"The part of my personality I hate the most is ...

I can't be apathetic,

I can't do things halfway...

that comes also to the love.

I wasn't aware of it until I met her, YiSeul.

I was naive to truly believe this would last forever.

I gave her my everything... ah...how can I get out from this void?"

 

The thunder fell silent as the morning sun has risen. The swang in the wind grass hummed the melody. A lullaby for a still sleeping souls. The doors weren't locked. In the kitchen and sitting room, only silence breathed, distracting attention from the sadness which was still lying on the floor together with scattered chips, food and a broken bottle...

Whiskey bottle...

His legs were hanging helplessly from the couch, and his arms were covering his face. That's where Kyungsoo fell asleep...there was no point in going upstairs. The bedding in the bedroom was reminding of her too much... Every corner in this house did.The void in his head created in the last few hours was keeping him sane, and at the same time cutting off the reality supply. He moved one arm off his face, staying still in the same position. Dark circles under his wide-open eyes were telling about every second of the heartbreaking story he experienced. Red and swollen eyes were shouting about the litres of tears shedded.

...the scattered chips on the floor. Hopefully, he hadn't damaged the TV... Wet stain after throwing the glass with orange juice...it's probably sticky...needs to be washed properly... white food containers after take away were lying near the couch on the left side...oh...the pieces of food were still inside. Now they are covering part of the white carpet...it needs to be washed too...

He rose from the couch and moved slowly to the kitchen. The feeling of hangover was painted on his face, even though he wasn't drinking much. That was more of the damage made by overwhelming emotions. The silence wasn't only outside. The void created in his head was blocking any sounds from outside. There was no recollection or planning for the upcoming few minutes. Just silence. No existing thoughts.

His weak hands opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water just at the bottom. Then, after opening it and taking a sip he moved to the stairs. Climbing up was for some reason more difficult than usual. Every step seemed higher.

After reaching the top he moved to his bedroom on the left. This corridor had two doors on the left wall leading to the bedroom and bathroom, and two on the right, a small recording mini studio and storage room. However, on that side in the middle was another corridor leading to another room. That was his library, office room or just a place dedicated to work. He opened the bedroom doors and walked inside. It was perfectly tidied, with no sign of the war. Still no sound in this void. Just an image of the white, printed bed cover. How many times has he confessed to her here? How many times did he touch her arms from behind to fall asleep while feeling her presence? Lost in the memories, he stood in silence for a few minutes. Suddenly the phone started ringing in his pocket. No need to check who is calling. He ran to the bed, ripped the sheets off and threw them on the floor. Stripped the pillow case and duvet cover, ran to the wardrobe under the right wall, grabbed all the rest of the sheets from it, then ran to the stairs and threw it at the bottom... It gave him a little ease. Breathing heavily he was looking down on the abandoned sheets, and slowly the hate start to blooming in his mind.

It was a chaos in his void... It wasn't a void anymore, this became a prison. Cube filled with display screens playing that scene from the night before on loop, and many other scenes from their last year's history. Everything was becoming so clear now. He was naive. He was too absorbed by work and love he felt, that in his mind there was no possibility of doubting her. If not for her, he would probably live for work only anyway...

He moved to the storage room at the end on the left side of the stairs. This was just a simple small room, with white walls and wooden panels covering the floor. Two wardrobes on the left side, a shelving unit on the right and then a wooded glass door cabinet. Many pictures were standing behind the glass, his family, friends and ...YiSeul.

The one he was looking at was a simple couple picture... Was it? She was standing next to him in a summer dress, decorated with painted flowers, holding a small shopping bag in one hand while the other was grabbing his t-shirt sleeve for some reason. He was standing next to her...he just realised he never grabbed her hand. They never held hands randomly...

She was happy about the present. He bought an iPhone, the new model back then, with headphones on Bluetooth, and took her to the cinema to watch Pixar's new animation. She enjoyed it! ...or that's what he thought back then... he won't believe in anything anymore....

He opened the glass and grabbed all the pictures with her, then walked out of the room.

"Your hand was always near mine, I could grab it anytime... ...ah..." he looked at the floor while the teardrops appeared in his eyes corners. Then he thought:

"The sand, Collapsing under our wet steps, The long empty street...

....we didn't care about hurting our feet while running barefoot..." he suddenly took out the phone from his pocket and pressed record. There was a spark in his eyes for a second. The inspiration gave him an ease, idea for a song... He repeated everything and then added:

"The taste of this drink was different with you, I could drink from your lips until I fell..." he gritted his teeth due to sudden waves of sadness which came back again. He froze in one place and closed his eyes: "Because... I was certain... you would be there... Next to me in the morning..." He bent his back and kneeled on the floor while crying. The strong heart has broken...

