Back to KAI's POV

I sit in my car and the first thing I realize is that I really need to change my clothes. How long am I even wearing the same shirt? So I have no other choice but drive back home. I think I still have the headache, I obviously drunk way too much last night... I look around and see all the empty bottles on the seat and yeah, I drank too much. I try to remember the last night while I drive my car. Oh right, there was an argumentation between Lay and Kris and I decide to write them a message to meet up later. I don't know how serious the thing is, I mean the offer thing that is going on between Ren and Kris and I honestly don't know what the big deal about it, since we are all in the same after all. Ren is selling and we are buying it. But his words were too harsh at some points towards Lay about the useless trouble and stuff and yet Lay is the one feeling guilty. Lay obivously cares for Kris more than he ever would admit, I mean the time when we heard that Kris landed in the jail in Japan he was almost going crazy even though he tried to act cool. He kept calling Kris' father and asked if there are any news. At that time he smoked way more than usually and took a lot more coke that he turned all pale. Kris and Lay grew up together cause of their fathers business together. Lay is more the free minded person, he acts the way he feels, but Kris is different, he goes strictly after his own rules and morals... and me? The thing is that I don't know much about myself, I am just here and there and most of the time out of place... somehow.  I stop by the red light and look over to the bus station with my sunglasses on. I wonder how it feels like to sit in a bus .and trust the driver, a total stranger, to bring you to your destination along with other strangers.

I arrive at home and thanks God nobody is around but just our maid. She gives me a shy smile and greets me when she sees me and I walk to the kitchen and get me a cold bottle of water and go upstairs to my room to change my clothes.


Kris POV

I shouldn't have agree to this meeting at first place. Why did I even come? Ten years passed by, ten years my mother being absent of my life and now she comes back and tries to get back her role as my mother. It makes me sick, it makes me, against my own will, remember things that I don't want to remember anymore. The day my mother caught my father cheating on her, in their own bed... The girl he cheated on her was about 20 maybe 21 years old. My mother left the house with me but soon enough she found another man and got pregnant. He didn't want me around. It was a choice between me or him and she choice him. She choose the man over me and abandoned me and sent me back to my father. She didn't even blink with an eye and sent me over... cut me out of her life. It makes me sick to think about all the time I've spent in my room hoping she would come and pick me up. All the nights with the loud music and women coming in and out in our house. It makes me sick to think about how I tried to find something to feel the emptiness in me, how I ended up taking all the in me... The reasons I've became the person I am today. But who the even gives a damn, at least not me. I don't want to remember any of them. My hands are shaking more than before and I just want to calm and drive my car to a parking lot. I take the envelope that Ren gave me last night... coke... I cut me two lines and turn the volum up of the song that is playing. I think about his offer... I am seriously not sure what I should do. It's like I am caught in a trap and for the first time I am clueless. No matter which direction I am going to take the outcome is not very clear. But the only clear thing is that I am done if I don't hurry... I start to think about last night while I lean myself down the seat and do the first line and can feel my body calming down. I look at my phone and there is a missed call and a message from Kai asking to meet up for lunch and then I think of Lay... and my words. Maybe I was a little bit too harsh to that kid but there are just things he wouldn't understand and that I can't talk about... and I don't want them to get involved in this issue anyway. man, how did I end up in this mess? Maybe I should really accept Ren's offer... .. this drives me crazy. I probably have to fill myself with the damn drugs to not feel anything if I want to be able to do the he is asking me to do... but maybe I could just try? Once? Oh damn what am I thinking, no man, I could never do this...Never. I'm gonna talk to him and just reject the offer. I am getting too nervous and dizzy again and I do the second line and wait a little bit till I am totally calm. I just sit in the car, listen to the song.

note: this chapter is really shot 'cause I was / am so busy lately but I just wanted to update to let you know I am stil writing the story. there will a lot more things goin' to happen and in the next chapters more EXO members will be in the story. Hope you still liked it :) COMMENTS ARE LOVE!