(CORRECTION IN PROCESS)

                                                          

                                                    I tried and tried and .. tried to sleep , the dark night won't just knock me down tonight I guess *laugh* I get out of my covers and take my ciggarettes , open my balcony door side and sat outside ... it's 4am ahhh Is this why I cannot sleep ? Usually we'd we chatting even now *laugh* What a bright moon we have ... the old poets and writers wrote about how lonely you look Mr. Moon .. But I won't judge you man.. You actually have all the loners talking to you .. I bet you'd rather be annoyed .. If anyone ask why I'm not afraid of dead , take your time to look at the world we live in , death is peace and freedom , asides all religious beliefs maybe there's more to life after death and I'm exited to go on that adventure ...

                                                    Yet I won't ever take my life , I'm assigned to something from my birth and I'll keep searching for that .. Come to think of it everything is alright in my life .. not the best but I'd always pass through them , the one thing I've like of me , once I start it I'd finish it no matter how hard , yes stubborn mind helps too but the one thing that's never alright was love.. Everyone has their own weak points and this must be mine ... no I won't get involved again .. 

                                                     Few people know how introvert I really am , to be socialise we all need to be extrovert sometimes I guess... I light another ciggarette again .. Sana.. There comes another tightenning chest again .. I am the only one feeling you as someone special , I am the one who did it wrong again , am I never made for anyone ? Most to the people I'd like to have for the rest of my life *SIGH*

                                                      Am I asking too much .. am I expecting too much from others .. Do I have the right to be angry at Sana right now ? If it just revolves around me , why'd I expect her to know something ... messing up my hair I got up , yes I do expect too much from others , it's all my fault .. KIM DAHYUN WHY ARE YOU BORN THIS WAY .. 

                                                         The sun was already up when I finally sleep...

 

                                       I told Irene about everything , I cannot tell momo obviously , Irene suggested I should know more details about it since she didn't believe Sana at all

Irene - Why would anyone sent their selfies to anyone they've known online ? If it is for me .. only my best of friends or someone I like to have my selfies seen would get it ..

dubu - She's a real 50/50 girl .. there's nothing I can say sure about her you know..

Irene - I didn't believe her at all dubu.. ask Momo cmon..

dubu - She's the last person I'd ask ..

Irene - Should I ask?

dubu - how ?? how'd you start???

Irene - just wait .. 

 

                                     And I wait.. I groaned as I bit my nails again , always when I'm nervous ! stop it ! stop it Kim DAHYUN! .. It was when I heard a notofication sound popping in .. okay... Kim Dahyun do not expect anything.~~

Irene - You pabo 

dubu - what? why? what happennnnn

Irene - It's her cousin ! Told you I Knew she lied *laughing emoji*

dubu - realllyyy .... she didn't lieee

Irene - no she lied .. look at my msg again pabo ..

dubu - nono I mean she didn't lie about her being single .. she's not like Jiyeon..

 

                                        I can't hide my joy , Sana didn't lie! Sana never lie! Sana didn't- tears?? Is this the infamous happy tears , wow ! it's my first time experiencing this.. she's trustworthy! God SHE'S TRUSTWORTHY! Thank you for not being the thing  I hate the most ... Thank you for .... being you Sana .. I went on to peck my little cousin playing games beside me in his forehead .. 

dubu - oo do you know Sana didn't lie~~

lil cous - what??

dubu - cmon let me give you another peck! 

                                      and I chase after him ...

 

                                    Finally I rest on the couch , sipping tea happily , I opened my phone , ready to type something .. but before that I went to our media contents and laugh seeing her selfies and the crazy things she have sent .. Even if this isn't love .. I'm sure I didn't ever want you to leave me Minatozaki ..

 

dubu - yo have you sleep late last night?

Sanake - yes... I meditated for many times but last night was strange .. I couldn't get to sleep and have a really tighten chest .. maybe ashma thing ~~

dubu - I see.. well it was not a good sleep for me either but nice to wake up haha

Sanake - have you smoke for the day ...

 

                              well actually I almost finish one pack last night .. it's this morning hehe .. I need to lie a little ...

dubu - it's still noon , only one 

Sanake - okay control control 

          - but you were weird last night tho

 

                           eh?? I'm sure I've hide my emotions well through texts last night ...

dubu - maybe because I'm sleepy

sanake - hmm... but at least you got to see my boyfriend haha

dubu - wanna see my girlfriend too??

sanake - bet you have lotss

dubu - yah I may be a flirty but I don't cheat , I hate cheaters

sanake - hmhmm anyway I didn't have a boyfriend I'm just joking muhahah

dubu - I know I know ~~

sanake - really?? I thought I really fooled you last night haha

                 You did fooled me , I was really out of the world last night hehe

dubu - not anymore you 50/50 gurl~~

sanake - yah just how many nicknames you gave me already~~

dubu - and more counting muhaha

sanake - You know .. do you wanna be a surrogate mother !

dubu - nonono ... I'd rather adopt than be pregnant yikes!

sanake - oo cmon .. you can be my child's surrogate mother~~ 

dubu - noooooooo

sanake - yesyes I'm preserving your womb for me okay remember muhaha

dubu - what are you up to again minatozaki~~

sanake - Well I want a child of my own but I don't wanna get pregnant and here you are muhaha

dubu - muhahaha I'd never ..

sanake - nah I already owned your wombs...

dubu - on whose exact authorities??

sanake - mine hahahha

 

                   Then I suddenly came up with something , I Smirk along and type them out ..

dubu - well if you have to own me , we have to get married ~~

sanake - no wayy

dubu - yes wayyy

         - Minatozaki Sana will you marry me ? *smirk emoji*

sanake - nooo

dubu - you want no surrogate mother then?

