“Are you serious?”

Joohyun huffs defeatedly as she reads the last text message from Seulgi over and over again. The words written in the last bubble are her best friend slash roommate apologizing for canceling yet another one of their weekly outings because she’s stuck at work over an incompetent colleague.

It’s been the second outing Seulgi skipped this month alone. The reason why she can’t go last week is because she was making positive progress in the research she’s currently doing, and she didn’t want to stop in fear that all the creative juices she has been trying so hard to get will be gone just from a cup of hot chocolate. It sounded like a nonsense joke from Joohyun’s point of view. But knowing how Seulgi never jokes about her research, she knew it was a serious deal for her.

Still, it is not fun for Joohyun to come to terms that she will spend another weekend by herself.

She starts walking down the busy pavement, kicking the pebbles dejectedly like a lost puppy. Even though Seulgi and her are roommates, they rarely spend time together outside of going to work with each other every weekday morning and having dinner with designated takeouts everyday—Seulgi makes a schedule of these things. 

Frankly speaking, she misses having fun with the microbiologist.

The research Seulgi currently busy with is for the good of the pharmaceutical company they both work for. If her best friend is successful in making new drugs for people to use, then her job is to convince doctors to use them.

It’s also because of Seulgi that she’s gotten this job as a pharmaceutical sales rep. So the most logical thing she can do right now is to let her roommate do her own work.

Joohyun lets out yet another heavy sigh, trying to find something she can do alone now that Seulgi has ditched her. She tries to find the list of movies currently being played in the cinema in case they have something fun for her to watch alone, but none catches her interest. 

A frustrated huff escapes her lips, and she is about to kick another small pebble out of her way when her shoulder harshly bumped someone else. The collision causes her to fall on her knees first onto the pavement, resulting in her phone slipping out from her grasp. Laid flat on top of the ground, Joohyun swears she hears a little bit of tiny crack coming from the screen.

She wants to scream, really. Her phone—which she bought with her own salary—is still three months old and now she needs to use the warranty just because she cracked the screen accidentally? 

But she is distracted with a blitz of pain coming from one of her knees. Joohyun cranes her neck for a quick look, only to find her alabaster skin being marred with ugly scratches and specks of blood. Although the wound isn’t that deep, it still gives her so much pain that has her yelping out of agony. She’s about to cry out a protest when the culprit beats her to it as they kneel in front of her, voice filled with honest worry.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry! Are you okay, miss?”

Joohyun freezes from the familiar voice greeting her ears and her eyes widening because she cannot believe what she just heard. The same sweet and comforting voice that haunts her ever since her teenage years due to her stupidity, which makes Joohyun never see her for ten years because of it—for being embarrassed after what she did and having her first great heartbreak.

Until today.

“Joohyun?” she asks, still in the same tone she knows too well. Still having the audacity to come back in her dream occasionally when she isn’t even thinking about her, as if everything is alright when it isn’t. “Joohyun, is that you?”

She gulps the clot forming inside , before braving herself to look up. Her pair of doe eyes is immediately greeted with the familiar chocolate orbs that has her brain suddenly reel her back to the bittersweet memory from years ago. Her teenage years which got colored in rainbow from the help of the person who is currently beaming in front of her. She looks so pretty underneath the shower of afternoon lights as she feels her heart ache for something she doesn’t even recognize.

Oh, she recognizes it well, even after all these years. Joohyun just doesn't want to admit it.

“Seungwan,” mutters Joohyun softly, hating how she notices her small smile growing bigger when she calls her name. “I—I didn’t expect-”

"Let's not talk about it right now. I need to treat your wound first," cuts Seungwan abruptly as her eyes land on the ugly wounds on Joohyun’s knee. Joohyun never felt that exposed from such a heavy stare before, even though it’s directed to her wound. "Can you walk? There's a pharmacy nearby, I can treat you there."

There are tons of questions swarming inside her head right now, and none of them are close to the topic Seungwan just asked her. How is she after the past ten years? Where did she go after their last encounter? Where did she live now, in the place that she calls home? What was she doing in the ten years gap of not knowing anything that is happening in her life? Does Seungwan ever miss her or at least remember her after the time when they suddenly grew apart in an abrupt way because of her own mistake? 

All those questions are already laid at the tip of her tongue, but nothing is asked. Joohyun instead gives her a nod, and with the help of Seungwan's strong grip, she manages to get back on her feet and let the older woman guide her in walking to the pharmacy.

Even Seungwan's grip on her wrist is still as strong as she remembered ten years ago. She still uses the same scented perfume after all this time—the white musk perfume Joohyun gifted for her birthday years ago. She still uses the same brand of shampoo, the fruity orange scent that Joohyun likes to about because it makes her hair smell like the child shampoo her sister used to use. 

As if nothing changes.

When Seungwan cleans her wound, she can feel the same care she gave for her several years before. The focus on her eyes as she tried to wipe away all the sands sticking on her blood-covered skin. The way her brows furrow when she pats the antiseptic on top of the open wound as if she wanted to make them meet in the middle, like how she used to do it every time she was in her zone. The blow of her breath to make the antiseptic dry faster before she puts a band-aid on top of it.

