The driver was instructed to park the van in an area quite far from the house in Sangdodong. The director had insisted that we walk to our ‘love nest’ for more drama. Left with no choice, we complied and began taking baby steps to the house. I know it irked the production staffs since they’ll most likely edit those parts out, but we took the chance to extend time before we finally end our virtual marriage.

“You’re trembling,” Joohyun whispered to me as we passed by a light post.

Instantly, I hid my hands inside the pockets of my coat. “I’m not,” I denied. “Why would I?”

She turned to me and gave me a look which made me feel uncomfortable. It was the same look she would usually give me when she knows I’m lying. I flinched slightly. She knew I wasn’t telling the truth.

“Well, okay, I am,” I confessed as I took her hands in mine. The act made some staff members giggle silently. They must really love seeing our skinship.

Joohyun’s gaze fell to the concrete pavement we’re walking on. “Why?” She asked in a whisper.

“Well, we’re in the house,’ I nodded towards the white house in the corner of the street. “This means we’re really leaving the program.”

She gave me small nods as we continued walking, silence enveloping us.After almost a minute, she turned to glance at me – her eyes filled with the same regret as mine. “It doesn’t mean what we have is ending too, anyway,” she told me.

I waited for the feeling of contentment and happiness. But just before it finally dawned on me, I got a glimpse of the white house. All of a sudden, I felt blank once more.

Bipolar you, I told myself in annoyance.

“We’re here,” I muttered.

Joohyun smiled at me. “What are we going to do?” she asked as I pushed the gate open. The cold wind started to blow. I felt myself shivering a little.

“You remember the first time we came here?” I said. She nodded.

We both chuckled as our gazes fell to the house below ours. We surely remember how the landlady looked like when we first came to the place. “The dog was cute,” she commented. I nodded in agreement.

More memories came rushing in as we stepped inside. As I took off my jacket, I remembered out loud when she made ddoenjjangchigae for me. It was one of the funniest and most memorable things that happened to us because it was really great to know that Joohyun exerted effort to do something she doesn’t usually do simply because I asked for it.

Of course, the memory of us making kimchi will follow. That was one of the most fun moments too. As well as when we were visited by Ueno Juri, and when we shot the video of Banmal Song.

As I turned around, I noticed the colored papers stuck in the door of the refrigerator. Listed there are the things we wanted to doas a couple. Joohyun seemed to have noticed it too so we took a look at it and reviewed if we managed to do everything.

Apparently, there are still lots of things we haven’t done.

“Have you finished all the books I gave you?” She asked as my finger landed on an item which I, myself, had failed to do.

I looked at her guiltily. “There’s three more left,” I admitted.

She raised her eyebrows accusingly. “You haven’t finished them all yet?”

Books are serious matters to Joohyunand I didn’t want my lack of interest in reading to ruin our last night together in the house. So I diverted the attention and asked her to make ma for me.

But she was being adamant. “This won’t do,” she retorted.

I nudged her lightly, trying to be sweet. “What did you do?” she asked, still annoyed. So I moved closer to somehow.

Finally, she gave in and started making the drink for me.

As she busied herself with my request, I lied comfortably on the couch. I got the big teddy bear I bought for her earlier that night and propped my head on the arm of our yellow loveseat.

“I think I do this 80%-90% of the time,” I said, referring to the way I sat. Moreso, I said that so Joohyun would talk to me while making the drink.

It was honestly an uncomfortable position, but to be honest, it has become my favorite position whenever we’re there. It allowed me to stare at Joohyun’s back profile as she do what a wife would usually do for her husband. Even when she has her back on me, she was still so beautiful; and sitting there like that makes me feel like we’re really married. It really was enjoyable and fulfilling.

Joohyun  chuckled in agreement. “Do that all you want. It’s going to be the last time,” she muttered loud enough for everyone inside the house to hear. There was that ‘yo’ in the end again.

But what bothered me was the word ‘last,’ I felt like my world has turned grey once more. “Okay.” It was all I could say.

My girlfriend continued on making the drink as I let her last statement sink in on me more. The smile in my face gradually faded as I realized that that’s going to be the last time we’ll be like that. After WGM, nothing’s certain anymore. Although both companies promised to work on our schedules so we can be together, I wasn’t sure if we would be able to stay in a house with just the two of us. Looking at her as she made me that special drink is certainly close to impossible.

Suddenly, another emotion washed through me. Fear. I began fearing the future.

“Why aren’t you using banmal?” I asked in hope for distraction.

But Joohyun had to act cute in her responses; and so it made things more difficult.

“Ah, Seo Joohyun,” I called out in frustration. I couldn’t help it. It was really tough keeping up a happy façade when you feel like you’re being eaten up alive inside.

“Wae?” She asked without looking at me. I could tell by then that she was also feeling the same frustrations, but I guess she just wouldn’t let me see because it, after all, was her decision.

She poured the drink on our couple cup and gave it to me. I drank it willingly, knowing that it’s probably gonna be the last time I’m gonna taste that – well, unless we get to sneak out and meet after the program, right?

