A couple of weeks have passed and Seohyun had pretty much adjusted with her high school life thanks to Kyuhyun and to his ever present sidekick, Changmin. It was so funny that everytime Changmin tries to approach her, he would always say that he had Kyuhyun’s permission. Contrary to what Kyuhyun told her, Changmin wasn’t that bad after all. He was always there when Kyuhyun could not accompany her to go to her favorite bookstore because of his various activities at school. Although she could not deny, he was indeed a ladies’ man.

For a while, Seohyun had also been the headlines of the school, an instant celebrity, being the campus crush’s friend. During breaks, girls will be huddling around her asking anything and everything about Kyuhyun like she knows everything, well almost.

Because everything has changed when one day, she was confronted by one of Kyuhyun’s fangirls. “Do you know that Kyuhyun-oppa is already seeing someone?” she asked.

“Seeing someone?”Seohyun parroted, looking as shocked as the fangirl.

“You did not know? Or are you trying to protect him because you re his friend? Don’t you try to deny it because I already saw him walking while holding hands with Seungyeon.”

“I don’t know.” Seohyun said softly. She felt her knees go weak and her eyes began to sting.

“Seriously are you really his friend?” asked the fangirl and that really hit her hard. She felt betrayed. She thought she knew everything about him. That was what she believed at first. She felt betrayed. They had made a vow that when a significant event happened to other, whether it’s positive or negative, the other must be the first one to know. She was really very disappointed.

Rumors spread like fire on the campus and from every corner, she could hear people in hushed conversations.

“I think they’re really seeing each other now. Do you think they’re already an item?”

“Well. Isn’t it obvious?”

“Seungyeon unnie’s so lucky.”

Seungyeon? Has she heard of that name before? She’s quite sure, she has heard of that name at least once before.

“Omo! They are here!” The girls rushed forward and Seohyun was pushed aside to the back of the queue of the curious fangirls. When she was starting to get squashed by the crowd, Seohyun started to force herself in and made her way to the front and then she saw it with her own eyes. Kyuhyun was walking arm in arm with the girl who confronted her on her first day of school. So she is that Seungyeon. No wonder, she had that kind of reaction. She could not blame her for being jealous. She got the right, anyway. If she were on that position, she would also hate seeing her suitor flirting with another girl.

Her eyes met Seungyeon’s gaze momentarily and she smiled to the younger girl’s direction as she held on tighter to Kyuhyun’s arms. She sent Seohyun a look that warned her not to come any closer to the person she already claimed as hers. In that game, Seungyeon was the winner and Seohyun was defeated one and she liked to stay it that way.

Unknowingly, a tear rolled down Seohyun’s cheek. She touched the wet trail of tear on her face. Was she indeed crying now? Another tear fell from her eye. Oh no, she couldn’t stop these tears anymore. But she could not let herself be seen crying like a mess now. So off she ran before somebody else notices. Before Kyuhyun could lay his eyes on her. So she sped off to the only hidden place she knew of.

----------

“Although I’m surrounded or followed by a lot of girls, I never entertained them, not a single one,” Kyuhyun justified. “Consider yourself lucky. You are the only girl I’ve ever entertained in my life.”

The only girl he ever entertained. Really?

“Lies.”

Seohyun said under her breath as she sat in one of the secluded spots in the library, hidden amidst the rows of long bookshelves. No matter how much she wanted to concentrate on the book in front of her, all that she was able to do was stare at it blankly with thoughts of Kyuhyun still running around her mind.

Why didn’t he tell her?

And the worse,

Why did he lie?

That was what really hurts the most.

Why did he have to tell her that? Why does he always make her hope? That, someday, perhaps, she could be that special girl. That she has that special place in his heart.  Why? She shouted in her mind as she slammed the book shut.  

She has never been hurt like this before. Is liking someone really heartbreaking? She leaned to the desk and sobbed. The tears that she held back on the scene before were now flowing incessantly. For a while, her soft sobs were the only thing that could be heard in that quiet corner of the library until she heard sound of footsteps approaching her direction.

Could it be him?

Could it be Kyuhyun?

Not him, please.

Not him.

She prayed hard for that person to not be Kyuhyun. He should not see her like this. She did not know what to explain to him. She might just spill the secret she harbored inside her heart. But it’s impossible, only Kyuhyun would know where she could be hiding inside this huge library. It’s quite impossible that someone other than him would be able to find her here.

“Joohyun-ah?”

She was mistaken.

She lifted her head and turned toward the voice’s direction.

“Changmin- Changmin-oppa?”

Changmin noted a trace of hesitation in Seohyun’s voice as she addressed him as ‘oppa’. But he understood that, all her life, Kyuhyun was the only person she addressed as ‘oppa’.

“Hey, have you been crying?” Changmin asked as he noticed the redness in her eyes and the wet trails on her cheeks. His hand reached to wipe the tears on her face but Seohyun pushed his hand away a bit harshly.

“How did you know where to find me?” Seohyun asked.

“Kyu-Kyuhyun—“

“So he also told you that? He told you that library is the first place to look for when I’m missing. He also pointed out to you this specific place. He really seemed to train you well.” Seohyun said with a hint of displeasure in her voice.

“What do you mean?” Changmin asked.

“That Kyuhyun-oppa trained you well to be my baby sitter.” Seohyun said with sarcasm. “Isn’t that the reason why you always join us in my first week here? You did that in order for you to get to know me and for me to get comfortable with you so that when Kyuhyun-oppa isn’t around, you’ll be the one to take his place. Well, I just realized it now.”

“What are you talking about? Where is this going?”

