Edited and proofread :)

 

To you, Baekhyun had always felt like a gleaming light. 

Wherever he went or whatever he did, your eyes always fell back to him. It was as if he was the only thing you could ever see at that moment; It was as if the rest of the world just didn’t matter when it came to him. Looking at him felt like nothing to you— like instinct.

Judging from the thousands of glances you gave him, you honestly didn’t think Baekhyun was perfect at all… though, he didn’t need to be to have you head over heels for him. 

Nevertheless, he was still the closest to perfection you had ever laid your eyes upon. 

Despite this, you found yourself hating the subconscious stares you gave him and the longing trances you would find yourself in. You knew you could always choose to look away yet, you also knew that you would never want to. After all, how could you ever choose to look away from your ever-blinding childhood friend, Byun Baekhyun? 

Even on this school afternoon, you’d found your gaze lingering on him. The summer stained classroom bustled with students packing their belongings, everyone trying to get home as soon as possible. 

Baekhyun stood before the table in front of the whole class, packing his belongings like the rest while animatedly talking to people you’d never known the names of. The warmth of sunlight reflecting on the windows framed his face perfectly, almost making him shine golden. 

In your eyes, Baekhyun always looked like he came straight from your favorite 90’s coming of age movie. His droopy eyes shone with youth, his straight hair the perfect shade of brown, and his rectangular smile as boyishly sheepish as it could be. 

Almost everything about him made the rhythm of your heart beat faster than usual. You just wished you could take him to prom and slow dance to your favorite Madonna song, Crazy for You. Though, your heart could only prickle at the distant dream, knowing the slim chances of them coming true. 

Suddenly, you jumped at the familiar laugh that snapped you out of your daydream. 

Baekhyun’s laugh always set your heart on fire, but seeing him laugh with his friends right now made you inwardly sigh.

You didn’t know when your shy childhood friend started becoming the social butterfly he was. 

Recalling the times when he stuttered as he befriended you made a ghost of a smile appear on your lips. Sometimes, you’d miss the days where he would always be right behind your back, trusting your meager self to speak for the both of you. 

Much to your dismay, your roles were now reversed. Growing into the introvert you were now, you’ve only made a few friends besides Baekhyun, while he was the exact opposite. 

An indescribable anxiety always burdened your heart at the possibility of him leaving you for his other– more fun– friends. Sometimes, your mind would land at the thought of him drifting away from you. 

The thought of being separated from the person you’ve never been without made your heart clench in unease.

Everything changes, you knew that all too well, yet you couldn’t help but wish that you and him would forever stay the same. You grew up seeing Baekhyun almost every day, and would hate for that to change. 

You would hate for him to suddenly leave you all alone, after everything the both of you had been through and everything you both had. After all, you were there for each other in every phase of life each of you went through. 

Letting out a silent giggle, you recalled the time when Baekhyun still had his thick rimmed glasses, crying to you because he got kicked in the on Street Fighter II— and you still loved him despite him waking you up in the middle of the night with his frustrations. 

You thought the angst of that phase was well worth it though, as Baekhyun grew up to be quite the charmer. 

As Baekhyun grew older, his shy self was long gone and he gradually grew into the extrovert he was right now. His stutter was replaced with a confidence laced into his words while his thick rimmed glasses were thrown away, replaced with new contacts that let his sharp features show. 

Gone were the days filled with his quiet banters and stutters, now, he had the hearts of almost everyone in the palm of his hands. 

Though, you always knew he was quite the character, and it was only inevitable that the rest of the population would find out too.

The thought always made your heart quiver in anxiousness, fearing that he’ll continue to grow up into someone you could never reach. Someone that wasn’t the Baekhyun you knew from the start. 

And as if feeling the heated gaze on his back, Baekhyun suddenly stopped his conversation and glanced your way. 

Caught off guard, you quickly scrambled to try and stop the blush from rushing to your cheeks. Trying not to be too obvious, you quickly sent him a shaky smile and wave while ignoring the drumming of your heart. 

Noticing your flustered state, Baekhyun could only flash you a sly smile and a small chuckle before going back to his friends. 

Much to your dismay, you could only let out a short sigh and let the blush on your cheeks settle after seeing his ever-bright smile directed at you. 