The small things about Seungwan that Joohyun still remembers and it makes her gut stirs in a weird way. Seungwan doesn't even notice the way Joohyun grasps the edge of the wooden bench she’s currently seated on tightly, refusing to get swooned with her kindness that is still her trait even after an excruciating ten years.

She still has the same effect on her after all this time. The same effect that feels like Joohyun got punched hard on her guts and knocked her breath out of her lungs.

"You really don't need to do this for me," sighed Joohyun after Seungwan put their order as she asked her to stop by in a nice cafe around the block supposedly as an apology after bumping on her shoulder, although it feels more like she was forcing her.

Seungwan still remembers her favorite order in every cafe she visited, almost like a habit at this point. A cup of hot chocolate along with a slice of cheesecake. She even asks the waitress if they could put several pieces of marshmallow inside the hot chocolate because she knows Joohyun adores the taste of melted marshmallow combined with a divine hot chocolate in her cup.

And Seungwan is painfully oblivious to the state of her heart right now, beating wildly underneath her ribcage from all the gestures she doesn’t expect from the woman in front of her.

Of all people, why does she need to bump into Seungwan?

"It's okay," chuckles Seungwan, sending her a stare to stop saying that it was actually her fault because Joohyun was walking while looking at her phone. Joohyun dejectedly pouts from the warning. "Besides, I love the idea of randomly catching up with you right now. It's been years since the last time we met, no?"

"Yeah," winces Joohyun abashedly, still remembering clearly of the stupidity she did that caused them to drift apart like this when it's the last thing she wanted to happen between the two of them.

The short-haired woman in front of her lets out another chuckle, obviously understanding the reason behind her wince. Joohyun completely hates how she is so casual with the last memory they shared when she needs years of overcoming and trying to wholeheartedly accept such an embarrassment and heartbreak in her life. "So, how are you, my beloved former student?"

Joohyun tries so hard to not shiver from the simple words of 'beloved'. She needs to play it cool in front of her first love right now, trying to prove that she got nothing to sweep her off her feet from being swooned with her sweet and gentle words. She is not affected in the least, and she will not let that happen. It's just a word, nothing else. "Great. Life has been rough at times for me, but the rest is great. I mean, those things are bound to happen in some parts of your life after all. What about you?"

Impressive in trying hard to play it cool, Joohyun. By answering her question in a nervous rambling.

"I can say the same thing happened to me," Seungwan pauses for a while to say thank you to the waitress politely after delivering their orders. And Joohyun tries so hard to not squeal because God, Seungwan's side profile still looks so damn attractive even after a whole ten years. The same side profile that makes her fall in love for the first time with the woman in front of her. "Life has been going up and down, but here I am. Still standing on my own two feet."

She gives her a nod of understanding as she picks up her cup of hot chocolate and drinks it all in one shot to swallow down the ball of nerves building inside . 

No one ever told her that meeting someone from your past randomly would be this hard.

"Still drinking your hot chocolate in one shot, I see," giggles Seungwan in that sweet, attractive, damn voice of hers. "Is it safe to say that I'm glad some parts of you didn't change years later?"

It's not safe at all, Joohyun wants to scream that in front of her face so bad. Because what she is doing right now is not good for the health of her heart, by still remembering the small things she always did ten years ago. It's been thumping so fast since their shoulders bumped half an hour ago, and Joohyun senses they will not beat slower until Seungwan is gone from her point of view.

And of course, Joohyun lies again. "I told you, it's nice to drink your hot chocolate in that way."

"I have tried it once and I still stick to my opinion," rebutted Seungwan with that damned smirk of hers. "You should try to drink it the way I did. Just savoring all the flavor inside the cup that was filled with the greatest goodness coming from the warm pool of brown, thick and sweet liquid."

Joohyun rolls her eyes after listening to her words, trying to ignore a small peck of chocolate foam sticking on her upper lip and pushing away the urges to wipe it clean using the napkin or even better, her thumb. "Not even an hour after we meet again and we are still stuck in the same differences. I'm going to stick with my own too."

The older woman laughs when Joohyun sticks out her tongue in a playful way after taunting her. Making her heart somersaults and the butterflies inside the cage of her soul found their way to be free.

"God, it really is been a while," laughed Seungwan before she takes a sip on her hot chocolate, adding up the speck of foam on her upper lip and Joohyun needs to grip her thighs hard to hold back herself from getting that damned napkin and wiping the foam. Thank God she doesn’t grab her knees or else, she will turn into another bout of embarrassment in front of Seungwan. "So, anything happens? Maybe like work, or a relationship?"

She almost chokes from a bite of cheesecake when Seungwan asks the last question, but she handles it well by faking a cough and silently cursing at herself for finishing the hot chocolate in one shot because right now is as dry as a desert. "Well, I'm working as a pharmaceutical sales rep in this company, and nothing on the relationship part."

Seungwan grants her a nod. "So, all those crying after I gave you hard questions for you to solve paid well, after all?"

"Shut up," Joohyun gruntles while throwing the napkin towards her face, Seungwan only laughs from the assault. "It's not my fault your questions were so damn hard! And I'm trying my best in solving them, okay? You were just not giving me a break."

"I did!" defends Seungwan in-between her laughs. "You just never accepted my help."

