It was late at night when Leeteuk finally returned to the apartment.  He flicked on the lights.  The living room was empty.  He already knew he was alone, but he called anyway: 

“Hello?” 

As expected, there was no response.  He sighed and kicked off his shoes then headed over to the couch, flopping down on it in exhaustion.  His eyes closed of their own will power and a barrage of images passed through his mind. 

He saw Heechul lying in some alley somewhere.

He saw a bleary-eyed Kangin downing his fourth beer of the night.

He saw that bedraggled child looking up at him with wide eyes. 

He rubbed his hands over his eyelids, trying to scrub the images away and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.  He could hear the kitchen clock ticking in the stillness.  The only thing Leeteuk hated more than being alone was knowing he’d failed someone he cared about.  Yet here he was, alone, having failed practically everyone who mattered to him.

He looked around for the remote, hoping the sound of the TV would give the illusion that the house was full, but he knew from countless nights on his own when Kangin would disappear like this that it was a futile effort.  Somehow the sound tended to make the apartment seem emptier.  He spotted the remote sitting on the TV stand and decided it was too much of an effort to retrieve. 

As he waited there in silence, dark thoughts wormed their way into his mind.  An image of a body hanging from a ceiling fan jolted his eyes open before he even knew they were closed and he stood, his hands flying to his head in the vain thought that he could tear the images out of his brain.  Taking a calming breath, he walked into the kitchen and fumbled to put water on the stove, knowing that tea would at least help a little. 

 When the tea was done, he took it to his room, tracing his fingers over the wall as he went down the corridor, trying to connect to something solid. 

                He went over to his arm chair in the corner of the room and put the tea down on the side table.  He leaned back into the chair, breathing steadily and closing his eyes again. 

                The sound of the front door shutting caused him to sit bolt upright.  He looked over at the clock, shocked to see that two hours had passed.  He thought he’d just closed his eyes for a moment.  

Getting up quickly, he moved out of his room toward the front door.  He knew he shouldn’t get his hopes up, but it was always possible…

                He emerged into the living room and saw Kangin taking off his shoes.  He hated that he was disappointed to see him, but Kangin always came back, and he knew where he’d been. 

                “Have fun?” 

                Kangin looked up at him with unfocused eyes.  “What?”

                Leeteuk was already feeling guilty for the way he felt, the way he was speaking to his old friend, but he hated being worried.  His nerves were frayed, and he was going to make his point for once.

                “I just hope it was worth it.  I didn’t find him, by the way, if you were wondering.” 

                Eyebrows furrowing, Kangin said, “Me either.” 

                Leeteuk’s eyes widened and Kangin slowly realized what his roommate had been insinuating. 

                “You thought I was out getting faced.”

                When Leeteuk didn’t answer, his expression illustrating his guilt, Kangin threw his hands in the air. 

                “Seriously?”  He looked like he wanted to say more, but instead he stormed away, heading toward his room.  Leeteuk cringed as the door slammed, the noise reverberating around the house.  Consumed by guilt, Leeteuk stood in the living room for an eternity, running through everything from self-righteousness to despair.  Finally, he turned around and quietly retreated to his own room.

He paused in front of Kangin’s room, his hand hovering uncertainly above the door.  He wanted nothing more than to knock but his arm dropped back down to his side.  He wasn’t brave enough.  He leaned his forehead against the door and said simply, “I’m sorry.”     

He waited a moment but there was no response.  He turned then to his own room and closed the door as quietly as he could.  He crawled into bed still wearing his clothes from the day, knowing he wasn’t going to get any sleep that night.  

                Burying his head in his pillow, he prayed for everything he could think of.

A/N  Don't be mad at Leeteuk (or me, haha) I promise he's not giving up.  Also, we're probably going to make it to Chapter 12/13 before we get new characters (I know >_<) but the days are coming faster than I can write and I'm trying to stretch out this update-a-day thing as long as I can so again, short chapter D: . But thank you all so much for your marvelous support.  I'm one lucky duck.  As always comment, subscribe, interpretive dance, whatever floats your boat, haha! :)   <3