How does it feel? How does it feel to not be afraid of death?

I've read somewhere that people do suicide not because they want to run away and escape their life but because they want to end the pain. Damn thoughts are all over. Anyway I understand that too much pain makes people numb and so hurting theirselves is I don't know? The only way to make them feel that they are still alive? It's contradicting but who am I to judge? I'm a walking contradictory myself, a ng paradox that wanna sleep eternally yet still wanna live. But why do they commit suicide if they are numb? Maybe because it was their soul that feels the pain? How exhausting is it to have a body trying to live and a mind trying to die? A familiar quote indeed. Damn my plots I'm sorry you gotta stay in the dungeon till this ends.

Anyway isn't unfair to those who didn't wished to be born? Those who are brought into this ng struggle to live? But to think about it, no one wished to be born.

Aren't you the bravest amongst the millions who fought just to live? What a weird . You never wished to live but fought to be born. You could have just abort it though so why didn't you?

It's fascinating that you fought to be born but never wished to live.

But what does it mean to live? Even I, myself, don't know the answer. Maybe to have what you want? To reach your goal? To achieve your dream? To know your purpose? To idk complete the sacrament? To have a family?