So Eun’s POV

I peeked open my eyes to see sunlight streaming through the café windows.

I didn’t want to move, as I was very warm and comfortable- the pillow was just right for me.

Plus, it was a Saturday… I could probably sleep in…

Suddenly, I felt my pillow move from behind my head.

Startled, I looked up- and saw WooHyun.

He was fast asleep and his long eyelashes were casting shadows in the wake of the morning sun.

But underneath his eyes were slightly dark bags.

How long did he stay up?

I remembered the aftermath of the kiss…

He told me he wanted to be with me…

And I remember crying and saying I didn’t love him that way… that as much as I wasn’t with him now, I could never replace Myungsoo in my heart and mind.

Ironically, Woohyun had pulled me to him and comforted me… Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

It was just a blur now…

I sat up carefully so as not to disturb him… and went towards the kitchen to get myself a simple breakfast.

It was only when I came back out that I saw Sunggyu at the window, dressed for work, as Saturdays open early, and staring intently at WooHyun sleeping inside the café, with my work clothes from yesterday neatly stacked on the ground a few feet away. (I’d changed out of my wet clothes, remember?)

Sunggyu’s eyes became slits when they met mine and I groaned inwardly.

.

Sunggyu, with fire in his eyes, tried to rip the café door open, but I dropped my food and yanked at my side of the door, to try to prevent it from opening.

We grappled with both sides of the door for a few minutes; both of us were turning red with the effort.

He’s so freaking strong! I dug my heels in as best as I could and gritted my teeth, but I could only last a few more seconds when the door handle slipped out of my hands.

Sunggyu literally flew backwards and onto the front porch of the café.

I took this opportunity to grab my now-dry work clothes, shake WooHyun awake, and dash out the side door.

I sprinted to the park I’d always slept at to change into work clothes and splash some water from the drinking fountain on my face.   

I sat on the bench for a short while afterwards, just trying to process what had happened.

I knew I was being reckless and careless of those around me, but something about WooHyun just drew me to him right now…

I closed my eyes and just tried to clear my head, but everything just stayed in there, buzzing loudly.

I had so much I had to think about… Prom, College, Parents, Home life, Job, Myungsoo…. I guess when I was with WooHyun; I didn’t have to think about all these things…

It felt like nothing had changed…

And with Myungsoo, I could feel the difference in me…

And I wasn’t sure if I liked the difference… I felt like I’d just gotten more serious and more selfish, rather than mature.

I hated being next to Myungsoo… he was everything I should be, and wasn’t.

But WooHyun and I were struggling together… Both of us were spending sleepless nights trying to figure out what to do with our lives… Both of us were trying to be strong… and failing.

I can be strong…I have to be strong…

I walked over to the nearest phone booth, and inserted six quarters like I did every Saturday morning. I’d never been successful but maybe today… maybe today I was strong enough.

“Hello, I’d like to connect a call to America.” I gave her the telephone number.

 “Please hold…”

And then-

“…Hello?”

Don’t cry. It’s just a voice…. Just a voice…

“Hello?”

Say something! It’s your mother on the phone. Tell her you’re okay.

My mouth opened…

“Hello, is anyone there?”

Mother… I’m not the daughter you knew…

“Is this… my daughter, So Eun?”

A tearful whimper escaped my lips, and I heard my mother start to cry on the phone.

Bitterly angry with myself, I slammed the phone back onto the phone box and just broke down.

What made you think you would succeed today? Huh? You’re not strong enough. You just made your mother cry because you couldn’t keep it to yourself. You’re making Myungsoo oppa hurt because you just can’t keep anything to yourself. You aren’t strong.

I was bawling, sitting like a baby on the floor of the phone booth, tears streaking down my face.

I’m just lost. What does this ing world expect of me? What are people expecting of me?

I finally stopped crying after twenty minutes and painfully picked myself up off the floor.

Hiccupping slightly, I opened the phone booth and stumbled outside.

I walked into the public bathroom and looked into the mirror.

