Kangin pounded on the bathroom door.  “Will you hurry the hell up?”

                “You can’t rush perfection,” a voice answered.

                Kangin ground his forehead into the doorframe, strongly considering kicking down the door if only he wasn’t so afraid of what he’d find if he did.

                “I don’t know why you’re bothering to primp so much, it’s not like anyone’s going to see you anyway,” he shouted.  Heechul had been staying with them for a week now, and he had barely left the apartment. 

                “I’ll see you!” Heechul answered, “I’m just making sure you have something worth looking at while you’re glaring at me.”

                “Maybe if you got a job,” Kangin said, jamming his toe against the door in frustration, “I wouldn’t have to spend all day glaring at you.” 

                “You’re projecting again,” Heechul said in a sing-song voice.

                “At least I’m looking!” 

                There was silence for a long time, and then finally Heechul’s voice:  “What do you need in here anyway?  Don’t you and Teukie have a bathroom on your side?” 

                 “Teukie?” Kangin wondered incredulously.

                “Yeah, Teukie, Leeteuk, the y angel we live with.” 

                Kangin rolled his eyes and stepped away from the door, really hoping that Heechul was joking.

                “Yeah, well, I keep my stuff in this bathroom because there’s no room in that one.”

                “And why is that?” 

                “Because Leeteuk is like you with actual money to support his habit.” 

                The door swung open suddenly to reveal Heechul looking like he had come from a rock concert or a John Lennon appreciation show, which was apparently his new thing  “That man….gets more and more perfect every moment,” he mused.

                Kangin growled at the smaller man, who promptly smiled and strut off down the hall, making a kissy face as he passed by. 

                “Don’t be jealous,” Heechul said, as he disappeared around the corner.

                Grumbling under his breath, Kangin said, “You looked better as a woman.” 

                “Knew it.”

                Channeling his anger into his leg, Kangin kicked the doorframe and shouted something incoherent.  Heechul scurried away, trying to keep a smile to himself when he bumped into Leeteuk throwing his messenger bag over his shoulder. 

                “What’d you do this time,” he wondered with a sigh, although his eyes were twinkling.

                “Made him question his manhood and threatened to steal you away from him, again.” 

                Leeteuk rolled his eyes, but he was obviously a little amused.  “Will you stop goading him?  Believe it or not he can be really loyal and kind if you give him a chance.” 

                “I’d try, but he makes it too easy.” 

                Leeteuk checked himself once over in the hallways mirror while saying, “And you can’t steal from him what he doesn’t have.”

                Heechul raised an eyebrow, keeping the rest of his face blank, exaggeratedly giving Leeteuk a once over.  “I’ll take that as a yes.” 

                “Defense mechanism,” Leeteuk sang as he walked over and opened the front door.  “You two have fun, I have to go drop off some papers at my professors and then do some shopping.” 

                “Can I come with you?”

                Leeteuk paused in surprise.  “Um…actually yeah, if you want.” 

                Heechul smiled a wide grin and said, “Good, that means you can buy me things.” 

                A little smile stayed frozen on Leeteuk’s face as Heechul disappeared around the corner.  Since he had first invited Heechul to stay, the strange man hadn’t left the house.  Although, if the alternative was going out partying, he figured it was for the best.  Now, though, wanting to go and intrude on a normal day:  that was progress.

                Heechul reappeared with his shoes.  “Let’s go,” he urged.

                “Kangin, we’ll be back later!”  Leeteuk called directionless into the apartment. “We’re going shopping.” 

                “And by ‘shopping’ he means exploring the human bo—.” 

                Heechul’s words were cut off by an elbow from the older man, and the two left the building, Leeteuk mumbling, “Defense mechanism” and Heechul mumbling back, “Denial.” 

---------------------------------------

                “How about this?” Leeteuk asked, holding up another white shirt in front of Heechul. 

                “I told you already that I was joking about the whole shopping thing.” 

                “And I think I already told you that you can’t stay in my apartment anymore if that’s the only outfit you have.” 

                Heechul looked down at the black jeans, leather jacket, and white tee-shirt he was wearing. 

                “What’s wrong with my clothes?” 

                “It’s more the fact that you only have the one outfit.” 

                “Not true,” Heechul protested. 

                “The old clothes you stole from Kangin to wear to bed don’t count.”

                Heechul almost looked surprised that Leeteuk knew about that particular theft.

                With a wry grin, Leeteuk said, “Oh come on, I know everything that goes on in my house.”

                The conversation died away, and the echoing murmur of the shopping mall began to set Heechul on edge.  He glanced around the store, feeling strange.  It had been a long time since he showed his face to the daylight like this.  He felt out of place, like an aroma clung to him that normal people could smell and then look down their noses at him, knowing he didn’t belong.

                The uncomfortable glances didn’t escape his companion, who put the shirt back on the rack and said, “They could care less about you. Trust me, only you really notice people like that.  ”

                “And you,” Heechul said absentmindedly, not really paying attention.

