Week one - March 15, 2021

At night were the worst times for Minho. Daytime wasn’t any better either, but there was room for distractions. During the night when everyone was asleep, Minho would be tossing and turning in his sleep or simply lay awake for hours on end until the sun rose. 

When he did get sleep, it wasn’t much. The first week back home, Minho was constantly waking up in cold sweats. The dreams he had felt too real that he would sit up in bed suddenly, gasping for air and his heart racing. It was one thing for Minho to have episodes like these, but it was a whole different ball game when he woke up screaming. 

The first time it happened, his screams were deafening and by the time Sohee tried to calm him down, Taemin and Haneul were awake. Taemin stood in the doorway of their room, holding Haneul by the hand while turning the light on. 

“Minho, you’re okay! Please, calm down,” Sohee said in a hushed voice. She was holding his face in her hands trying to bring him back to reality when his own hands shot up to grab her wrists. He held a death like grip on her and she cried out in pain.

Taemin left Haneul at the door as he ran to Sohee’s aide. 

“Hyung! Stop! You’re hurting her! Let her go!” Taemin yelled at Minho while trying to pry his hands off of her wrists. 

It took a few moments until Minho realized what was happening. Immediately he let Sohee go. Her hands were shaking and would’ve turned purple if Taemin hadn’t intervened to make Minho stop. The three of them sat in shock and in disbelief of what had just happened. 

“Sohee-ah, I… I’m—“ Minho choked out but stopped when he caught the sound of Haneul’s sobs. 

The little boy remained standing in the doorway as he watched everything before him unfold. The big tears rolled down his cheeks, his little nose a bright red as he visibly was upset.

Instinctively, Minho rose up from the bed, pushing past Taemin to make his way to Haneul. When Minho reached the doorway, the boy shrieked and backed up into the hallway. Minho felt his heart sink as he knelt down and held his arms out.

“Haneul-ah, it’s appa. C’mon, come give appa a hug.” Minho said with a soft voice while he pleaded. 

Haneul kept crying and backed away again, shaking his head. “Aniyo! Appa is bad!” 

Minho didn’t even feel Taemin push past him to get to Haneul. He scooped up his nephew quickly into his arms to carry Haneul back to his room. Minho’s arms dropped to his sides as he remained where he was. His eyes had become wet with tears and as hard as he tried to blink them back, it didn’t help when he heard Haneul’s sobs and Taemin trying to comfort him. 

“Minho…?”

Sohee quietly came from behind him but she stood at a safe distance. Minho turned a little to acknowledge her but looked back towards the empty hallway where Haneul stood just seconds ago. 

Sohee decided to get a little bit closer to Minho and realized he was quietly crying. His head was bent low with his one hand shielding his eyes and his other arm crossed over his chest. 

“Oppa, please don’t cry,” Sohee pleaded in a whisper while sitting on her knees. She reached out to touch his shoulder but he immediately flinched at her touch. Although it shocked her for him to react in such a way, she was determined to at least rest her hand by his back but looked up at the sound of Haneul’s bedroom door opening.

“Goodnight, Haneul-ah, and sweet dreams,” Taemin said softly as he carefully shut the young boy’s room behind him. He turned to face the hallway and was almost startled to see Sohee and Minho were still sitting in their bedroom doorway. 

By this time, Minho had already dropped his hand from his face and was staring daggers at Taemin. Like a deer caught in headlights, Taemin was unsure of what he should say or even do, but it didn’t matter when Minho sprung up and lunged at his brother. He grabbed Taemin by the collar of his shirt in his fists as Taemin was desperately pulling away. 

“Minho! Stop!” Sohee cried out not too far behind them as they both started to struggle and fight. 

“Hyung! Let go of me!” Taemin shouted while attempting to push the older brother away from him. “Why are you doing this?!”

“I don’t need you to be making my kid hate me!” Minho barked back while grabbing more of Taemin’s shirt in a similar grip he had on Sohee’s wrists. 

“What are you talking about?” Taemin spat and made another attempt to shove Minho off of him, but it was made futile as Minho was now enraged. 

Sohee was now thrown into the mix, trying in any desperate attempt to separate the two of them. “Minho-oppa! Taemin-ah! Juseyo! You both are hurting each other!” 

Minho didn’t even hear Sohee, but instead was focused on Taemin. It was of no use for Taemin to keep trying to get his brother off of him, he was in the military after all so it was more like being up against a brick wall. 

As he continued to struggle against Minho’s grip, Sohee was in tears, screaming at them to stop their fight. In the split moment, everything happened so suddenly it was like a blur. Taemin watched Sohee reach for Minho’s hands to let go and the next moment he could barely blink as his brother shoved her to the floor with one hand.

“Hyung!” Taemin shouted and it caught Minho’s attention briefly enough for him to finally get away from his brother’s grip. 

Taemin knelt beside Sohee and immediately held her protectively. She hung her head low, with her light brown hair covering her face as she quietly sobbed. Taemin shot a glare up at his brother. At this point, Minho couldn’t even remain angry, instead he was ashamed. He swallowed the lump in his throat and the reality settled in his mind of what he had just done. 
 