Now that Joohyun remembers, the reason why she never accepted Seungwan's help in trying to solve the question was because she was trying to make herself look smart in front of the older girl. And to save her heart from thumping too loudly and making Seungwan able to hear it because , has she said that her side profile is so damn attractive? And she smells nice too. Is it not good of a distraction for Joohyun?

"Enough about you making me embarrassed," Joohyun quickly dismisses the topic while Seungwan is still having a round of laughter with it. "What about you? Are you still tutoring high schoolers?"

"No, no at all. As soon as I graduated from college, I got accepted as a junior scientist in a multinational company. That's why I need to stop tutoring to focus on my new job and juggling my time between work and graduate school. Right now I got trusted as the lead scientist and am currently being paid by the university to do my research on quantum mechanics. So, safe to say I'm still pretty busy, with me focusing more on my research since the company is giving me a break in working for them," chuckled Seungwan lightly, as if her brief explanation about the things she has been doing in the past ten years wasn't that much. "But I do admit that I miss tutoring sometimes. Teaching kids like you about math and physics and sometimes other subjects."

"I'm sorry, what do you mean teaching kids like me?" Joohyun squints her eyes in suspicion while Seungwan's attractive smirk makes a triumphant comeback on her face, doubling how gorgeous she looks just from a simple gesture. She needs to strengthen herself to not stutter out her words as she continues. "I'm a brilliant student. My middle school era and my mom just at that time."

"Be careful there, young woman. If it wasn't for your mom, I wouldn't be your tutor years ago," reprimanded Seungwan as she takes a sip of her hot chocolate, which somehow makes her realize there is a foam building on her upper lip and using the napkin Joohyun just thrown at her to wipe it clean.

Would it be weird if Joohyun claimed it as her cleaning it by herself?

Joohyun doesn't know if it was a bad idea for her mom to hire Seungwan as her tutor back then when she was still a high schooler. Looking at their history, and the way things ended between them, it still feels like a bittersweet memory Joohyun sometimes caught herself recalling at random times. She loves all the time she spent together with Seungwan inside her bedroom and the cafe they sometimes visited to have a different surroundings as she taught her things. The only time she didn't love was the one last time they met each other.

The memory Joohyun has of Seungwan, she would do everything to forget it. But at the same time, she feels hard to let it go.

She wants to give Seungwan her rebuttal to not lose the argument, when her eyes catch something shining from the direction of Seungwan's hand. Her hazel orbs subtly land on top of her slender fingers, and she can feel her heart drop when her brain finishes registering the thing that caught her attention.

"You-" Joohyun pauses when something blocked her air tunnel from saying all the words. She clears while mentally preparing herself for the reply Seungwan will give her. "I see that you are married."

"Hm? Oh, this," Seungwan blinks, bringing her hand closer to her face as she inspects the beautiful silver ring with diamonds on top decorating her finger. She lets out a chuckle, a sad one, and weirdly Joohyun can feel herself becoming slightly relieved because of it. "Were, married. My ex-partner and I divorced two years ago. I only wear this just to drive away people in trying to hit on me. So far, it has worked like a wonder."

"I'm sorry to hear that," empathized Joohyun outside, while she celebrated inside because that means Seungwan is single. But her brain stops the parade when they remind her again that she doesn't want to get romantically close with people right now, thus ending the euphoria.

Just when she thinks she finally got the chance to mend things right.

"It's okay. We had our differences. I guess, no matter how hard we try to work it out, things weren't just meant to be fixed," dismissed Seungwan easily again, as if getting married and getting divorced is just another sequence in the circle of life. "And it's nice being single again. I can focus more on my research and my job now that I have made positive progress in both."

There goes her chance in trying out her luck for the second time.

Joohyun can't believe she forgets how passionate Seungwan can be about physics. She remembers how she really likes math and how she was so happy when she found an easy way for her to solve the equation. Sometimes she would teach Joohyun a formula to make it easier for her in tackling the high school level of math. As far as it is really helping her in getting the good grades, she always refused saying thank you to Seungwan for teaching her that.

Because Seungwan would give her a smile that was as blinding, even defeating the sun for how bright it was, and Joohyun didn't like the way her heart somersaulted whenever Seungwan gave her signature smile filled with pride over her student.

"So, pharmaceutical sales rep. I didn't know you had that in you to convince people to buy your stuff," continued Seungwan, changing the topic away from her divorce and the ring decorating her finger. She leans her body forward to listen to her story better, along with the eyes that look calm and serene, currently pointing their gaze at her. Making her shiver with tons of emotion in a good way. "You were never successful in convincing me to ditch coffee at least once."

"Excuse me, I'm good at negotiating and convincing people to buy my stuff," defended Joohyun while she pushed out her chest to look confident in front of her ex-love interest. "I'm always one of the people having the highest number of sales every month and I get good pay from that."

"And me teaching you biology does finally have an impact in your life?"

"Please, it was my best friend's job to make drugs that are good for people. My job is to only convince doctors to use and share them with their patients," scoffed Joohyun lightly, trying so hard to play it cool when Seungwan plays that card again where she flashes her a gorgeous smirk that has her legs trembling from being weak at getting the exposure.

