He’d been my best friend for forever. I’d been his best friend before he’d taken to actually combing his hair every day, before he learned to rock out on the guitar like a pro, before he learned to skateboard fearlessly, before he learned to strike a pose against the lockers, before he learned how to ace the nation’s hardest exams.

            Kim Myungsoo. They called him the kingka of the school. And by “they”, I mean his little group of fangirls… Hmmph. Why didn’t any boys care that I played cello, and acoustic guitar? That I sang? That I actually shower everyday? That I can trip fearlessly down a flight of stairs, that the only pose I can strike convincingly is what is known as the “studying” pose (pencil thoughtfully resting against the chin, eyes slightly and curiously downcast, and head tilted to the desk)? That I was in the top fifty of the school’s students…

            I sighed, resting my chin on the guitar I’d been playing… The park was totally empty today. Well, it had been raining like crazy about an hour ago… I had taken cover in the gazebo between the two oak trees… the oak trees made for good shelter. But now sunlight was streaming through the leaves and the rest of the day looked to be perfect… Time to walk home…

            I slung my guitar over my backpack and was hiking across the hill (successfully getting my shoes totally muddy) when I heard a roar of laughter and the grinding sound of skateboards rolling across cement. I turned to look, although my heart knew already: it was Myungsoo and his group of friends: Sunggyu, Sungjong, Woohyun, Hoya, Sungyeol, and Dongwoo. In general, Myungsoo’s friends and I did not mix: the kingka social sphere and the nerd-like-but-not-smart social sphere don’t usually touch. The only exception was Woohyun, as we were sort-of friends. He’d once helped me pick up my things when I’d tripped down the stairs at school, and then he’d walked on me singing and playing guitar in the park a few weeks ago. I’d be so surprised to find him alone and talking to me that I’d actually sang a song for him when he requested it. I had been so shaky in pitch that I wanted nothing more than to face palm myself afterwards.

            They had clearly been caught in the downpour of rain an hour ago; all of them were sporting wet leather-jackets and sweaters, see-through white V-necks (I blushed here), and glistening hair. But they were all laughing anyways, clearly even the weather bowed down to them. I sighed: that was why these people were so enviable, because what is terrible for ordinary people only serves to make them more glorious. My eyes were on Myungsoo, who was pushing his wet hair out of his face with one hand and laughing at some joke one of his friends had just told,  for a split second before I turned my back on them, fully intending to leave them behind and  march home in my ugly, pathetic, state. But then I heard my name.

            “- Park So Eun. Seriously, Woohyun, why her?”

            I hid behind the tulips, banging my head with my guitar in the process.

            “Ow”, I whispered, holding my head.

            By the time I’d focused on the conversation again, I’d missed several comments from the other boys.

            Someone was now saying, “Dude, she’s not even smart.”

And then a voice I knew very well, said, “Seriously, Woohyun, she’s not worth it. Just leave Park So Eun be in her own nerd-sphere.”

            My heart dropped. Myungsoo, my best friend, said that about me? I stared at a drop of water on a tulip.

            “He doesn’t think I’m worth it…”, I whispered, heart-broken. That’s right, folks, in case you haven’t noticed by now: I’M IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND. Well, according to what he’d just said about me… very much OUT of love with the KINGKA of the school…

            I felt my heart sink…. Right down to the roots of the tulips below my feet…

            “Eun-ah?”

            Startled, I jumped up, effectively banging my head against the person who’d just called me by my childhood nickname.

            “Ow”, Myungsoo stepped back, rubbing his head.

            My heart was racing 5000000000000 mph. Did he hear me? Oh my god, when did he-? Where were the-?

            “Eun-ah, are you okay?” He’d unconsciously pushed his hair so that it was piled up to one side. It was covering one eye and slightly messy: y, unkempt, the way I liked it…. I felt  my heart rate speedup.