Out of embarrassment, you ripped your eyes off Baekhyun to start packing your things as well. 

Today, Baekhyun declared that he won’t be walking with you home as he was invited to a party with a few other friends. He obviously attempted to coax you into joining him, like every other time, though you declined today as well. Unlike Baekhyun, partying and getting absolutely wasted just wasn’t in your list of enjoyable activities. 

Roughly shoving your books into your bag; you sighed for the nth time this day, wondering if you could actually get his attention if you ever did accept his invitations. 

“Excuse me?” With a sudden hand lightly placed on your shoulder, you were knocked out of your own thoughts.

“Oh Yeol! Hey, what’s got you talking to me?” Recovering from the slight scare, you looked back from your desk and gleefully smiled in recognition at the lanky boy.

Park Chanyeol was one of your other friends besides Baekhyun. 

You met during Chemistry class, being partnered together for one of its projects. From then on there, you just hit it off. As you and he got to know each other, you deduced that Chanyeol and you were almost the same person. 

You both liked reading books while drinking your morning coffees, you both had the same passion for music, and you both were terrible at socializing. 

“Since Baekhyun won’t be walking home with you today… Would you mind if I walked you home?” Behind his thick fringe, he was giving you the biggest set of puppy eyes ever. You could only giggle in delight, finding him quite endearing… how could you ever deny him like this? 

“Sure Yeol, but you didn’t even need to go goo-goo eyes at me to convince me” Teasing him a little, you grabbed your packed backpack while giving your desk a last look before walking towards the slightly flushed Chanyeol.

“Hey! You can’t deny that it wasn’t a little cute.” Chanyeol huffed a bit, sending the few strands of his hair on his forehead flying back. 

“You’re nearing 180 centimeters Yeol, a giant like you absolutely cannot be considered cute.” You smartly stated, pointing your index finger up high as if you were stating common sense. 

Chanyeol could only sigh in response while you walked towards the classroom door, about to exit. 

“Hey, Wait up! Give me a moment to say bye here at least!” A loud voice interrupted both of you, halting your footsteps. You sighed, knowing who the owner of the distinct voice was immediately. 

“Okay, Baek… Any last words?” You turned around, pretending to look unbothered as you looked Baekhyun in the eyes. 

“Well, sweetheart– I just wanted to wish you a good walk!” Baekhyun smartly stated, and you could only roll your eyes in disbelief. 

Though, you only rolled your eyes because you desperately wanted to hide the fact that your heart almost burst at the nickname he’d given you.

Unbeknownst to you, you missed the way his gaze fell on your tall friend for a few moments, eyes filled with something no one could quite pinpoint. 

“If that’s all… we’ll take our leave now.” Chanyeol, seeing Baekhyun’s gaze linger on him, pulled you towards him as he spun his heels to take his leave. 

“Bye Baek, enjoy your party!” You looked back for one last time, basking in Baekhyun’s figure before waving goodbye while being dragged to the exit. 

Meanwhile, Baekhyun could only wave back with a pageant smile on his face. You only slightly missed the way the corners of his lips turned downwards when you placed your gaze on Chanyeol once again. 

 

 

 

 

 

To Baekhyun, you had always felt like a daydream. 

He would never get tired of thinking about you, and whenever he did, he felt like he was hit by a fresh breeze. Whenever he thought about you, he’d always manage to dream of a garden of flowers. The scent you held was of fresh daffodils, and the scent never failed to sweep him off his feet every time. 

He could only recall how many times he’d tried to laugh off his ruddy cheeks, hoping you’d never noticed the way his ears would turn pink at almost anything you did. 

He’d hoped you never noticed the way his eyes light up at the sight of you— or the way he could never wipe his smile off his face whenever he’s with you. He’d especially hoped you would never know how he would always search cheesy puns on the internet in hopes to make you laugh, because your laughter was his favorite tune. 

Because talking to you was always his favorite part of the day, and just like a fresh breeze, he swore he would never get tired of you. 

How could he ever possibly get tired of you? The thought was quite outrageous to him, not when he had the privilege of seeing the way your eyes twinkled and crinkled as you laughed. The way your short hair bounced as you talked would never fail to make him smitten. 

You were the epitome of perfection to him, and he wouldn't dare get tired of perfection. 