Seungwan only laughs at her reply, but still keeps their gap as close as they can be when there is a small table in-between them. Keeping the two women separated, making Joohyun both relieved and annoyed from the gap. "Anyway, what were you doing before we stumbled with each other? I recalled you have this sour expression on your face as you keep looking down on your phone screen. Why? Suddenly getting ditched on a date?"

"First, it's not a date," corrected Joohyun, making Seungwan raise her eyebrow in amusement and the impact is not good for her heart because right now, the woman in front of her looks so damn hot. "Second, I was supposed to go outside with my best friend today, but she got locked up in the lab since she said the scientist responsible for today is stupid and can't be trusted."

She hums while nodding. "So you got ditched."

Joohyun rolls her eyes in annoyance, there is no winning at this argument she currently has with Seungwan. "Fine, yes, I got ditched. What about you? Seeing you wearing your wedding ring, I suppose you are not trying to socialize with people and hooking up with them?"

"I just want to have a nice afternoon stroll. Maybe stop by at a cafe and read a novel I'm currently trying to finish right now. Seeing where the surroundings will take me in this fine afternoon," Seungwan gives her a shrug before landing her eyes back on her hazel ones. That calm, serene gaze of hers that will always have an effect on Joohyun's sanity, no matter how long it has been since the last time she saw them. "And I like how they lead me to meet you again here."

She doesn’t say anything, not when Joohyun can only be fixated inside her calm eyes and being drowned in the warm pool of chocolate Seungwan offers with her orbs. The genuine smile is carved on her lips, decorating her face together with her curious eyes that no matter how many times Joohyun looks at it, they will always appear as undoubtedly gorgeous. Something that people don't deserve to look away from.

And she hates these feelings currently building inside her heart. Joohyun thinks she’s already buried it all deep in the secret compartment of her heart. All the memories and feelings Joohyun has towards Seungwan, already got locked inside and will never be resurfaced again. But now, she got her answers for that.

Because right now, the same euphoric feeling shows up again and Joohyun hates how she embraced it back like a long lost friend. Filling her with such warmth that it has been a while for Joohyun to experience, to feel and to be alive with it. 

All it takes is her finally meeting Son Seungwan for the first time ever since ten years ago. Safe to say, she isn’t ready for this.

“I guess I need to go home now,” whispered Joohyun softly as she started to pack her things inside her purse. She notices how Seungwan seems to be taken aback by the sudden announcement, but she also picks herself up again quickly as if Joohyun doesn’t see it. “My roommate promised to buy me dinner because she can’t come today. I shouldn’t be late for that, because she doesn’t like tardy people.”

“Oh, of course. Sure,” nods Seungwan in understanding, and follows Joohyun in packing up her things. “Do you want me to drop you off? I drive my car to go here.”

“It’s okay. I can hop on the bus by myself,” rejected Joohyun lightly.

“Really?” asked Seungwan once again with a raised eyebrow, far from being convinced with her rejection. “You can barely stand up by yourself because of your wounded knee. Also, do I need to remind you that you still need my help in walking from the pharmacy to this cafe?”

Does Joohyun already say it out loud that she hates it whenever Seungwan was right?

She ends up going back home with the help of Seungwan’s car, with Joohyun not knowing where to look as she sits on the shotgun. She wants to look outside, to watch all the cars passing them by or the small buildings who just opened their business for the day. But none of them is as interesting as the sight beside her.

The sight of Seungwan’s side profile and how her skin turns gold under the afternoon light piercing through the window. Looking like a piece of expensive art crafted by God himself, and Joohyun is a damn lucky woman to enjoy all of this by herself. How there is only one hand on top of the steering wheel, making her look so damn y with those focused eyes always sticking their vision to the road in front of her.

It feels like her former tutor just gave her another test, with Joohyun far from being confident in finishing it with a perfect grade. How come her ex-partner even has the audacity to divorce Seungwan, is something Joohyun will never understand.

“You have a nice place,” commented Seungwan after she was done helping Joohyun climb up three stories of stairs because the lift was out of order. Her eyes are currently swiping around the living room of her apartment that she shares with Seulgi. Letting the older woman explore the new surroundings while Joohyun makes herself comfortable on the couch.

“My roommate chose this apartment. She said she likes the place where she can think about her research calmly outside the lab,” sighed Joohyun, slowly laying herself on her back. “Thank you for driving me here. I’m sorry I can’t give you anything right now.”

“It’s okay. Considering your current state, it would be rude of me if I ask something from you,” teased Seungwan, pointing to the wound on her knee with her eyes. Joohyun rolls her eyes from the playful teasing while she laughs for being successful in making her pissed off. Seungwan takes a seat on the small chair beside the couch as she leans forward to close the gap she has with Joohyun, almost making the latter stop breathing because of the sudden closeness. “But, if you really want to give me something, then I guess you can give me your phone number?”

Joohyun raises her eyebrow from the smooth question Seungwan just asked her, before she breaks it with a chuckle and asks for her phone to type her number. “Fine, I guess I can give you mine. What’s yours?”

“It’s still the same number,” Seungwan replies with an indescribable gaze as she watches Joohyun type her number in her phone. “I never changed it.”

