"Seulgi?" Joohyun called her roommate as she prepared a bottle of white wine for them to drink together with their takeout dinner. She thinks she really needs a kick of alcohol for tonight, even though that means she will finish all of the wine alone because Seulgi wasn’t that much of a drinker. She gently unscrewed the cork with the help of a corkscrew while she took a deep breath. "Can we talk?"

The said person is currently busy fishing out the takeout they just bought for tonight's dinner. The microbiologist doesn't even raise her head up when Joohyun calls her name earlier because she was too focused with the packs of food they ordered. "Sure. About what?"

Joohyun lets out a sigh as she brings a bottle of white wine and two wine glasses towards the living room. "About Seungwan."

Seulgi stopped midway when she was about to take out the last box of food from the plastic bag, looking at Joohyun to make sure she just said that. She scanned her face for a little while, spotting the tiredness that masked her face and an expression that shows she is in dire need of her opinion to know that Joohyun does mean it in talking with her about Seungwan. Seulgi let out a snort. "Took you months to start talking about her to me."

"Well, I didn't know this would be complicated," pouted Joohyun, taking the empty spot beside Seulgi on the couch after she put the bottle of wine and the two glasses on top of the coffee table. Joohyun immediately poured one for herself, and took a small sip of her alcohol because she really needs some right now.

She accepted her dinner Seulgi just gave to her, but didn’t immediately open the box because she doesn't feel like she wants to eat right now. Especially when something much more important than a simple dinner is currently bugging her mind relentlessly and not letting her to catch a break over it, nor even letting her breathe as much as she wanted. The more she thought about it, the more she got annoyed with it. 

Romance. Why does it need to be so damn complicated?

That's why she threw her arm over her eyes to allow herself to escape from the tiring situation for a brief while, before she unloads everything to her roommate. "I didn't know it would be like this."

"Eat your dinner first, Joohyun. I don't want my money to go to waste over an uneaten falafel," Seulgi scoffed with her infamous monotonous voice, and doesn't seem to care over the cry of help Joohyun just threw to her desperately. Joohyun can only huff defeatedly because it seems like Seulgi forgot they were also using her money in buying dinner. "Can I still watch Teen Titans while you are dumping your emotional stress on me?"

Joohyun sent her a stare that goes are you ing kidding me? towards her beloved best friend. But knowing Seulgi—and how aloof she is even after the stare—she gave her roommate her permission. "Yeah, you can."

"Cool," shrugged Seulgi, who didn't waste any time on the TV and started watching the show she wanted to see tonight. She waits for the opening to end by unpacking her dinner and putting the transparent lid on top of the coffee table, before making herself comfortable by sitting on her spot on the couch. "So, what's about Seungwan?"

"Well," started Joohyun, pausing a little bit because frankly, she doesn't know where to begin. The story is right there—at the tip of her tongue—but somehow she can’t get it out just like that and Joohyun doesn’t know why. Seulgi also doesn't seem to be bothered by it because she got fixated with the show once they are officially started, allowing her to have some time to make up her mind and be sure with the question she has been dying to ask Seulgi. "You already know that Seungwan is someone from my past and my first love."

"Yeah, you tell me that on the night you met her again for the first time," pointed out Seulgi lightly, like what she just said is only a mere fact and nothing else.

"Okay," grumbled Joohyun sourly, ignoring her soft chuckle. "No need to say that out loud."

Somehow this will be so hard for her to do, to tell Seulgi about what was happening between Seungwan and her for the past few months and asking her opinion about it. She actually doesn't want to do this—and if she does, that would be because she really needs a logical input into this matter, just like right now—but no one is perfect enough to slap her on the face with facts and rationality rather than Seulgi. 

"At first, I didn't really expect anything from our newly established friendship after a decade of being apart. Like, I don’t really hope that maybe I finally had my chance romantically with her, you know?” exasperated Joohyun, looking desperately towards Seulgi who was still putting her focus with the show playing in front of her. But she knows her roommate listens. Seulgi is always listening to whatever she says, even stupid remarks. “And as the time went, as we spent more time together, I started to feel like—things started to change between us."

Seulgi nodded, and Joohyun doesn't know if it was for her or if it was for the TV show currently playing before them because they already reached the part where things got a little bit serious. "What kind of change?"

"I don't know-" Joohyun stopped her sentence midway when Seulgi sent her infamous distasteful glare to her everytime Joohyun answered her question over what's troubling her with the annoying I don’t know. Seulgi thought that sentence as nonsense and a waste of time. Why bother telling someone when you don’t know about it? "Not that I don't know for real. It's just—safe to say it was complicated."

"Fine," accepted Seulgi, still sending Joohyun her judging stare before she glanced back at the bright screen in front of her. "What kind of complicated?"