He would always find himself coming back to you, like you were home– and maybe you were, as you’d always been a part of his life. No matter how many parties he’d go to, or no matter how many friendships he’s made, he would always seem to find himself back on the porch of your familiar home.

You were a comforting presence to return to, but he knew that the longer he overstayed his welcome, the faster you would disappear.

He was only reminded of that when he saw the way Chanyeol’s eyes lit up when he looked at you today. 

He knew that someday, you’d be swept off your feet by someone who was more fit for you than he was. Even as he was right now, he still knew he wasn’t enough. He knew that soon, you’ll no longer be by his side, and it’ll be because of his own uncertainty. 

It was childish, but the distance between both of you only glared at Baekhyun in the face, reminding him that there was someone better out there for you. Someone other than him, who fits your piece perfectly.

Even today, he could feel the piercing of his heart seeing you drift further away from him. He could only stop and stare as you left the warm classroom hand-in-hand with Chanyeol. 

Maybe it was because he was craven and nothing he could do would ever change that— or maybe, he was just scared at the possibility of ruining what both of you had. 

Though, what scared him more was maybe that what you had wasn't enough anymore… What scared him was that maybe it was his own insecurities that stopped him from being with you. That because of him, both of you would never have anything more than what you had now.

These harrowing thoughts only replayed in his mind as he mindlessly swayed his body to the blaring music.

He’d almost forgotten that he was in the midst of a party, hosted by god knows who. Blinking in realization, the flickering of the bright neon lights pulled him out of his trance. 

Suddenly, a heavy arm slung around his shoulder, effectively grabbing his attention. 

“Baekhyun, my guy.” Jongdae looked at him with his eyes pointed, a red cup in his other hand. 

“You look stupid just standing in the middle of the dance floor.” 

At his friend's words, Baekhyun could only redden in embarrassment, suddenly realizing that he was standing there dumbly while the rest of the crowd were drunkenly swaying side to side to the annoying Britney Spears song playing. 

Kim Jongdae was his other best friend, aside from you of course. He recalled meeting  him in Physical Ed, as he had to save him from an incoming dodgeball. Jongdae called him his hero, and he could only laugh and call him a loser for falling stupidly like that. Since then, they hit it off. The whole school knew them as twin beagles, being inexorably energetic.

Roughly, his best friend pulled him out and brought him to the silent kitchen and he could only stumble along, looking like a lost puppy. 

“Jongdae– I– I just–” He tried to explain himself, hands drastically waving in panic.

“Shh… I know what it is.” Jongdae could only smirk at the lost looking guy. 

“Girl problems… right?” 

Immediately, Jongdae could feel his best friend punch him in the arm. Much to his dismay, his friend could easily see how his cheeks flared up in embarrassment. 

“No Way Jongdae! It’s just–” He tried to defend himself, he really did. Though, he only got silenced by Jongdae’s index finger. 

“Shh… Baekhyun. You get so defensive sometimes.” With his friend's finger on his mouth, he could only glare in response. 

“It’s about her, your childhood friend, right?”  

He nodded slowly, shoulders slumping. His best friend saw right through him… as expected. 

Jongdae knew everything about his situation. 

Unfortunately, he accidentally blurted it out a few months ago when he was a bit wasted. 

Luckily, only Jongdae had overheard him but unluckily, his best friend demanded every single detail about them. It was quite humiliating for him to admit that he had been crushing on his childhood friend since forever, and even more humiliating when he said that he’d accepted his defeat without even uttering a single word of confession to you. 

He could never forget the look of disappointment his best friend gave him that day. 

He didn’t need his friend's pity, not when he’d already had enough of his own. 

“Listen up Baekhyun, I'm not going to tell you that you have to man up and confess… because I know you’re too stubborn to ever listen to me.” Jongdae trailed off, knowing his best friend would never listen to his advice. 

If he did then he would have had the love of his life a few months ago, but too bad he didn’t and was instead at this boring excuse of a party. 

“So… I tell you, we should just get wasted and forget about everything!” So, Jongdae grabbed another cup of the bitter beer on the kitchen rack and handed it to his best friend, who gladly accepted.

“I like your thinking, Jongdae!” He gave out a large grin, taking one long sip of the bitter beer and let out a refreshed sigh afterwards. 

