Final chapter : Our Sacred Memories [oneshot]
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I took a deep breath and exhale leisurely, enjoying every breath I took.

I lay down with my both arms immersed on the green patch of grasses staring up the picturesque blue sky.

I was on top of a hill.

Everything was so clear from my view.

People, Cars, buildings, everything.

I could see everything.

The reason why I’m on top of a hill was because I was…

 

Waiting…

The fresh of cool air filled my lungs.

I felt rejuvenated.

The land was ablaze with flowers of a myriad of colors were in full bloom.

Masses of lavender and rosemary hedges thrived.

The low emerald hills stretched from east to west.

Observing scores of kites – some in the simple diamond shape and others in the shapes of ferocious dragons and regal-looking eagles – could be seen soaring in the clear sky from a distance.

A cool breeze caressed my cheeks and ruffled my hair causing my neatly combed straight hair to follow the direction of the wind, leaving it messy and tangled.

Moments later, the occasional breeze died down, leaving the trees and grass to wither in the scorching heat but I could still hear the faint whispering of the breeze.

Thin veils of clouds hung in distance.

Trees stood stoically, lending shades to passer-bys who gladly took refuge due to the unbearable heat.

Elongated shadows stretched themselves lazily on the ground.

The sun beat down on the hard, burnt ground.

The grueling heat stung my soft, white skin.
 

It was hypnotic.

The wilting heat caused me to feel lethargic.

Minutes after, I felt a presence coming to me.

How did I know?

Easy. There’s such thing called ‘instincts’.

How did I grow a familiar feeling when ever the presence is near?

Well,

I was glued to him ever since our diaper days, until I got familiar to him.
 

Everything…

About…

Him…

This might sound freaky but; I got familiarized in everything he does.

The way he walks, talk, sleep and even eat.

I even know what kind of food he’s allergic to.

From his favorite color to his allergies to his birth mark…

And…his ha-

Umm…I don’t think it’s appropriate to say it out loud…

 

ANYWAY,

I know, I’m…creepy but hell, I knew him longer than anyone else.

And I even stayed with him throughout the sorrows and grieves he had to face.

Obviously, I knew him better than anyone else, even his foster parents…

Oh, have I told you?

He’s a foster child now.

His biological mom sent him away because she wanted him to live a better life; didn’t want him to face any sorrows.

His dad? Well, he was nowhere to be found.

Oh I remembered, a few years back…

A guy named Han who was believed to be his biological dad, filed in a lawsuit stating for rights on his son.

He divorced Jaejoong’s biological mother and gave up his custody over his child; Jaejoong leaving him under Mrs. Han's custody.

However, he had found out that Jaejoong had been raised by a third party, not his biological mother.

Soon, a DNA test was performed in order to prove validity of Mr Han’s claim.

Many legal consultants comment that since the adoption had taken place correctly according to the corresponding law, no legal change will be involved regardless of the outcome.

I don’t really know what happened next but all I know is that he has two names.

Well duh, I’m not his stalker plus, I don’t have the rights to in his family crisis.

Han Jaejoon; his original birth name given by his mom

 

And…

 

Kim Jaejoong; initially given by his foster parents.

He also vigorously mentions that he wants to live as Kim Jaejoong and doesn’t want any conflicts happening between his four parents.

That’s a good thing…right?

***

“Well, you’re late”, I said confidently, ruffling my hair in the cool breeze.

My heart beat fasten as the scent got closer.

It was the same familiar scent; creamy rose with a hint of vanilla.

I had always liked that scent.

The sweet scent that always left me hanging and feeling breathless.

“Hana?”, a hand stretch out to get a hold of my shoulder.

I turned around to be facing a charming angel.

His skin was flawless

But pale…

Perfect structured nose.

Perfect jaw line.

His eyes were the shiny darkness found on a beetle's wing; deep and lustrous darkness, like a forest pool under the shade of ancient oaks.

His lips were plump and pink but with a hint of paleness…

He’s the definition of perfect minus off the paleness.

My face lit up with a smile automatically.

He was impeccably dressed in white matching clothes and a gleaming leather shoes.

Overjoyed, I leapt up and tried to put my arms around his broad shoulders but my arms pass through his figure.

Ghostly figure…

I couldn’t comprehend on why I still can’t touch him but everything starts to sink in slowly.

He’s not solid like how I am…

He caresses my cheeks slowly but I couldn’t feel his touch.

Our eyes met leaving a good sensation.

Somehow, I got lost in his gaze and I started having butterflies in my stomach.

I could feel that the time stops momentarily just for us.

But,

Why am I so anxious?

Probably because of his…astounding gaze?

His smiles had me held my breath.

Casually, he walked pass by me and sat under the big shady tree behind us.

Patting the ground gently by his side, offering me to join him under the shades.

Tucking in back of my dress, as I slowly getting down positioning my seat.