"Well, you know I used to like her in the past, and she rejected my feelings because she said I was too young for a relationship like that," started Joohyun again, this time just trying to say whatever she wanted to say to Seulgi without thinking about it too much. this, it’s much better to get this done quick. "And when we met each other again, as we started to also see each other occasionally, I realized that after all this time I still like her.”

The microbiologist nodded again, taking her time in answering by taking a large bite of her shawarma. “So you thought that you are no longer liking her because you haven't seen her for like a decade. But as it turns out, you actually still like her because you are actually being ignorant with your feelings by burying it at the back of your mind. And what’s the problem with that?”

Her expression turned into something that screamed unimpressed because not even fifteen minutes after she started to talk with her, Seulgi was already slapping her with the fact Joohyun refused to hear. Nor she ever willingly wants to listen. “I’m going to ignore that attack you just gave me. The thing is, this feeling never stops, Seulgi. They just hid themselves somewhere inside my heart and when I saw Seungwan again, the feeling suddenly resurfaced and slapped me in the face with the obvious fact that no matter what I do, I will still love her.”

“I just told you that, but clearly, you didn’t listen to me,” snorted Seulgi in disbelief, her eyes still fixated on the screen while she comfortably eats her dinner.

Joohyun ignored Seulgi’s butthurt comments as she continued, putting aside her falafel to the coffee table in front of the couch. “And I'm trying so hard to not feel too much over the things she did to me, to not fall hard for her because I'm still afraid if I do something like that to her once again, we will grow apart for the second time.”

“Oh, so that’s why you are always the one being chased by other people to make you as their girlfriend, not the other way around. Because you are having a traumatic experience with heartbreak and being left out by the people you love,” Seulgi hums softly, acting as if this was a new theory for good research in the near future. Sometimes at night, she prays her roommate wasn’t as smart as she is right now. “And? Why are you afraid?”

“Because I'm not ready, Seulgi. I'm not ready for my heart to break into pieces because of the same person for the second time,” admitted Joohyun, finally being honest with her feelings and with herself. She bit her bottom lip when her brain made her remember about the thing Seungwan told her on their first meeting. "She also told me that she currently wasn't looking for someone to be by her side after her divorce two years ago. But I accidentally spotted her hugging someone in such an intimate way months ago, and they looked like they were kissing from where I stood. And the sight really pained me and made me sick—I realize I'm still not ready to get hurt like that again."

"It's probably just your feelings, nothing much," dismissed Seulgi lightly before her face turned into panic. "Not that I'm trying to erase whatever you feel at that moment but, perspective can be , you know?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean," nodded Joohyun, who honestly found herself agreeing with what Seulgi just said because ever since that moment, Seungwan has constantly confused her. “But lately, things suddenly started to change. The way she acted whenever she was with me, it changed. And it makes me disoriented and confused because I don't want to raise my hopes up but at the same time, I don't know why she did that."

They fall into silence respectively as the only voice filling the living room they currently share right now is the sound coming from the show Seulgi played on the TV. None of them voice each other’s thoughts nor even bother in making an effort to do so, as they allow the calm ambience to take over for a while.

She allows herself to relax after spilling everything she could to Seulgi. Joohyun decided to go back to her plate of falafel and finally take a simple bite of her dinner while joining her best friend in watching the TV show she currently watched.

Everything feels lighter now that she pours out the weight of her feelings to someone else.

“Do you mind if you tell me more about this Seungwan?” asked Seulgi after the first episode of the night ended. She put her empty plate on the coffee table and exchanged it with a glass of wine before relaxing back on her spot. “Like, who is Seungwan? What is she to you?”

“Well, apparently, she is the first and only person I ever like and I ever love,” answered Joohyun, pausing for a little while to finish her falafel before she continues. “She’s kind, smart, and passionate. Sometimes she’s a little bit annoying whenever she tries to tease me or to just annoy me. Sometimes she’s sweet whenever she feels proud over something I do even though it wasn’t that much. Sometimes she knows how to make me laugh without trying too much in doing so. She cares for me in her own way and always remembers the small things that I like. And I just like her."

Joohyun smiles to herself as she starts to think more about Seungwan. The way her nose scrunched when she tasted something that wasn’t her preference. The way her eyes sparkled like a milky way whenever she spotted her beloved shine muscat is having a discount in the aisle of a minimarket. The way her eyes shine when she makes a big smile. And the way she always laughed together with a group of strangers every time they laughed too loudly in a public place.

It's the small things about Seungwan that Joohyun cherishes within her heart, for her to keep and for her to remember even as the time passed by in their life.

Seulgi let out an understanding hum and didn't miss the daydreaming look Joohyun was sporting as she leaned back against the backrest of the couch as the TV played another episode of Teen Titans. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Have you ever realized that all this time you have been comparing your exes with Seungwan?”

The raven froze from the sudden question Seulgi just threw to her. She slowly turned her head to look at her roommate, even though the latter still had her eyes fixated on the TV screen in front of them. “Wha—compare? When?”