The sight was honestly quite pitiful to Jongdae, seeing his best friend choosing to distract himself from his problems instead of choosing to fix them. But, he couldn’t blame him… he could only guess that this is what love does to someone. 

 

…

 

As the night passed and the growing crowd grew louder, Baekhyun could safely conclude that he was completely wasted out of his wits. 

His surroundings were hazy, his vision blurred and his senses dulled. The loud ringing of the obnoxious party music only turned into white noise while the blaring strobe lights became clouded and muddled. Baekhyun could only drunkenly sway side to side, failing to dance as the crowd did.

He wasn’t sure how many red cups of beer he had taken, but he was sure that it was more than enough to make him this dizzy. 

He had been long abandoned by his best friend, left to fend for himself. Jongdae left him hours ago, probably out to stupidly makeout with another girl. Thus, he decided to stay at the most secluded area of the party, growing sick of the crowd. 

Though, he didn’t quite notice the lingering eyes of someone on him as he stumbled towards the empty kitchen. 

Using the kitchen counter to support his weight, Baekhyun was about to pour himself a cup of water in an attempt to sober up. Though, the sudden weight of a hot hand landed on his shoulder, pulling him out of his bubble.

“It’s nice to see you here, Baekhyun.” With her words slightly dragging towards the end, she greeted him; a sly smile appearing on her blissed-out face.

He stared at the sultry figure, recognizing her as one of the most popular girls in class. 

“A-Ah, yeah… it’s nice to see you Sunhee.” He stuttered out as he quickly left the cup of water on the counter behind him, preparing to escape the dreaded situation. 

She wore a tight silk dress, hugging her curvaceous body. The dress left almost nothing to imagination, just barely covering what needed to be covered. Although, Baekhyun didn’t really care for this, keeping his eyes on her face. Though, her face was quite eye-catching as well as it was packed with professionally done makeup, bright red lipstick highlighting everything. 

“Why so tense, Baekhyun?” Subtly turning towards him, Sunhee gripped his shoulder tighter as she moved to face his front, effectively trapping him on the kitchen counter. 

As if he was allergic to her touch, his skin burned at every trail she left. 

Trying his best to reel away as she did this, his anxiousness only grew. Carefully, he inhaled a small breath of air, nostrils immediately flaring at the scent of her suffocating perfume.  According to Jongdae, Sunhee had quite the crush on him– if you could call wanting to get into someone's pants a ‘crush.’ 

“Is it about her?” Slowly, she trailed her carefully pointed nails on his chest. 

“How’d you know?” 

Ignoring the way his skin crawled at her touch, Baekhyun glared at her, his patience wearing thin. However, she could only stare up at him with her fox-like eyes, mischief filling them. 

He trusted Jongdae and knew it wasn’t him. Thus, Baekhyun concluded that she must’ve noticed his dilemma on her own. 

“I overheard your conversation with Jongdae earlier…” She smirked at him, “Jongdae wasn’t exactly trying to be quiet about it.” 

Internally, Baekhyun noted to himself to reprimand his friend for being so loud. Though, right now all he wanted to do was run away, feeling Sunhee move closer towards him. 

“You know, Baekhyun… you’re too good for her…” Sunhee moved even closer to him, their noses almost touching. “Just be with me instead, that dumb chick doesn’t deserve you.” 

Before he could even pull away, Sunhee kissed his lips forcefully, their teeth clashing at the sudden movement. 

Her lips tasted of alcohol, and all Baekhyun felt was repulse and disgust the moment he felt them. In that moment, anger clouded his mind as he felt the violation of being forcefully put into this. It was clear he couldn’t stand anymore of her behavior, his hands clenching at the feeling.

“What the , Sunhee?!”

Immediately, Baekhyun firmly pushed her away, using enough force for her to stumble but not to fall. The feeling of her lips on his was sickening, her red lipstick stained on his lips like an ugly tattoo. To say he was enraged was an understatement. Not only did she disrespect him by ignoring his boundaries and consent, she disrespected you. 

As he stared at the stunned girl, he vigorously wiped his lips in disgust, smearing the red lipstick off his lips. 

“Just so you know, I will never like someone like you.” He pointed at her, voice filled with accusation and loathe. 