I practiced my smile and I’m-okay face before I walked out the door and back to the café, where life hell was waiting.

Hae Young’s POV

When I got to the café, nearly everyone was already there.

The people who were not there, and therefore late, were: So Eun, Dambi, and unexpectedly, our boss, WooHyun.

“Where’s Boss?”, I asked my brother as I pulled on my apron and started walking to the kitchen.

“Hopefully dead”, Sunggyu replied in a flat, violent tone, not looking at me.

Startled by his menacing words, I turned back to face him.

“What did you say?”, I asked him, slightly frightened.

I may throw temper tantrums more often than my brother, but when my brother gets mad, he is furious.

“Nothing”, he replied shortly, his voice tense and his demeanor spouting rage.

I slowly backed away into the kitchen and started to set up for the day.

Sungjong walked in just then and asked if he could borrow some milk, which I obviously agreed to.

But as I handed it to him, I whispered to him, “Why’s my brother so mad?”

Sungjong leveled me with a flat stare and simply said, “If he trusted and told his friends anything, I would know. But he doesn’t, so I can’t help you there.” He rolled his eyes then and promptly walked out.

Worried about my brother, I set up the ingredients with my mind elsewhere- and promptly knocked over a small bag of coffee beans.

“Hey, be careful! What do you think you’re doing? Pay attention!”

A familiar voice scolded me from behind and I twirled around, completely ready to retort back when suddenly I came face-to-face with a bruised WooHyun.

There was a rip in his lower lip and a bruise on his left cheekbone. His left eye also looked slightly swollen.

My voice died in my throat.                                                            

“What?”, WooHyun challenged, defensive, and plainly realizing that his wound had shocked me.

I blinked and swallowed hard.

“Nothing”, I muttered and turned to pick up the coffee beans.

“Oh, and if your friend comes in, then tell her I need to talk to her, even if she doesn’t want to me after she talks to Sunggyu.”

Talks to Sunggyu? Wait… is my brother the one who made WooHyun like this?

“Hold it”, I said as WooHyun started to walk out.

He turned to me with a sigh, obviously impatient and reluctant.

“Why are you referring to Dambi unni as ‘my friend’? Isn’t she your lover?”

WooHyun just stared at me without blinking, as if he didn’t care what I had to say.

Fine. That’s their business… but one other thing…

“My brother did this to you?”, I said, gesturing at his face.

WooHyun nodded once.

“Why?”, I asked, astounded. My brother never resorted to violence. Only once in his life- when I’d been trashed canned and had all my stuff stolen by four boys in middle school.

WooHyun shrugged and said, “It’d be nice if he’d told me before punching me in the face several times.”

“Whatever, maybe he’s just crazy”, WooHyun said dismissively and started to head out.

I grabbed his arm and pulled him to face me.

“Don’t call my brother crazy. If he punched you, he must have had a legitimate reason why. I suggest you go explain the situation to him, as well as to your other friends.”

WooHyun ripped his arm away from my grasp before he replied sarcastically, with an awful smirk on his face, “What friends?”

I stared at him and I swear I saw raw pain deep in those emotionless eyes.

He looked away from me and walked out, slamming the door shut behind him.

The spilled coffee beans shivered on the countertop.

Myungsoo’s POV

It was Valentine’s Day! I woke up early to make a run to the florist and got a bouquet of lavender and yellow tulips- So Eun’s favorites. She can’t stand roses. I also brushed my hair and grabbed a nice blazer before leaving for work, running slightly late.

However, instead of finding her at the café, I managed to find her a few blocks before, walking to work. Hiding the roses behind my back, I tip-toed behind her sneakily. To my relief, she didn’t notice me until I tapped her on the shoulder twice.

She turned around and I pulled out the flowers, smiling brightly at her.

But when I saw her, my smile slipped a little, before I forced it back on.

Her eyes were rimmed red and her face was slightly splotchy. Probably no one would notice the difference, but I was so familiar with her face that I noticed right away.