“Uh, everytime you broke up with them?” pointed out Seulgi like it was the most obvious thing Joohyun has ever done in her whole life. “Whenever I ask you why you broke up with your exes, your answers are always kind of the same. ‘Why did you break up with her?’ ‘Oh, there’s just no spark between us.’ ‘Why did you break up with her?’ ‘She’s not really my type and kind of ticking me off in the way she tried to impress me.’ ‘Why did you break up with her?’ ‘I don’t know. She rubs me off the wrong way.’”

She can only stare at her in disbelief before letting out a loud scoff. “I’m not comparing them with Seungwan! Besides, the reason why I broke up with them was certainly not because they are not what I was looking for!”

“Yeah, because what you are looking for is Seungwan,” snorted Seulgi along with a playful chuckle. Joohyun can’t believe she found this situation fun when she almost drove herself mad because of this alone. “It’s okay to admit that, you know? It’s not like I will tell Seungwan you are still madly in love with her when I don’t even know her.”

And the last sentence got her thinking. 

Now that she recalls the way she has been breaking off her relationship with other people, Seulgi might be right because of a certain thing. 

It’s not because they were rubbing her off in the wrong way. It’s not because she feels like she doesn’t click with her ex and it feels so useless to continue a relationship when the other side is not even trying. It’s because of a reason that sounds so simple in her ears.

Because they are not Seungwan, and they will never be Seungwan.

“, what have I done to myself,” groaned Joohyun in despair, covering her face inside her palms. All she wants to do right now is dig a deep hole and bury herself in it. “Of course everything will always end up with her. She is the only person I ever seriously like and put my feelings to.”

Joohyun gathered her knees on the couch and buried her face in it, trying so hard to make it look like she is finally stuck in the darkness with nowhere to go. Now that she has sorted out her feelings—and realizing that she is still deeply in love with her first crush and the feelings never gone in the past decade—it doesn't mean it will help her with the things she should do in the future. 

She can’t just suddenly come to Seungwan and confess to her that she still likes her after ten years of being apart. Even after she learned the new version of Seungwan—the more mature and more experienced Seungwan that makes her look ier, and it only made her fall for the older woman even more. And it does not help with the state of her heart that beats in longing for the said scientist with hot chocolate eyes and adorable smile, wanting her to be by her side forever and does not give a with the world they currently live in.

But feelings are never an easy matter. As much as she wants Seungwan to be hers, she is still afraid of the rejection.

The pain she had from the past rejection a decade ago was still as fresh as it was new. She still remembers the sting, the bitterness of getting the answer ‘no’ when she hoped for a ‘yes.’ The deep cut that permanently carved its way in her heart, constantly being opened without no one could even heal it except the person she longed her feelings for.

Her ears caught the sound of defeated sigh coming from her side, followed by a total silence as it seemed like Seulgi decided to pause her TV show for a little while. "Quit moping and look at me."

Joohyun looks up from her knees to stare at Seulgi. A deep pout already formed on her lips while Seulgi gave back her energy in an unimpressed expression, having a bad mood because Joohyun just ruined her night in watching Teen Titans in peace over something as obnoxious as romance.

"Now that I can't focus on Teen Titans anymore," Seulgi paused to let out a distasteful grumble, fixing her position on the couch to face Joohyun in a much easier way. She crossed her arms in front of her chest, the sign that she is finally serious with this conversation and Seulgi will not leave her alone until she gives her a satisfying answer. "That means I need to listen to your story. What was the change that happened in the way Seungwan treats you?"

"Well," Joohyun squirmed, finding the intense stare of Seulgi is a bit overwhelming for her to take. She is really determined to end this quickly just for the sake of watching Teen Titans. "Seungwan is someone who is affectionate and caring. But nowadays, everything she does feels like there is something behind it. Like, there is a secret meaning behind the gestures she gave me."

"Like what?"

"Last week, when I visited her place to help her baking a cake for her to bring to a farewell party, she wiped a cream off from the corner of my lips using her thumb and tasting it like what she did was nothing," explained Joohyun, recalling all the weird activities Seungwan did to her. "Then on Christmas Eve, she tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear and gave me a stuffed doll that she won from a claw machine. I know she's kind and all, but all of these are new for me. Especially because it's coming from her."

Seulgi nods as her expression morphs into her infamous thinking and observing face, trying to analyze everything Joohyun just told her. "Anything else?"

"It happened last month and I remember that day was so cold, I was literally freezing. I forgot to wear my gloves and Seungwan suddenly grabbed my hands and blew her breaths towards my palms and rubs them to make it warm," Joohyun muttered, recalling the activity that made her face that was already red due to the cold temperature becoming much redder because of the sweet act. "And she gave me her jacket for me to tie around my waist when we were visiting a mall together a few weeks ago because it turns out my pencil skirt was too short and she spotted a ert trying to take a peek."

"She sounds like a gentlewoman."