“How’s my dear Hana, hmm?”,

He fixed his gaze at me and smiled as his ghostly translucent hand wrapped my hand.

 

Boy,

My mind swayed for minutes.

He leans in, looking deeply into my eyes.

My heart pounding harder that I could almost feel it slamming against my ribcage.

GOSH. Don’t KILL ME OFF THIS WAY.

I smiled hard trying to calm down my heart, as I looked up into the sky, averting his gaze.

“I-i-idiot,… why are you looking at me that way for?”, I stuttered, still looking at the sky with a nervous mind.

I could feel my palms getting sweaty.

 

“Babo, relax, you’re too tense up. You think I don’t know that your nervous level are increasing rapidly now? Probably it reached 100 or something”, he teased.

Yeah, that’s him alright.

He knows me best.

It’s hard for me to act normal when I’m nervous no matter how hard I try…

No matter how nonchalant I tried to be, he always caught me.

I’m so clumsy whenever I’m around him.

I always let him see my flaws.

And it’s…obvious to him.

Magically, his face appeared before me.

As though, heaven had sent down an angel.

He pressed his palm against the tree bark.

 

"Why can't I stare at my girlfriend that way? Every inch of your face, makes a beautiful maze for my eyes to trace”, said with a sunny smile upon his face.
 

“Oh shut up oppa, you’re making me blush!”

“I know and I like that”, he smiled.

I like the way you stare me down as if you’re going to swallow me up.

Frankly,

I like it here dear. Beside you.

Wishing we could sit here and pass the time.

With you,

KIM JAEJOONG.

***

“Hana…”, his voice was faint. I could barely hear him calling me.

 

He looked at me with eyes filled with sorrows.

“Yes Joongie?”, I responded cheerfully; wanting the awkward atmosphere to go away.

“It’s getting late…”

Now that he mentioned it, I just realized that.

I scanned my surroundings.

The kites that were in the skies moments ago were nowhere to be seen.

The clear blue skies with white fluffy clouds are turning orange.

The sun is setting and it’s going to be dark soon.

But the scene is perfect,

A romantic scene…

Perfect…

Like those scenes you see on televisions…

“And…?”, I said, knowing that he has something more to say.

“You better go home otherwise, your mom’s not going to be happy if you stayed out late especially with a ghost like me since you’re the only person who could see me while others can’t, people might call you crazy if they sees you talking to yourself”

“That’s the reason why we meet each other discreetly without being notice by others. But I’m not crazy, oppa. I’m talking to you right? I’m not crazy”, I said; convincing myself.

“You’re not crazy honey, but still—”, his words got interrupted, “Yes oppa, I know…but, can we meet each other later on? I’ll ask omma for permission!”

“A-are you serious? Hana! It’s turning night soon and I don’t want you to be walking around alone. What if you’re in trouble? What if…”, his words got interrupted, again.

“Oppa, I’m a big girl now. Don’t worry. Sheesh! You’re still the same person you were last time…some things just never change do they?”, a smile crept upon my face.

“Aigoo…fine then but if you’re in trouble, don’t tell me I didn’t warn you”, he rub his temples with his eyes close.

“Yay! Thank you oppa! I love you! Adios~”, I zoom out of his sight.

“Yes Hana, some things just never change…”
 

***

“eomma~ I’m going off yeah”, I reach out for my bag pack and left the house hastily before mom could even respond.

Because I know,

She will never let me off…at this time.

I look up at the full moon above me as I slowed my pace along the narrow alley way.

Whether it was me or my imagination,

But,

I saw…

Dad…

His clear image,

Taking the shape of the moon.
 

I miss him.

 

Tears trickled down my cheeks as I reminisce back the memories when dad was still
 

Alive…
 

He was the greatest dad one could ever have.

He’s the only person who understands me when mom doesn’t.

The one who always gives me his full support when I enter any competitions.

The one who always says, “Don’t give up bud” with his country side accent when I cry.

But now, he’s gone…

May he rest in peace.
 

***

“Oppa!”, I stood one meter away from him.

 

“Oh? Hana? You’re here”, he stood up from the spot where he was sitting.

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I be? You’re funny”, I walked over to the spot next to him and settle myself down.

“Yeah well, always…So…”, he cleared his throat.

Strange. He sounds so…awkward.

The atmosphere IS awkward.

But I didn’t let that bother me of course.

"Look what I brought!", I took out a music box from my bag and put it infront of him. I started spinning the key attached to the music box and it automatically started playing melodious rhythm.

The ballerina on the music box started spinning slowly.

"...y-you...still keep it?"

"Of course I do! Why wouldn't I? Do you think after you're dea-...err...nevermind!"

That was close.
I should really think twice before I spit anything out.

"For your information, I still keep the things you gave me. I don't throw it away because it's precious to me, just like you are, oppa...", my voice was faint as I lock my eyes with his.

"Oppa, why?"
"Why what?", he asked.