                “Exactly,” Leeteuk said, startling Heechul as he shoved a graphic tee-shirt and a vest into his arms, “which means no one else matters.  Now go and try these on with those pants we picked out earlier.  We still have like 4 stores to go to.” 

                Nodding sheepishly, Heechul started to walk toward the changing room.  He paused and turned back saying, “You know, you really don’t have to do this for me.” 

                “Stop making this about you,” Leeteuk responded, letting his eyes finish the sentence.

                Heechul smiled appreciatively, even understandingly, and continued on his way.

Half an hour and three shopping bags later, the pair left the mall.  Heechul still looked a little nervous, but he had brightened somewhat. 

                Going through a mental checklist, Leeteuk thought of what he needed to do for himself and what he had left to do for Heechul.  They’d already covered the basics like toothbrushes, they were going to do food shopping last, he’d managed to convince Heechul to basically get a whole new wardrobe by saying he was addicted to buying clothes… he couldn’t remember the other thing he’d wanted to do.

                He looked over at Heechul who was now wearing a pair of black sunglasses they’d picked up at a kiosk.  It was the only thing they bought that Heechul hadn’t really fought him on.

                Heechul noticed Leeteuk staring and said, “Careful, I’ve heard if you stare at me long enough you go blind.”

                “Is it because your hair is so hideous?” 

                Balking at the comment, Heechul said, “Oh come on, it worked for John Lennon, are you saying John Lennon was unattractive?” 

                Leeeteuk cursed and Heechul seemed surprised.

“Sorry,” the slightly older man apologized, “I had a bet with Kangin.  He said you were going for John Lennon, I said Harry Potter from the fourth film.” 

                “Well, you’re both wrong, I’m not going for anything,” Heechul responded evasively. 

                Confused by his friend’s tone, Leeteuk responded, “I didn’t mean to insult you.  We just thought you had an interesting style.” 

                With a half-smile, Heechul said, “I call it: chop my own hair off because I can’t afford a haircut and shower at the public gym.”

                Leeteuk looked at Heechul where he thought his eyes would be behind the sunglasses. 

                “What is with that look,” Heechul demanded, “you always give me that look.  I was just being funny.” 

                Leeteuk continued to give him the aforementioned look that made Heechul feel like Leeteuk was his mother.  That look made him want to spill everything he had ever done or thought.  A shiver ran over him and he shook it off quickly, complaining under his breath. 

                The look never left Leeteuk’s face as he said, “Come on, I know where we’re going next.”   

                “Do I have to ask?”

                “We’re getting you a real haircut.”

-----------------------------------------

                Heechul glanced around the little restaurant, pulling at a strand of his new hair nervously.  It felt strange.  He couldn’t remember the last time his hair had been so short; he felt weirdly exposed. Not that it was short by other people’s standards, he supposed.  He did have to admit he liked having bangs again.  He was wondering vaguely if this look was more or less like who he was.  In fact, wondering who he was at all. 

                As he pondered this he caught Leeteuk staring.  Feeling self-conscious he asked harsher than he meant to, “What?” 

                Leeteuk didn’t seem offended, but asked, “What are you thinking about?”

                Heechul strongly considered lying, or answering with some flippant remark, but he didn’t find that he possessed the energy or desire to.

                “I’m thinking about the idea that people can know who they are.  I don’t understand that.  I feel like everyone is different depending on who they’re with and what they’re doing.  How can you actually ever know who the real you is?” 

                Leeteuk stirred the straw in his water and considered Heechul’s words.  “Well,” he began slowly, “I think the more time you spend with yourself the more you know who you are.” 

                Heechul scoffed and Leeteuk for once looked a little offended.

                “I’ve spent a lot of time with myself,” Heechul explained, “and I assure you, that’s now how you find out who you are.” 

                This caused Leeteuk significant pause.  Now that he thought about it, he had never really considered the question before.  He had never thought it mattered.  It never occurred to him that who you are was more than a fact, it was fluid.

                “Maybe,” he tried again, “who you are is the person you become around the people you care most for.” 

                As this thought swirled in the air between them, a man in an apron approached their table.  “Hello, Leeteuk,” he greeted jovially.  “It is so nice to see you again! I haven’t seen you in my restaurant in ages!” 

Leeteuk stood, a wide smile spreading on his face.  “It’s wonderful to see you too,” he greeted with a quick bow before taking the older man’s hand.  Heechul shrank down, trying to avoid the necessity for normal human conversation by making himself as unnoticeable as possible.  For some reason, he couldn’t stop thinking that his new hair would act as a beacon, drawing attention.

Ignoring, or not noticing the other man, the restaurant owner lowered his voice and spoke to Leeteuk, asking, “How are you doing?” 

Realizing that the owner was asking Leeteuk a private question, and that he was off the hook, Heechul looked down and away, but kept his ears trained on the lowered voices. 

“I’m doing alright.  It’s, you know, it’s hard, but…”

It didn’t take a lot of thinking for Heechul to realize that they were dancing around the subject of Leeteuk’s brother.

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” the owner said back, “It’s nice to see you again.  It’s been a long time since you showed up.” 

