I take a shallow breath in, pain runs through my entire body.  All I can do it stare into Hongki’s eyes.  It’s the first time since Wonbin’s death that I have seen any kindness there; the first time I have seen any sense of remorse.

     I finally get the courage to look down.  What I see frightens me.  There is a knife which has been roughly shoved into my right side sticking out from just under my rib cage.  Hongki’s hand is still wrapped around the handle.  I take in another shallow breath.  I try to remain calm.

     Hongki is also trying to calm himself down.  I can see the visible struggle on his face.  I can also read the shock in his eyes.  He clearly didn’t want this.

     “Hold still.”  He finally gets himself together enough to speak and think clearly.  “We need to remove the blade.  It’s going to hurt.”  And without any further notice Hongki rips the blade back out.  My vision blurs from the pain.  I can vaguely hear my own cry of pain as I try to remain conscious.

     “What’s going on in here?”  Minhwan asks as he storms into the room.  He freezes in the door way as he takes in the scene of my blood stained side and the blood drenched knife in Hongki’s hand.

     “Get Jonghoon!  Now!”  Hongki gives the orders and swiftly turns his attention back to me.  “I need to remove your shirt so I can see the wound ok?”  He half questions half warns as he removes my shirt.

     “Why?”  I ask through sharp, short breaths. 

     “I, I didn’t mean to.”  Hongki starts, the tremor in his voice is something I haven’t heard in a long time, “It was just a reaction.  I didn’t even think.”

     “No,”  I wasn’t asking about why he stabbed me. “why are you – ugh – why are you helping me?” I can't seem to calm myself down.  The adrenaline is still pumping through my body.

     “What?”  Hongki questions. 

“You shouldn’t be – helping a – traitor.” I manage through the pain.

“_______,”  Hongki starts, but Jonghoon and Minhwan enter the room, and cut Hongki off.

     “Let me see.”  Jonghoon states as he kneels down next to me and begins to examine the slash in my side.  “It’s not too deep.  It doesn’t seem to have pierced any organs – which is good, but you are bleeding way too much.  We need to get this cleaned up and stop the bleeding immediately.”  He looks to Hongki for permission to work on me.  My life is now in Hongki’s hands yet again.

     A quick nod of Hongki’s head and Jonghoon immediately starts to work on me.  For the next fifteen minutes or so Jonghoon works to stop the bleeding and get everything all cleaned up.

     “This next part is going to hurt.”  Jonghoon states, “This wound is too long – I need to stitch it up for it to heal correctly.”       

     “Just hurry up and do it.”  I snarl at him – the pain has gone down now, but I have received stitches before and I know how much they hurt.  I feel tired, and weak from all the blood loss.  I just want this whole thing to be over.

    A blinding pain shoots through my side and is the last thing I remember before the world goes dark.

    What will it take to get you to quit?  What more can I do to get you to leave the Roses?  How did everything turn out this way?  Don’t you realize I can’t lose you like I lost Wonbin?  My thought are racing as I watch Jonghoon stitch up the now unconscious ______.  I am disgusted with myself for letting everything get this far.  I can’t remember when everything took a turn for the worse.  Try as I might I just can’t recall when it all got this bad.

    How can I keep my promise to him if you refuse to give up this life?   How can I protect you like Wonbin asked if you won’t leave gang life?  I need you to quit before I become the danger towards you.  I also need to eliminate those damned Bunnies.  They threaten all of us.  I don’t know how else to keep everyone safe.  I’m not the one that should be leader – I don’t have the skill for it. I just can't let you have the position again.

     “She’s all stitched up, but it would be best to leave her in the infirmary for a few days.  She needs to regain her strength.  She lost a lot of blood.”  Jonghoon states, a questioning look remains in his eyes the whole time.  “Just what happened Hongki?”  He can’t help but ask the question that has been haunting his eyes.

     “Just take her to the infirmary.  Don’t ask me right now.  I still need to figure it out myself.” That was a dismissal, and Jonghoon heeds it.  He and Minhwan take ______ out of the office.

     A sigh escapes my lips.  My weaknesses are beginning to show more and more.  She needs to believe she is no longer welcome here.  I just hope she doesn’t go to those damn Bunnies when she finally decides to leave.  This time I need to use Seunghyun against her in a more drastic measure.  And I need to control myself better – what would I have done if I had killed her?   

     I can’t even begin to think of what would have happened if she had died just now.  Guilt begins to weigh heavily upon me. I lose myself in thought for the next few hours as I try to figure out how to fix everything.

     A commotion down in the common room pulls me out of my thoughts.  I pull out my gun and race for the door.  The rough, deep voice I hear from down stairs can’t be mistaken for any other voice. 

     When I enter the hallway and look down into the common room I see all six B.A.P members, or at least I think they are – they no longer have their trade mark blonde hair, but instead have hair of various colors, huddled together.  At least two of the members seem to be bloodied up pretty badly.  The one with black hair isn’t even standing on his own, but is supported by the man with the deep, husky voice I heard earlier.  My eyes lock with Yongguk’s as he spots me staring down at the cornered Bunnies.

     “We need your help.”  Yongguk states.  Panic shoots through me; he would never come to us for help unless it was the most desperate of situations.