Still, I held up the flowers brightly and cheerfully said, “I love you, Kim So Eun! Happy Valentine’s Day!”

 There was a moment of silence and I thought maybe So Eun was going to reject me but suddenly the flowers were lifted from my hand.

So Eun hugged them close to her and stared lovingly at the tulips. I thought I saw her eyes light up a little bit and some of the tired red around her rims were chased away.

I smiled in response and asked her, “Do you like them?”

So Eun looked up at me and said, “Yes, I love them. Thank you so much.”

She walked over to me and hugged me with one arm.

I felt a pang of sorrow at her touch and words that I never meant to say came out of me mouth, “Eun-ah, come back to our apartment. It’s too empty.”

So Eun suddenly stiffened and she drew away from me.

And I knew, too late, that I’d just broken whatever moment I’d managed to create with the flowers.

“So that’s the price, is it?”, So Eun asked me, her lip curling and her eyes defiant.

“Price?”, I repeated, utterly confused, “price for what?”

“Well, what I’ve learned, Myungsoo, is that with you, everything you give me has a price on it”, So Eun told me, anger clear in her voice.

“I’m sorry”, I said honestly, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Maybe you don’t feel it, then. Maybe it’s just me”, So Eun replied.

I stayed silent, wondering what I’d done wrong.

So Eun sighed deeply and then she said, without looking at my eyes, “It’s too burdensome to be next to you, Myungsoo. With you, I feel obligated to be perfect because I know you trust me and have high expectations for me. And it’s too much for me to deal with without that pressure. But at the same time, I want you to have high expectations for me. You’re the last person I want to pity me and look down at me. I want to be your equal, Myungsoo oppa, but I know I’m not.”

I could understand her words, but I wasn’t sure what that meant. I could sense a huge internal conflict in So Eun right now, but I wasn’t sure where I fit in there. What was I doing wrong?

“So… you don’t like me anymore?”, I asked. It sounded childish the moment it left my lips, but that was the most important thing for me to know right now. 

So Eun shook her head and replied, “That’s not it, oppa. I just… I just need some more time away from you, okay? To get my head straightened out.”

I hesitated and then I decided to say it. The words left my lips softly “With WooHyun?”

Her eyes flickered down and I could sense her discomfort, but then she asked me quietly, “You never really did trust me, did you?”

The answer to this question had never been simple, and I didn’t know how to explain it now. I sound there, dumbstruck, a million thoughts running through my head. And none of them I could express in words.

And so I did the worst thing possible: I stayed silent. Which was more of a “yes” than saying “yes” aloud.

“Myungsoo…”, So Eun said slowly, and her eyes met mine, “I’m not asking for a break-up, I’ll never love anyone but you… but I think we need some time apart. Let’s not contact each other for one month, and just… just…”

I just stared at her, completely overwhelmed by her, completely confused by her, and completely untrusting of her. I felt my eyes start to water as I thought What happened to us? and had to blink some tears away before I could look at So Eun again.

“Sorry…”, she said quietly, her voice breaking, and started to turn away.

Suddenly, she looked so small…so… hurt… so…

She’s running away from me. She’s afraid. She’s hurt… She’s…

I wasn’t thinking anymore. I didn’t know what to think. So I just acted.

I grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards me before I wrapped my arms around her. I felt something in me break down and I had to struggle to hold back the tears when I realized that So Eun was trembling in my arms. I closed my eyes to prevent the tears from falling. Were you hurting this much the whole time, Eun ah?

“Eun ah”, I whispered to her, holding her tightly, “Can’t you just trust me? I’m not trying to hurt you…All right, we don’t date right now… we’re still family, right?”
So Eun whimpered and she started to cry. I hugged her tighter to me, wishing I could do something for her…

“I’m scared”, So Eun told me through her tears, and the words came out broken and painfully, “I’m so scared… I can’t see anything in front of me…And I’m so sorry… to my parents, to my family, to you…”    

I felt a tear escape… Something deep within me hurt when I realized now why So Eun had been avoiding me, suffering by herself…. She thinks she’s to blame… for everything… and she’s just been trying to make it right for everybody. Eun ah thinks she’s a burden to me… to her parents… and she just tried to be strong for all of us…

She was still sobbing onto my shoulder, crying as though her heart was breaking in half.   

