I know it was wrong, but I did it anyway. What was it that drew me to him? Was it love? I thought. It can’t be, right? I've known him for a while now, but 'a while' feels like an eternity. Why does he hypnotize me? How come he has so much power over me? Who is this stranger I keep staring at? He is already different in appearance than any other “typical” man I had seen; with his beautiful brown hair and his caramel like skin, he is able to tear all the values of some certain culture. He is a challenge. His beauty is beyond imagination, no Dorian Gray could compare to how sinful his innocent features are. His sharp jaw could tear me into pieces as to redeem me from the sin of not noticing his divine presence before. How can someone have the power to manipulate one’s mind, leaving them hostage to doubt, fear, and lust? Love is there, indeed, but it remains one sided until our souls reunite. “Whatever our souls are made of his and mine are the same,” I really do believe it to be true, and so it was, at least for me. I knew that life was never going to be simple ever since my heart fell for him. I knew he was going to be the death of me, yet I couldn’t fight the urge to stare at him. He is mesmerizing, like a charming spell cast on me leaving me paralyzed for longer than I agreed to be. His gaze never met mine, yet I am electrified by his compelling presence. What an aura! All this time, my eyes were focused on him, studying his details as if I was his woman, but I wasn’t, I never was, and I'll never be. I find myself  cursing the day I was born in a different country, away from this piece of art. Our bodies are in the same place, yet only my soul is there. Where is he? I wonder, not the guy that other people see, but the one he judges early in the morning when he looks at himself in the mirror. But do Deities really judge themselves? For he, for sure, is a deity. There is no human being that perfect. Our eyes finally meet. The long creepy checkout eventually ends by getting caught in the act, literally “red handed”. I know that we can never be together; it is too obvious for me, for I am me and he is KAI. We cannot find a common ground for each other to stand on. I know who he is, he is the love of my life, but he doesn’t know me. Maybe that’s why he looked confused when he felt my gaze piercing him in the first place. I am too basic, probably more basic than any other basic person. My features are common, and I have nothing special in my appearance, I have always been aware of that. I probably won't catch the eye of someone as good looking as the Great Kim Jongin. There are so many thoughts that lived with me for the past four years, some brought me back to life, and some killed me over and over again. I have suffered a lot already from the dark feelings that swallowed me. I draw my attention to him once again. He looked away already. I feel a sting in her heart. Why? I wonder. Why would I feel this way? I was so convinced that I've moved on, yet this feeling is devouring me piece by piece. I want him to look at me once again, I want him to notice me one more time, but he never does. He is way too focused on whatever topic that was raised with his manager. I am stuck. I want to run away, to escape this hell, this fake heaven between his arms. I want to run fast, to turn my back and leave, but I am paralyzed. I am stuck in a world that I do not belong to, and that is tearing me apart. What a life! It seems that his life is complete without me, while I suffered, cried, and even faced hell when I felt like we have no present, nor a future together. What kind of fate is this, to be faced with him, to be reminded of my pain, to open up an infected wound that still has not been healed yet? It has been a while since I last dreamt of him. Although we've never really, technically, met, but I never ceased to picture how life would have been with him. I pictured it to be vivid. We could have been happy; I could have made him happy. I wanted to try new things with him. I wanted to live life with him and for him, to see new colors with him, to taste new flavors with him. I wanted to be loved by him, but I didn’t know that he had been leading a life on his own, that he already discovered the things I wanted to discover with him, with someone else. I've realized that too late. But I still love him. How naïve, how frail! I didn’t notice that I am still facing him this whole time until he approaches me. 
“Hi! Are you an exoL?” His voice feels like pure honey burning down my throat. I am puzzled. I am not sure what to say or how to react, so I just go with a nod. His smile lights up the world.

 “Where are you from?” He asks. Of course he notices that I am not Korean.
 “Tunisia.” I say. He doesn't know the country, it's obvious. I know him, I know him too well to notice that he is lost.
“North Africa.” I point out. He nods in agreement. But I keep quiet, I'm speechless. I just stare at him. This could be another dream, and he may disappear. I want to tell him that I miss him, that I'm so glad I've seen him, that I never wish to be parted from him, but my voice is betraying me. 

 “Do you not want to talk to me? I thought you maybe wanted to say something because you were staring at me.” He says. How could he be so straight forward? He had always been shy, what happened?

"I'm not sure what to say.." I blush.

 “Oh, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, you seem shy. Anyway, do you want to take a picture?” He asked. Of course I do! I will find a way to hang it on my heart if I could. But I cannot say that, not when my tongue is twisted. I feel like crying, I feel the weight on my chest is threatening to expose my feelings for him. I feel the tears building up inside my eyes, and I look away to cover up.

“Sure.” I say, coldly. It's probably confusing to him, he probably never encountered any fan like me. I am odd and very weird. I take my phone out of my bag and unlock it. I lift my arm to snap a picture, but he snatches the phone from my hands. 
"It would look better if I take the picture, you know because I am taller." He smirks. He literally snapped ten pictures, and he refused to hand me back my phone until he sees if all of these pictures are good enough for him. I look away from him, anxious as always. I glance Chanyeol from over the distance, he's standing besides a huge black car. “Here you go."  He says, handing me my phone. 
"Thank you for your time.” I say and run away. What the was that? Did I just meet Jongin? Am I dreaming?

It takes me a while to recover from the fact that I was able to see him, for real. He was right in front of me, in blood and flesh. I cannot believe my eyes. My heart was jumping in harmony with the sound of his breath. I thought I was doing fine, I thought I moved on, but as I am standing in this deserted place where my thoughts are rambling on and my breath is hard to be caught, I can see that I have never left his side. His voice echoes in my head, ringing my dusty bells once again. I can’t believe that I’m back to my fragile self, I thought I was strong. I am fuming, I have never ran this fast in my life. Moments like this make me realize how stupid I am. The thought of him crosses my mind again, and I find myself smiling like a child. Stupid butterflies m