"You make me go insane, she gives me so much pain, I won't be back again~"

The song playing in the café twinkled in the background as I stood in line, waiting to order my coffee. As the line got shorter and shorter, my heartbeat began to speed up. Changseob was finally working today after I had come almost every day to try and work out his shift times. The first time I saw him was a few weeks ago when my internet had died at home; I need wifi desperately to finish my assignment so I had ended up in the café, pretending to order a cake and coffee but staying there the whole day. Partially because I needed to finish my assignment, partially because I had seen a gorgeous guy with brown hair that whipped up coffee and twirled the machines like a boss. I had tried to see him again, coming in as often as I could after school but he never seemed to be working, but now I was on holidays, I visited as often as I could.

“Hi, how are you?” He smiled his beautiful smile at me and I could feel my cheeks turn red. I ducked my head, pretending to read the menu card while moving so my hair covered my burning cheeks.
“Um, can I get a, uh – cappuccino and choc chip muffin?” I stuttered. Damn! Why couldn’t I sound cool and collected in front of him?

He chuckled and winked. “Sure, coming right up. Why don’t you take a seat, I’ll bring it to your table.”
“Thanks,” I replied shyly, turning around quickly so he couldn’t see my retarded face that I made when he winked at me.

I found a table that would give me an optimum view of Changseob whipping up coffees behind the counter and waited patiently. Before long, he came to my table holding a tray expertly and set down two muffins and a cup of coffee.
“Um, I didn’t order this extra muffin,” I said confusedly.
Changseob winked at me again. I bit my lip to fight the urge to break out into a big goofy smile and squeal.
“Ahjumma tells me you’re a regular customer. So it’s on the house,” he replied, winking a third time.
“Ahh,” I said, smiling back unconsciously. “Tell her thank you for me, please!”
“No problem. Enjoy!” He walked off.

As I sipped my coffee, I watched Changseob do this thing behind the counter. He was nice to all the staff, excellent at brewing coffee and cleaning up the mess behind him. He was perfect. Every now and then, he would look up and our eyes would meet. My heart would thump ferociously in my chest and I would think oh no. I’m exposed. He knows I’m practically in love with him now. Crap. But he would just smile at me and continue his job.

Over the next few weeks of my school holidays, I would visit there almost everyday, making an excuse to anyone who would listen that it was the best coffee I had ever tasted and it was on the way to the art gallery. Which was the biggest lie in the world, as one, I really didn’t like coffee, and two, art wasn’t really my thing. Soon, Changseob and I were now on first name basis, and he would greet me every day like “oh, nice to see you Hana, how are you today?” “I like your hair today, Hana!” and also constantly winking at me at every available opportunity. Seeing him made me unbelievably happy, like no one could ever.  I had now planned my days around when I would go see him and when he was working. It was a sad life, I know, but I had no choice. Changseob was really like my drug, my addiction.

I had built up the courage to ask for his number one Thursday afternoon. I had gotten up early and prepared myself by shaving my legs, getting my hair cut, running on the treadmill for an hour, putting on face masks and brushing my teeth ten times. I even went out to buy a new outfit for the occasion.

Stepping into the café, I took a deep breath. I had my speech written out and rehearsed. I could do this.

I spotted Changseob as soon as I turned into the street of the café. I could see him through the windows, but he was taking off his apron and hanging it up. Huh? End of his shift? That was unusual. But even better for me, I thought. I could ask him properly outside.
I entered the café and walked as casually as I could up to the counter. But something wasn’t right. Why was Changseob walking toward a table with a girl sitting down? Why did he have a smile on his face that I had never seen before? A gleam in his eye that was never there when he made me coffee? My heart felt uneasy and a big lump had formed in my throat.
He sat down opposite her and they twined fingers. Then, he leaned over and gave the girl a deep kiss on the lips. I felt my knees go weak. I had to grip onto the counter to stay upright, all while trying to seem nonchalant and calm.

I tried convincing myself. It’s his cousin, I thought to myself. A very…close cousin of his that he kisses on the lips all the time. Ew, the other side of me thought back. That’s disgusting!

“Baby, I missed you,” I heard him coo. “What should we do tonight? Dinner? Lotte World?”
I tried to breathe deeply but I could feel panic rising in me. I needed to get out of there before I said or did anything stupid.

“Miss? Your change,” the cashier said.
“Keep it,” I managed to say before running out of there, tears streaming from my cheeks. As soon as I was far away enough, I sat down on a bench and cried. I cried my heart out for something that was never mine to begin with.