Taecyeon sat at the bar he frequented with Nichkhun. He had been wanting to do this for a long time, he missed the ‘bar night’ with the slightly older male that they had both taken turns canceling over the past few months. But now, he not only wanted this, he needed it too.

   “I’ll be honest, you look like .” Nichkhun said bluntly.

   Taec rolled his eyes and chuckled as he sipped on a beer.

   “Your parents still bugging you about the promotion?” Khun asked, making Taecyeon want to stick his head in the ground like an ostrich. Taec groaned and nearly face planted the bar counter, covering his head with his hands, Khun understood that as a ‘yes’. “You know you don’t have to accept the offer . . . Do whatever you want, man.”

   He really didn’t want to talk, or even think, about the job promotion he’d been offered. He’d make twice his salary now, with benefits and his choice of the most top of the line apartments . . . in Nagoya.

   He’d have to leave everything he loved about Seoul behind, and more importantly, he’d have to leave Junho. Which he really didn’t want to do. The money didn’t matter, he already had more than enough and it often made him sick. But his parents had been nagging non-stop about how stupid he would be to turn down the job. About how he’d be able to find a good woman and take care of her well. The secret of his uality had never added more pressure on him than now. And it was taking its toll on him, even Junho noticed.

   He smiled at the thought of Junho.

   And then remembered the way Junho had been acting right before he dropped him off. He was obviously hurt about something, but he wouldn’t say what it was. That bothered Taecyeon more than it should have.

   Taecyeon lost count of how many drinks he had, but it was enough to make him grab Khun by the collar. “I have something to tell you.” He whispered in a deep, serious voice. “I have . . . a confession.”

   Nichkhun looked at him and was clearly more sober than the taller man. “I think you’ve had enough to drink.” He grabbed Taec’s beer and slid it away from him. This annoyed the younger one.

   “Just listen to me!” He sighed and then slumped over the counter. “I’ve been having an affair with Junho.” It felt so good to admit it to someone. Taecyeon smirked silly.

   His best friend raised an eyebrow and untangled the giant’s fingers from his shirt. “Really? How long has that been going on?”

   “Since his third day at work.”

   “So, are you guys dating, or what?” Khun leaned against the counter, surprisingly casual about Taecyeon’s confession.

   “No~” Taec pouted. “I mean . . . we kinda go on dates . . . we’re always together . . . but we’re not a couple.” He sighed at the last part. “We help each other, though. And he’s awesome . . . we’re close.” Taecyeon thought about the smiling face of the one he realized that he loved and then groaned, wishing things could be simpler. Why couldn’t things be easy? They’re easy in movies dammit! “Khuuuuun~ I don’t know what to do . . .” Taec whined and then looked at the older male. “I’m in love with him.”

   Nichkhun stared at the other for a moment before sighing. “Taec . . . You have to tell him how you feel. Don’t beat around the bush, don’t try and deny it, just . . . Just tell him. The sooner the better.”

   Taecyeon knew that he was right. That eventually, he would have to admit his feelings.

   But for the first time in his life, Ok Taecyeon was afraid of rejection. He was genuinely scared that Junho’s feelings towards him were purely ual. That the eye smiles and soft lips he loved so much were only there because he was good in bed. How could he take a chance like that?

   “I know what you’re thinking, so just put your -foot insecurities aside and tell the man you love him. If you don’t, I’ll kill you.” Nichkhun laid a hand on Taecyeon’s shoulder. “Simple as that.”

   Taec smirked as he looked to his best friend. “. . . Can you drive me home?”

   “Well I’m definitely not letting you drive by yourself.” Nichkhun chuckled and took his best friends keys from him.

“Are you sure it was Jinwoon?” Wooyoung asked as he sat on the other end of the couch, next to a balled up Junho who had his face buried in his knees. It was a bit pathetic, Junho thought about himself.

    “For the tenth time, yes I’m sure it was Jinwoon.” Junho grumbled, looking up to glare at his best friend. “I hung out with him all through high school, I think I’d be able to recognize him.”

   “Don’t glare at me!” Wooyoung rolled his eyes.

   With a sigh, Junho covered his face and mumbled. “I knew he was lying to me . . . I knew from the very beginning that he’s been messing around with other people . . . I called his job, they said he quit six months ago. He didn’t tell me.”

   “That , I’m gonna kill him!” Wooyoung growled but Junho just laid his hand on the other’s arm.

   “Woo, you can’t . . . I can’t even be mad,” He snorted. “At least not justifiably . . . I’m cheating on him too.”