The said girl could only stare, unable to do anything as he picked himself up from the counter and started stomping towards the exit.

Though, right before exiting the horrid kitchen, he turned back and looked Sunhee straight in the eyes. 

“And by the way, it’s me who doesn’t deserve her, and never the other way around.” 

Having uttered his last few words, he turned around and walked out of the suffocating room, never turning back to see the anger settle on Sunhee’s face. 

 

…

 

The cold, unwelcoming, air soon hit him as he left that ranched party. He could only sigh and eagerly rub his hands against his arms, desperate for some kind of warmth as he grudged on the desolate sidewalk.

Baekhyun didn’t think any of what happened earlier would happen at all. His headache only grew worse after that encounter, and he suddenly regretted drinking so much and even attending that party at all. 

Relying on what’s left of his senses, he decided to go where his feet took him, which was thankfully, out of that ranched house. 

However, he didn’t think that his feet would take him right in front of your doorstep.

At this point, he couldn’t care less that the first place he went to was not his house, nor Jongdae’s house, but yours. He only guessed that this was the path most familiar to him and sighed. Even when he couldn't think straight, it was still you he was thinking of. 

After going through what he did earlier, he just needed to see a glimpse of you– because he knew that even your presence would make him feel slightly better. Usually, he would never show up this late to your house nor would he ever show up drunk out of his wits. But right now, he couldn't care less because he just wanted to see you. 

He wanted to see you without having to remind himself that someone else would sweep you off your feet. He wanted to see you without his own head banging against his heart, telling himself that he would never be able to be with you the way he wanted to. 

It’s too bad that the only way he was able to do that was when he was wasted. 

Without a care in the world, he knocked on the door to your little house. 

However, he knocked it in a rhythm that both of you had decided on since you were kids. He could only smile lopsidedly as he vaguely recalled the smile on his little face as you came up with the idea. It was both of yours’ little secret since then.

Hearing footsteps approaching the door, he straightened up as best as he could, which was not much.

Slowly, you opened the rustic door slightly, letting out a soft creek as it did so.

Unconsciously, he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as he smiled at you, who was currently peeking through the crack of the door you opened. 

He could see your eyes light up in recognition, and immediately you slowly opened up the door completely. Though, as you did so your face scrunched up in obvious distaste, probably smelling the heavy alcohol on him. 

“Y-You reek.” Your bright eyes squinted and stared at him in accusation, arms folded and all.

“I know, sweetheart.” He slurred, finally at rest at the sight of you. Even when you were in SpongeBob pajamas, hair ruffled up, and looking like you just woke up– which you probably just did– you were still perfect. 

“You should go back to your house, Baek.” You chastised, clearly disapproving his current state right now. Though, he couldn't care less. 

“But I walked all the way here just to see you!” He huffed out, arms crossed, clearly upset that he was being chased out as soon as he arrived. 

“Baekhyun… your house is right next to mine. A few more steps wouldn’t hurt you, would it?” Sighing, you gave him a wry smile, leaning your weight on your right leg as you stared at him in amusement. 

He wished you knew what your half-smile was doing to his heart right now. 

“Well! I can’t! So can I please stay over…” He begged you, hands clasped together with a pout on his face. 

Honestly, he didn’t know what possessed him to say this. Right now, he was completely drunk out of his wits, and came straight out of a horrible situation. He guessed he just wanted to bask in the comfort your presence gave him. 

A few beats of silence later, he internally rejoiced as he saw you falter for a moment, knowing that you would always give into him. 

Though, it took a few more beats of tense silence till you finally let out a tired sigh, giving into the drunken boy.

“Fine… but be quiet, okay? I don’t want my parents waking up at the sight of you wasted.” He could only clap and bounce in excitement as you led him towards your room. 

He took in the sight of the interior of your house, and it was honestly the same as ever.

Well, if he had to compare it to when he saw it a few days ago then yes– it was the same as ever. If he counted, this was probably about the thousandth time he stepped foot in your small home, and he hoped there would be a thousand more times he did. 

Slowly but steadily, he ascended the small flight of stairs and arrived in your room. 

The same baby pink walls plastered with 90’s band posters and book shelves greeted him as he stepped foot inside. He huffed as he inhaled the same mint scent of your newly dried laundry. 