"Why must you leave me?", 

“Oh..., that, I err...because, I had to protect you. I would do anything for you even put my life on the line just for you, my dear", he caress my cheek but I didn't feel anything... 

"Oh..."
 

Hana! Let’s waltz!”, he beamed.

“Huh? Whuuuut? No way! I can’t!”

He just had to ruin the moment don't he?

“Please? Let this be the most memorable night yeah? Who knows this might be the last time we’re seeing each other.”

“Huh? What did you say oppa?”

“Uhh…nothing. Come on, let’s waltz!”, he stood up and put out his palm for me.

“Oppa…we can’t touch each other, remember?”, I said.

Maybe he forget about that fact…

… the fact that he’s a dead man.

“Nono, it’ll be fine. Trust me”

 

I looked into his eyes; convincing myself that it’ll be okay and that he’s not lying.

I put out my hand onto his shoulder and another on his palm.

Although I can’t literally feel his touch, I pretended I could.

I was actually holding onto nothing except for the invisible air.

We swayed and created our own music.

He hummed a few melodies which had me giggling.

Gust of wind were surrounding us.

“Hana, close your eyes”, I was hesitant to but his eyes were penetrating right through me.

Right through my,

Soul…

His request gave me unknown chills.

I have a bad feeling.

Before I even knew what was it?

My heart ached.

Obediently, for Jaejoong.., I shut my eyes closed.

He leaned in, planted a kiss over my lips.
Somehow, I…could feel his warm tender, plum lips pressing against me.

It had me…woke up in surprise. I felt …happy,

But,

Why is…

Jaejoong’s body,

He’s fading…

What’s going on?

The clouds forming closely, creating a cold and dark atmosphere.

The leaves on trees rustled hard by the strong gust of wind.

“Hana, thank you. I have to go now.”

In a reflex timing, my hand reached out grabbing his impossible hand.

“W-wait, where to?”, he gave me the obvious look on his face, “Please don’t…Please DON’T! No, YOU CAN’T!!”.

Half of his body faded, leaving half of his face and his hand I’m grabbing onto.

“I’m sorry, .. I don’t have the time left”, he sounded apologetic by his sudden … ‘call’,

“Hana, I. Love. You”

He’s gone.

He left with his final word ‘goodbye’, sounded like a soft whisper that blends in the wind.

“Jae-j-oong..? He’s gone? Really .. gone?”, within me snapped as the thoughts registered.

 

Smiling bleakly, I could not utter a word properly.

I leaned back, shaken, staggering to the pain pounding in my head, in my heart.

My chest heaved and got me fell on my knees.

Unable to contain my emotions, I could feel my eyes clouding.

Although, I knew you had gone, before. When your make-belief presence lingers around me, had me doubting.

With each breath I took, I took the chance to bawl out your name.

I’m in at utterly helpless state.

I knelt down, as I watched the lonely scenery with devastated face.

Having to lost you, …

I could not see pass your shadow now.

I could not understand how we, used to be so close.

As though, our souls which tightly bind together…

Could just suddenly..

Stripped apart..

From each other.

Forever --Like a mere whisper.

You’ve gotten this far to draw our hearts together,

but now you’d made my heart cried loudest.

Failed to bring you back to me, again.

How can it possibly be?

How can you suddenly be so far,

Far away from me?

Must I accept your passing? As a fitting end to what we’ve had..?

Should I, should I just accept from this moment, where there will always be a chasm between us.

You won’t be by my side,

Not even for a single happy while.

Have you really gone away?

Have you really left me?

Jaejoong, have you?

Me, alone?

Can’t you hear me now as I speak, as I search the skies,

For traces of your smile.

How I wish I didn’t averted your gaze,

Wishing we could just stare into each other eyes, all day long.

I wished you could see me now.

And how I desire that all this time.

I pray,

that you would be sitting up there, listening, gazing at me, loving me, blowing me, heating me, cooling me.

How I pray, that you have not really gone.

That you have not left my side at all.

Not even for a short lonely while.

That’s all the while I have been weeping.

You will be there holding out your hands, catching my every tear.

With all the angels in whose company you are now walk amongst,

Praying together with me, in our two different world. Who knows?

Maybe you have not really left. Do you still lingers around me..?

As the wind breezed pass me, maybe that could be you teasingly blowing me.

As the Sun scorched, maybe that could be you, warming me.

As winter came, maybe, just maybe that could be you getting a cold.
When I cried on this patch of grass, maybe it seeped pass through in you.

As the moon lit up the lonely dark sea sky, you look as lonely as me, watching upon you.

As the stars sparkling above me, I aligned them selfishly and made your face with it.

As surely as our love remains,

I never have thought, of this sudden goodbye.

Now, this spot will be reminiscent of what’ve remains left.

 

I can’t and I won’t forget your love.

 

We shall…

 

Once I’d cross over to see you,

 

To be with you,

Back again.

 

For now…

 

Watch over me,

 

Kim Jaejoong…