 *   *   *

Five years prior…

“Are you excited about being an appa, hyung?” Taemin would ask his older brother. They had been walking together along the streets of the small downtown district of the neighborhood. It was starting to get colder out as the seasons changed from summer to fall. The leaves were crunching under the feet of many passersby as the wind would pick up and make the large oak trees shed their bright orange and red leaves. 

“Of course I am, but I’m nervous too.” Minho admitted with a chuckle. It was an exciting milestone in the young man’s life, along with completing his military training a year prior. 

“What’s there to be nervous about? You practically raised me!” Taemin joked whilst crossing the street. Minho laughed but he agreed, their home life hadn’t exactly been the easiest. Their father had been the hardest on both of them while their mother watched on, too afraid to say much for the fear that she would feel their father’s wrath. Then one day, their mother had left them without a trace. No note, no goodbye, no indication that she was even there. 

“Yeah, and look how you turned out. Spoiled!” Minho said and laughed loudly, reaching Taemin to hook his arm around the young man’s neck and ruffle his hair with his other hand. 

“Yah! Hyung!” Taemin whined. 

Minho could only laugh while Taemin fixed his hair as they continued walking. Along the streets were many businesses and boutique-like stores. Neither of them were in the hunt to shop for anything, but when Minho happened to turn his head towards some of the shops, it was ironic that the one they were walking by was, of course, a baby store. 

Minho had to stop to look inside the shop from the big window store front. Taemin noticed that his brother had stopped walking and was just as curious to join him by looking through the window. Taemin gazed around to realize that it was a baby boutique. He snickered and looked over to Minho, who had his eyes fixed on something with a smile. 

“Look,” Minho said while gesturing to Taemin to step closer to see what he was looking at. The younger male raised his brow but nonetheless, stood with Minho and looked through the window again, only to see the same baby stuff. 

“What is it, hyung?” Taemin asked, not exactly sure what it was that Minho had spotted. His brother needn’t say another word as his finger pressed up against the glass towards a certain item. Taemin followed his finger and looked again. There were pairs of light blue and light pink crocheted baby booties on display. 

“Baby stuff, huh?” Taemin asked as he stepped back from the glass window. 

Minho nodded with a smile. “I want to get those for the baby soon.” 

Taemin snorted with a laugh. “Hyung! You guys don’t even know what you’re having! Wouldn’t it be better to buy them after the baby is born?”

Minho shrugged, the smile never leaving his face but silently decided that perhaps his younger brother was right. They both continued on their walk back home. During their walk, the two brothers spoke about the future. Taemin would be starting his first year in university soon, to which Minho made it a joke that his brother better get good grades or else he’d ask his sergeant if he could have special permission just to come back home to kick Taemin’s if he didn’t. Despite the joke, Taemin promised by crossing an X over his heart that he would and laughed. 

It was crazy to the both of them that either one of them had made it this far in their lives.

They both agreed that they thought they either would have been dead by now or perhaps be homeless beggars in the streets. 

“Well, if it wasn’t for you, hyung, we--”

“You don’t have to mention it, I know.” Minho said, quickly cutting Taemin off. 

The young man bit his lip and nodded in silence. Speaking about their past wasn’t something Minho was very fond of doing, and Taemin knew that. However, Taemin also knew that burying what happened in the past didn’t mean that it was to be gone forever. This was where both brothers differed: Taemin was more opted to address all issues, whether or not they stemmed from the past. Minho liked to keep things inside, or more so to keep things moving along. Minho didn’t like to face the past, hence why he always argued that whatever happened in the past, stayed there. He didn’t see the reason to rehash old issues or reopen doors that have long been closed. What would be the sense? 

Once they got closer to the house, Minho briefly stopped. Taemin did the same but looked at Minho with a puzzled look. His older brother reached out to place his hand on Taemin’s shoulder and said, “At the end of the day, we made it. And we did it on our own, remember that.” 

Taemin bit his lip but nodded silently to Minho and looked down at his feet. It was enough to appease his older brother to drop his hand from his shoulder and walk up the small concrete path up to the house, Taemin following close behind. 

The subject of their childhood or their parents was always a forbidden subject that Minho immediately shut down all the time with anyone, even his own brother. It hurt Taemin that his brother could so easily shut out or write off their parents like he did but Taemin knew there would be no arguing against it. 

November 13th, 2016 

The nurse quietly came into the room as she pushed the hospital’s bassinet in front of her. Once she reached the parents, she carefully reached down to pick up the new addition to the world. 

“Would you like to hold your new son?” She asked Minho with a smile. As he stood by the hospital bed, Minho was clearly stunned and nervous but he nodded his head. He carefully stretched his arms out as the nurse placed the swaddled infant into his arms. She congratulated them before exiting the room to let the new parents bond. 

To say that Minho was in awe would have been an understatement. It was obvious he was overwhelmed but in a good way. He couldn’t believe that in thirty-six hours of labor had produced something so small (of which Sohee would beg to differ.) He looked down at the sleeping newborn and could barely breathe. The pink skin, full cheeks, and of course a full head of jet black hair, all wrapped up into this tiny being they both created. 

