with Baekhyun at the park that evening. I saw tears start to brim his eyes and all I wanted to say after that was…I’m sorry.

---

Our relationship started out like any other – full of clichés. We had met at a college get-together, where we fell in love at first sight. Our first date consisted of the typical three activities – dinner, movie, and drinks afterwards. Although it wasn’t anything special, it was memorable. After that night, we continued to keep in touch with each other, see each other every day on campus, and fall in love with each other little by little each day.

One winter day, Baekhyun did not contact me…He ignored all of my messages and all of my calls…

Something felt wrong… I felt empty inside. I never felt so desperate to get a hold of someone. That’s when I knew he was what I was missing… He filled the void in my soul. I called between classes and during my breaks and sent him text messages during my classes. I tried to get in contact with him on my way home. I even tried emailing him…

The clock struck 8pm… I laid hopelessly in bed, phone on the bedspread, looking up at the ceiling with a sunken expression. I just needed to know he was okay. The moment I was about to check my phone again, it dinged with a new text notification. It was from Baekhyun.

“Meet me in the park.”

After worrying all day, that five-word response just raised my anxiety to a new level.

I hurried to get ready, shoved my feet into my shoes and flew out the door. By the time I got to the park, I was out of breath. I looked around for any signs of Baekhyun but was only met with paper hearts and arrows leading me toward the playground.

When I reached the intended destination, I was met with a swing set, beautifully decorated with flower petals and fairy lights, and a poster taped onto the one of the swings. It read “turn around.” I did just that and was met with a man down on one knee. Baekhyun was holding out a bouquet of mixed roses.

“I didn’t know what color you liked, so I got a little bit of everything the florist had.” He said sheepishly.

“~~~~~, I want today to be our ‘day 1.’ These past few weeks of getting to know you have been incredible. I promise to cherish you. I promise to always tell the truth. I promise to stay faithful to you. Finally – I promise to love you. Will you be my girlfriend?”

I let all of the nerves that had built during the day fall and started crying my eyes out. So many mixed emotions came flooding over me – stress, relief, happiness… I pulled Baekhyun up and crashed my lips to his full force.

That was the beginning of our 2-year relationship. But when there is a beginning, there is always an end… and I have to be the one to end it all…

---

I had a reason for shattering his heart. A month before, I was told that I was to wed another man to bail my father’s business out of bankruptcy and after the wedding, I wasn’t staying in Korea. I would be living with my new husband as a newlywed couple in California. My opinion was never considered… I didn’t want to break up with my first real boyfriend, but I had to do this for my father.

For the next couple of weeks, I spent most of my time with Baekhyun and tried to fake my happiness as much as possible. I didn’t want to reveal anything to him because I knew it would just tear him apart, like fabric coming apart at the seams. We would go on dates every day and give each other sweet hugs and kisses before parting our separate ways, but you should never judge a book by its cover...I have lost all happiness… I’ve been crying myself to sleep every night. I feel like I am constantly bathing in tears. Nobody even noticed anything wrong. They were all too delighted about this unification. Every thought I have about leaving him, coldhearted and dejected, hit me horribly and miserably with a wave of sorrow. Every time I arrived at home, I locked myself in my room and never left my own safe haven.

The day I dreaded finally came forth. I wished this day would never arrive, but it wasn't granted. I tried to avoid Baekhyun as much as possible… when he came to talk to me, I gave him the cold shoulder and only addressed him one word responses, like yes and okay. All day, He asked me if I was okay, if he'd done something wrong, but I kept saying no and that I was fine. After school, I told him to meet me at the park at sunset... Hours passed. When the sky turned a topaz orange, I trudged out the door and treaded towards the park. When I arrived, he was there, sitting on a bench, waiting for me patiently. Then I walked up to him, said hi, and cut straight to the point, to end it clean and quick.

“Let’s breakup…”

“Huh? Why ~~~~~-ah? What’s going on? Did I do something to upset you?”

"I don’t want to see you anymore. I can’t stand you anymore. I can’t love you and I simply won’t love you."

After I said that, he stayed silent, shocked at the words that came out of my mouth. The mouth that used to spew words like “I love you” and “you are my world,” now spews words of disgust and hatred. I just stood there in regret. After five minutes, tears started to brim his eyes and I started to take small quiet steps back, leaving him crying in an empty park. I started to feel my heartbeat throb in my ears and my anxiety starting to kick in. I whispered my last words before running off with tears streaming down my face…

Goodbye My Love and I'm Sorry.