   Wooyoung gave Junho an unamused look. “Yah! You’re such an idiot sometimes!!” He pushed Junho’s hand off him. “You cheated because you’re really not even in a relationship since your ‘boyfriend’ ignores you, sleeps around on you, and is using you to have a place to stay – and other people, I might add . . . He cheated because he’s a worthless and needs his beat. That is totally not the same and you shouldn’t feel bad for having an affair with someone you treats you nicely.”

   Junho just sighed, causing Wooyoung to sigh too as he made a drink and then handed it to the younger boy. “Here, you’ll like this one, it’s not too strong~” Wooyoung nudged the glass to Junho.

   Junho took the drink and chugged half of it. Woo was right, it wasn’t too strong, so he finished the rest in a few sips. He’d been in this weird realm all night, half way between balling his eyes out, and not giving a . It was tiring. Every time he thought for sure he was about to cry . . . he’d sigh and shrug it off.

   His mind was on different things.

   A different thing.

   “Yah . . . I feel horrible.” Junho finally said, looking at Wooyoung with a pout. “Taecyeon was feeling so bad tonight, and then he said he needed a friend . . . and I basically left him. I’m a horrible person, Wooyoung.” He hid his face in his knees again, sniffling as he thought about the disappointed look on Taecyeon’s face as he left. He was supposed to be returning all the wonderful things the older man did for him, and instead, he chickened out and ran away the second he felt bad and got scared. Junho’s throat ached from how much he wanted to cry.

   “Hold the in’ phone!” Wooyoung pulled Junho’s chin, making the other look at him. “You mean to tell me that you just saw your boyfriend – for two and a half years – going out with one of your best friends from high school behind your back . . . and you’re about to cry over the fact that you ditched your boss?!” Wooyoung blinked.

   Junho blushed at the realization.

   “Oh my god, you’re in love with him!!”

   “What?!” Junho’s eyes went wide and he shook his head.

   Wooyoung snorted. “Uhh, yeah you totally do!”

   “No . . . I just . . . He makes me happy, Woo.” Junho sighed, looking down at himself and admitting the things he’d been holding deep inside. “I feel safe and warm around him . . . like I belong near him.”

   “Honey, I don’t know what alien planet you’ve been living on . . . but that’s called real love.”

   “But I’m scared, Woo.” The tears finally came, and Junho closed his eyes, not trying to hold them back anymore. Could this really be it? Could he actually love . . . Taecyeon? Surprisingly, the thought was comforting.

   Wooyoung slid closer and wrapped his arms around the crying one. “I know you are, baby. You’ve been hurt a lot . . . but this is your chance to finally be happy. You should tell him that you love him.” Wooyoung said as he wiped the salty wetness off of Junho’s cheeks. “That’s the only way things will get better.”

   “That’s so much easier said than done.” Junho sighed, clinging to his best friend.

   Confessing to Taecyeon wouldn’t be difficult, since he was usually honest about his feelings and naturally out there. But it wasn’t just confessing. Junho knew that he would have to face something much bigger . . . he would have to find the strength to leave Chansung.

With mostly Nichkhun’s strength, Taecyeon stumbled into his room and fell onto his mattress bed. He mumbled a thank you to the Thai as the older one covered him with a blanket and turned the light off. “I’ll stay on the couch tonight.” Nichkhun said as he left the room, leaving Taec to sleep.

   But even though he was drunk, he couldn’t close his eyes. He just stared into his pillow and sighed.

   His phone rang in his pocket and he scrambled to get the blanket off of his body, throwing it to the other side of the room for a reason he didn’t understand, and then reached into his pocket, pulling the ringing device out. “Yoboseyo . . . yoboseyo?” Taecyeon answered before realizing that it was his text tone going off.

   “Goodnight <3”

   The text from his lover sent his heart into a fit and he smiled widely, sobering up just enough to text back. “Goodnight Junbaby.” Taecyeon rolled over and nestled into his bed sheets, inhaling the scent of Junho that he had become accustomed to and falling asleep easily, happily.

Junho curled up in his bed, Wooyoung had just went home and so he decided to get some sleep since he had work in the morning. Work. He could see Taecyeon. Just the thought of that giant’s face made him smile. Either out of need or habit, Junho reached to pull the cell phone off his night stand, touching the screen and letting it light up the small portion of the room. He scrolled through his contacts and then pressed the name in which he desired, opening a new text.

   ‘Goodnight <3’ He focused all of his love, all of his happiness into that single word and then pressed ‘send’.

   And then it was waiting time.