sanake - I'd just find another one dummy~

dubu - ooo what to do.. you'd have to pay them while you can own me.. waa what a lost..

sanake - pabo... 

dubu - Now will you marry me ?

sanake - okay for now..

dubu - aaa... hi wifey~~

sanake - no I want to be the wife.. you're the one getting pregnant bleh

dubu - noooo I can still be a husband eventhoughhh.. there's no way I'd be a wife

sanake - hi wifey *blush emoji*

dubu - okay.. hubby *glaring emoji*

 

                                                   WOW.. we're just married lol .. what a non-love , love story yet no arrange marriage we have .. what do they call this type of marriage hahhaa... it's already 6:30 pm so I excused myself to eat dinner.. well have you notice .. it's been a while since I played games haha .. even if my lil cousins ask me nonethelessly to play with them , I'd refuse them just to talk to her but there's no empty holes like before , the one thing I hate in a relationship I used to have before... before I feel like being in a dungeon whenever I'm in a relationship , I won't have time to do the things I like .. even if I have I won't be able to do them with an easy mind , not all of them being demanding and need affection but just me not being able to be a 'double' type of thing cause in a relationship , we need to look out for each other needs right and I'm such a natural loner who needs alone selfish time yee space.. 

                                                  But with Sana , my alone time is fine and there's nothing holding me back even if I am playing , If it's a rush msg I'd just logged out unfinished .. not really minding my saving points and the deduction of it ... She is something , someone I never wanted but always need , strange right? What kind of feelings would this be.. *laugh*

 

dubu - hi hubs

sanake - ey wifey , have you done your chores

dubu - nah.. I have a backpain , I've left it for you hubs

sanake -  I've work all day earning for us , how come you treat me like you Kim dahyun

dubu - I could work too but you just won't let me huhu

sanake - yes it's your duty to stay at home 

            - yikess I hate this kind of husband 

dubu - *laughing emoji* yes the kind of husband you are~~ *crying emoji*

sanake - you know what

            - let's break up.. I don't wanna be a husband anymore hmm

dubu - ehh so soon haha.. how could you do this to me hubby~~

sanake - I'm sorry byee *runaway bride emoji*

dubu - wait waitwait! *laughing emoji* 

         - why are you running away with my wedding dress !

sanake - yahhh 

dubu - okayokay but you can still be my boyfriend or girlfriend though *laughing emoji*

sanake - no we are over !

dubu - oo cmon baby one more chance ..

sanake - Well you can try as much as you want

            - I'd have fun rejecting you baby~~

dubu - Ooo I can quote out how much I need you 

        - ' I remember when I saw you for the first time,

            You were laughing, Sparking like a new dime, I came over,

            "Hello, can you be mine?" Can you be mine, Can you be mine?'

 

sanake - oo now you're doing over with a song~~

           - but nooo

dubu - 'I want you to know that I'm never leaving
         'Cause I'm Mrs. Snow, 'til death we'll be freezing
          Yeah, you are my home, my home for all seasons
            So come on, let's go'

sanake - not working my sweet lil one 

           - still no

dubu - What to do... I can't live without you honey~~

        - how many more would you reject me * crying emoji*

sanake - forever muhahaha

 

                       It was then I googled japanese words still laughing , I'm just so living at the moment right now loll

 

dubu -  Watashi wa anata ni itte hoshikunai, taizai e kudasai

 

                                             Which means ... 

Sanake - oooo... that really do a little thing

            - cmon maybe I'd say yes *smirk emoji*

dubu - Anatanoegao ga watashi no hikari ni narimasu, kono kurayami no naka ni watashi o oite ikanaide kudasai

sanake - hmmm... and 

dubu - Mōichido watashinojinsei ni natte kudasai

 

                               Little did she know .. I'm not laughing anymore , I just happen to think of the dark side, if this happens and this is me really asking her how much I want her to stay ... I don't want you to ever leave Sana.. 

sanake - I really like your creativity 

           - But I have lots of things to do now 

           - So NO haha

 

                         I then laugh again , such a stubborn girl she is haha

sanake - besides I don't trust you , you are a flirty

            - while I want only one kind of love that'll last forever hah

dubu - I'm a flirty but I never cheat hahh

sanake - you talk to me just to waste your time 

            - you don't really care ..

 

                                 Wth... Is this real? Are we still playing or...

dubu - I'd never do anyone like that , that's not my way 

sanake - yes , you do it with all your exes.. you don't really mind their heartbreak .. you only care about yourself

                               yes , I've told her about how I can't have permanent feelings for them but this is why .. I care I do care about them ... untill I can't care no more..

dubu - that is because there's this scar of mine , but I do treat them right while being with them , do my work as a girlfriend but after there's no more feelings there's just no way more

sanake - see that's how unreliable you are...

          - Okay enough playing .. gonna sleep need to walk out tomorrow

          - goosenight!

 

                               After I bid her goodbye , I put down my phone and stared at the blank space before me... did she really think that way ? or Is it really still our 'play' going on .. But where in the words and urge she'd gathered to say them all.. But if it really is .. I'd regret telling her some lies .. I do flirt but I have many boundaries with it but just to be like a light hearted and easy going person to her , I'll be as if I never really care about anyone's feeling by the looks of how I described myself to her , the truth is  I just wanna act strong which I'm really not .. She didn't know how feelings always overwhlemed me and I'd always suffer for that cause , the only thing I can escaped myself from it is being a flirt and divided many feelings without having one particular person in order to save me ... Is my reason lame ? *sigh*