Let me just say that I spent hours writing this chapter just to have AFF erase it and now I must start again. FML -.- So I apologize if it's not that good, because I have to write it over again, and I'll leave out some parts. GAH.

DongHae was angry at the Sones who crowded around the church that YoonA's funeral was held at. If it wasn't for the fact that they supported her, he would've thrown a few punches at them for weeping so loud and making such a ruckus. They were being exceptionally disrespectful, even if it was out of admiration and sadness for their favorite idol. She deserved better than a crowd of people she didn't know at her funeral. This should be a day where she was surrounded by the people that she loved, the people that she knew, the people that she cared about. Not strangers.

But then DongHae thought deeply about the subject, feeling hypocritically. Am I any different than a stranger to her now? he asked himself.

*

The memories came like whirling tides, drowning him in a pool of bittersweet moments and painful regrets. He thought back to the time when they first met, and he'd complimented her on her quick dancing skills. She had just entered the company as a trainee, and she was catching up well with the trainers' dance routines. "You're good at this, huh?" he said with a smile. DongHae could still remember the shade of her blush, so child-like and adorable. That was the beginning of their friendship.

He thought back to the time where he had begged her to teach him how to ride a bike, and then regretted it because she wouldn't let him go home until he did it properly. He was getting upset, because he kept falling and scraping up his arms and legs, so YoonA promised that she'd catch him everytime he fell (even if it meant she'd fall and get scratched up also). That night, she went home more bloodied and scratched up than he was and he went to sleep with the satisfaction of knowing how to ride a bicycle.

He thought back to when he pretended to be a life guard, and decided to teach her how to swim. She was so nervous that she peed in the pool (he had promised not to tell anyone, but he told LeeTeuk, and LeeTeuk held it against her). She'd almost drowned that day, and she didn't even learn how to swim. But DongHae wished that she had acted as if she was drowning . . . So he could act like he knew CPR . . .

He thought back to when he was still an obedient and studious person, always getting good grades and helping others with their schoolwork. He was dragging a reluctant YoonA to the library, having noticed that her grades in history were slipping. "Maknae's the one who's good with books," she'd complained. He shushed her up in no time, and made her sit next to him as he read to her from a book that was almost 300 pages long. It had been two hours since they entered the library, and DongHae felt some weight on his shoulder. He looked to his left and saw her angel face, eyes closed, chin down. She'd rested her head on him for support. He chuckled lightly, scared that he might be disturbing her. He knew that he should wake her up immediately and scold her for being bored when he was only trying to help her, but something kept him away from bringing her out of her slumber. She looked so peaceful when she was sleeping, so brilliantly beautiful. Before he knew it, DongHae's head swept down and his lips touched hers ever so slightly. He pulled back right away, almost immediately feeling guilt wash over him. This was her first kiss, whether she was conscious or not. He had just tainted an angel, poisoning her with his filth. Why did he do such a stupid thing? Her lips, her innocent lips, were for the man she'd really love one day, not for her friend, who suddenly became enamored with her while she was sleeping. Was he really this type of person? Was he really one to take advantage of another while they didn't even know it? Shame on him. He hoped that one day, when she really did kiss the man she loved, she'd be able to say, "That was my first kiss." He was grateful that she couldn't remember this. But then . . . he suddenly took back his intentions. Just the thought of YoonA kissing another man . . . unbearable. No. This was her first kiss. He took it, he claimed it. No one else can have it. And one day, he'll kiss her again, just to make it clear . . . while she wasn't unconscious, that is.

He thought back to when Jessica had overheard EunHyuk threatening DongHae that he'd tell YoonA that he had a crush on her because he made RyeoWook sad, and, being the ice princess she was, Sica blackmailed him. For a long time, everytime he saw the second lead singer in SNSD, she'd make him do her a favor. "Buy me a smoothie or else I'll tell YoonA." "DongHae! Don't talk back! I'll tell your secret if you don't buy me a sandwich!" "LEE DONGHAE, IF YOU DON'T DO MY LAUNDRY, I WILL TELL THE WHOLE MEDIA YOUR LITTLE SECRET, ARASSEO?!" He'd tried to avoid her gaze everytime she was near, hoping that he could find an escape route before she noticed his presence. It was ironic how the thing that made him scared of her actually caused him to like her in the end. It was her endless demands and favors that he found cute and full of aegyo. He started to realize how pretty she was, and how kind she could be if she wasn't in need of something. He began to enjoy her company. And that was his biggest mistake.