“Aigo, oppa,” Sohee playfully whined in her exhausted voice from the hospital bed. “What do you think?” 

Minho could feel all the emotions had caught up in his throat. He went to Sohee’s side and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. When he pulled away he said, “He’s amazing, just like you.”

There was a soft knock on the door to the hospital room. Before anyone could say anything, it opened slightly to reveal Taemin on the other side. 

With a big grin, Taemin said while laughing, “I hope I didn’t miss anything!” 

If Minho could sock him he would, but he immediately felt comfort (and maybe even slight embarrassment of his brother catching him about to cry.) He gestured for the young fool (of which he did name call him) to come into the room already and to whisper. Taemin did just that and as he came nearer, he couldn’t keep a straight face. 

“Hyung,” He whispered in between snickering. “Why are we whispering?” 

“Yah! Can’t you be serious for once?” Minho scolded, whilst trying his best to not disturb the already stirring newborn in his arms. Immediately, the oldest looked down at the infant for a reaction. All the poor thing wanted was to sleep but having a knuckle headed uncle and dad didn’t seem to help in this equation. Not to mention that Sohee had knocked out until Minho scolded Taemin and she heard the infant make a cooing noise. 

“Mianhaeyo, hyung,” Taemin whispered while bowing his head. When Taemin looked back up, there was an unsaid exchange between both the new parents as his brother carefully passed the newborn over to Sohee. Now that Minho was baby free, he turned back to Taemin with his arms crossed, obviously perturbed. He gestured to Taemin with his chin to stand a few feet away from the hospital door.

“I’m sorry,” Taemin repeated again before adding, “I was at the university taking my exams for hours. I hope you understand.” He didn’t want to look back up at Minho but he knew if he avoided his eyes that it could only add fuel to the little fire that may have started. 

Minho sighed in slight frustration but when he looked back at Taemin, he decided to let it go. “I do, I understand. You’re only doing what's best for you and your future.” 

Taemin could sense the warmth and immediate forgiveness from Minho that made him smile. The oldest smiled back and turned half way around to glance behind him before looking back at Taemin. 

“Let me introduce you to someone,” Minho gestured with his head to which Taemin followed the short distance back to Sohee’s bedside. 

The sight was for sure a Kodak moment with a sleeping Sohee and a wide awake baby in her arms. Minho always thought that it would be the other way around but he’d learn in time soon enough that adult naps would become an essential part of parenthood… that is if one can ever fit one in. 

Minho carefully reached down for the baby and was surprised that he managed to pick up the child without even disturbing Sohee. Taemin smiled the moment Minho turned to face him with the baby in his arms. He stepped closer to get a better look. 

“Waa, hyung!” Taemin said in a quieter voice. “The baby looks just like you!” 

Minho smiled and quietly nodded. At that moment, he glanced at Taemin as the question came to him. “Taemin-ah?” 

“Ne, hyung?” 

“Would you like to hold him?” 

Taemin looked up at Minho with surprise. His smile that had been bright the moment he stepped into the room was still there, however now he was much more nervous than he was a few seconds ago. Minho noticed how he hesitated and raised a brow at him. 

“Mmm… can I hold him while sitting down?” Taemin asked while trying to cover up his nervous laughter. Minho rolled his eyes at him but nonetheless gestured to one of the chairs nearby for him to sit in. 

Taemin found the hospital chair and rested his sweaty palms on his knees. Minho thought it was amusing that his brother was nervous but he understood. Without saying a word, he went to Taemin to lean down and carefully place the curious baby into his arms. 

“Be careful with his head, ne?” Minho warned. 

“I will, I promise!” Taemin said, trying to sound confident even though he could feel his arms shaking. The moment that Minho had backed away and the infant was fully in Taemin’s arms, he felt paralyzed. He guessed he must have looked like it too because Minho snorted loudly to keep himself from laughing. 

“Aigo, hyung, don’t laugh! I’m nervous already!” Taemin whined in between his own laughter. 

“Well you’re hunched over like a cat!” Minho said as he continued to fight off his snickering. “Why don’t you sit up straight and lean back into the chair?” 

Taemin hadn’t realized that was an option. It took a moment for him to figure it out but he managed to be a little bit more comfortable than he was before. He looked down at his new nephew who was already drifting back to sleep. In between the exchanges of passing him around, the small baby managed to get one hand loose and began scratching his face. 

“Aigo, don’t do that,” Taemin whispered. On instinct he reached for the little hand and carefully pulled it off the delicate baby skin. Just like a suction cup, the same hand wrapped around Taemin’s index finger tightly which caught the younger male by surprise. 

“Oh no, hyung,” Taemin snorted to himself as he looked up at Minho with a smile. “I think I’m stuck now.” 

Minho smiled as he crossed his arms at the sight of his brother and son. It was definitely new seeing Taemin holding a baby that it only made him think of what kind of future his brother would have. Maybe one day Taemin would be holding a newborn of his own but for now, being an uncle was more suitable for him.