Seunghyun, do you know what's happening right now? Outside of me?

...No. No, I don't, because sometimes you're all I see...But why?

Oh, nothing. But that's really good to know, oppa.

~*

Hearing her great oak door slam right in front of me - and at the same reverberating her entire room, if not the entire manor - set me on ice as I stood frozen, my numb mind contemplating what Jinli just did, and what I was unable to prevent from ever happening...again. I promised myself I would never let such distress and betrayal come across her way again, if only to protect her already fragile self from more bad boyfriends and other heart-wrenching destruction, since she already had enough going on with her in terms of Seunghyun oppa's bouncing sanity/off-sanity moments. For a while, I succeeded. I introduced her to my own best friends Sohyun, Suji, and Jiyoung, and planned out so much events that soon, she became inseperable to all of them, finally not feeling so alone within this great, big, hateful yet also hopeful world. So far, after her first (and what I hoped to be last, but certainly isn't anymore) hangout there, it's been a year of peace and soundness, as she returned to her normal sarcastic yet sincere, dedicated self.

But then, Seunghyun and Bom just had to ruin it.

Jinli knows what happened back there...Doesn't she?

At least...Her body should remember. What I mean by that is...

She...

She got pregnant from there. At the age of 13. Back when...No, I would rather not talk about it. There's enough tragedy going on within the Choi family as of now anyway...

After that accident though, she claimed, and still does, that she just got a bit tipsy from a drink that she assumed was clear water but was really vodka, but that she was having too much "fun" to take notice of the sour, pungent smell, but I know by just the merest glimpse in her eyes that this truly wasn't the case. It wasn't at all, considering that her toes always unconsciously pointed towards each other whenever she lied. And, after some investigation (not to mention beating some of the group members up until they bloodily confessed the real deal), I found out that really, this dude named Shin Dongho from U-Kiss (a lot of idol members - a.k.a. stupid heads - attended there too, which was another secret way that Jinli had so much connection to the corrupted idol world) her right when she was about to lose her ability of being sober. That was how she still remembered everything so vividly (as I found out when I sneakily "came across" her diary one day), even in the next morning when she woke up with a start, her head throbbing like a hammer was slamming into her skull and her legs aching from the previous exercise. Seeing the maknae of U-Kiss next to her, though, made her so shocked and traumatized that I truly hoped she learned that getting into the bad parts of life just to escape some minor pain wasn't worth it. It just wasn't worth it at all.

But she must've forgotten through her brother's fresh new mess...

Biting my lip, I wondered whether I should run after her and still try to stop her, or at least accompany her (against my greatest will) just to see that she'll just drink champagne, not vodka, and still stay sober before dragging her here, secretly and away from the eyes of her majestic parents and still caring brother (yes, caring, no matter what distorted idea she might have of him now, thanks to his dead wife). Worried beyond belief, my mind and heart furiously debated with what could be a brand new danger for me too, but before I could retaliate I already found myself outside within the wet, clear atmosphere that was her estate community, feeling exposed and open within her large, large front lawn.

Standing out alone in this get-up, though, made me shiver as breaths of icy wind made me tingle from their touch, as they played with my hair and fiddled with my dress, coursing through my skin under the covers. For a few seconds I jumped on my heels (not exactly an easy feat) and gripped the side of my arms, rushing my palms up-and-down to keep the blood running. In the corner of my mind I knew that my outfit and makeup would immediately classify me as some sort of desperate hooker if I ever stepped foot into their gringy clubs all the way in Seoul, but it wasn't like I could change now. There really was no time. The entire while I was bouncing up and down, however, my mind hotly debated the following:

Should I?

Or should I not?

Should I?

Or should I not?

Before my mind could ever resolve to come to a solution, however, my feet already bolted across the pebbled asphalt, rushing towards whom or what I had no idea. I didn't even know how I could save Jinli once more from the heartbreak that she chooses to make just so that it'll overwhelm her and keep her occupied, but for once I gave up my entire being over to my heart, letting my heart depict what my mind could not.

~*

"THERE SHE IS!" my best friend (in this side of my world, that is), Bang Minah from Girls' Day (yes), called out within the dimness that was the streets of an evening in Seoul, smirking her ever-so-y smile as she sauntered over to me and gave me a great big hug. As usual, she immediately got rid of her duck-face, all cutesy image with tons of eyeliner and smoky eye shadow, her lips puckered up with ruby red lip gloss and cracking black nail polish gracing her elegant white fingers primmed up (very reluctantly) by years of forced piano playing. Before she broke out of her ranks and ran away to Dreamtea Entertainment that is. Girls' Day wasn't the biggest success in the k-pop world, she admitted early on, but she didn't really care at this point. As long as she could be away from her family and what her life has been like, she was content. Her only problem now was trying to come here safely and discreetly without maknae Hyeri clinging onto her arm, demanding where she would be going at such a time.

