(CORRECTION IN PROCESS)

 

Just how long have we known each other ? It feels like forever man haha.. I scroll up and upp our chats to look at the first time we chat it is May 14 and now it's July mids .. Wow Sana .. feels just like yesterday we start talking but seems like forever since I've known you .. Anyway now that I've accepted that I like her .

Love.. is it not what we always saw on tv's or read on books or am I too young to assume those as real love? I used to not care and never trying to believe it but here I have a good example now .. Sana , I never am sure I like her because it don't come with butterflies and all , just me always waiting on her enduring all her annoyance but still misses her a lot ... I'm not sure if I ever 'need' my past ex or crushes , all I've known is that I've liked them cause they are pretty or nice but Sana yes she is indeed beautiful ! But that's not what started and why I stay untill now .. I never needed anyone like I need her and as an independent woman I am , it's really hard to accept that fact which maybe why I'm veryvery confused ...

 

Sanake - You know where is Osaka right..

dubu - oo... is it from China ..

There's this song I've been searching on for an hour now , it is a chinese song but there's just not any english words I can used to find this song , it's hard when you can't speak chinese furthermore read it or write it , I've known it from a 10second short video .. Damn quiet hard to find!!

Sanake - you need to educate more cmon.. It's in Japan , my birthplace idiot!

dubu - ahh okayokay sorry..

I was just to focused on my search , I started to lose my temper .. why can't I find this song! It just hits me hard with me being a pro at finding different types of song

Sanake - see you still have many things to learn

- Focus more on the maturity thing also

dubu - okay

Yes , I've lost my temper and with Sana scolding me from the other side don't help at all!

Sanake - If you focus more on the future , you can success fast also

dubu - my gwadd you just add up to my stress

- can you just stop scolding for now..

Sanake - What .. If nobody scold your wrongs you'd end up low

dubu - yes mom

- Just sh shh for now

sanake - don't you shh me it's for your own good

dubu - as if I don't know

sanake - I'm not in a good mood cmon

dubu - likewiseee

I've asked my friend to search for the song .. but she didn't seemed to find them either .. more and more stress... I put down my phone angrily and take a sharp breathe .. this fk stressed me out so much ...

sanake - then why talk to me if I ruined your mood

dubu - I didn't said that ...

sanake - you hate me I know

dubu - oh cmon

sanake - you can block me out again if you want

I've did this once when she faked her having a boyfriend but for a short time as you may know I've talked to her again just the next day .. how did she even know..

dubu - oo whenn

sanake - when you think I have a boyfriend

dubu - Haha I won't block you again..

I giggled in awe so this means she checked up on me after that .. maybe she cares also?

sanake - no you really wanna do it don't you

- because I bothered you so much and just cause you trouble right

dubu - minatozakii

sanake - see you can't say no ... okay you can block me now

dubu - You can block me if you want why ask me to do what you want

sanake - because you want it

dubu - nopee.. you can block me if you want

- you can't block me right *smirk emoji*

sanake - I just have no reason to do that ..

dubu - nah because you will miss me right...

sanake - not at all!

dubu - okay .. now I know that you're the one who liked me ...

 

I giggled all the way , yes it is fun to finally get to annoyed you too.. how are you hanging Minatozaki~~

 

sanake - okay fine .. bye bye foreverrr

Then she blocked me .. I laugh out loud , why's this so exciting!!

I download another chat app and text her from my other number .. I knew she had this app so EASYY..

dubu - hello Minatozaki miss me *kissing emoji*

sanake - oo Gwadd you're srsly everywhere .. go away!

dubu - I can hear you missing me so I came back babyyy

sanake - I know you hate me but you love me

- *smirk emoji*

dubu - oo really

sanake - yes and yes now I'm gonna sleep away

- have a nice blocking night

dubu - oo why so soon .. aren't you gonna block me here too *smirk emoji*

sanake - Won't do more as you please go awayyy

Then she go offline but not yet ... I video called her since I'm in my dark room , she won't be able to see me  .. but she rapidly hang up

dubu - oo are you shy babyyy

sanake - my gwadd you annoying idiottt

dubu - you scarty cat~~

sanake - I'm not scared .. just wait

And she called .. I was in a pause to take it but she won't be able to see me anyway .. only my reddish ciggarette .. I was waiting for her to talk .. yes she too was in a dark place yes it's past 2am so likely this would happen .. the screen was all dark as expected .. I was laughing a little at the black out screen I could hear her giggle too... This person is whom I never met before , this person is who came in my life by surprise .. and admist this darkness on the screen .. I can feel her staring back at me ... I smiled and hanged the call up .. she said she's about to sleep now .. I may bother her ..

dubu -good night darkness witch

sanake - you too reddish idiot

 

My sleep schedule is ed up not just only because of that isolation but because of her also .. Just two night owls meeting up to make more nights I guess.. haha

Finally my friend found the song and shared it .... I smiled yet again and went on to check on it , it was a song called 'yami' , a chinese traditional type of song , I still cannot read the singers name .. all in chinese but I still found you! And just when I listened to it ... I cannot help but think of her .. what a song you are man.. because of you this night shine so much .. thank you *laugh* I downloaded the song .. kept it on repeat so I could turn off my connection so battery won't drain .. Listenning while calmly laying down.. reminishing about everything we ever did and smile nonethelessly

I turn on my connection one last time before I decided to sleep , I'd just sleep early too.. then I found her text ..