Her fingers suddenly feel heavier when typing her number, and Joohyun thanks God when she finds out she has already typed all of it. Joohyun takes a deep exhale of a breath, trying to calm the emotion suddenly rushing through her nerves, before giving Seungwan her phone back. “Shall I wait for your text?”

“Sure! It will be nice to catch up with you again,” beamed Seungwan brightly before she stood up from her chair and gathered her stuff on the coffee table. “I’m going to go now. Do you need anything else?”

She shakes her head no, and Seungwan gives her one last nod before she walks towards the entrance of her apartment. Joohyun prepares herself to give her a wave of goodbye, to thank her for the last time of the day and wishing her well on the road when the older woman abruptly stops by the doorframe. She’s about to ask why when Seungwan turns around and flashes her a smile so genuine, she can feel her soul tremble from the impact of a simple gesture.

“You know? I’m really glad I stumbled upon you today. When we were in the cafe, I realized how much I really like talking with you and how much I missed you,” Seungwan lets out a soft chuckle and widens her smile. “Thank you for wanting to interact with me again, Joohyun. I hope I’ll see you soon.”

That is the last thing Seungwan said to her, before she closes the door of her apartment and leaves her alone.

Joohyun grabs a pillow nearby and covers her face with it, letting out a scream after everything that has happened to her today. The scream she has longed to let out ever since her first meeting with Son Seungwan after ten years of never seeing her, only for her past feelings to be set free just from a simple conversation she shared with her.

She hates this. She doesn’t like how she learned that she never overcomes her feelings for the older woman she just met in a harshest way. She doesn’t like how she started to think about what will happen in the future and how she will never be ready if Seungwan decides to reject her again.

Another great heartbreak is something Joohyun doesn’t want to have a reunion with.

Her phone buzzes when she wants to let out another scream. Joohyun mindlessly fishes her phone out from her purse and checks who just texted her when she sees a bubble of messages coming from Seulgi.

best roommate ever:

Hey :(

I’m sorry for ditching you again

As an apology, rather of having a Thai food for dinner, I bought you spicy rice cakes :D

Are you home yet? Or are you still outside?

Don’t tell me you are currently watching a film in the cinema without me.

Joohyun:

Something weird just happened to me.

best roommate ever:

?????

Did something happen?

Joohyun:

Look, I know you wouldn’t believe this but

I just met my past

And I don’t like this feeling currently residing inside me

best roommate ever:

I’m on my way

Don’t start Star Wars Chapter 1 without me!

---

Joohyun was sixteen when she first met Seungwan, who was twenty three by then. She just got back home after her class when she caught her mother talking with someone that was far too young to be her friend. She wanted to ask when her mother beat her to it.

“Joohyun, I want you to meet Seungwan, your new tutor.”

She swore to whoever up there, that day, was the worst day of her life.

So what if she often got bad grades when she was still in middle school? She’s currently a high schooler, and her grades would change to good sooner or later. It’s not like it was impossible for her to do it. 

Sadly, her mother didn’t share the same sentiment and thought that it would be good for Joohyun to get as much help as she could get in trying to do better at school. That’s why she hired a college student to be the one who taught Joohyun personally about the things she learned at school, when she already got teachers for that.

It to do things you didn’t want to do originally, but Joohyun had no other choice. Either she accepted this, or her mother would do far worse things she didn’t want to imagine.

Her first weeks learning with Seungwan . She barely paid attention to the things she explained nor she gave a with her presence inside the bedroom. Joohyun chose to lay down on top of her bed and play with her phone rather than sitting beside Seungwan who had already laid down all of her lessons on top of the small table her mother prepared for the tutoring.

Joohyun thought she could keep this up for a year, because Seungwan never said anything about her lack of enthusiasm nor gave a protest because she didn’t want to learn. Not even telling it to her mother who always wanted to know if she did good in every tutoring they did.

All that changed when Seungwan gave her first commentary over her grade in a mockup test.

“Damn, I can’t believe you are this bad at math.”

That irked Joohyun to death, who was currently busy trying to beat a certain level in a game for her to move up to another hard level. “I’m sorry? What did you just say? I got a decent grade for the mockup test. It’s not that bad.”

“Really?” hummed Seungwan in an annoying way that frustrated Joohyun more. “Your problem solving in most of these equations doesn’t really show it for me.”

Her words got Joohyun sitting up on her bed for the first time ever since Seungwan constantly visited her in her bedroom for tutoring. She squinted her eyes towards the older girl sharply as she let out a scoff. “Blame the teacher for that. I did it the same way they taught me.”

“Man, I wonder how come your school allows a bad teacher like that to teach their students,” chuckled Seungwan, still sounding like a mockery for Joohyun. She was about to give her a protest when Seungwan cocked her head towards the small table and patted an empty space existing beside her. “If I tell you that I have a much better way to do this, much easier than what your teacher gave you, do you want me to show it and teach it to you?”

The offer Seungwan just gave her made her think. As much as Joohyun didn’t really care about her grades, she was also a competitive one in this kind of matter. To be the only one who solved the equations in her class in a much different and better way than her teacher? That got her interested.

With reluctance, she left her bed for the first time since the start of her tutoring and took a seat beside Seungwan, who got this -eating grin plastered on her face.

And the rest was history.