"Tch, finally ," T-Ara's  Jiyeon scoffed, grinning as she too pulled me into a tight hug, the softness of the fur on her leather jacket collar enveloping me warmly. Yup, famous cute Park Jiyeon. You could totally forget about her pure and innocent 'God of Study' image, for she really was nothing like that. Her scandal with former T-Ara member Ryu Hwayoung is just a small glimpse into her real personality, if anyone messed with her. Contrasting greatly to that of her teammate Eunjung who gaily attended my brother's wedding, she was fierce and mean, not to mention as tough as a rock, but really caring if you gave her a reason for you to do so. I didn't know how I ever won her trust, but she loved me instantly the moment she saw me.

After her, other girls from within our huge, black-dressed group took notice of me and echanged similar greetings, the many guys - both ones I knew or did not know - doing the same after, whilst various couples were scattered about. For a second, I wished Taemin oppa was with me just like how Yoo Seung Ho was making out with Jiyeon unnie only about five yards away from me, and Minah kept giggling with B.A.P.'s Choi Junhong nearby, but I reminded myself that there was absolutely no in' way he could ever find out about this. At least, according to me. So far, I've hidden our secret organization well. But it was only a matter of tme before everything would begin tearing down for me again, as usual...

However, my thoughts were put to a halt when suddenly, two warm, yet tough hands slithered arond my slim waist as our babbling progression began walking towards Seung Ho oppa's huge mansion. A warm breath then began whispering in my ear as his skin ventured about my skin-tight dress, as he said, "Hey, what's your name? I've never seen you before."

Resisting the urge to cringe - not to mention give in to looking afraid, despite how my heart was basically yelling for Minah and Jiyeon to come back and save me from this intruder, whom apparently they're already comfortable enough to leave me alone with - I gulped and replied, unable to force myself to turn around as his arms made a belt around my stomach, "Um...I-I'm not exactly an idol, but I'm the sibling of one."

"Oh?" he asked, turning around to face me. Under the dim lights, though, and the eerie silence that replaced our group's absence, I audibly gasped out loud at the sight of Infinite's maknae Sungjong standing right in front of me, looking charismatic with the dawning darkness obscuring half of his pale, V-line face. His hair was gelled and still red from old 'Paradise' promotions, one I have been an active follower of, despite my boyfriend's childish whines to be a Shawol and only a Shawol. Gazing down at me with those big eyes of his, he half-smiled as he looked me over and said, extending out a hand for me to shake, "Well, nice to meet you! I'm Sungjong, as you might already know."

I smirked, but grinned excitedly as I shook my hands, trying not to crumble down from my careless- demeanor (which basically meant not trying to jump up when he suddenly intertwined his fingers between mine), and replied, "Hi, Sungjong. I'm Choi Jinli, nice to meet you tonight."

"Choi Jinli?" he repeated, looking surprised before he grinned, making my stomach lurch for some unknown reason. But in a good way. It was a sweet distraction, not to mention an alluring temptation. "in'...T.O.P. sunbaenim's little sweetie girl?"

I frowned, before hissing, "I'm not some little sweetie girl, you in' ." I'm his suffering little sister, so please don't remind me of who I am and unfortunately always will be. That's the only reason I'm playing around with you anyway...

Noticing my tone, his grin expanded as he lifted up his hands in surrender, saying, "Alright, alright, chill baby girl, okay? But hey, we're lagging behind so, uh..." And this time, his arms circled about the lower part of my torso, his knuckles barely grazing the slight curve of my before he whispered onto my neck, his breath hot and warm, while his strong, husky cologne quickly became my brand new oxygen, "Why don't we catch up with them, but slowly? We have all the time we need..." 

"Sure," I murmured into his slick black blazer, as we finally let go of each other (well, more like he let go of me) and slowly walked towards our official headquarters, our pointless sweet talk and the quiet taps of our shiny, expensive shoes against the asphalt floor the only sounds made within the silence that was the night of this dark alleyway. Here, nothing could come at me now that I was defended under the blanket of darkness, where I was free to do whatever I wanted with whomever I wished and with whatever was at hand, unable to let humiliation and morals expose me within pure daylight of what I always seemed to do wrong. For now, I was free. The night generously left me some free time to have some more fun and erase the old scars of my tears, before the same pain would happen, in which I knew was to be very, very soon.