Joohyun let out a soft chuckle, finding herself agreeing with Seulgi's words. "She is. She is the most wonderful woman I have ever known, and she is everything I ever ask for someone I want to spend the rest of my life with."

Her roommate only looks at her long after the sudden confession Joohyun just told her, but there is no turning back. Everytime she thinks about the future, she can't help but to put Seungwan in every scenario that could happen years later. She feels like she can't live without Seungwan, and it has been her greatest fear for a while because she doesn't know what to do with this situation.

"What kind of opinion or feedback do you want me to give you?"

"The kind that doesn't raise my hopes up."

Seulgi hums while picking up her glass of white wine and finishing it all with a simple gulp. "Then there is nothing I can say to you."

She let out another groan, feeling so tired about this love she has for Seungwan that she can't sort it out in an easy way. Even Seulgi doesn't really give her that much help about this matter, and it's making her frustrated because at this point, she is willing to pay for someone to make everything look clear for her. "What should I do, Seul? I'm desperate."

"What do you want to do, Joohyun? That is the real question," Seulgi throws it back to her, doesn't give her a chance with the courtesy to at least be free from the binding rope of her own feelings just for a short several seconds. "Do you choose to just stay silent about your feelings and never admit it to her because you are so afraid of her rejection? Or do you choose to just dumping it all out on her, and don't give a if she rejected you or not?"

"I don't know," groaned Joohyun weakly. "Both of them sound like a complete hassle and I don't like it."

The microbiologist let out a weak sigh, and Joohyun completely understood if she gave up with this matter. But of course, it's not Seulgi if her roommate never does something that is surprising. She gently patted an empty spot beside her and cocking her head to signal Joohyun to sit there. Joohyun complies with the signal, scooting herself closer to Seulgi's side and leaning her head on her shoulder as her best friend looping her arm around her, pulling her close.

"Look, whatever you choose, I will always support you, alright?" started Seulgi as her thumb slowly her shoulder in the most gentle way. "I will be here if your heart breaks, and I will be here if you are happy."

"Thank you," whispered Joohyun softly, smiling on her clothed shoulder. "That means a lot."

"Besides, at least you already acknowledge the feelings you have towards Seungwan. And that is a quite big step for you to make," continued Seulgi in trying to make her feel better, and it's working wonders. "It will be much better if you just keep up whatever the thing is that you and Seungwan currently have together, even if it means you two stay as best friends. You might not have Seungwan in the way you want, but at least she will be there for you. Well, even though I will still be your number one best friend slash roommate."

Joohyun let out a chuckle from the joke Seulgi just threw to make her mood better. "I know, Seulgi. You will always be my number one best friend slash roommate. Thank you again."

She can hear her best friend grinned wide in pride. A similar smile blooms on her face when Seulgi leans forward to plant a friendly gentle kiss on her forehead. Joohyun lets herself melt from the platonic affection she currently gets. "Anything for you, sweetheart. Now, accompany me watching Teen Titans until my bedtime."

A laugh she lets out, but she lets Seulgi force her to watch the animated TV show because that is the least she can do for her best friend after dumping her emotional stress on her.

Maybe she still doesn't have an answer on what she should do with her feelings. Maybe she is still unable to decipher all the weird acts Seungwan did to her that just happened recently and always making her heart beat louder and faster than usual. Maybe she still doesn't know what she should do for their peculiar relationship.

But for now, she will let herself relax for a bit. After all, she used to like Seungwan in silence. There is no harm in doing it for the second time.

---

Joohyun looks up to the building in front of her. She can't help but to gape embarrassingly as she tries to process whatever is currently standing tall and rigid right before her.

She knows Seungwan must be a really brilliant scientist. She knows Seungwan must be working hard with her theory and trying to find a way to prove it. She knows whatever Seungwan is currently researching for is so important and resulting in her crush getting hired and paid by the number one research university in their country.

What she doesn't know is how important the research is. The building where Seungwan is working right now is literally the biggest building on campus.

Her legs cowered in fear as the people passing by her to enter the building looked like they were equally smart people like Seungwan. None of these scientists dressed like her, not even close to a slight fraction. 

Either they are wearing their lab coats over an animated t-shirt or a simple shirt and trousers for the day. Such a huge contrast compared to her appearance when she is in her sales attire, a simple black blazer and knee-length tight skirt in case she needed to flirt with the doctors to sell her medicine.

The grip she got on the long strap of her purse tightened, along with the clutch she got on the paperbag she is determined to give Seungwan today.

Because today is Seungwan's birthday, and Joohyun can't wait until night and all of them are free from work to finally give her the present she has been working hard on for the past two weeks to make it look perfect.

Seulgi has been the victim of the decision making process in what to give Seungwan for her birthday. She stayed up all night listening to her ramble about the list of stuff that has its own potential to be the best birthday gift Seungwan has ever got in her life. To listen to her worries and overthinking because she was afraid if it would make her look like she was expecting Seungwan to share the same energy on her birthday later or not, but at the same time she doesn't know what to give.