By this time, tears started to form again on Seohyun’s eyes. “Tell me honestly, the reason Kyuhyun-oppa is not available these past few days is not because he was occupied with school activities but because he was busy seeing a girl named Seungyeon.” Seohyun’s voice now began to falter. “Am I right?”

“You- you already knew?” Changmin asked. He could see the pain in the younger girl’s eyes. He was right. Seohyun would surely be hurt.

“So you also knew.” Seohyun took a deep sigh before finally breaking down in tears. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did not Kyuhyun-oppa tell me?”

Changmin suddenly became speechless in front of Seohyun. He did not know how to answer her questions.

“It will really be fine if he only told me. At least, I will never appear like a fool who never knew anything about my best friend. If he was worrying about me, kindly tell him that I’ll be fine on my own. I’m not a fragile princess who always needs a nanny by her side!” Seohyun wiped her tears and left Changmin in the library.

----------

“Seohyun knew already.” Changmin said over the phone. He was talking to Kyuhyun who escaped from the clingy Seungyeon and found his refuge in the male’s restroom.

“How did she react?” Kyuhyun asked.

“She was hurt so bad.” Changmin answered.

“I did not expect her to be hurt like that.” Kyuhyun replied.

“Dude,” Changmin told him, “you are friends since childhood. Of course, she will feel disappointed and betrayed that you never told her anything about this.” Changmin only stopped himself but he actually wanted to add, “Dude, come to your senses. Seohyun likes you.”

“Where is she now?”

“I don’t know.” Changmin answered. “She just walked out on me. You know what? I think you’re the only one who can answer your question.”

“Me?”

“Hello… you know her more than I do.” Changmin replied. “You’re the smartest person that I ever knew but when it comes to this, I would say you’re the most stupid.”

That’s right, intellect-wise, Kyuhyun was the most intelligent person Changmin ever met but with things like this, he swore his best friend was the biggest idiot. If only his beloved friend would get rid of the big wall of denial that he had built, he would surely see the answers to his questions.

-------

At the end of the day, Kyuhyun went back to that secluded corner of the library hoping that Seohyun will be going back here but she’s not there.  There was only one place left, the old treehouse, their secret haven.

It was already dark by the time Kyuhyun reached the playground where the treehouse stood. Only a single lamp post served as the light in the vast space. With a flashlight on his hand, he searched for the presence of Seohyun.

“Seohyun-ah! Where are you? Kyuhyun-oppa is here.” He looked in and out of the treehouse but he did not see any sign of Seohyun there. If Seohyun wasn’t there, he did not know where to look for her anymore. This was his only last resort.

“Seohyun-ah, if you’re just hiding now, please show up already. I know it’s my fault for not telling you and I sincerely apologize for it. I’m really sorry… that I hurt you. I did not mean to do that. I’m really sorry.”

If he only knew it would come to this, he shouldn’t have agreed to that condition. But what could he do to protect Seohyun? He knew that Seungyeon would always have her eyes on Seohyun and she would not cease bothering her. He just couldn’t leave Seohyun in that situation.

Unknown to Kyuhyun, the girl he’s looking for was just standing behind a tree, listening to his monologue all along. When she saw Kyuhyun arriving, she immediately hid herself. She did not want to the emotionally broken side of her. She wanted to calm her raging emotions inside before facing him.

“Seohyunnie… despite everything, I am still your Kyu-oppa.”

This last sentence triggered her tears to run down her cheeks again. Wiping her tears away, she gathered all her strength to show up and keep a straight face.

“It’s alright, oppa. It’s okay. If only you have told me earlier, it will be much better though. You need not need to treat her like that during the first day of school. You don’t need to drag her in such a way. I can understand her actions. If you only told me right there and then, I would surely understand.” The feelings started to get heavy again and it’s getting harder for her to breathe but nevertheless, she continued.

“If only you told me, then you wouldn’t have to lie.” Seohyun said. Kyuhyun creased his forehead. “Lie?”

You don’t need to lie just to flatter me. It’s okay if I’m not the only girl that you ever entertained. “Seohyun continued trying hard not to break down at that point.

“I did not lie, Seohyun.”  Kyuhyun replied in his mind. If she only knew the truth… If she only knew how much he wanted to counter all that she’s talking about, how much he wanted to tell her the truth. Because he simply could not bear to see her sad right now. However, she will be more hurt if he did not do this. He painfully remained his silence as he let Seohyun to continue.

“Who am I to keep rein on your love life, right?” Seohyun was able to muster a laugh. “I’m just your childhood friend.”

A childhood friend. That phrase echoed in Seohyun’s head and she felt like she just pierced her own heart with a dagger. It really hurts.

“I’ll be fine,” Seohyun said, pulling off a smile.

But she knew for herself, none of those were real. Her smile, it’s a fake one. Being fine, it’s completely a lie.

“I’ll be fine, really.” Seohyun said once again but the more she said it, it sounded more like she’s convincing herself instead of reassuring Kyuhyun. “You don’t have to worry about me. Besides, you have Changmin-oppa to take care of me, right. So you don’t have to worry about me. It’s totally fine with me.” Seohyun forced a smile and then she quickly turned away. The moment she turned her back against him, the smile faded and the tears began to fall. Without waiting for Kyuhyun’s reply, she ran away and left Kyuhyun with his outstretched hand.  

-------

Back inside her room, she pulled out a scrapbook diary from her cabinet, something that she just started doing not so long ago. It’s a keepsake of her most confidential thoughts and feelings. It’s an off-limits property of hers.

She opened the hardbound diary and flipped through the pages until she found a blank sheet and there she scribbled the words,

My First Heartbreak, I did not expect it to hurt this much.