To him, this was home. 

“Now please Baek, I need my beauty sleep so if you could just–” 

Ignoring your words, he threw himself on the same twin size bed you’ve had since you were children; and as he landed, the scent of daffodils invaded his nostrils. 

Sighing in bliss, the white sheets were as comfortable and as welcoming as ever.

“Baek! That’s my bed.” You huffed in dismay, clearly being frustrated at your childhood friend’s actions right now. Though, he only remained still as he took in the scent of your sheets.

“You see Baek, if you sleep on my bed then where will I sleep?” You explained to him carefully, treating him like he was a child incapable of listening to their mother, and right now in his state… maybe he was. 

Letting out a grumble, he sighed, clearly just wanting to sleep already. 

“You can sleep on your bed.” He stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the entire world. 

“N-No way! Not when you’re there! And have you seen your size?! How will we ever fit–” From the corner of his eyes, he saw your mouth open in disbelief, waving your arms in outrage. 

“We can sleep together like how we did back then… like when we were kids.” 

Sitting back upright, he looked at your hazy eyes carefully, seeing them mix with numerous emotions he couldn’t discern. 

“Please…” 

He was completely drunk out of his wits right now, and he just got forcibly kissed by one of the most popular girls in school. It was wrong of him to turn to you like this, disturbing you in your state. But he just needed to feel safe– and if safe was with you then so be it. 

In the morning, when he was fully sober, he knew that he would regret asking this. Not because he would ever regret sleeping next to you, but because he knew he was being selfish. 

He knew it was greedy of him to ask for this, knowing that he was using you for comfort– knowing that both of you were all grown up. But he just wanted to forget the newfound insecurities that laced through his head . 

He just wanted a taste of what you had back then, a taste of something precious that could never be revisited. A taste of thetimes when it was just you and him in his tiny world. 

Yet, it was too late to take back his words, as you whispered a reply that went straight to his heart.

“Just this once, okay?”

Maybe you saw the desperation in his eyes, or maybe you had wanted this too. But as you slid next to him in the small twin sized bed, he could only sigh in bliss feeling the warmth of your body sluice into his heart. 

Basking in this moment, he couldn't care less about what tomorrow would bring. He didn’t care if he would wake up in shock tomorrow, realizing what he’d done. 

Right now, all he could care about was you next to him, sleeping soundly without a care in the world. 

All he could focus on was your shallow breaths, slowly lulling him to a sound sleep.

 

 

 

 

You could never forget the way Baekhyun’s droopy eyes and hoarse voice greeted you during the morning you two had your very first sleepover. 

Both of you were only eleven years old, fresh out of elementary school. You were quite ambitious back then, wanting a taste of the freedom that teenage life gave you. Both you and Baekhyun had rushed to act like you were more than your age, feigning the maturity you felt. Though, you could only sigh in regret, knowing better now. 

The night of your last day in elementary school, you recalled when you had told Baekhyun behind his thick-rimmed frames that now, both of you could stay up late and eat whatever you wanted to eat. Immediately, you pulled him towards his house and ran to his kitchen, knowing his pantry was packed. Both of you climbed up the shelves and grabbed each and every bag of chips you could find and brought as much of them as you could to Baekhyun’s room. 

It was quite the image, seeing two children only 5 feet at most, running back and forth in the huge home. 

When both of you finally decided that you’ve garnered enough chips, you stopped. To say that both of you were exhausted was an understatement. Both of you immediately collapsed, leaning on Baekhyun’s room’s door as you stared at the heap of unhealthy food in front of you. In the end, you didn’t even eat any of the said chips. As the moment the both of you landed on his bed, you both fell into a deep slumber, too tired to even put up a fight. 

The next morning, all you could recall was the sight of your childhood friend, and the smell of salty chips in the air. 

Though, this morning all you were greeted with was the perfume stained air that stuffed your nostrils, realizing that Baekhyun had already left you. 

Honestly, you should have expected this outcome. He was quite drunk last night, so it was only natural that he would leave the first thing in the morning. You had desperately tried to ignore the lipstick that stained the corner of his mouth, nor the stuffy perfume stained on his clothes.

It was only natural that a guy like Baekhyun had other women…  though maybe he regretted his actions, or maybe he was just too distraught to care about you. 