"Weren't you used to making handmade accessories in the past?" Seulgi finally opened , tired from listening to her worried ramble about Seungwan's birthday present. Especially when it’s already past her bedtime. "Why don't you just make one again for her now?"

What Seulgi just said to her got Joohyun thinking. 

Yeah, Joohyun used to make accessories in the past. It is one of her hobbies and one of the best stress relievers she ever got for herself. 

She will lock herself up in her bedroom whenever everything starts to feel too much for her to handle and make batches of bracelets, rings, and brooches for herself or for her to give it to her friends. She likes to make small things like that in her free time because it would cherish her heart by how cute they look.

So maybe the plan to give Seungwan her handmade accessories doesn't sound like a bad plan at all.

But Seungwan's birthday means it will officially be a decade and one year since she got rejected by her first love. She still remembers the gifts she got for her that she stores inside her box of presents. A bottle of perfume that Seungwan still uses until today, and a simple blue bracelet because Joohyun knows Seungwan loves something simple and blue.

Sadly, she still also remembers the pain from being rejected. The pain that hurts her to the point she stopped making accessories for years until she saw Seulgi struggling over it inside their shared dorm years ago. 

The smart and nerdy girl barely knows anything about crafting nor has a skill for making something that consists of threads and beads to make it look presentable. Yet somehow she got into a class for it, telling Joohyun that she would like to tackle everything that is served in front of her before she ultimately focuses on biology as soon as she has graduated from university. Joohyun—feeling bad when she saw her fingers got tangled with threads and there's a frustrated expression on her face—decided to help.

That’s when everything started to change for the better again. When Joohyun is finally able to live her life and once again, trying to open her heart for someone new to fit inside. As she starts to see the world again in the beauty of colors rather than black and white.

Only for her to realize decades later that all this time, she just hid her true feelings in the deepest part of her heart.

Joohyun exhales a deep breath before taking a huge step to enter the foreign building in front of her. She braves herself to ask the receptionist at the lobby about the direction and the whereabouts of Seungwan’s office in the university. After she got the guidance she needed, she took another deep breath then went up by the elevator to go to the floor where Seungwan is located.

Now, what should she say when she meets Seungwan in her safe place?

The sales rep totally didn’t tell the older woman about her plan in surprising Seungwan at her own workplace. Hell, she came to the university only with the knowledge that Seungwan works and currently got herself occupied with her research here, alongside a bag filled with her birthday presents.

As the elevator continues to bring her up, she can’t help but to start thinking that maybe this is a really bad idea. Joohyun should have learned from the last time she did a surprise to Seungwan—how surprises can end up so badly if she did not think this through. What if—when she finally arrived in front of her office—Seungwan wasn't there to welcome her? Or something much worse than that.

Seungwan is in her serious mode and Joohyun’s arrival in her office will only make things worse because she was disturbing her in her moment. And Joohyun knows how annoying it is for smart people like Seungwan to be disturbed when they are in their zone. She has handled the same situation with Seulgi before.

Sadly, the elevator just arrived at the designated floor when her mind came up with the worst thing ever. That means, there is no turning back anymore and all Joohyun can hope is that Seungwan will not be cruel enough to embarrass her in front of her genius colleagues.

She took another deep breath, trying to calm down the fast beating of her heart and wash down the anxiety that filled her nerves to no end as she took a step to leave the elevator. In the midst of her panicking, Joohyun still can recall the guidance given by the receptionist downstairs on how to arrive in front of her assigned office. She dutifully follows the mental path she was told as she goes through hallways and office doors, trying to find a placate that has the name 'Dr. Son Seungwan, Ph.D., Sc.D.,' on the wooden surface.

It doesn't take her a long time to finally reach her office. There’s a looking-through glass plastered on the wall, and Joohyun peeks inside. She is trying to find if there is Seungwan in the office right now or she is currently outside, doing something else.

There she is, currently having a discussion with the other scientists that probably works together with her for the research. Seungwan was standing in front of a whiteboard filled with mathematical equations, Joohyun didn’t understand one bit what it was about. She has long forgotten about physics ever since her high school graduation. Her facial expression tells Joohyun that the conversation she currently shares with them is a serious one, with Seungwan constantly adding another equation into the whiteboard or erasing it according to their talks.

Seeing Seungwan in her natural habitat brings another different warmth straight to her heart. To see her focused frown is for something she devoted all her life to, making her heart tremble in a peculiar way than usual. Seungwan turns out to be the type of person to discard her blazer in the office and rolls the long sleeves up until it reaches her elbows, making Joohyun unable to stop herself from falling to this version of Seungwan.

This scientist version of Seungwan that is ultimately y and smoking hot, Joohyun can’t bring herself to look away. Especially when she also tied her short hair into a simple low bun that exposed her gorgeous neck, and there are glasses that sit comfortably on top of the sharp bridge of her nose.