sanake- hey~~

- I cannot sleep

dubu - *laughing emoji* welcome back

sanake - I drank some wine.. I'm so dizzy ~`

- sdjadjas

 

Really?? Just when .. Is she lying again *facepalm*

dubu - why're you always lying ~~

sanake - aii dormm

dubu - whatt???

sanake - III dontrrr

- divzy

What is going on .. I'm sure she won't have time to drink any wine .. besides it's already late and all

dubu - okayy you should just sleep it's easy to sleep while drunk

Then I remembered her saying she's in a bad mood maybe just maybe she's a little tense up and grab a bottle which won't really make sense due to the short time gap , it's only like 15mins since she's out ..

sanake - I donrr wan aaa

dubu - Yesyes you're a good girl cmon you'd just messed yourself up

Okay I'll play along real or not

sanake - you knbow yiuu a badsss gairl

- I HASRTE YOU

dubu - yesyes I am you are pretty right...

- you would get ugly if you don't sleep now .. you want that ~~

sanake - nooooooppii *crying emoji*

- I WAnanna be prettiiy

dubu - seesee.. cmon now lil one .. sleepsleep

I kind of like this side of her ... baby~~

sanake - thankl youu sm

- I

- *Love emoji* vv

- yoiuu

- nightyyyyyyoo *smile emoji*

dubu - kay nitenite

 

I'm sure I'd tommorow ... I love you?? Is she really drunk or not ?? I'm 50% sure she is not but she won't say those kind of things while sober right ... you 50/50 gal *laugh*

 

The next morning came...yes another same routine and me still writing journal everyday and submitted it to her.. yet I forgot to ask her about last night .. Me and momo quarreled again .. she posted my baby pic .. the baddest one and I take a revenge by uploading the same then we moked on each other non-stop *sigh* then we finally made peace and deleted both of our post .. this momoringg

Sanake - * inserted photo*

- you look so badass here lol

... she must've downloaded it before Momo deleted it

dubu - nono that's the baddddd one herehere I have the good ones

- *inserted 3 photos*

Sanake - still the same blehhh

dubu - oooo.. then show yours too

sanake - no wayy.. I'm tootoo ugly those day .. I never ever wanna go back to those old days either yikes

dubu - oh cmon..

- *inserted photo*

- surprise!

 

It was a screenshot from her glowing up video momo send me back then .. yes her younger pic was there haha

sanake - yahhh... how'd you get it

dubu - don't worry I'll wish you with many of your pics on your birthday

- all the things you have sent me so far *smirk emoji*

sanake - maybe we won't talk anymore who knows

dubu - I'm not sure about that ... *laughing emoji*

 

It's already past 12am and I'm kind of busy in a love quarrel between chaeng and minari.. I really don't wanna get involved in their matter but they both texted me , leaving me in this mid point again , I've told Sana about this too since I cannot reply her fast ... It's the first time they fight after their relationship start *sigh*

dubu - this is why I didn't like to be in a relationship just so many problems

sanake - let them solve on their own , it won't do much if they don't talk out themselves

4mins later

dubu - gwadd.. I hate this mid point position

- what are you doing

sanake - just randomly listenning to songs

3mins later

dubu - ahh... this two really messed me up .. stressed

sanake - love is that .. the struggles are real once solved it let to forever

dubu - you don't believe in feelings anyway why matter love

sanake - feelings are just something that is not needed in life , feelings destroyed everyone who hugs it , it is a downfall for everyone

dubu - But without feelings there is no love

- like how you said to love myself ..

sanake - yes we all need to love ourselves first ..

dubu - your words don't make sense at all ...

sanake - because you hate me but you love me *laughing emoji*

4mins later

dubu - yeayea I like you

sanake - but I'm your bro .. you cannot do that

 

again the same words *sigh* I finally let them to talk to themselves so I'm free

dubu - but bro's can change too like one of the person I now consider as my bro used to like me before..

sanake - But you cannot force anyone to like you back

what the ... that's the opposite of my way

dubu - I never do that

sanake - yes you are , you only think about yourself

- But I consider you as a bro but you like me so I will leave okay

 

wtf is she doing .. but there's no emoji .. is she doing this for real

dubu - wtf okay fine fine do whatever you like ..

I really don't like it when they assumed me of something I never did ... That's why I'm a little bit triggered here

sanake - you should write your journal more

- smoke less , mature and love yourself

dubu - why are you still here

- shoo already

sanake - okay

- nice knowing you ..

- bye

 

This night my anger took the best of me but we'd always joke around , we'd always came back in the end again , it was me who's always trying to leave but always came back and this time it was her and she is not like me , she's a logical person , who'd do everything in her power to stay true and stubborn in her words .. I shouldn't have said those words to her , she only wants the best of me I could have thank her and wish her the best instead .. The real regret starts from here ...

I texted her three times after this again but her messages changed .. she replied with 'yes' or 'okay' which really hurts me , we used to be so talkactive even when there's nothing more to say , we'd always find another topic .. It was then I realised she finally deleted my number because I couldn't see her dp anymore .. you know I always miss her and how could I just stay normal after all that .. Is it that easy for you ? But yes she would have many other to talk to anyway but I still hope I've made the best of your days .. you said you'd always get bored after weeks right but we talked for two months and  two weeks .. I know I can't do anything anymore she will only come back on her own will if she'd ever come back .. but still miss you so much Miss 50/50 gal