Your POV

 Tabi had just left and I tried to hold back the tears. Seeing him after all that happened was too hard. I couldn't face him nor speak to him. I knew nothing will be like it was before. Nothin will change either. All the resentment and frustration I held inside for all those years was pouring out now. It will be hard to recover our relationship. I doubt it will even be possible and besides... I think it's time to live my life for me. Not for him, for his good, for his comfort, no. From now on I will do what I want, go where I want and say what I want, and I won't consider him or put him on top of my priorities anymore. I have spent so many years on him, it's time to think about myself.

I was lost in my thoughts, so the slowly opening door startled me a bit. A familiar blonde-haired head peeked inside bringing a smile on my face immediately.

Oh, Daesungie! I smiled trying to hold back the bubbly feeling inside I get around him. My Daesungie, I missed you so much! Come here! I patted the free spot on my bed and he almost ran to me, holdin a huge bouquet of my favourite flowers.

White lilies for my princess. he laughed out, kissing my cheek. Yeobo, I was so worried about you!! I am happy to see you're awake! How are you feeling? He asked as he held my hand.

I'm sorry for making you worry. I...I just.. I don't think I'm ready to talk about all that now. I paused, averting my gaze from his face. He never got angry at me and he always knew how to comfort me. Daesung gave me the condolence I needed. Never judging, never pushing me away, but always there to pick me up when I'm down. He was my strenght, my guardian angel and savior and it saddened me, to know that I had let him down, that I had hurt him by trying to end my life - the life he had saved so many times.

Hey, don't get all sad. You're alive and you're smiling. That's enough reasons for a celebration. Daesung nudged my shoulder gently and pulled out two tacky paper party hats from his backpack. I laughed out loud, struggling against wearing that horrible thing, but Dae won and a few minutes later I was sitting in my hospital bed all geared up - party hat, heart-shaped, red glasses and a paper flower necklace.

When did you have the time to get all this? I laughed covering my face in shame when Daesung the video camera.
Oh, I borrowed this from coordi-noona, who had a theme party a few days ago. He explained, getting into bed next to me.
Now, let's greet all your fans, ____-ah. He said as he got comfortable with his hand around my shoulder.
Pabo, I have no fans!

Oh, then what about all the get-well cards, flowers and plush toys VIP's sent you?

Omo, really? I felt surprised, as I knew VIP's used to be cold to me. That is so sweet! I blushed as I looked at the camera Thank you everyone for the presents and greetings. As you can see I am getting better! Keep loving Big Bang and don't forget to take of yourselves, okay? Love you!
You did a cute pose and Dae laughed as you held back a giggle. Acting cute always gave you goosepumps.
Everyone, we are at ____'s hospital room. She is finally awake and to celebrate it, I am going to throw a mini-party for her. She is still weak, so she can't party much yet. Don't worry, I will take good care of her! Annyeong!
We both waved once again, before Daesung turned off the camera.
Now, I brought your favourite board game with me.So how about we play a around or two and see if you still have what it takes to beat me? He asked, roaming in his backpack once again.

You got it! I winked, preparing myself for more laughter and fooling around.

Tabi's POV

After driving around the city to calm myself I decided to go home. To our home.
For the past month or two I had moved out to live with Hwa Young and I left the house for ____. I only came around to pick up some stuff or when I was noticed that our parents will visit and I had to play the "we're happily married" card.

I unlocked the door and walked in. I didn't bother to turn the light on but headed straight to her work room. It was located at the back of the house - facing the huge garden with it's wall-to-wall glass windows and seperate exit to the terrace outside.

The dark house felt unwelcoming as I walked through the hallway. I got to her work room. The doors weren't locked so I stepped inside cautiously as if scared to disturb the peaceful atmosphere this place had.

It was as simple as usual, she didn't change it much. The bare white walls were covered with sketches, her favourite qoutes, random polaroid pictures and some of her own paintings. On the red couch situated in the middle of the room I found an open book, a dried-up flower laying between the pages like a bookmark.  I felt chills run down my spine just thinking she could be gone. She could be dead and she would never lay on this couch reading. She would never walk around this room, smeared in paint or glue, singing along to the songs on the radio.