For some reason, this statement caused Heechul to freeze.  He tuned out the rest of the conversation and instead focused intensely on his drink.  He was so successful at blocking out the rest of the world that he didn’t even notice when Leeteuk bid the owner goodbye and sat back down saying, “He’s an old family friend.” 

Thinking Heechul hadn’t heard him Leeteuk repeated louder, “He’s an old friend.” 

Blinking, the strange man looked up, his expression blank.  “Oh,” he said, immediately returning his gaze to the fascinating study of his drink. 

Frowning, Leeteuk asked, “What’s wrong.” 

“Nothing.” 

“Clearly that’s a lie,” Leeteuk observed, catching the bitter note in his counterpart’s tone. 

Flicking at his glass with defeated aggression, Heechul obliquely referenced, “He said this is the first time you’ve been back.” 

“It is,” Leeteuk agreed.

“Since when?” 

“Since…” Leeteuk began, suddenly realizing Heechul was going somewhere.  He carefully finished, “my brother died.”

 Leeteuk met Heechul’s gaze and was surprised to see anger mixed in with hurt.  The man was tempted to ask what was wrong but he realized Heechul was already in the middle of a battle with himself to say something.  He waited, feeling a mixture of anxiety and concern. 

Finally, Heechul said, “You know, I’m not going to replace him.” 

Surprise widening his eyes, Leeteuk tried to not sound offended as he said, “Of course.  I know that.” 

“Because I might not know exactly who I am, but I know that at the very least I can’t become someone else.  I can’t magically fill the void.”

Feeling incredibly self-conscious, Leeteuk lowered his voice and said, “I would never ask you to.  No one can replace Woo Jin and I certainly wouldn’t ever think you could do that.” 

Heechul’s face darkened suddenly and he made his voice equally low to answer, “Because you’ve already realized I’m not good enough.” 

Leeteuk seemed exasperated, insisting back, “What do you mean by that?  First you complain I’m trying to replace my brother with you and now you say you’re not good enough to?  You can’t have it both ways.”

“Don’t lecture me.  It’s not my fault you feel the need to help people because it distracts you from how screwed up your own life is.”

Unable to help the well of rage growing inside of him Leeteuk spat back under his breath, “My life is screwed up?” 

Practically growling Heechul said, “At least I know I’m never going to do anything worthwhile.  I’m not going to keep pretending like you that everything can be fixed and made whole.  At least I know that you can’t just replace people with different people and think it’ll be the same.” 

Leeteuk ordered himself to take a breath, realizing the common theme of Heechul’s words.  Roughly dragging a hand through his hair, he steadied himself and tried to even his tone as he said, “And how do you know that?”

Blanking suddenly, Heechul leaned back in his chair and said, “Forget it.  If it wasn’t for the fact that you bought my loyalty I’d already be gone.” 

Sighing deeply, Leeteuk insisted, “You have no obligation to me what so ever.  It’s like you said.  I have problems to.   You can leave whenever you feel like it.  But I promise you, while it’s true I like helping people and it makes me feel better about myself, I would never make the mistake of thinking someone can be turned into someone else.” 

Heechul refused to meet Leeteuk’s gaze, instead staring out the window, his arms crossed. 

“Can we please, talk about this?”  Leeteuk begged hopefully.

Unexpectedly a half smile played on Heechul’s face.  He tried to cover it, but Leeteuk had already caught hold of it and started smiling himself. 

“Oh come on now, you don’t get to laugh.  That’s not fair.” 

Unable to fight the smile, Heechul complained, “You sound like my wife.  ‘Can we please, talk about this?’”

Leeteuk bit his lip to stop himself from snickering.  Heechul made the mistake of looking at the red-blonde and it was all over.

The two started laughing quietly, realizing that the other restaurant patrons probably thought they were crazy but not caring. 

Wiping away a pretend tear, Leeteuk said, “Can we please cut the crap now and just be honest?” 

“I thought you loved the crap,” Heechul exclaimed.

“Trust me, I love me some good old fashioned crap, but we’re at a dining establishment and that’s the last thing I want to be thinking about.” 

As their smiles faded, Leeteuk asked, “Now come on.  What’s the story here?”

“It’s nothing,” Heechul lightly deflected, looking down at his hands.  “It’s just that I was adopted by a couple who had just lost a son.” 

Leeteuk didn’t need to know anything else.  Suddenly he understood. 

“I didn’t know you were adopted,” he said, going the safe route

“I didn’t know you weren’t a natural blonde.” 

Heechul looked up then and he and Leeteuk dissolved once more into mindless laughter.

A?/N  Double Update AND long chapter in honor of my wonderful new subscribers and 100 views!  :D  <3  Seriously, I'm one lucky girl!  Forgive the choppiness, I write these little bits as separate chapters but they're not long enough to put up on their own so then I combine a whole bunch of them together, haha.  Um, as always I love your feed back/comments, subscribe if you like it, ask questions if you have them, other than that keep doing what you're doing.... I love you XD  <3