Turns out, learning with Seungwan was quite fun. She wasn’t as boring as her teachers at school. She always had this fun way in making her interested to keep learning and to keep riling up her competitive side. Sometimes teasing her when she did it badly and always laughing whenever Joohyun refused for her help in trying to solve the question. But the younger girl would back by saying that her shampoo she used smelled like the same shampoo her younger sister used, like a kid’s shampoo. Seungwan would only laugh at it, and let Joohyun about whatever she liked.

Sometimes she asked her to do the tutoring outside of her bedroom for the change of scenery, and introduced her to many great cafes that she found herself falling in love with. And sometimes, she also found herself having a talk with Seungwan outside of the subjects she taught her in the tutoring. 

Joohyun didn’t know when she started to wait for the days she would spend her afternoon with Seungwan. But everytime the day was about to arrive, she would go to bed with a full smile on her face and share a text with Seungwan about the things that happened in the school and the new stuff she learned there as part of the agreement with her. So Seungwan would know what kind of subject she needed to prepare for the next tutoring with her.

Certainly, she didn’t know when she started to develop feelings for Seungwan in a way that was much more than just a normal feeling students usually shared with their tutor.

She needed to admit, she did find Seungwan attractive when she laid her eyes on her for the first time when the tutor shared a talk with her mother in the living room. But when her annoying tutor turned into someone beautiful enough for her heart to beat crazily, she still didn’t know when that happened.

Maybe it’s from the way she taught her about the things she questioned. How her face would lean closer to her as she explained about the way things work with such a great amount of patience. She would not be angry when Joohyun asked her over and over again about the things she didn’t understand and always gave her a proud smile whenever she finished the equation Seungwan gave her in the way she was taught.

Or maybe it’s from the way she didn’t feel like her tutor at all. How Seungwan never treated her differently and always trying to have fun in-between the lesson just to cut the stress and the exhaustion. How they always threw occasional teases to each other, knowing that none of them would be hurt from the friendly banter.

But maybe, it’s from the way her hair framed her side profile perfectly as she looked at her whenever Seungwan was currently explaining to her about stuff. How the afternoon light would land on her face in a gracious way, turning her skin into this magnificent yellow hue that got her heart skipping a beat whenever she looked at her. How her brows furrowed cutely whenever she was focused on trying to explain the things she tried to explain to Joohyun in an easy way. How she would laugh when Joohyun grumbled because it was still hard for her to understand, and smiled at her brightly whenever she was successful in solving one, allowing her eyes to turn into a pair of beautiful crescents and buried certain seeds of something inside her heart because of it.

The kind of smile that made her heart flutter, and her cheek heating up due to a blush suddenly blooming on her skin.

She didn’t realize nor had a clue about this feeling currently building up inside her. It’s still a foreign emotion for her to process, considering maybe she just liked to spend time together with Seungwan whenever it was the day for her to have a tutor with her. 

Until her friends pointed out the changes currently happening with her. How she always looked so happy before and after she did her tutoring with Seungwan. The big smile that was guaranteed to be plastered on her face the next day after the time she spent with her last afternoon as if she was currently falling in love with her.

What her friends just told her got Joohyun thinking. There was no way she had a feeling for the older girl much more than just a student with her favorite tutor. She might be just liking the thought of spending time with her, and always waiting for the day of her studying time to arrive so she could talk with Seungwan face-to-face. She might just be liking how Seungwan was just so understanding with her and never pushing her to do things she didn’t want to do.

But none of them explained the flutters in her heart everytime Seungwan greeted her with a wide smile as soon as she arrived at her bedroom for tutoring.

Joohyun loved her tutor, and she was already too deep inside her feelings for her to escape.

Yet she chose to do nothing about it until the right time has come. She chose to keep her own feelings buried inside her heart and tried to act like usual in front of Seungwan after she realized the growing affection inside her heart for the older girl. Trying to act like anything Seungwan did to her was nothing, when it caused her heart to beat like crazy underneath her poor ribcage.

Until the day of her birthday arrived, Joohyun was determined to give Seungwan the best birthday present one could ever give.

She immediately made a plan about what to give Seungwan for her birthday two weeks before the main date. And she decided by buying her perfume with the scent that always reminds Joohyun of Seungwan, crafting a beautiful bracelet that she knew would go well if it was placed on Seungwan's slender wrist, along with a kiss on the lips.

A perfect surprise plan for the person she loved the most. Joohyun never thought it would become such a huge disaster in all years of her existence in this world.

"You surprisingly did well for today's lesson," praised Seungwan after they were done with the last syllabus of the day, math. "Is there something behind this? Are there any occasions? You never did this well before, should I be worried?"

"Stop being so silly for once," Joohyun rolled her eyes, such a contrast to the fast beating of her heart inside her chest. "Anyway, I know today is your birthday, so happy birthday!"

The suspicious smile decorating her beautiful face got erased with a more genuine, happy smile that Joohyun loved the most. "Thanks. I didn't expect you—out of all people—to remember when it was my birthday. No offense."

"None taken," dismissed Joohyun lightly while her hands rummaged inside the dark gap underneath her bed. "And I got you a birthday present!"

