Sometimes you felt like you were always alone. Without friends, not popular, ugly and horrible. Sometimes you felt like everything didn’t go your way.

And then he came along.

Soundless, like a mouse, he came into your life, sweet as an angel. Kind, loving and beautiful. He was like you – unloved, out casted and forever roaming. Yet with him, you felt complete. You felt loved. You felt like someone cared. Because he cared. Kevin cared.

Kevin, with his warm hugs. Kevin, with his fun adventures. Kevin in all his bubbly, cuteness and absolute lovely personality. Kevin was the only thing that shined brightly in your world. Kevin was all you needed. Kevin had been everything you needed. He was beautiful, both on the inside and out – he was lovable, sweet and adoring. He took you on walks to the park; he went for ice-cream and to theme parks. He smiled when you cried and told you it’d be alright.

He told you he’d be there. He told you he’d never leave. He was right. He never did leave.

It was Eli, wasn’t it?

Popular, handsome, heart-throb Eli. Eli, a guy you’d never have a chance with. But nerd meets jock – it was a perfect love story. You couldn’t resist. The sweet, deadly offer which was too good to be true – you accepted it without a second thought. How stupid, you think now. He was lying. They were lying. Everyone was lying. No one stopped lying. Only Kevin remained.

But suddenly, Kevin didn’t seem so fun anymore.

Kevin didn’t make you feel as complete now that you’d met Eli. Kevin wasn’t enough to stop the loneliness, to stop the pain. Even around him, you felt so lonely. You felt so lifeless, so unloved. Without Eli, you found yourself feeling pathetic again. This time, not even Kevin could cure it. Kevin wasn’t that bright of a star now.

You had to let Kevin go.

Breaking up with him wasn’t hard. It was facing him that was hard. Knowing you were the one leaving, knowing you were the one who was at fault. It was so easy to push the blame on someone else, yet it was so hard to accept the blame yourself. You didn’t want to see his heart break into two. He was one of the best people in your lives. Yet, no matter how much you knew he was worth, he couldn’t make you smile anymore.

The faded memories which tampered played in your head, yet you couldn’t stop. Breaking up with Kevin led to being Eli’s girl. It led to popularity, friends and a feeling of happiness. Being around so many people made you feel happy, it made you feel complete. Kevin stopped mattering – Eli was the most important person. Heartless, uncaring Eli. Popular Eli. Heart-breaking Eli.

Within a month, you were dumped.

It was soundless, heartless and hilarious to anyone who witnessed it. You should’ve known it wouldn’t last. This was Eli – shameless player. You bored him, and so he let you go. Were you just a toy? You scoffed in the wind. Probably. You were just another toy, thrown when being tired of. You never meant anything. You could see why. You were ugly, unlovable, awkward and poor. There was nothing good about you.

What made you worse was that you were a heart breaker.

You broke Kevin’s heart. Kevin, the person who cared. Kevin, who picked you up off your feet. Kevin, the only person who should’ve mattered. Kevin, the shining sun. You couldn’t understand why it was so cold as you thought about Kevin, but now you could. You were at fault. You were horrible, just like Eli.

And you couldn’t turn back the time.

I’ll wait for you to return, Kevin had smiled sadly when you left him. You wanted to laugh harshly at those words. He was too kind. He was going to be run over, again and again.

You couldn’t return back to him, no matter how much you wanted too.

You didn’t want to hurt him. You didn’t want to cause him pain. You couldn’t hurt him again. It’d be better, you figured, if he never saw you again. If he completely forgot about you, if he pretended you didn’t exist. Yes, it’d be better. It’d be better if you both parted. It was best for him. He was too kind.

You didn’t deserve kindness from a broken hearted boy.

He’d wait for you to return. He’d wait for months, years, decades – all waiting patiently for you to come back. But you couldn’t come back. You couldn’t break his heart again. You were trying so hard to keep it together that sometimes you didn’t know what you were doing. Drinking, more and more – its okay if you get tipsy. One more shot, you pull it on yourself. There’s no one here to pick you up. There’s no one to look after you.

That’s good. You didn’t deserve help.

You should stop drinking, you’re going insane. Memories of a smiling Kevin, a loving Kevin, your Kevin went through your mind. The first fresh, sweet feeling of love swept over you as tears blurred your vision. The sadness of your romance seemed to make you see double as you drowned another drink, stubbornly refusing to stop. You couldn’t stop. Kevin would stay here if you did.

Kevin, you whispered softly. No one could hear you. The music drowned out your sadness. A tear fell from your eye, shakily falling down your cheek. Kevin didn’t deserve a bad person like you. He was so good, yet you weren’t. He was so kind, so loving, so perfect, yet here you were, an ugly, pathetic heart-breaker.

You wanted to give Kevin a hug. To tell him it’s alright. To tell him he was too perfect, yet you couldn’t keep up. You wanted to tell him how bad you were, how impossibly stupid you’d been to fall in love with a douche like Eli. To be seduced by popularity and power. You wanted to cry in his embrace, smelling in his scent as he chuckled, your hair.

It’s okay,you could hear him say. Silly, typical Kevin. Its okay, you tried. I forgive you. It’s okay, there’s no need to cry. His voice played over and over in your head. You’d lost count of the amount of drinks you were piling on, and you doubted you could even pay the bill. That wasn’t the problem though. You drowned another drink swiftly, tears rolling more prominently down your face.

You could feel your body grow wobbly, like jelly. Your vision was blurring more – half because of your drinks and half from your sorrow. You didn’t care. That wasn’t enough to bring Kevin back. That wasn’t enough to turn back the time. You staggered as you held onto the chair, refusing to let your legs give in. His sweet, soft, loving voice rung in your head as you whispered the words you had wanted to tell him for so long.

I’m sorry.

Yet over and over, all you could hear were lies – I forgive you.

(Please tell me how this was and comment! I love all comments even if I can't work out how to reply ffff)