He thought back to when his father died, and Jessica was out of town, enjoying time with her own family, so he didn't want to phone her and bother them. He was somewhat grateful that the rest of Super Junior had been out that night . . . They didn't have to see him cry. There were bottles of thick beer and alcohol on the glass table in Super Junior's living room, too many to keep track of yet not enough to wipe away the pain. That's when he heard the doorbell ring, and was puzzled when little Im Choding nearly jumped onto his torso, giving him a great bear hug, when he opened the door. They stood like that for a moment, both silent. From the the late hour and the looks of her white night gown, DongHae knew that her decision to visit him was made last minute, while she was tucked into bed with the other Soshis sleeping soundly. She probably couldn't sleep since she heard that his father had passed away, and probably tip-toed out her room and out of SNSD's room, not wanting to wake up Yuri or anyone else, since they'd all want to come if they heard she'd be taking a midnight stroll to Super Junior's dorm. Even though they didn't talk as much anymore (because he spent all his free time with Jessica), he was grateful that he didn't have to go through this by himself. That night, YoonA slept in his dorm, while the SNSD members almost filed a missing person report for their second maknae the next day.

He looked out of the church's window, saddened by the fact that these memories had been hidden in the back of his mind for so long. Why? Why had he forgotten? Why had he forgotten the nights that he couldn't sleep, and she was the first person he'd phoned? Why had he forgotten that she'd stay up and talk to him whether she was tired or not? Why had he forgotten the times where they snuck out of the dorms past curfew, doing things that they'd never regret, even when they were caught? Why had he forgotten the day he debuted, when she stayed up all night in a sleeping bag outside of a local store so she could be the first to buy his CD? Why had he forgotten all the nights that they went bowling together? Why had he forgotten how many ramen cups they could eat together? Why had he forgotten all the times that their parents teased them, saying they'd be married one day? Why had he forgotten the butterflies that he felt when he hoped that his parents were right? Why had he forgotten how just the curve of her smile made his day brighter, better? Why had he forgotten her laugh, her walk, her voice, the way she walked, the way her hair seemed to flow flawlessly behind her back whenever she bounced a little? Why had he forgotten all their talks, their good times, their memories? Why had he forgotten about YoonA?

*

DongHae thought he held it together pretty well. He'd kept himself composed when his heart ripped when he walked through the church doors, reading a sign that said "Funeral: Im YoonA." He closed his eyes tightly when he greeted the SNSD members for the first time in weeks, not wanting to see the tears that flowed so endlessly through their eyes. He braced himself when YoonA's father shook his hand and said, "Thank you for always being there for her, DongHae. I'm sure she died peacefully, knowing that she had someone like you who cared for her like this." (These words almost made him slap himself.) But when he'd walked up to her coffin, looking down at her with a pink rose in his right hand, he lost it. For the first time since his father died, Lee DongHae cried. He no longer cared if there were many people watching. He couldn't keep it in anymore. He cursed himself a million times over when he looked at her face, her beautiful face, and saw that her eyes were closed. He studied her carefully through his blurred vision. "How are you so beautiful even when you're not alive?" he asked her in a hushed voice, almost chokingly. DongHae brushed two fingers on her lovely cheeks. "I'm sorry, YoonA," he finally apologized. "I'm sorry for being such a bad friend to you all these years. I-"

His breathing was ragged, his tears coming faster. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry." He bit his knuckles, whitened from being kept in a fist for so long. "Come back," he whispered. "Come back and I promise, I'll make up for all of those times that I didn't take up your offer on hanging out with you. I'll take you out for some ramen . . . or, we can go eat whatever you want. I'll pay. I won't bail on you, I promise. I won't make up a lame excuse, or ask about Jessica. I'll smile when I see you like I used to, and I'll call you every night to tuck you into bed. I'll drink with you whenever you're sad, I'll cry with you if you want me too. Just, please, YoonA, come back . . . " He was sobbing terribly now. He knew that he was probably making a fool of himself in front of s and everybody else that was in the church, but he could care less. It was his turn to say goodbye to her, to put a flower in her casket and take one last look at her. Let him make a fool out of himself. He technically was a fool for treating her this way for so long anyway.

"You should've said all of these things to her while she was alive," a soft voice whispered.

He looked to his side and made eye contact with Luna, her sad smile making him feel a tad bit relieved for some reason.

"Luna . . . what're you doing here?" He sniffed a little.

She gave out a light chuckle. "You're not her only friend, DongHae." She placed a small, red camellia into YoonA's lifeless hands. "I'm here to say my last goodbyes as well."