Damn, she’s down bad.

Joohyun was too busy staring at her love interest from the window, she didn't make any effort to tell Seungwan about her existence in her office. Not even a simple knock on the transparent wall to send her a signal.

That is, until Seungwan—who was in the midst of explaining something important to her colleague—glanced her eyes towards the window, and she needed several seconds to realize there is Joohyun currently standing behind the huge glass. She flashed her a wide smile, one that made her heart erupt into fireworks as she dismissed herself from her colleagues to greet her at the front door.

“Hi,” greeted Seungwan as soon as she opened the front door of her office. She is still sporting the same smile she gave her earlier, looking so happy to see her in her workplace. Joohyun let herself fall into her own delusion for a little while. "Fancy to see you here."

“Hi,” replied Joohyun back, trying to not sound awkward and not to sound like a hormonal teenager the second she caught a whiff of Seungwan’s perfume. A different kind than the one she gifted her a decade ago, but fits Seungwan just right. Joohyun started to think every perfume Seungwan decided to wear would be perfect on her. “Is it the wrong time to visit you right now? May I come in?”

“Of course it’s not the wrong time,” Seungwan chuckled lightly, stepping aside to give space for Joohyun to come inside. “Come in.”

The younger woman shyly steps inside the office Seungwan shared with her co-scientists. She sent them a greeting with a simple head nod while waiting for Seungwan to be back by her side after closing the door.

“What a nice surprise to have you visiting me here in my workplace,” started Seungwan, walking towards what Joohyun assumed as her working desk because she recognized a familiar blazer being placed right on top of her chair. She spotted the older woman nodding to her colleagues when they called her to dismiss themselves, before they left them alone in this room to give them privacy in interacting with each other.

But of course, Joohyun feels bad to be the cause for her co-scientists to leave. “Is it really okay for me to be here? I don’t want to disturb you and your friends in your research.”

“It’s really okay, Joohyun. Relax,” assured Seungwan with a laugh, finding this situation a bit funny for her liking. Joohyun can’t believe she even had the audacity to think of her worry as something funny. “It will be lunch time soon too, so it’s perfectly normal for them to leave us alone.”

“If you say so,” sighed Joohyun heavily, she can feel how her anxiety got less a little bit when Seungwan reassured her once again with a smile that it’s completely alright for her to be here. “Tell me what you are working on.”

“Well, we are currently making a Quantum Guidance System that we develop based on the theory my friend and I came up with about Superfluid Vacuum,” Seungwan started to explain in her calm voice, she makes sure to tell Joohyun in a much easier way for her to understand the research she is currently working on. “The Air Force is currently funding us for the gyroscope project with the university. That’s why I have been allowed by my company to get stuck here for a while. We even just found out that the system could be developed as a new type of communication. And right now we are currently trying to find a way to make it better too.”

Joohyun pretended to nod in an understanding way, which caused Seungwan to raise her eyebrow in a y manner from her point of view.

“You don’t understand what I just said, do you?”

“Lost you when you start talking about quantum,” grinned Joohyun brightly, and brought a chuckle out from Seungwan to not make her sulk about it. Joohyun may have not given a damn to the context of her research when she started explaining about the quantum system, but she does not stop listening to that charming voice of hers that she always used every time she explained something to her. “I stopped caring about physics as soon as I graduated from high school. That's why I took art in university.”

Seungwan only rolled her eyes from the defense Joohyun just gave her. She leaned back against her desk as she crossed her arms over her body. Almost making Joohyun drool because of how hot she looks right now. “So, what brings you here?”

“Well, guess what today is!”

The woman in front of her only staring at her long with a bewildered gaze. “What?”

“Really?” blinked Joohyun in disbelief. Is Seungwan so busy with her research that she doesn’t even have the time to know what day it is today? “Today is your birthday, silly. Happy birthday!”

“Is it?” This time, it was Seungwan who blinked in disbelief. With a thick frown adorning her gorgeous face, she grabbed the desk calendar decorating her working desk, fixed the position of her glasses and checked today’s date to make sure that what Joohyun just told her is right. “Wow, it is my birthday.”

“Seungwan, please. You just turned thirty five, stop being so forgetful,” groaned Joohyun playfully, to which Seungwan answered with a simple laugh. “Anyway, I brought you something for today.”

“Presents?” Seungwan exclaimed with such excitement in her voice, Joohyun can only laugh from such a reaction. She sounded like little kids who are being allowed by their mother to buy ice cream after doing their good deeds. Seungwan took the paper bag Joohyun brought with her, beaming at her like Joohyun is the only one who can make her happy like this. “Thank you!”

“You are already in your thirties, yet you still get excited whenever I give you birthday presents,” teased Joohyun, looking at Seungwan who was peeking inside the paper bag with adoration in her eyes. “What are you waiting for? Open it!”