Just let me go for one day, please.

You don't want me to end up like my sister, do you, fate?

~*

What's your problem? Sungjong's voice still angrily rang in my ears and mind, long-after I abandoned him within that secluded, electronicly-warmed canopy bed in Seung Ho oppa's best room, leaving him hanging. My lips, now having lost the previous warmth that Sungjong's mouth has exalted upon, felt rubbed and raw as I pursued them together to keep them warm against the cold. The tight metal clasps of my bra were also digging into my back, hastily clipped back before Sungjong could possibly invade me again. What was more worse than any of that though, besides just being downright freezing cold during the time in which I knew was to be at least 3:00 AM, and experiencing minor pains, was that blood was trickling down from between my legs even as I was walking now, taking faltering footsteps against the hard gravel of the sidewalk, my stinging warm tears crackling upon the cold and frost of my face and fingers, my breath appearing as if I was smoking when really, it was my soul crawling out, dying to escape the confinements of its tortured body with every single breath. It's all over over for me, now.

I didn't know it would get this bad. Honest to goodness, I didn't. I guess vodka had stronger effect on me than usual. Later, though, once I began brushing my teeth, I found out that Sungjong thought it would be so funny as to slip upon my tongue an acid tab back when he first kissed me within the silent, warm, enveloping darkness that was the guest room, his mouth warm and pungent and sweet upon mine, his warmth inescapable and so tempting, but still so wrong. It hurt to realize that no matter where I went within the confines of this ghastly world - the good or the bad - there would always be consequences, and no solutions. No happiness, but only sadness, anger, regret, and shame upon doing the actions that you did, if only to escape.

Undeniably, I did wrong. I plunged myself into danger and got hurt from it, and am now crying about the consequences that I forced myself into even as I speak, my salty drops of bitterness splattering one by one by one onto the cold cement sidewalk. The aching warmth of my legs only made it worse as I vainly stumbled on towards home, each visible breath clawing itself out through my teeth, dying to escape my rotten soul.

Time passed slowly, with no cars around and only the street lights illuminating the path with their golden light. Due to the calm atmosphere, soon enough my tears stopped leaking out and my heart relaxed into a content beat, and the peace of the night started to slowly seep into my tired senses. My hunched shoulders let go of its tight grip, and I slowly drew in and out breaths as I sighted the familiar street leading towards my home amidst the darkness. Thankful that I didn't get myself lost, I eagerly bounded towards home...when -

"Mmf!" A handkerchief, followed by an iron grip, covered my nose and mouth, preventing me fromdrawing a single breath. Before I could do so much as try to bite back, another pair of strong hands behind me tied my hands together in strong, scratchy rope, instantly blossoming pain within my thin wrists. Opening my eyes from their tight squeeze, just my eyes looked around my surroundings, horrified that a buff, thirteen-member gang has suddenly surrounded me, the only visible part of them the whites of their menacing eyes. Even as I was scanning them, however, my eyes were starting to grow heavy and the edges of my vision were blurring, my breath draining out from me steadily every second. Due to the many singing lessons from Krystal in the past, my lungs were strong from all the breathing exercises she put me through, but I still knew I wouldn't last too long.

Panic bubbled inside my stomach, heating me up profusely as they inched nearer and nearer, disgusting smirks etched onto their faces. I didn't notice anything except the great black mass around me, preparing myself for a treatment a thousand times worse than what Sungjong put me through, and partly wishing that I could be back to the time where I was listening to Tabi oppa ramble on about Bom instead, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried not to cry when -

"ARRRGGHHHH!" a man, somewhere amongst the thirteen gurgled through the air,  as a thin black leg went hizzing past his head, knocking him to the ground. In less than a second, three more went down without so much as a breath heard, and what used to be chuckles were replaced by hefty groans lifted in the air. My eyes closing more and more, it was all I could do to lift my leg - which felt as heavy as a car - and kick my breath-taker in the you-know-where, making him hunch over with a yelp.

Free at last, I whipped around and staggered away after pushing the second man away, before collapsing upon the cold cement, valiantly fighting for more breaths before I would grow completely unconscious. Meanwhile, despite my own inward chaos, all around me, men were collapsing one by one by one, with no sound indicating as to who was saving me so valiantly.

It was only when a pretty, soft-looking white hand showed up in my fading vision, offering me a hand up, that I looked up towards my savior.