Seungwan blinked in surprise when Joohyun shoved the perfectly wrapped gift box to her, but she quickly got her composure back and masking her expression once again with a blinding smile. "Look, you don't really need to do this for me, but thank you. I really appreciate this, Joohyun."

A smile bloomed on her face as excitement took over her nerves, loving how so far Seungwan liked that she gave her a birthday present. "Come on, Seungwan. What are you waiting for? Open it!"

She rolled her eyes in a friendly way before doing what Joohyun just asked her to do, opening her present. Seungwan was being so careful in tearing up the wrapping but when she looked up to find Joohyun was impatient because of how slow she was, a laugh escaped from and she just tore up the present until she could see the box inside. She took a deep breath, looking at Joohyun who was signaling at her with her eyes to just open the present. Another chuckle she let out, before finally, Seungwan opened her birthday present.

"A perfume?" asked Seungwan as the first thing she saw inside the box of presents was a bottle of perfume. She opened the cap of the perfume and sprayed some of it to her wrist so she could smell the scent coming out from the bottle of fragrance. "This smells nice!"

"I was walking around inside a perfume store the other day to find a bottle of my own when I found this one. And when I smelled it, I just immediately thought of you. I think the perfume will fit you well perfectly," whispered Joohyun shyly, who can feel the blush blooming on her cheek again.

"Thank you, that means a lot. I will wear this," beamed Seungwan happily, putting down the perfume back inside the box as she looked inside if there was anything else being placed in it. Then, she found a cute blue lace bracelet with decoration of her liking. "A bracelet?"

Joohyun nods. "You know I like making embroidery stuff like this, right? So, I thought, it would be nice if I can make you something and for you to keep for a long time. That's why I made the bracelet."

The older girl didn't say anything, but she took the bracelet out from the box and immediately wore it on top of her left wrist. Only for her to find out that the bracelet fit perfectly on her skin, like a decoration that was meant to be there ever since the start of its making. "This is really beautiful, Joohyun. I really like it. Thank you so much for making me this bracelet. This is the first time someone ever made something for me."

Her heart levitated to the sky when Seungwan said the last sentence, but Joohyun did a good job in trying to keep herself stay on the ground. She let Seungwan take her time in checking her new bracelet before she continued. "Okay, now close your eyes."

Seungwan raised her eyebrow from the new instruction, and the gesture made her heart skip a beat. "Another surprise? How much did you prepare for me?"

"Just close your eyes first!" instructed Joohyun while rolling her eyes impatiently even though she was trying to make her heart beat much calmer since Seungwan sinfully raised her eyebrow. It was too good looking for her poor self to see.

While the latter only looked at her long before she put aside the box of presents and closed her eyes. She could see her expression that was filled with worry and waiting for what's about to come. Joohyun almost let out a squeal because right now, Seungwan looked so cute. "You are not going to do anything weird to me, right? Like, making my face look silly with lipstick."

"Of course not," assured Joohyun, before taking a deep breath to prepare herself. She could feel her palm starting to produce sweat and make her skin feel sticky. Cold beads pooling on her forehead as Joohyun slowly leaned closer to the girl in front of her. "Here I go."

Joohyun stopped herself when she was about to breach her privacy. Her eyes painfully looked down to the pair of red lips Seungwan had, inviting her to come closer. Then she looked up to find a calm and serene expression masking her beautiful face, as if to encourage her to just do it. No need to hold back when she was already this close.

So Joohyun did what she wanted to do. Kissing Seungwan's lips with her own.

Everything happened too fast. The kiss barely lasted for two seconds but everything became too much for Joohyun to handle. Her lips felt warm and soft, sweet and addicting. And Joohyun knew she would become such a nervous ball if she continued the kiss much longer, that's why she abruptly pulled back when her heart and brain yelled in protest for only kissing the girl she liked that quick.

Yet when Joohyun opened her eyes, she found a shocked and surprised expression covering Seungwan's face. Looking at her with wide eyes as if she was trying to comprehend what just happened.

The sight that made her levitating heart immediately plummeted to the ground.

"Did you-" Seungwan paused as she closed her lips back, wetting her dry mouth and gulping her saliva to drench . "Did you just kiss me?"

Joohyun gripped her knees tightly before giving her a nervous nod. She took a deep breath to calm herself down, and tried to not let Seungwan's reaction over her kiss disturb her and her determination. "Yeah. I want to confess today as the last surprise because Seungwan, I realized I like you more than just a student with their tutor. I like spending time with you, I like your smile, I like your laugh, I like everything about you. I like you, Seungwan."

She could feel the nervous feeling building up more inside her soul when Seungwan could only sit there and stare at her with shocked wide eyes. Her eyes blinked for a while to get her composure back before clearing . "Look, I appreciate your confession, and thank you for liking me. But I'm sorry that I can't share back the same feelings for you."

Her heart that was already dropped dead on the ground, got crushed until it turned into small bits that screamed pain. "Why? Am I not beautiful enough? Am I not smart enough for your type?"

"No, Joohyun, it's not that," sighed Seungwan, fixing her posture to become more sturdy. "If you want an easy answer, it's because you are a kid."

A frown bloomed on her forehead from the reason Seungwan just gave her because that sounds so stupid to her ears. "All of my friends said I'm emotionally mature for a teenager, I'm the adult in our group of friends. I can do things just by myself without any help from others, you have already seen it with your own eyes. And age is just a number for something like this, Seungwan. There are tons of people who dated someone much younger than their age."