It doesn't take Seungwan any longer to start taking out her presents from the paper bag. The first thing she took out was a jar full of mini chocolate chip cookies, the food she failed to bake when Seungwan tried to make cookies for the first time. Even when Joohyun already helped her in doing so that one particular day. The happy expression on her face turned into a deadpan. “Seriously? A jar of fully cooked chocolate chip cookies?”

“Stop whining and pouting like that,” Joohyun rolled her eyes, but there was a teasing smirk forming on her lips. “I know you like my cookies.”

Seungwan pursed her lips in defeat, finding that she can’t beat Joohyun in this fight because what she just said is true. She loves her cookies so much—by how she instantly finished a batch of her freshly baked cookies as soon as they were out of the oven—and Joohyun has been using it to her own advantage. The older woman ignores the annoying smirk plastered on her face and continues to reveal what were the contents inside the paper bag.

“Eye mask and chamomile tea?” asked Seungwan curiously as she scanned the small bag filled with the stuff she just said while raising her eyebrow.

“You told me the other day you have difficulties sleeping at night,” explained Joohyun sheepishly, the reason behind why she gave her that. She actually didn't plan on giving Seungwan an eye mask and a pack of chamomile tea for her present. But what she said that day got her thinking and slightly worried for her condition. “That’s why I bought you an eye mask to make you relax and rest your eyes after such a tiring day, and chamomile tea to help you sleep better.”

There is a grin formed on her face. “You know there is no clinical evidence that chamomile tea helps people sleep better, right?”

“Oh, shut up,” grumbled Joohyun, annoyed that Seungwan still can even protest and about the gifts she decided to give her. In fact, the older woman dared to laugh right in front of her face. “Just be thankful that I gave you presents when you yourself are forgetting your own birthday.”

“I’m just joking,” laughed Seungwan, before her mirth turned into the happiest smile Joohyun had ever seen on her face while putting aside the paper bag. “Thank you for these presents. I really like it.”

“Well, actually,” Joohyun bit her bottom lip, and Seungwan came back to look at her with a questioning stare. Her eyebrow got raised again for the second time, and Joohyun could feel the ball of nerves start to form in and choke her from saying the words she wanted to say. “There is another present inside the bag.”

Her eyes blinked silently before she peeks again inside the paper bag. Her hand rummaged through the bag to take out a small piece of something that looks like it was handmade. “What is this?”

“It’s a brooch. I made it myself so you will have two handmade stuff that someone made and gifted you with,” answered Joohyun timidly, escaping her eyes away from the mysterious gaze Seungwan currently gave her as she leaned forward to explain her gift further. She took the gift from her grasp as she took another step so Joohyun will be close enough to put the brooch at the collar of her shirt. “You can wear it as a sign of your ownership on your lab coat if you ever need to wear one someday. And to prevent your lab coat from getting switched with others because they look similar since they're made in the same white color and form.”

She was too busy putting the brooch on her collar for her to realize nor notice the way Seungwan is currently staring at her right now. The way Seungwan tightly grips the edge of her desk until her fingers turn white.

“In the middle of the brooch, there is an embroidery of a California bluebell, your birth flower. I looked it up on the internet and California bluebell actually has a great meaning,” chuckled Joohyun lightly, trying to suppress her embarrassment for doing research just to make her a present. “They symbolize humility, constancy, gratitude, and everlasting love for something you are passionate about. The things that I have always found in you ever since we met for the first time, and they never leave you until now.”

There was a big smile on her face after she was done putting the brooch on her collar. She patted the brooch gently, liking how it looks perfect in decorating her collar. 

"You are always the same woman who patiently taught me everything and never gave up on me, even when I treated you like dirt on my shoes in the first place," Joohyun chuckled from remembering about their first tutoring in her bedroom, tidying her collar in the process. "And I'm really thankful because you keep being you, no matter how bad or good people treat you. So thank you for being born into this world, Seungwan. I'm glad I met someone like you in my life."

Joohyun was about to pull back so she can let the older woman admire her brooch by herself when Seungwan prevented her from doing so by putting her own palm on top of hers. Her hand is so close to her chest, she can feel the constant beating of her heart inside her warm body. 

But Joohyun failed to notice how her heart started to quicken in pace.

There is also a familiar bracelet decorating her wrist. The blue bracelet that she made and gifted to Seungwan a decade ago, and the color fits to the brooch she personally made for her a few nights ago. She looks up to ask her why she suddenly does this when her breath got hitched from the heavy gaze Seungwan currently gives to her.

Seungwan is looking straight into her orbs, and it felt like she was piercing her soul just from her eyes alone. Overwhelming her with so many indescribable feelings that Joohyun couldn't decipher right now.

Not when they are sharing this intense moment.