Either way, no rational explanation of yours could ever ease the hurt you felt when you realized his absence. 

You thought you were childish, labeling the hurt you felt as overdramatics. Because that’s what love does to you, it makes you an overthinker and an over-feeler. Yet, you couldn't help but still feel a bit betrayed, knowing Baekhyun had left you in the dust after spending a night with you– knowing that Baekhyun, lipstick stain and all decided to just crash at your house and leave just like that, thinking you were some kind of stopover for his rendezvous. 

Even if both of you didn’t do anything, you still felt used– and you knew this wasn’t logical at all, so you resorted to ignoring these feelings for the rest of the day. 

You ignored the silent ache of your heart as you continued to listen to your lectures, pretending to pay attention. 

In your very last period, the only one you shared with Baekhyun, you willed it in yourself to never even spare a glance at his direction. You decided it was best to ignore him, rather than take your petty frustrations out on him. It wouldn't be fair to him after all, he didn’t know how you felt and you knew that. 

Luckily for you, Baekhyun seemed to have the same plan. You noticed that he completely ignored your presence, not even letting out his little smile as he glanced your way. 

You knew that this is what you had wanted, but you couldn’t help but feel hurt by his actions. Though, you could only follow your plan through, discarding all your emotions until you could go home and finally wallow in your sorrow. 

However, even fate was against you today.

As the bell rang and as you rushed to pack your things, a heavy hand fell on your shoulder before you could finish and dash out.

“Hey… I noticed that Baekhyun left without you.” You were greeted with the sight of your tall friend, who could only fidget as you turned to look at him. 

“Ah… yeah, I guess so…” 

Hearing the news, you once again, felt your heart ache for what must be the fiftieth time this day. In your heart, you had hoped that Baekhyun would at least spare a goodbye. 

Meanwhile, Chanyeol could only stare at you in your daze. 

“Well… if you don’t mind, can I walk you home today as well?” 

Chanyeol fiddled his backpack strap in anxiousness, seeming to be nervous for your response. 

“Sure, Yeol.” Absent-mindedly replying to him.

With that, Chanyeol only seemed to grow even more anxious, nodding his head as he clutched the straps of his backpack tighter. Though, you remained completely oblivious to his anxiety, distracted by the thoughts of this morning. 

As you finished packing the rest of your things, you could only follow Chanyeol as he led you out the half-empty classroom. 

“C-Can we stop by the library first? I have something I need to tell you in private” Chanyeol asked you, looking like he was about to throw up, just as you were about to leave your school. 

“Sure, why not?” You decided to trust Chanyeol, it must’ve been something important for him to go out of his way to speak to you in a secluded area. Plus, you needed something to distract yourself with anyway, seemingly tired of your never-ending thoughts. 

The walk to the library was filled with comfortable silence, at least that’s what you thought, never noticing the way Chanyeol continued to fidget as he walked– almost falling over at one point. 

When you both entered the silent library, you were greeted with the fresh scent of old and wrinkled paperback. It was a scent that you could never get tired of.

Though, before you could bask in the moment, Chanyeol whipped you away to your regular hangout spot. 

The steps towards the secluded table at the very back of the library felt familiar to you, after all this is where you and Chanyeol hung out all the time– If you could call hanging out being engrossed in your own books while listening to the same Madonna album over and over again. 

The place remained a good memory to you, and you hoped it would continue to act as your comfort.

As you both arrived at the empty table, you quickly sat down on a chair you claimed your own. Heaving out a heavy breath, you let the sunlight from the window behind you hit your warm head. 

It was quite pathetic seeing yourself already worn out from that short walk. You duly noted in your mind to never walk this length ever again. 

Suddenly, an uncharacteristic cough pulled you out of your thoughts. 

Looking up towards your friend, you noticed he looked like he was about to his pants— The knuckles of his hands grew white from his hard grip around his backpack straps while his curled fringe absorbed beads of sweat that garnered on his forehead. Behind his fringe, his chocolate brown eyes were shaking, holding an intense anxiety in them.

You felt quite guilty for noticing your friend’s trepidation only now, as your attention was clearly elsewhere throughout the trip. 

Trying to ease your inner guilt, you were now paying full attenti