Winter's POV
 

Apparently, she is the new professor. 

First time kong magkakaron ng teacher na kasing bata niya. 

From the brief time that we interacted, I think ito ang mga naging impression ko sa kanya.

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“Yes, Winter? Naniniwala ka na ba na teacher mo ko?”

My first impression… aside from she’s really beautiful, masyado ata syang bata para magturo sa college? She did say na meron na syang Master’s degree and currently nagtatake sya ng PhD. She is quite amazing.

I couldn’t help but wonder, if certain things did not happen to me, naachieve ko din kaya ang mga naachieve nya.

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“Leave if you want to.” she warned nung parang sinuggest ko na kung pwedeng di na lang kami magclass..

Medio may pagkamataray din pala sya. Aaminin kong naintimidate ako ng konti. But it’s not like I was scared of her. Ayoko lang magkaron ng awkward atmosphere between us if umalis ako. Atsaka sabi ko nga, ang objective ko kaya pumapasok ako sa 1st week ay para maka-earn ng good points mula sa mga profs.

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“Are you good, Miss Winter?”

I wonder why she asked me that habang nagdidiscuss sya. It’s not like I wasn’t listening. 

Later, I realized what I was doing. Narealize ko kung san ako nakatingin and how it might look like from her POV.

Bigla kong naalala yung sabi sakin ni Iza na kaya inaasar nila ako kay Mark dati ay dahil masyado akong intense tumingin sa kanya. Masyado daw akong makatitig sa lips ni Mark? Hindi ko nga alam na ginagawa ko yun. It’s just how I listen. Mas nakakafocus ako kapag sa eyes and lips ng kausap ko ako nakatingin. 

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She’s definitely different from any teacher that I met ngayong college. Is it because she’s young? Sa halip na sundin yung prinepare nyang introduction lesson, we did “Twenty Questions”. 

At first, medio I adored the idea. Hindi kasi sya activity na madalas ginagamit sa school. Actually kaya lang naman to appropriate ay dahil dalwa nga lang kami. At that point, I know na she’s someone who adapts in the situation, someone na hindi by the book. I know na marami akong matutunan sa kanyang out-of-the-box ideas. 

However, as soon as she started the questions, I realized kung gano kascary yung activity. I’m not an open book. I don’t want to be. I just know that if the walls that I tried so hard to build are torn down, I will crumble with it. Kaya naman habang tumatagal kami sa activity, my brain started lagging and I started fidgeting. I don’t want to give too much but I also don’t want to appear dumb by my inability to answer simple questions. Simple para sa iba siguro.

I can hear my heartbeat getting louder. If nagpatuloy ito, I’m afraid I’ll have a panic attack. 

“Complicated?” she asked.

Tumango lang ako. Maybe she noticed how stressed I was. She stopped the game kahit wala pa ata kaming 10 questions. I was thankful. 

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Natapos ang first class. I ran to my car and got my meds. Ininom ko agad kasi feeling ko I’m still shaking from the 20 questions game. 

When I got back to the classroom, andun pa rin si Miss Karina. Sya rin pala ang teacher ko sa 2nd class. In fact, pati sa 3rd and 5th class ko today. 

Pero iba na sya ngayong 2nd class. She probably realized I was right, na sayang ang effort nya pag nagturo sya sakin today dahil uulitin nya lang to sa next meeting pag umattend na mga classmates ko.

She said pwede na akong umuwi. 

I don’t want to though. As much as possible, I don’t want to stay at home. Pag sinabi ko ito out loud, one would think na ayokong umuwi dahil baka inaabuso ako sa bahay. But no. It’s actually the opposite. I have the most loving family anyone could ever have. That’s why nahihirapan akong umuwi. Because I’m the worst. I’m the worst daughter and sister they could ever have.

Pinayagan ako ni Miss Karina na magstay sa classroom with her. We did our own things. Nag-open ako ng laptop, sinuot ang aking earphones at nagstart ulit magfreelance.

Wala pang 30 minutes, naramdaman kong may liquid na biglang tumulo sa ilong ko and I used my hand to somehow stop it. Nagulat din ako kaya napabalikwas ako sa upuan. I checked my hand and there was blood. 

Napatingin sakin si Miss Karina and when she realized what’s happening, tumakbo sya agad na may dalang tissue and wet wipes. This is the first time na may lumapit saking teacher to clean off the blood from my nose. It’s kinda embarrassing. I’m a grown woman and simpleng nosebleed lang ito. I bet nagmukha akong bata ngayon. But I’m not complaining. 

She asked me if I wanted to go to the clinic. I said no. If I had agreed, mapapadalas ako sa clinic dahil madalas akon