It was news to him that Luna knew her. Well, of course they knew each other, she had mentioned YoonA before. But never had he guessed that they were as close as this, to the point where YoonA's father would invite Luna to her funeral.

"Camellias are lovely flowers, aren't they?"

"I . . . I don't know. I guess." His reply sounded just as puzzled as he was.

"They symbolize gratitude, admiration . . . perfection." Luna gave YoonA a longing look, as if asking her to return along with him. "I thought the flower suited her."

DongHae thought for a moment. Gratitude. There was definitely many things that people owed to YoonA. She went out of her way to do nice things for others, earning her a spot in their hearts. Admiration. Along with the gratitude comes admiration for the fact that she could be so kind, as much as to put others before herself. She portrayed a certain selflessness that others could only wish they had. Perfection. She was its definition. He looked down to his pink rose, and wondered if it could surpass Luna's clever choice of flower, with its symbolism of love.

Suddenly, a thought entered his mind. "Luna . . . "

She tore her gaze away from the lovely YoonA, her beautiful eyes sparing him a glance.

"Remember . . . when you told me that my donor agreed to share her identity with me?" He looked at her longingly.

"Yes."

"Well . . . you . . . you never really told me her name," he said nervously.

Luna laughed half-heartedly and returned her loving gaze to YoonA. She leaned down to touch something in the coffin. She was used to being around dead people so much now, since she was a nurse working for the most prestigious hospital in all of Seoul. "You really are a slow one, aren't you, DongHae?"

If his emotions weren't so clouded that day, maybe he would have taken offense to her honest words. But now was just not the time. Besides, he owed too much to Luna to be angry at her, maybe even for the rest of his lifetime. "And since I am such a near-sighted person," he played along, "do you mind just telling me her name rather than letting my stupid self hunt down for it?" He smiled weakly at her.

She smirked and said a silent prayer for YoonA one last time before turning her back. "I'm not going to waste my breath, DongHae," she answered as she walked away. "Why should I even bother to tell you? You . . . already know her name."

DongHae didn't watch her leave, but he heard her words clearly, and he hung on to every one of them. His eyes traveled to YoonA's closed ones. She looks as if she was sleeping. Oh, how much better life would be right now if she was only sleeping.

"I already know her name?" he asked himself.

Then, he saw something. He looked at the thing that Luna was touching when she'd reached into YoonA's coffin. On YoonA's wrist, almost neon compared to her pale skin, was a sapphire-blue bracelet that read "I saved Lee DongHae's life." Even more surprising was that, at the very end of that phrase was an extra little bead that had the picture of a heart on it . . . the heart that DongHae had added only a few weeks ago so the person who wore this bracelet would know that he'd take good care of her heart, the heart that kept him alive, the heart that beated so loudly inside of him at that very minute.

He touched the bracelet tentatively, tears streaming down madly. "YoonA . . . you . . . you . . . "

"She saved your life." Replacing Luna's place just a minute before was another blonde. DongHae hadn't heard her come up to him, but she was always like that; lurking around quietly like a cat.

"Jessica," her name came out in a hoarse whisper from his mouth.

She didn't smile at him, she hadn't for the longest time. It was then that he realized that even Jessica's whole entity wasn't as lovely as a little bit of YoonA, so he returned his gaze to the beautiful angel laying before them.

Jessica laid her lily inside the casket. Her heart throbbed miserably, longing for her sister, her cutest dongsaeng, to smile at her with her deer eyes again. It was even worse for her to be standing next to the man that caused so much grief for her little YoonA. "So you've figured it out right?"

DongHae couldn't say much in his state. He only nodded.

"The others don't know about this," she continued in a cold, monotone voice, "and one of her last requests was for me to keep this secret from them. Even her father has no clue that she donated her heart for you. They all think she had a heart attack of some sort." She laughed bitterly to herself as she looked at him. "Funny, isn't it? She gave her life up to someone who completely ignored her."

He was shaking now, anger searing through him like a knife. No, he wasn't mad at Jessica. She was only telling the truth. He was rather angry at himself. Why? Why did he start ignoring YoonA? Why did he always think badly of her? Why did he say mean things to her? Why did he choose Jessica over her? His knuckles whitened from his tight grip on the casket.

"I thought you were the worst guy for her," the blonde continued, mourning for her sister. "You never paid much attention to her, and you always treated her as if she was pest. In everyone else's eyes, she was beautiful, a goddess. I never really understood why she chose you, DongHae. I don't know why, out of all people, she chose the one person that didn't choose her."