            I bit my lip. Was I allowed to be so fascinated with him when he’d just insulted me in front of all his “awesome” and “gorgeous” friends? Was I allowed to be honest with him when he’d just been too honest about me?

            “You’re really muddy. What the heck were you doing?”, he asked me, laughing easily. Just like when we were little kids. He used to point at me and laugh whenever I slipped and fell on my . Guess not much has changed…

            Except wait. We weren’t friends anymore, and I was in love with him. Or out.

            I tried to play it off cool. “Just… you know, um…”

            He smiled knowingly. I never really could lie to him… at least, about little things.

            “You have your guitar with you”, he noticed, and then he took it from me and slung it over his shoulder. I shouldn’t have let him, but he pulled it out of my grasp way too easily.

            “You haven’t been at my place for ages, come over now”, he said, and started walking away.

            My guitar! I reached forward to grab it from him, but I slipped and lurched forward, ramming the half of his back that wasn’t covered by my guitar.

            “God”, I heard him laugh again. “So clumsy.”

            I blushed a light shade of pink. That was what he told the other boys….

            “You need help? Come on, slowpoke”, he said, and with that, he used his free hand to grab my hand and pull me forward.

            I blushed scarlet.

            I just kept my head down, the anger, the hurt, and the protests of our friendship and his insulting me gone….   At least for now.

            It was all too soon when we reached his apartment. Yes, he lived in an apartment by himself. The one flaw in Prince Charming: his parents had disowned him at age sixteen…

            We entered and he gently set my guitar against the table. He still hadn’t let go of my hand… and then he did, and I felt the warmth leave my palm, then my fingertips. His touch lingered…

            “Stay here for a bit. I’m going to go wash up, so you can make yourself comfortable. Just take off your shoes first”, he said, pointing at the mud caked on my sneakers.

            And then, just like before, when neither of knew what “dating” or “relationships” were, he went to go take a shower. He went to go take a shower. That’s like asking someone to have erted thoughts of you… But then again, he didn’t really think of me as a girl…

            I heard the shower turn on. I pulled out my guitar to make sure it hadn’t gotten wet or damaged, and found myself strumming a few chords. I naturally started singing when I found myself strumming a song I’d written a few years ago… when I first… realized I liked… a certain somebody… a certain jerk.

            I was strumming the last couple chords absent-mindedly when Myungsoo walked out of  his bedroom. He was wearing sweats and a light blue shirt, and his hair, although dry, was totally all over the place, untamed.

            “Is that you plan on wearing your hair from now on?”, I asked him, my eyebrow raised.

            He ran his hand through it absentmindedly. “Think the girls at school would like it better?”, he asked me thoughtfully.

            I wanted to punch him in the face. Instead, I put my guitar away.

            “That was a nice song, that one you just sang. Wishing I could have you? Or something like that…”, he remarked, sitting on the couch, relaxed, with his hands behind his head. I joined him on the couch, as far away from him as possible, my feet on the couch, and my arms wrapped around my knees.

            “Yeah, I sang it for Woohyun”, I said offhandedly, testing the waters.

             “You did?”, he asked, sounding nonchalantly surprised. As if he didn’t care at all. “Is it about him? Or who’s it for?”

            Preferring to avoid that question, I asked him something that I wanted to address, something that would (hopefully) shake his composure, “Myungsoo, do you think of me as a girl at all?”

            “What?!”, he blurted out, startled. I was never this straightforward with my feelings with him. I was never girly about anything… Obviously, he didn’t think of me as a girl. He look surprised just considering the possibility now. Sheesh, was it so impossible?    

             “Or do you just think of me as not worth your time, a total nerd that doesn’t meet your expectations, stupid, and lame?”, I asked, starting to get heated up just thinking back to that moment.

            Myungsoo suddenly leaned forward, serious. He was so close to me, we were almost touching. He smelled like vanilla and a breath of fresh spring air… His breath tickled my cheek…

            “You were eavesdropping on us at the park today, weren’t you? You heard me say… certain things about you to the guys, huh?”, he asked me, somewhat accusingly. I could feel his piercing gaze.

