Water dripped slowly down his weary body. He closed his eyes as the clear streams of water chased away the grime etched into his skin. As steam filled the small bathroom he breathed in deeply and relaxed his body, allowing his muscles a release from the constant clenching of training.

Tao normally took this time to reflect. He would think about his life, his training, his group mates, and his future, but not tonight. For no reason, tonight his mind was blank. All that crossed it was how nice the gentle splash of water against flesh sounded to his ears.

With his body on autopilot he washed his hair, turning the motion into a gentle massage. Then he scrubbed his body, removing every flaked piece of skin, every speck of dirt, and every bit of sweat that had accumulated there.  He then continued his regular routine. He dried himself with a generic blue towel. He brushed his teeth thoroughly and pulled on his favorite pair of sleeping boxers. After this he crawled into his poorly made bed and prepared to sleep, even amongst his managers snores.

~~~

Tao’s eyes flashed open, heart pounding and breathing heavy. He looked around frantically, tears dangerously close to falling from his eyes. He was everywhere in his dreams. Calling out his name and following him wherever he went. The ghost of his brother was relentless, tormenting him almost every night.

Tao slammed his head against his pillow and covered his face as the tears came pouring out. Everyone in the group thought it was hilarious that he was afraid of ghosts. They didn’t realize how real this ghost was. Well, except for Kris. He knew how much Tao’s brother’s death tormented him. He understood that Tao would never be able to get over being responsible for it.

‘How could I have been so stupid?’ he asked himself night after night. He should have checked on him more often; it was his responsibility to watch him while his parents were gone. But he hadn’t. Instead he had stayed in living room to practice his wushu. He didn’t know when, but at some point that night his baby brother had stopped breathing, another victim of SIDS.

Now, every night, he sees the face that might have been and every night he can’t stop his tears. But he knew how to make it stop. Tao quickly wiped his tears, climbed out of bed, threw on a tank top and left for the stairs.

He arrived at Kris’s door within five minutes.  Without a sound he quietly crept into the room and moved towards the leader’s bed. He paused when he reached the sleeping man. His mind quickly flashed to the first time he had stood here. It was the night after he had told Kris why cried so much. He had told him that if he ever needed someone he could come to him, even in the middle of the night. Tao had been terrified and Kris slightly surprised when he actually woke up the leader, his eyes still wet with tears. It took just a moment for Kris’s eyes to switch from sleepy to sympathetic. He simply scooted over and opened the covers for Tao to get in. Kris’s body was so steady, so strong, so calming. His nightmares vanished whenever that body enveloped him at night.  

Now, it was a habit to come here when he ghost was too much and his tears wet his pillow. But tonight, instead of immediately sliding under the blankets, he paused and looked down at his best friend’s face. That face could be so harsh, so sharp during the day, but at night… it was so peaceful.

Suddenly, those sleepy eyes blinked open and their eyes met. Neither moved as they gazed into each other’s eyes. After at least a minute had passed, Kris reached out his hand, ready to pull Tao close once again. Tao clasped his hand tight and slipped into the bed. He moved right up to his leader’s steadying body and buried his face into his neck. Kris wrapped his arm around the younger boy’s body and gently rubbed his back until he fell asleep.

When his body relaxed and his breathing became rhythmic, Kris kissed the boy on the top of his still damp hair. A tear of his own trickled down his cheek as he thought about the magnae. Tao would never know how much he cared about him. He would never know how much he missed the nights that he didn’t come. How empty his bed felt when he wasn’t there. He would never know how much it hurt him to see him in pain. He would never know that Kris would literally do anything for him. Tao is sick? He would fly all the way to America to get him medicine if he had to. Tao is hungry? He would make him anything he wanted, even if the only thing he could actually make well were noodles. Tao is sad? He would hug him all night long if thats what the boy needed. He was Tao’s. He would always be Tao’s, but the sweet boy will never know it.

So Kris just laid his head back down on the pillow and fell asleep with the sweet scent of Tao’s shampoo in his nose. He would accept this little piece of Tao as long as Tao would give it to him. 

*Picture Credit:http://tictactao.tumblr.com/

*Inspired by this wonderful person's what if's: http://luhany.tumblr.com/