It was the sobbing by his side that woke him up.

 

They had been recurring the last few nights so his body moved automatically before he fully registered what was happening. He had surely drifted away throughout the night, so he closed the distance between them again by pulling Baekhyun's body into his arms.

 

“...No”

 

Baekhyun was shivering, his skin felt cold, and Chanyeol could see the tears rolling down his cheeks.

 

In the past he had comforted him after his nightmares, but he knew those hadn't been as monstrous as the ones that currently plague Baekhyun's nights. At that time, he had also found adorable the sounds that Baekhyun made when sleeping, he thought he sounded like a little puppy but now, he would give anything to return to those simple and carefree nights.

 

"No more ... p-please."

 

"Shhh. Everything is fine, I'm here.” He knew that Baekhyun hadn't awakened yet, his nightmares tormented him in the cruelest way but he hoped that at least his presence was enough to calm him down. “You are safe now.”

 

He could feel the boy clinging at him desperately. Chanyeol kept whispering words of comfort in his ear as he his head, running his hand through his hair. It was soft and delicate like Baekhyun. Even if the boy denied those words, Chanyeol assured him that it was the way he saw him. After all, they had been the first words that had come to his head the first time he had laid eyes on the other.

 

He remembered it as if it had been yesterday, when in fact it had been almost an eternity, between the time they grew up together and the years he spent frozen without any knowledge that the other was still alive.

 

He had seen him for the first time when he helped him with the bullies near his house, his parents worked all day so he took his time remembering that there was no one waiting for him at home. Due to his height, his ears or even the way he spoke, the children seemed to get annoyed with his presence and from time to time they would bully him. He was taller than them but he didn't see the point in answering or provoking them, he thought they would leave if he didn't go along with them, or at least that's what he thought until a small and daring Byun Baekhyun stood in front of him and defended him.

 

Maybe that day Baekhyun had come home with a bruise near his left eye and a broken lip, but he had also gained a new friend. That's what he had told Chanyeol after dragging him home. The Byuns were kind people and they were always ready to help him if he needed it, to offer him their house so that he would not spend the rest of the afternoon alone.

 

A few seconds in Baekhyun's presence were enough for Chanyeol to drop his barriers and find himself laughing like never before. It was just the beginning of a friendship with feelings so strong that neither of them could control. They did everything together, went to school, shared breaks as well as some of their classes, and did their homework together in the afternoon. That had been their routine for years, until Baekhyun told him that he was not going to college, he wanted to join the army and help the country. All those years at his side had shown him that even though Baekhyun seemed like someone cute and small in appearance, he was so impulsive and strong with a heart bigger than the whole world. He had told him that he felt the call of responsibility, that he wanted to help, do good and leave a mark.

 

Chanyeol tried to convince him but he knew that one of the other's greatest characteristics was his stubbornness and that once he made a decision nothing and no one could make him change his mind. He did everything to stop him and in the worst case scenario, accompany him but his physical condition was not the best, his eyesight was not perfect or suitable for the army entrance exams and he was not proud of his physique either, much less his asthma and weak heart. On more than one occasion his parents had taken him to the emergency room in the middle of the night for his condition.

 

Now thanks to the serum, all that was a matter of the past but so was that dreamy, happy and full of life Baekhyun.

 

"Please ... please ... no ... Chanyeol." It broke his heart that he couldn't help him fight those battles, he did his best to distract him when negative thoughts flooded his mind, but it was difficult.

 

"I am here. I will always be here. You will never be alone again.” He felt Baekhyun settle into his arms, his head resting on Chanyeol's arm while his hand clung desperately to his shirt which was now wet from his tears, but he didn't care. His other hand rested on Baekhyun's waist, absently and drawing random patterns over the fabric of his pajamas.

 

He kept muttering sweet words in the dark hoping they would at least reach Baekhyun's subconscious.

 

He couldn't help it, since he saw him for the first time again on that mission in Budapest he had recognized him. It had been a long time and even after waking years later he had felt alone, empty. The world had moved on while he was frozen and no one could help him get back or make up for lost time. All of his family members whom he had grown up with, aged or passed away and his friends, well Baekhyun was the only one who mattered and there was no sign of him anywhere. He assumed that he had died in one of the trenches, with the lost and incomplete records of the time they had not even found his body. That is why when he saw him he instantly recognized him.

 

His hair was longer than he remembered, in fact Baekhyun had never worn it so long, it reached almost his shoulder, his toned body and dark clothes had made him hesitate for a moment, until he saw his eyes. He would have been able to recognize those eyes anywhere in the world and at any possible time.

 

It seemed as if time had stopped and he was watching everything in slow motion. People ran around him escaping from the chaos, his companions fighting and dodging the enemy's bullets, but he couldn't take his gaze away from the boy in front of him.

 

"Baekhyun?" He was about to drop his shield but his body moved automatically before he could think to avoid the blow that was aimed at him. He tried to call him in the middle of the chaos but got no response, nothing but blows. The beautiful eyes full of light and life that he remembered now gave him a cold and empty look.

 

They moved almost in tune, attacking and dodging the blows of the other, he was surprised by the speed of his movements and how strong he had become, it was until one of his blows reached him, that the mask that covered the lower part of his face slid off, denying any doubts that still remained in Chanyeol.

 

Baekhyun was still alive and attacking him.

 

The last few months had been difficult, but Chanyeol was willing to do anything to help him. He had turned his back on his friends, his team and the rest of the world just for Baekhyun, and he was sure that if he had to make a decision again he would choose Baekhyun, forever.