It was starting to rain softly, and as they gently pelted my face, I was thankful… for it allowed me to let my tears escape…

I held her close to me, placing one of my hands on her head to soothe her and protect her…

“You didn’t do anything wrong…so stop crying, okay?”, I told her, gently her hair. Don’t cry, Eun ah… Please.

So Eun, with a lot of effort, slowly stopped crying and just came to rest her head on my shoulder. Her arms were around my waist and she was simply staring out into the rain… and in my arms. I did the same, looking out into the rain and simply content with where I was. I wasn’t jubilant, not when So Eun was hurting so badly, but I was warm and at peace with myself… holding her in my arms again… being able to be there for her…

We had both calmed down a few minutes later and she lifted her head from my shoulder to look at me.

Her eyes were immeasurably deep, beautiful, and far clearer than they’d been this morning.

I smiled and carefully wiped any remaining tears from her lovely face and received a warm smile in thanks.

I bent down and picked up the bouquet of tulips that had fallen to the ground and handed them to her.

She took them, hugging them to her chest again before she took my hand and we walked down together to the edge of the lake at the very end of the park.

We sat down at the end of the pier on my jacket, just as it was beginning to steadily rain.

We were quiet for some time, just enjoying the utter simplicity of the moment when suddenly So Eun asked me, “Do you remember when we were little and we always argued over whether to eat patbingsu or ddubokki? You always liked the spicy warmth of ddubboki and I liked the refreshing coldness of patbingsu… We’d decide by tulip petals…”

She laughed softly, looking down at the bouquet of tulips that lay on her lap.

I smiled and gently pulled a tulip out of the bouquet.

“I want to buy So Eun patbingsu…”, I said, pulling off a petal and letting it slip through my fingers onto the surface of the lake, which was alive by the rain hitting its surface.

“I want to eat warm ddubokki with So Eun”, I said, pulling off another petal and dropping it onto the lake.

“I want to let So Eun see her parents again” I said next, and a third petal, one perhaps heavier than the previous two, dropped onto the lake.

“I want to…”, my voice died for a moment, but I calmed myself and continued, “I want to introduce So Eun to my parents…so they could see how beautiful she is…”

So Eun smiled sorrowfully at me, understanding my loneliness of being an abandoned child.

She reached over and plucked a petal. “I want Kim Myungsoo to smile!”, she yelled and threw the petal as hard as she could, laughing when it twirled back into her hair.

Smiling at her adorable clumsiness, I reached over and plucked the petal from her hair.

She looked up at me, her eyelashes wet with raindrops, but she looked so bright and alive and healthy.

My parents will never meet you…

I felt my heart close on me and I had to swallow hard. So Eun’s smile fell as she realized I was close to crying.

She took my hand, the one holding the petal and gently kissed it. Then she pulled open my fingers and held my hand over the lake, and the petal dropped along with the others, off to float to who knows where…

I looked at So Eun again and she was looking straight back at me, with her mature and patient eyes.

I leaned forward slowly, closed my eyes, closing the gap between us little by little…

Suddenly, there was a rustling sound and I felt something cold meet my lips.

I opened my ears and realized that So Eun had put the bouquet of flowers between us.   

I laughed, trying not to show how embarrassed I was by the rejection.

“I…um… I probably taste like coffee from the morning…”, So Eun explain, blushing crazily.

I laughed out loud, and then, upon seeing my watch and realizing, I said in shock, “Oh my god, Eun ah, we totally skipped out on work!”

So Eun gasped and then, both of us, laughing like crazy, got up and raced through the rain towards the café.

a/n: thank you for waiting. :]