            I didn’t say anything… my poor acting skills had already made it blatantly obvious that I’d been eavesdropping. Maybe if I’d just had the brains to lie back when he found me by the tulips… but I hadn’t been able to think of anything… and my brilliant mind wasn’t coming up with a believable excuse right now either… plus his intoxicating scent didn’t exactly help me think more clearly.

            So I went with the truth. “You said I wasn’t… worth your time”, I murmured. My eyes were downcast; I didn’t want to see his pitying eyes confirm his words…      

            “Eun-ah”, I heard his soft, pitying voice. It confirmed all my beliefs… my worst nightmares.

            “Okay”, I said as brightly as I could, even though I was witnessing my heart shattering to pieces, right in front of me. I sprung up from the couch, avoiding his gaze. “I’ll be going then, sorry for bothering you!”

            I headed for my guitar as fast as I could, but I suddenly felt myself being jerked back.

            Myungsoo was standing up now, and his hand formed an extremely strong clasp on my wrist.

            “It’s because… Woohyun likes you!”, he blurted out.

            What? “Woohyun… likes me?”, I repeated slowly, trying to make sense of it all.

Myungsoo nodded. My heart sank. “So, you, like any good friend, decided to warn him about me… about…”, I voiced my thoughts out loud, my heart sinking deeper and deeper.

            “No!”, Myungsoo said. He seemed to be struggling for words. “Woohyun likes you!”, he blurted out again.

            There was silence as I waited for him to go on.

            “I-I didn’t want him to like you. I-that-I was trying to… trying to…”, Myungsoo’s voice faded to a whisper as his words kept tripping over each other.  

            I stared at him, confused. “So… brotherly feelings?”, I asked, my eyebrows furrowed. Myungsoo never stuttered over his words. What was he trying to say now?

            “I was just- I was trying to convince him not to like you”, he said, finally something coherent. And then he blushed.

            “Why?”, I asked him, getting more and more confused by the second.

            “Because…because… well, because…”

            My heart sank to my . He was just trying to be nice now, just trying to avoid the truth. For the sake of old times… For all the times I’d let him cry on my shoulder because his parents had left him… His grip had fallen slack on my wrist, so I jerked my hand out of his grasp and went for my guitar again.

            Suddenly and unexpectedly, I felt strong arms around my shoulders hug me from behind, tight. I was pressed against a warm, muscular chest, and the smell of vanilla and spring air hit me like a wall….

            “Because I like you.”

            Come again?

            My eyes widened as I realized what he’d just told me, what he’d just confessed… he… Myungsoo… my best friend….

            “You.. like me…?”, my voice came out so hesitantly. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. He liked me? No…. That was impossible… Can’t be… Can’t happen… Snap out of your imagination, Park So Eun… that… Couldn’t…

            Suddenly, I was staring into the most brilliant brown eyes. They were sparkling with fervor and warmth.

            “Eun-ah, I like you…”

            And then it hit me.

            I didn’t blush this time, but I could feel heat smoldering somewhere deep inside of me. Some flame had ignited. A shooting star had lightened up the darkness in my heart. And it was forming into words, words that fell from my lips like rain from the sky:

            “Myungsoo, you idiot, that song is about you.”

            And then he smiled a fantastic and gorgeous smile, and his strong, lovely arms encircled me as he embraced me again, holding me against him. My heart fluttered like it was trying to fly. Stay in there, I whispered to it, I want to feel every bit of this hug. I smiled, closing my eyes as I leaned against him. Him. Myungsoo. My best friend. Who Loved Me. Apparently. (You smart-asses, why didn’t you tell me)   

            Well, I guess… I guess… I was in love with my best friend, after all.

Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RtxvzvRgyU&feature=relmfu