Seungwan looked at her long before she broke into a chuckle, much to Joohyun's annoyance. "There is no way I can like kids. You are too young for this kind of relationship, Joohyun. You will realize it later."

She looked at her long, trying to search for something inside her comforting eyes and her orbs that reminded her of her favorite cup of hot chocolate. Yet she could feel her heart crumbling more into dust the more she stared at her, since she found nothing that resembled the same feelings her heart had for the older girl. One blow of an easy wind, all of them would be gone in one click of a finger. 

"Get out, Seungwan," whispered Joohyun in-between her gritted teeth. "I don't want you to teach me today."

"Joohyun, look, I'm sorry for breaking your heart and hurting your feelings, but I do this for your own good," apologized Seungwan with a sincere tone, carefully closing the gap with the younger girl in front of her. "You are kind, Joohyun. I know it because it's been almost a year since the first time I started tutoring you. You will find someone out there who shares the same feelings for you. I'm just not that someone."

"But I want you, Seungwan! Don't you get it?" screamed Joohyun in frustration, and Seungwan barely reacted to the sudden blow up of emotion. As if she was expecting one in the first place. "I only want you!"

"I'm sorry, Joohyun," sighed Seungwan for the last time. "I'm so sorry."

"Just leave."

Joohyun refused to look at her, who still had her eyes on her pathetic figure. She ignored her long enough for Seungwan to let out a heavy sigh before she packed her things back into her bag, and didn't even bother to let out any noise as she did so. From the corner of her eyes, Joohyun could see that she was also packing the presents she gave her minutes ago inside her bag. The presents that she knew Seungwan enjoyed before it got ruined by a simple kiss filled with hope.

"Thank you for wanting to be tutored by me. I enjoyed my time teaching you," Seungwan started as she stood under the doorframe, while Joohyun was still turning her back on her, refusing to look at her even for a second. "You are a brilliant kid, Joohyun. I hope you will do well in the future."

That was the last thing she said, followed by a soft click of the closed bedroom door.

Tears immediately fell from her eyes as soon as Seungwan's presence was gone. She gathered her knees and buried her face in it, trying to cure the absolute pain inside her heart after getting her confession rejected. Joohyun didn’t know it would be this painful, as if someone was wringing her heart until it was dry from any blood. 

Everything felt bland. Everything felt gray. Everything felt like it wouldn't change into something better, and she hated it.

She hated it whenever she felt pathetic.

That night, after crying all the tears out from her eyes, she came downstairs to inform her mother to stop using Seungwan's services as her tutor. Joohyun knew her mother would say no, that's why she gave her all the grades she has acquired ever since she started the tutor with Seungwan. Trying to convince her that she knew how to keep the good grades by herself, that's why she didn’t need anymore help from the older girl to get good grades.

Thank God her mother agreed to her plea. To prove her words, Joohyun worked hard to always get good grades in every subject she learned at school. Making her one of the students who got the highest grades as she graduated, allowing her path to become easier as she enrolled into a top class university.

Ironically, she got accepted at the same university Seungwan was enrolling when she was still becoming her tutor.

At the university, she also met Seulgi for the first time. The biology major was her roommate, and the kind of geeky friend who introduced Joohyun into a nerdy world of pop culture because Seulgi loved that kind of stuff. Everything that screamed Star Wars, Star Trek, superheroes, fantasy worlds like Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, Seulgi made her watch all of that and even taught her some of the languages like Klingon. She still remembered how some of her classmates would often ask her how she managed and was patient enough to live with a quirky girl like Seulgi.

But Seulgi was the only one who didn't bother enough to prod into her private life. She would be fine if Joohyun decided to talk about her romantic life with the nerdy girl, but at the same time she never dictated to Joohyun on what she needed to do with her life.

That's why she decided to accept Seulgi's invitation when she asked her to be her roommate again and live together with her after they graduated from university. Maybe Seulgi made a schedule on what they should eat for the whole week and was also quite annoying in forcing her to clean their apartment while she went to class in graduate school until she graduated with a PhD in microbiology. But other than that, everything went fine.

Her life runs perfectly. Nothing weird happens. She’s got a great roommate, a nice job with a nice pay, and does not give a damn about her romantic life. Everything's fine.

Until Seungwan suddenly comes back into her life. And Joohyun, for the first time in ten years ever since their last encounter, doesn't know what to do.

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THIS IDEA OF FIND AND REPLACE AND CONVERT IT INTO A WR STORY ARRIVES SO RANDOMLY LAST NIGHT... idk what struck me but in the end this is one of the story that i hold dear with me and i hope you also like it!

p.s.: i edited and modified some parts so yea there will be some slight differences but not really that far! plus, since this is basically an already finished story, i will upload the rest of the chapters every two or three days (yes, i can promise now bcs well, i basically dont need to write)

anyway, please leave a comment and let me know what you think about this story! if you want to interact with me, you can find me on twitter (just follow, i will accept)! feel free to also buy me a coffee!

i think that's all from me. thank you for reading, i hope you enjoy and like this work, and see you in the next chapter!