   But he didn’t have to wait long, as his phone buzzed in his hand and he smiled as the notification light up his screen. He opened the text from the contact named ‘OkCat’ (an inside joke, since Junho always thought that he looked like a cat when he smiled) and then smiled as he read the message.

   ‘Goodnight Junbaby.’ Junho could imagine the smooth tone the other would use to say his nickname and then treasured the thought as he settled into the blankets to fall asleep. He let his eyes fall closed and sighed himself into that calming state right before sleep.

   That’s when the front door opened. And as quickly as Junho had almost lulled himself to sleep, his eyes flew open as he felt the silent footsteps making their way towards the door. With a creek, the door opened and then the lights switched on.

   Junho flinched away from the sudden light.

   “Yah . . . you’re still awake?” The rich voice said from the doorway.

   He’d drank a lot. But Junho knew that the other could hold his liquor well, and even after a night of drinking, Chansung’s senses were only slightly impaired. “It’s good that you’re awake, Jun.” Junho watched the taller man step to the end of the bed, running his long fingers through his ruffled chin length hair. “I’ve missed you~” He mused, only the slightest tone of false genuineness in his voice.

   He missed me. Junho closed his eyes and bit his lip, knowing it to be a lie, a lie that he wanted to believe. More than anything, he wanted to believe that lie. More than anything . . . except one thing. He shook his head as his eyes opened, looking his boyfriend straight in the face. “No you didn’t.” Junho was surprised by the calmness of his own voice.

   “Mwo?” Chansung looked bewildered, quickly shrugging off the look. “What are you talking about, Jun? You know I always miss you.”

   Junho narrowed his eyes and then pulled the blankets around him more. “How was work?”

   “Tiring~” The other pouted. He was so good at acting, it was scary. “I was supposed to interview an underground band tonight, but they were late~ And then set up was just a mess~” He sighed as he sat on the foot of the bed, right in front of Junho and then looked at him. “I’m just . . . I missed you . . . all I could think about today was coming home to you.” Chansung bit his lip and his eyes burned holes through Junho.

   The smaller man fidgeted, trying not to frown as he knew exactly what that look in the other’s eyes meant. He looked away, just so that he didn’t have to see that person.

   And then Chansung was climbing towards him on the bed. Junho gasped when his chin was grabbed by the large hand and he was pulled into a kiss that tasted like mouthwash and faint traces of alcohol. The larger man’s tongue pushed into Junho’s mouth and the little one whined, pushing against the stone chest of his boyfriend. “I haven’t touched you in so long, Jun . . .” He muttered to the small one as his hand started groping him.

   “Chan . . . n-no!!” Junho rolled over, trying to get out of the other one’s hold on his body. When it didn’t work he slapped the large arm of the man as hard as he could. “I said stop!”

   Chansung pulled away and stared at his boyfriend, his head tilted. And then he exploded. “Yah!!  What the Junho?! Why are you being like this?!” He yelled, sitting back on his knees and glaring at the other. He sighed. “You treat me like you don’t love me anymore.”

   Junho’s eyes widened and he sat up, frowning and looking down at himself, ashamed. Ashamed of the sad look he caused on the face of the one next to him. “I . . . I don’t.” He sighed, realizing that now was the time. He had to come clean. He had to break away, it was now or never. “I don’t love you, Chansung.” He repeated.

   The taller man looked at him questionably before rolling his eyes. “Yah! Don’t you dare ing say that again!!” He grabbed onto the back of Junho’s neck and made him yelp. “Do you hear me?!”

   Junho winced, trying to unlatch the large hand from his neck. “Ch-Chansung . . .” He felt all of his courage crumbling underneath him as he looked up into the furious eyes of his boyfriend. Regret. He regretted saying those harsh words to hurt him and make him act like this. “Channie please, that hurts.”

   “Now we’re even.” Chansung let go, violently, and Junho curled up, hiding his face in his knees. “. . . Don’t ever say that again . . . What the hell would you be without me, Junho? – Nothing.” Chansung spat through his teeth. “Arasseo?!”

   “I’m sorry Channie.” Junho sniffled, wishing he could undo the mess he’d created. Wishing he could disappear. Wishing he was dead. No one would miss him. Well, maybe . . . maybe Taec. He felt his heart sink and he sobbed more.

   “Don’t ever forget . . . You’re lucky I love you.” Junho stilled at the other’s words, his heart stopping like it had been frozen painfully in ice.

   He loves me. Junho frowned, not knowing whether to trust new words that he wanted to believe. He wanted it. He wanted to be loved. He wanted to be wanted, and wanted nothing more. 

To be continued