“Come to our dorm every morning and make this for us,” I couldn’t help but ask. It sounded like a joke but I was serious with the invitation.

“It’s too far,” she replied. “Move in.”

For a moment, I felt the world stop. If only I can, I wanted to reply. But then, I couldn’t. “Ride your truck,” I said instead.

***

As soon as we finished the drink, I stood up and headed to the bedroom. I jumped on the bed and rolled on the side close to the wall. As she sat down on it, I got up and faced her.  That very moment, I realized that all these time, we’ve never shared the bed together; and it was frustrating to know that I never had the chance to do that one thing which I’ve always dreamt of doing with her …

But of course, it was never too late.

“Let’s do what couples usu.lly do,” I insinuated. Joohyun raised her eyebrow in surprise, but even before she could react, I lied on my back with my head resting on her lap.

Yes, I’ve always wanted to do that.

Funnily yet sweetly enough, Joohyun began singing songs for me – even calling me ‘baby’. We stayed like that for a while until I saw something which caught my attention.

I then got up and picked a box from under the table. It contained the polaroid pictures we took when we planted gogumas, the mission cards we received throughout the whole year that we were together, and the first letter which I gave her at the ddokbbokki ramen shop.

We were laughing; but of course, we both knew that our hearts were breaking. We talked about more things before the PD informed us that it’s time to pack our things because finally, we’re leaving.

***

Honestly, it was very, very difficult putting my things in my backpack. My feet felt heavy as I moved around to check if there’s anything else I might have missed. The house will be brought back to its original state immediately next morning. Anything left will be thrown away.

The time Joohyun finished packing, I was sitting in the couch – my face blank. She came to me and patted me on the shoulder. “It’s time to say goodbye,” she whispered.

I stood up slowly and walked to where the switches were. She followed me closely. “Come on, Seohyun. We need to go home,” I muttered under my breath – forcing myself to say the words I never wanted to say. Turning the lights off meant leaving the house completely. Leaving the house meant we’re coming close to the end of the line.

My hand reached out for the switch. Then, there was a click and everything went dark. Immediately, I grabbed Joohyun’s hand to stop myself from shedding tears.

However, it didn’t help that Joohyun actually bid farewell to the room and refused to leave. “I don’t want to go,” she said. In her voice, it was obvious that she was struggling to stop herself from bawling.

“We have to go,” I retorted plainly.

That instant, I felt like the tables were turned. Joohyun asked for the termination of the program yet she was the one who didn’t want to let go. I, on the other hand, was the one who didn’t want to end, yet I ended up pulling her away from everything.

I could tell it was really hard for her to leave because she kept on looking at the house. She even bowed to it as we got past the gate. So as we walked to the car parked outside, I decided to lift her spirits up by presenting her the surprise I was supposed to show last.

“Get in,” I commanded her.

Somehow distracted (or forcing herself to be distracted, at least), she asked if she could put her things on the trunk. But, of course, I had to refuse. “Just bring it with you,” I told her as I opened the car door for her. Obviously confused, she just obeyed.

It’s time, I told myself as we both sat inside.

“Seohyun-ah, can you get my guitar at the trunk?” I began the plan.

Being the obedient wife that she was, she stepped out of the car and headed to the rear of it. I was looking at through the rear view mirrow, and when I heard her gasp, I took it as a signal to come out.

“Do you really think I’ll let you go that easily?” I asked, feeling proud of what I h.ve done. Somehow, the choding-ness in me began kicking in.

Joohyun was actually surprised. Balloons hovered from the trunk (although it was a pity not all balloons came out and I had to take them out). I also got her a bouquet of red roses. There’s also a letter there, which - I think - she appreciated the most.

“Please accept my heart,” I sincerely told her. And I know she knew I was referring to the whole ‘cool-off’ thing.

My girlfriend was speechless. So I decided to lighten up the mood. “I’ve never done anything like this before,” I admitted.

“Thank you,” she replied. “I was touched.”

The surprise never ended there though. I bent over and took something which surprised not just Joohyun but all the staff members too.

It was the pink guitar which we sw in Namwon – the one I wasn’t able to buy for her because I had no enough money back then.

Honestly, it’s the thing I regretted most for not being able to do for her. Since that day we went to music store together and I failed to buy tht guitar for her, it never left my mind. Although she never said anything, I could tell that she really adored it. So before we filmed our last day together, I rushed to the music store and bought it for her. 

Sure, I could do that even after the show; but I guess, I wanted the whole world to know that I remembered the special things… that Joohyun is that important to me.

I know the situation then was difficult. We were just a few hours away from ending our beautiful virtual marriage. But somehow, the pain reduced when I saw Joohyun’s smiles. It was relieving. It was rejuvenating. It w.s reassuring.

 “Thank you,” she whispered as her twinkling eyes met mine.

I smiled at her lovingly. Inside, I was fervently praying to God.

Please make time stop.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

LOTS OF YONGSEO MOMENTS (AND JONGYOON TOO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

GOODNESS I'M DYING AT EVERYTHING REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!