 

Baekhyun had been his beginning, his best friend, his family, his whole world and he didn't want to think about a place without him again, he had experienced it and felt like the unhappiest person in the world. He promised himself that he would not let that happen again. Not while he was by his side to care and protect him.

 

Now that he saw him in his arms and his memories had progressively returned, he felt a little calmer. Unfortunately, just as the memories of before had returned, also all the bad ones from his years following orders, being a puppet ... and the time of "training" in the hands of the enemy, just thinking about it made his blood boil. He would never forgive them. He could not even conceive the thought that those who had harmed him in this way were human ... it had been too much.

 

The absence of his left arm was something they were both still trying to assimilate. It was dangerous, he wasn't going to deny it, but it had been necessary.

 

He was caressing his scalp when he felt how the little one in his arms seemed to move. He was awake.

 

There was something more painful than hearing Baekhyun sob in his dreams and that was the expression that appeared on his face when he woke up from his nightmares. Before he could say anything, Chanyeol wiped away his tears and just hugged him tighter, he needed Baekhyun to make sure he was by his side, that his presence was real.

 

He waited for Baekhyun's breathing to calm down again as he delicately held his face.

 

“I’m Sorry.” He whispered in a low voice, as if afraid to raise his tone.

 

"Hey, why are you apologizing? You have done nothing wrong.”

 

"You know that's not true."

 

"I'm going to repeat this as many times as necessary, until your beautiful little head can accept it." His tone was serious and had he not met him, Baekhyun might have felt intimidated but the small flip on his forehead dispelled any thoughts. "It wasn't your fault."

 

"... That´s not true." Baekhyun wanted to believe it, he really wanted to but, every time he closed his eyes he remembered everything he had done, the people he had hurt, those from whom he had taken their future, he felt like he could still listen to the pleas of his "victims and targets" on each mission.

 

He could see them, they were the constant reminder that his subconscious created to remind him that he could not afford to forget them and be happy.

 

Chanyeol could see it, the precise moment when the other began to lock himself in the bubble, when dark thoughts appeared and he was not going to allow it. He took Baekhyun's face in his hands and stared into his eyes.

 

"Listen, I know you don't want to believe me and that you think you have to take the blame all the time, or that you don't deserve what you have now but believe me Baekhyun, you do. You were tortured for years, your memories were taken away and you were used as a weapon. But now you are free, you have saved lives ... you deserve at least a little happiness. You deserve to live the life that was taken from you. Don't think for a second otherwise, please.”

 

“But-”

 

“But nothing. If you don't want to believe in yourself, at least believe in me.”

 

“... how can you bear the sight of me after everything I did? After all the damage I caused.”

 

“There is nothing to forgive. You were forced to do it, against your will. Because the Baekhyun I know, the one I love... would never have done all of that on his own free will.”

 

"That's the problem, Chanyeol." Baekhyun pulled away from him, sitting up in bed with his back to him. He must have guessed that Chanyeol would follow him in a matter of seconds, searching his gaze again. "That Baekhyun no longer exists. I am nothing but an empty shell.”

 

“No. That is not true. It is not true and you know it, you only say it to torture yourself to punish yourself more, but it is not true. And do you know how I'm sure of it?”

 

Baekhyun slowly shook his head, denying it but his eyes didn't leave Chanyeol's, as if craving every word that came out of his mouth.

 

"Because you feel guilty. Because you regret what you did, what others forced you to do. If you were an ‘empty shell’ as you say, that wouldn't matter to you. But you are able to feel it, here.” His hand rested on Baekhyun's chest, right where his heart was. He could feel the rushing beat under his touch and how the tears kept falling down his face.

 

“None of that. Come here.” It was 3 in the morning and the moonlight was still filtering through the window that was next to the bed and yet Chanyeol wrapped him in his arms again, Baekhyun now sitting on his legs, his right hand instinctively clinging to Chanyeol's shirt to steady himself. He took him by the neck until their foreheads were touching.

 

Neither said anything for a while, it wasn't necessary. Baekhyun knew that Chanyeol was doing this to calm him down, he knew that Baekhyun loved physical contact and that many years ago he had confided to him his biggest secret: That Chanyeol was his safe place, that regardless of his mood, any problems and difficulties in his life, he always found comfort in his arms ... and that hadn't changed.

 

"You are supposed to be the symbol of Peace. And I’m just ... I’m the representation of what you fight against.”.

 

"I'm supposed to fight for a better world, for a safer one. One in which I can protect those I love the most ... But ... What should I do if you are my world? - He was sure that if it weren't for the light in the room, he would have been able to appreciate the slight blush on Baekhyun’s cheeks. Who upon hearing his words averted his gaze, unable to hold Chanyeol's.

 

"You're a fool," he muttered before resting his head on Chanyeol's shoulder, trying to hide his face in the curve of his neck as he tried to hug him.

 

He hated him, well he didn't hate him per se, it was just an expression. But he was irritated by the way Chanyeol always knew the right words, what he needed to hear, how it was always easy for him to express himself and help him dispel that black cloud in his head. How he was able to ease his heart in a matter of seconds, how his touch was all he needed to melt into his arms.

 

But worst of all, he hated how Chanyeol held his heart in the palm of his hand, how careful he was with him because he knew that despite everything, his heart was still fragile. And he knew that having experienced all of this not once but a thousand times in his life ... he would never be able to let it go.