"I-I choose her." He was crying hard now, yet still trying to calm himself. He couldn't face Jessica, but he knew he couldn't look at YoonA either, not with the guilt shooting at him from her words, so he decided to stare at the wall instead.

Jessica scoffed in disbelief. The nerve of this man. "You say you choose her when she's not even around to hear it anymore." The words came out just as bitterly as she'd intended, maybe even a little short of it. "If you choose her now, how come you didn't choose her when she was still alive and well? Why do you choose her when she's gone? Is it because of pity? Or maybe because you're just grateful that she saved your life. Is that it?"

"No-"

"Save it, DongHae." Her eyes shot through him like a bullet. "Go deny it to someone who believes you." She touched YoonA's hands gently. "You can lie to anybody," she said quietly. "You can lie to her father, your members, even the other SNSD members . . . You can look at me and tell me how much you regret everything, which I hope you do . . . " Their eyes met, and DongHae felt a stab of pain in his insides from the hurt and sorrow that swirled like a hurricane in her face. "But you will never be able to lie to YoonA. You will also never have another chance to tell her the truth. You will never have another chance to tell her anything. A single tear rolled down her cheek, and he realized that it was the first time that he's seen her cry. "She's gone."

DongHae reached down and brushed a few loose strands of dark hair out of YoonA's eyes. God, why are you so beautiful. Jessica's words kept ringing through him like an alarm, honesty and hatred in every sentence. "She has a bunch of bracelets that she begged me not to tell the other members about," the ice princess revealed in a much friendlier tone. "She's donated a lot of times, you know. She always became tired and dizzy whenever she'd be done giving blood, that's why she was so tired when you came to our dorm and informed us that someone offered to be your donor. She memorized your hospital schedule, and she'd push away whatever appointments and events she had planned that day just to give you blood. She even missed SeoHyun's graduation."

Jessica looked at her poor dongsaeng's face, trying to find strenghth to go on without bursting into tears. "When she told me about donating the heart . . . I . . . I . . . I nearly collapsed. I had yelled at her, I had screamed. I'd cried so much . . . I'd even gotten on my knees and begged her to change her mind. When she didn't, I resorted to ignoring her. But eventually, I gave in. I took her out to her favorite restaurant and we ate her last meal together. Actually, we did everything together that past week, along with the other members. It was a busy week, but YoonA didn't sleep very well, and she always bothered the others, asking them if they wanted to go for coffee or something. Once, TaeYeon even threatened to kick her out of the dorm if she wouldn't be quiet. I cried a lot that week. But YoonA . . . she was strong. She smiled twice as much, she laughed twice as hard . . . she ate five times more too." A sincere laugh escaped her lips. "Probably because she knew that even Heaven didn't have this kind of food." A sad smile replaced her natural one.

"I'm sorry, Sica," DongHae managed to say.

She looked at him with a weary expression, no longer angry, just tired. She was too heartbroken to be upset with anybody. She said her last goodbyes to YoonA, no longer having the heart to talk to DongHae, and kissed her on the cheek before walking away, leaving DongHae to his lonesome again.

The tears had not stopped. He wanted to say something, anything, but he knew that whatever he says could not repay all of the damage he'd done. He bent down to give her a gentle kiss on her forehead. After some thought, he swept down again and touched his lips against hers. Though she'd been dead for weeks, her lips were still warm, soft.

DongHae had failed his mission. He'd wanted to kiss her once again, hadn't he? But this time, she wasn't only unconscious, she wasn't even alive. He apologized to her one last time, and said a prayer. He laid his rose down onto the part of her white dress that covered her chest. The flower lies where her heart would've been.

That day, DongHae promised himself that, in another life, he'd make it up to her. He'd give her his heart, in return for hers. He'd love her like the way she loved him. He'd make things right. In the next life, he'd do everything for her, like she did everything for him.

In another life, he thought, it'll be all for you.

I honestly believe that I didn't do my best with this chapter, but I was very frustrated after my chapter got deleted. I know my ending was a little rough, but I hope you guys liked my first fanfic on AFF. (: I'd very much appreciate it if you guys commented and shared your opinions. The reason why I titled this "All For You" isn't because DongHae thinks it at the end, it's because throughout the entire story, it was YoonA's intentions to do everything to benefit DongHae, even if he didn't realize it. I'm sorry if this story brought you much grief, but I'll be very glad if it tugged at a few heartstrings of yours. Well, till next time! CHU~