The younger woman doesn’t know what to do besides staring back into her eyes, beside letting herself get drowned inside the pool of hot chocolate orbs Seungwan has. They don’t even bother to interact, only sending silent messages that none of them are able to read like an open book. Joohyun can feel her heart has already picked up its pace and beat so hard underneath her ribcage as if they want to be set free. As if they want to escape from the prison that is her bones because everything is unbearable right now. She even thinks they are beating loud enough to the point Seungwan can listen to them.

“Thank you for this. And for your beautiful words for me,” whispered Seungwan softly, she could feel her breath gently hit her face by how close they were. “I will wear this often, as much as I can.”

She doesn’t say anything to her words, not when Joohyun doesn’t know what to reply to her with. Especially when Seungwan slowly lowered her eyes to look at where her lips are, still with the same intensity in her orbs. Joohyun doesn’t know how her heart can beat much faster than they already are, but they are indeed pumping blood at such a quick pace when she realizes Seungwan slowly leaned her head forward. She still fixated her eyes on her pair of lips, even got the time to her red plump flesh to make it wet and glistening.

No way Seungwan is trying to kiss her now, right? There is no way her first and forever love is trying to kiss her right now. This is just a fragment of her imagination. It’s how her brain decided to play with her eyes by making impossible imaginary situations about things that will never happen in this lifetime. There must be a scientific explanation about this, and Joohyun knows this is just a mere hallucination.

But when her face becomes much closer, and the tip of their nose almost brushes against each other, Joohyun knows this is as real as it can get. 

Holy , Son Seungwan is currently trying to kiss her on the lips right now.

And her reaction is something when both of them don't expect for it to happen. Joohyun pulled back abruptly, stepping away from the privacy bubble of Seungwan as she cleared to get her composure back. And the older woman who was standing before her just blinked her eyes while her face went blank, too perplexed from the sudden pulling away reaction.

“Y-you’re welcome,” stuttered Joohyun, trying to be as coherent as she could after such an intense moment she shared with the woman she loves. “J-just wear it anytime you can.”

Seungwan continues blinking her eyes in silence, probably trying to process everything that just happened to her right now. She breaks into a chuckle eventually, flashing her a smile that makes the already red face of Joohyun become much redder by how sweet and genuine it was. How come she even acts like a normal person after a difficult moment like that. “But I really love it, though? Especially with the meaning. I didn’t know you thought of me that much.”

“S-shut up,” grumbles Joohyun, cursing at herself for still stuttering with her words. “I’m trying my best, okay?”

“I know. You always try your best, Joohyun, ever since years ago,” Seungwan chuckled softly, and it took Joohyun aback by how she really means it with her words just from the gaze she currently has in her eyes. She doesn’t know what to reply to her, nor it seems like Seungwan waits for one as she peeks into her wristwatch. “It’s already lunchtime. Why don’t you have your lunch here? The cafeteria has great food.”

“Is it okay for me to be there?” asked Joohyun cautiously, already going back to her timid self as quick as a snap of fingers. “It’s going to be full of scientists and I don’t want to disturb your time in having lunch with your friends.”

“Nonsense. You are not a disturbance,” snorted Seungwan as she put her gift somewhere hidden underneath her desk. “I eat together with my friends every time it’s already lunchtime. So, to have a change in companion is really a good welcome for me. Especially when it’s you.”

That last sentence got repeated endlessly inside her mind, and it makes the blush that was already gone from her face come back at such a fast pace. It’s not helping how she is still recalling the event that just happened seconds ago. Joohyun coughed to get her composure back, and to not embarrass herself more in front of her crush. “Fine, I guess I will have my lunch here.”

“That’s the spirit,” beams Seungwan happily, making a gesture with her hand to show her the exit. “Shall we leave now?”

Her eyes stare at the brooch she just put on her collar. “You don’t take it off?”

“Why should I?” replied Seungwan, as if her question is the most stupid question one can ask inside this research university. “You made this for me, and it’s my birthday present. Of course I’m going to wear this and show it in front of everyone. For your information, scientists like us rarely get this type of gift from someone. That’s why I will brag about this brooch to others as often as I can.”

Joohyun throws her head to the back as she laughs from the silly reasoning Seungwan has behind wearing her brooch to have lunch together with her. “You are so dumb. Let’s just go.”

Seungwan continues to flash her a wide smile as they leave her office side by side to go to the cafeteria and have lunch together. There are eyes on them because they never see Seungwan with someone like Joohyun before, but none of them care about the attention other people currently put on them.

Not when something much more important is currently sitting in front of them. There is no reason to look away.

---

OHHHHH THE TENSION IS SOOOOOO IM GOING WILDDDDDD

the reason why seulgi is so different here compared to her real life persona is because i wrote her based on sheldon from the big bang theory but a better version of him honestly. and this fic actually also kind of based on that show, especially with the quantum part.

anyway, please leave a comment and let me know what you think about this story! if you want to interact with me, you can find me on twitter (just follow, i will accept)! feel free to also buy me a coffee!

i think that's all from me. thank you for reading, i hope you enjoy and like this work, and see you in the next chapter!