How I lost you.

I’m holding you back.

She became distant.

“Do you know where he is?” She asked her friends who were crowded around one small desk to have their lunch.

“I heard he was going to the teachers’ office to hand in a few forms,” one of the friends spoke up before joining back into the group’s conversation about their plans for the weekend. She walked towards the teachers office with a puzzle look on her face wondering what was going on.

“Are you sure about this?” She heard their homeroom teacher ask someone when she waited patiently outside the room leaning against the wall. Has he left? She wondered to herself if she was too late.

“Yes, my parents have heard my decision and I plan to proceed with it.” His voice was serious and determined when he spoke those words. She stood up straight in surprise.  

“Okay, well congratulations on become a trainee in SM. Remember to still study hard for your exams even if you are missing a few classes to attend theirs.” Their homeroom teacher and a few other teachers congratulated him. SM? When did he-? Many questions ran through her mind at once. 

If he’s accepted then was she just going to be in the way of his dream if they continue to be together? They would hardly have any time for each other and what happens if he meets a better suited girl than herself that is he trains with? What would happen to them when they finish high school? Which is less than a year away. Time was passing by quicker than she wanted it to. 

He said her name when he came out of the room, seeing her staring at the window in a daze. She turned her head and gave him a small smile.

“Congratulations for being accepted into SM,” her voice was soft and fragile as she congratulated him. A huge grin was spread across his face as he pulled her into a tight hug.

“I can’t believe I got in! I thought I was dreaming when I got a phone call from them.” He pulled back slightly so they could see each other face to face before he continued. “I’m sorry for not telling you, I wasn’t sure if I was going to get accepted or not and I didn’t want to disappoint you if I didn’t get in.” 

“You could never disappoint me, Idiot.” She tip-toed up and gently kissed him on the lips. As they headed back to their homeroom, walking side by side with their hands held together. He could sense something was different between them, even the kiss that she just planted on his lips back there was different but he couldn’t pinpoint on what it was. 

The next few weeks went by in a blur. He was busy bouncing back and forth between school and training in SM, while she watched in the sidelines unable to do anything to help him. Seeing him get stressed out about not getting the dance correct or having to study for a test that was on the next day made her worry overtime. Theres even been the time when they made no contact with each other: no text, call or visits because she knew that would only bother and distract him. At times when he manages to find an afternoon that he’s free to spend time with her, she’ll tell him to rest or make up a silly excuse so he doesn’t feel bad for not spending time with her.

“What’s wrong? You’ve hardly spoken to me in weeks and you don’t come to see me in basketball practice anymore. Have I done something wrong? Tell me and I’ll fix,” he spoke anxiously as she stood by the fence, facing the scenery knowing that if she looked at him she would tear up. It was selfish. 

“It’s my fault, I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to bother you or distract you from your training and study. Plus, you have many people watching you at practice so I didn’t think I was needed.” She could sense him thinking if he should say something or do something. “So I heard you’ve met some new friends in SM and that there’s some pretty trainees there too,” she quickly changed the subject. 

“No, you got it wrong! Nothing-nothin-” his eyes widened in horror as he reached out for her arm.

“That’s not why-I mean, I know you wouldn’t.” She spun around, seeing that he was in shock for what she had said. His hand was still lightly wrapped around her arm as she continued. “But...”

“No buts,” he said firmly, roughly knowing where she was going with the conversation.

“No, just-ugh. Never mind,” she slumped against him with her head resting on his shoulder and his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. At the back of her mind, she knew that someday, they would have this same conversation again and she will be able to get her point across.

It was the only way to let you go.

She started lying to me.

I’m in the way, she convinced herself as she ended another call from him saying that she was busy with study and that he should study too since their finals were coming up soon. He wasn’t too happy about it since its been two months since they properly seen each other or even talked on the phone. 

She couldn’t help it anymore. Since that day, more and more students found out. Girls would approach him in groups entering their classroom and when he’s at practice for basketball. She knew it was only going to get worse when he told her earlier in the week that he was going to debut with a five member group when he finishes his exams. 

Would I be able to be stay calm? Would I be able to hold back everything I don’t want to say? Would he still want to be with me after he debuts? The questions began to spiral out of control and she couldn’t take it anymore. 

I’m sorry. I won’t make the same mistake again.

I’ve made the worst mistake by letting her walk away.

Basketball practice was just about to end and many people were surrounding the high fence watching him play. She was at far back sitting on the hilly grass reading her books for her first exam next week. A couple of girls past her making their way down to the court and talking away. Talking about him then about her. Her body tensed up when some unnecessary things were being said but tried her best to ignore it. 

Practice had finally finished and everyone scattered apart from a group of girls, that include the two that walked by her, waited for him. The girls giggled and squealed around him as she slowly packed her books away and made her way down. The girls had left apart from one that stayed with him inside the court just as she walked up to the opening of the fence, she heard them.

She stop dead on her tracks and already, a tear had dripped down her cheek. Quickly, hoping no one noticed, she wiped it away and walked up to them.

“Hey, you ready to go?” her voice was calm but he could see it in her eyes that was tearing up in two deep inside. The other girl looked at her blankly for a moment before remembering what she had just done. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I thought-I’m sorry!” the frightened girl apologized before rushing off. Silence filled the air, as they stood there like statues under the cloudy sky that was slowly getting darker and darker. He whispered her name not knowing what he should say.

“She was right to think that I wasn’t your girlfriend anymore,” she laughed lightly that had a hint of emptiness in her words. “We barely see each other or spend anytime together for that matter.” He pleaded saying her name and tried to hug her but she wouldn’t let him. 

“I’m sorry, I think it’s best we end this. You’re better off with that other girl. I’ll see you in class tomorrow.” He winced, feeling the hurt in her words as she looked at him one last time with that gentle smile of hers before turning away.

“But I don’t-” he tried stopping her but she was having none of it. It was right for what the girls said about her, she thought to herself as she walked away letting the tears and rain mix together as they ran down her cold cheeks. She didn’t deserve him and he deserves better.

He tried talking to her the next day but she just avoid him constantly, at every corner, every room, the canteen and even on the walk home. His performance at his last basketball match dropped dramatically. All he could think about was her. He looked up at the crowd for the final few minutes and she was nowhere in sight. She’s really not coming, she's never coming back.

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So that's part 3 done, sorry for being a few days late >.< part 4 will hopefully be up sometime this weekend. Thanks for reading and please do leave a comment to tell me what you think :) I tried to put a bit more feeling to it but i still think its no enough to put tears to my eyes =/ ah well!