That was the moment which he couldn't fight anymore... He wiped the tears, stood up and with still clenched teeth threw the picture he was looking at before to the wall, and the rest of them just over the stairs railing...

"I was certain you would be there... How naive was that..." whispered after the screams in the void had passed...

 

Later, he cleaned up all the mess downstairs and sat on the couch looking at the switched-off TV. The phone start to vibrate, that was Chanyeol. He looked at the screen, but there was no point in answering...he didn't want to speak or see anybody... Suddenly, the intercom bell rang. He rose and moved to the front doors.

"Hi, it's food delivery" he head after pressing the voice button. He then went outside to collect the food. It was raining...

He brought the takeaway inside, grabbed chopsticks and sat down on a couch to eat akisoba, the food he ordered. It was tasty, and the flavour wasn't as much as he expected, but considering he still hadn't eaten anything, hunger made him eat anything.

"You told me you hate akisoba" He suddenly heard her voice in his head, like in a dream, or reality if she'd be there.He stopped... Looked at the half-eaten food, left chopsticks next to it and stayed like this in silence.

"I never said I don't like it, there was always something more interesting on the menu..." he squeezed his head with his hands as if he wanted it to burst. Then grabbed food and hurried to the kitchen's bin to throw it away. Then he brought a big box from the small toilet behind the kitchen and boxed up all the items he had thrown over the stairs railing. Then, while holding the box he rushed to the door and when he was about to press the handle... He slowly backed up, turned to his coat hanging on the rack and put his left hand in the pocket. He took out a small box... That was an engagement ring he bought when he was on a trip... He planned to propose yesterday... Slowly he put it inside the box with all the sheets and the walked outside.

His household waste bins were standing in the garden next to a dumpster. It's not usual to keep a dumpster on house properties, but it was here already when he moved in, and it's useful so he kept it for large rubbish like equipment or furniture. He opened the dumpster and threw the box with the abandoned items. Then stand again in silence . Gazing and the dumpster without any move. Even his breathing has stopped...then the fire exploded inside, embracing the dumpster and creating a dark fog. Small burned pieces were flying around him, floating in the wind, touching his faces skin...but he hadn't felt anything... the void was still silent...

*bzzzz bzzz* the phone in his pocket rang. That woke him up from the nightmare which seemed to bring him a little piece of joy. The dumpster was still there, and the non-existing fire disappeared. He grabbed his phone without even looking at the screen, his gaze was still stuck in one place.

"Kyungsoo-yah, what's up? Why not answering my calls?" That was Chanyeol Kyungsoo needed a few seconds to sober.

"Chanyeol-ah..." he whispered

"What's up? Did you just woke up?"

"...YiSeul..."

"We need to get ready, the date is set up for next two weeks. Kim's going mad..."

"YiSeul..." Kyungsoo had to rise his voice slightly to interrupt his friend in full of excitement speech "YiSeul is gone...."

"No man, that's not good. Is it?"

"She left yesterday..."

"But why? Do you want to talk about it?" Kyungsoo lowered his head and grit his teeth, fighting with himself to not break apart. He sobered...

"Kyungsoo-yah, are you coming to work tomorrow?"

It took him few seconds to catch a breath between sobbing and holding and breath to not make any sounds.

"Tell them I feel ill...Chanyeol..." that was the moment when the tears fallen down and he couldn't hold it inside anymore. He crouched holding his stomach. "I don't know what should I do now...she said things I don't understand..." this time sobbing was more aggressive, he wanted to shout, to punch anything standing in his way..."She came back to her ex, never loved me. I was just a substitute...a support in her loneliness..."

"Kyungsoo, you need a break. I'll come by tomorrow...no, tomorrow work...I'll be there in the evening, ok? I'll definitely come..."

"No..."

"...you don't want to see anybody?"

"..."

This few seconds of silence was deafening.

"I understand, give me a call if you need anything. I'll speak with them tomorrow, so no worries. Take your time...see you" He hang up leaving Kyugsoo alone as he was told. On this dark evening, in the pitched black garden, still crouching.

Crying of sorrow...

He woke up in the morning on a bare mattress in the bedroom. In clothes. His mind was still in the void he created, hopefully any memories dissapeared. 