This room was filled with her presence. I had a feeling that I will turn around and she will walk through the terrace door with a cup of coffee in her hand, dressed in her beloved "painting clothes" - old baggy jeans and a shirt that looked like something my grandpa wore in his younger years.

I sighed, taking slow steps around the room, looking at the sketches. A lot of them were of my face, or me doing something around the house, I remember getting annoyed by it. I liked to spend my time on the terrace or in the living room reading and she usually asked me for permission to draw me. I said no a lot of times since it made me feel uneasy, knowing she's sitting somewhere across, looking at me, drawing every little detail of me. After being rejected of the permission to draw me she didn't bother me. But looking at the cketches I realised most of them were drawed by memory. She knew me so well she could draw me without having me to look at...

I walked up to a big painting hidden behind a white cover. I lifted up the cloth and my breath got caught up by the beauty of it.

It was a self-portrait. She had painted herself in a wedding gown, but it was not the one she wore at our wedding.  In the painting she was sitting by a pond which looked just like the one we have in our garden. The gown looked simple, yet had what it took to show off her grace as the layers of lace covered her body frame and the green grass around her.

What fascinated me the most was how happy she looked. I haven't seen that expression in years - true happiness that sparkled in her eyes and played on her lips.

Was I really the one who killed the happiness in her? Was I really the one who selfishly destroyed everything in her that I used to like so much?

I decided to hang this painting in the living room so I picked it up and noticed a little note that was probably sticked to the back of the painting.

Even though many people left you
This song will forever be by your side
Even though all your friends left you
I’ll continue to stand here next to you

Baby don’t cry,
Someday you’ll shine, please give me your smile
Baby don’t cry
One more time, for me, just give me your smile

It was a qoute form Daesung's song, written in his hand-writing. Beneath the song qoute was a little message. You know, I dedicated the song to you, my friend. You just need to listen to it to regain your strenght when you feel sad, and I cant be next to you. Yeobo, just smile for me, okay?

So their friendship was so deep he even dedicated songs to her?! I guess I really let a lot of things pass by unnoticed.

I wanted to crumple the note, but I pulled myself together and sticked the note back to the painting.
Maybe moving it was not a good idea. Maybe she never wanted to me to see this..maybe this painting is dedicated to someone else. Someone who never made her cry.

I put the painting back and crouched infront of it, letting my fingers slide over her smiling face.

That's when I noticed that in the lower corner of the painting, next to the date it was painted was something scribbled.

One day love will find it's way back to me and I will learn how to smile again.

I recognised ____'s handwriting, but what she wrote made me feel a strange pinch in my heart.

What was the true meaning of this painting, Daesung's note and her own scribble?

Was this her dream of a happy ending? Wearing another wedding dress, marrying another man? Someone who loves to make her smile? Someone like Daesung?

I got up and quickly covered the painting. I couldn't look at it anymore without feeling kind of betrayed. Betrayed by them.

I left the work room and paced through the house, noticing how clean it was.

There are no flowers. I murmured as I looked around. ____ loved fresh flowers and she would always put them all around the house.
Now there weren't even wilted ones, since no one was here for so long. There wasn't even a single vase for flowers. So she knew she would kill herself and cleaned everything up before leaving? How could she be so calm an plan everythign to her last move? How could she, with a peaceful mind, clean up the house, make sure it's neat, then get into a car and go crash into a tree?!

Anger rushed over me as I screamed out, wiping a bunch of magazines off the coffee table.

How could she even consider leaving me all alone in this world? I hissed as I fell back on the couch staring at our "family portrait" hanging above the fireplace. A picture of us both at our 1st wedding anniversary when our parents decided to throw a little party. In the photo we looked happy and all lovey-dovey even though inside...inside our hearts we weren't happy at all. At least I wasn't, but what about her?

That's when I remembered the notebook. I roamed through my bag, finding the book soon enough.
I will read it all and I will know what was going inside that pretty little head of yours, ___ah...  I spoke to myself, getting more comfortable.

Hello, my dear subscribers! ^__^
The story is slowly progressing and soon things will get a bit more heated, so prepare yourselves!

Truly Yours,

Hotaru!