He went to the toilet to take a shower, then grabbed a protein baton. No need for a breakfast, even though he is not going to work. His stomach wasn't feeling the hunger or any other need. He grabbed water and after getting dressed in a blue hooded tracksuit with white strips on side, he gone outside. The tracksuit hoodie was covering his head, he didn't want to show his face, nor looking at other people. Using a car was a first thought. His main point of going outside was to buy a new bedding and grocery. However, after grabbing the car doors handle, he changed his mind. He is not fully well to drive, his state of mind is not fully sane to do it, and a walk can help him collect his thoughts.

In the city center he made all the shopping as planned. The main street near his house seemed to calm him down. It's not center anymore, but all the most important shops are here...and life. Crowds of people, individuals, couples or families, all the residents are living their own life.

On This long street was a barber and next to it regular hairdresser, which looked like for women only. Funny how both of them were owned by a couple. Next, accountancy private office, a bar usually crowded by football fans, watching the match and making sure to let all the neighbours know about it. Then corner shop with limited grocery, random items and magazines. The Alley leading down to KyungSoo's place. Pharmacy. And so on... On the other side of the road, the one Kyungsoo was walking, there was a large shop dedicated for kids, electronic devices repair, jewellery shop where, except buying jewellery customers could use other jewellers services. And then KyungSoo's favourite florist's. He will look at the name today, it was bothering him for long time.

"I like this place, can't imagine to live somewhere else" the thought "Atmosphere here is like at home. We all know each other even if we never talked. All the shops were here from when I remember, it would be sad if any of them would disappear...I never showed this to YiSeul...she was always coming straight to my house, or meet in the city center...have I ever been walking with her on this street? Ah..for some reason being here is giving me a peace of mind. I should have walk more, not using car all the.." *BUM*

He jumped on side, barely stayed on his feed. Someone just bumped into him, so he impatiently start searching for the culprit...and opened eyes widely.

"I'm sorry, I'm in a hurry...woow!" This voice! It was her! The girl from the airport!

"How...how is that possible!?" They both shouted at once. She started to laugh, even though he was speechless and still tried to comprehend who is he looking at.

" Are you from here? That's unbelievable! I mean...meeting you!" She said while grabbing the sleeve of his tracksuit. "I really need to go, I hope we will meet again!" She shouted while already running forward " See you, hopefully soon!" And dissapeared...

He needed few more seconds to understand. How is this wicked girl here? He didn't even realised that left corner of his lips has raised. He smiled...? First time from two days...

He turned around and crossed the street, but after reaching other side he turned around to finally check the flower shop's name.

ROSE

...

"This is insane" he thought, and while again his one corner of lips raised slightly showing amusement, he walked down the alley leading to his house.

 

Back at home, he was using a new bedding sets to cover the sheets. Phone was lying on the table under the window. Vibrating. For long time. He picked it up after finishing.

11 missed calls.

Suddenly, it started to ring again. It was Kim. Kyungsoo haven't felt anything, no panic, nor fear, even though he very much knew what he will hear. He answered...

"Doh Kyungsoo, have you filled the sick leave form?"

...

"For what?"

"Exactly, I don't care about your personal life, and you shouldn't mix it with work too. Your job is important for the company, and if we won't have everything fully prepared before the event I will make sure that was Your last time. You were lucky back then, but..."

("Yeol is talking too much" he thought)

...

"That was many years ago, I always wanted to ask you, are you resending me for staying?" Kyungsoo asked. Silence...

Kim moved on his chair what was head in the mobiles speaker.

" You were THE child, and the reason why I'm mentioning it is because you are again using your personal problems"

"I believe that is a different situation, and I will be back to work...just..need few more da..."

"You need to come to work tomorrow, I don't care how heartbroken you are. I'm hanging up" and so he did...

The void suddenly became loud again. The screens showed moments of fear...when he wanted to hide, when he was running away. When he saw the thousands of eyes, heard the laughs. He covered his ears and crunched.

Suddenly the phone vibrated again, but it wasn't a call, just a text message. He slowly sat down on a bed and looked at the screen.

Message from unknown number...

"Was is Kyunggu or Kyungchu?"

Surprised, he looked up on a different messages from this number as a part of investigation, who is it?

"Do you have my suitcase?!"

Then he messed up his bangs by hand and made irritated facial expression. "It's her..."

The phone buzzed again, so he quickly looked at the screen.

"My real name is Go YoonJung, save it!"

His eyes widened suddenly.

"YoonJung?....why does it sound so similar...?"