A loud shout stops all movement in the ED for a second. Minseok looks up from the patient he’s attending with a furrowed brow, staring into the hallway. Another shout, threatening and loud, screams through the corridors of the ED. He turns towards Nurse Seo, who’s drawing five milligrams of morphine into a syringe.

“Call Dr. Min,” he tells her before he hurries towards the shouts. They grow in volume and threats and soon he finds himself in front of an agitated patient that has cornered Nurse Han. She stands tall like her experience has taught her, but the patient doesn’t back down, shouting obscenities towards his nurses. It’s a man in what looks like his thirties and it’s only a matter of time before someone gets hurt, either the patient himself or Minseok’s nursing staff. Unless they can calm him down, that is. Minseok would rather not call security unless he really has to. Having security guards show up sometimes only escalates the situation.

“Excuse me,” he says calmly and the man turns from Nurse Han towards him. He watches Nurse Han breathe a sigh of relief as her shoulders sag. The patient shouts at him, hand movements big and Minseok doesn’t doubt that if he had access to sharp instruments, someone would be hurt very badly very quickly.

“I can see you’re very upset,” he tells the man and raises his hands in front of him to show that he doesn’t have any ulterior motive. “Why don’t we sit down?”

The patient narrows his eyes at Minseok before he lunges out towards him, spitting on the floor in anger. He grabs the pillow from the exam bed and throws it at Minseok. Nurse Han bites her lower lip to prevent her from saying anything, but Minseok doesn’t flinch. It’s not often they have such agitated patients in their ED, but Minseok is prepared when they come. He knows it’s often a matter of substance abuse or underlying psychiatric disorders, but if he doesn’t calm them down enough to prevent them from hurting themselves or his employees, he’s not one step closer to a diagnosis. A couple of years ago, he took a seminar in agitated delirium because he’d exhausted everything else and had to have something to focus on. It comes in handy when he’s confronted with agitated patients in these rare circumstances. Nurse Han is, luckily, an experienced nurse and she knows not to talk over Minseok. He subtly nods at her, giving her the go-ahead to call security, and she nods and taps silently on her pager.

Minseok continues talking to the patient. He’d rather avoid physical restraint. It rarely ever does any good to a patient and he risks sudden cardiac arrest. He feels a bit like Fanxing in situations like this, calm and collected, not a trace of how the verbal abuse affects him. If he can’t stay calm, there’s no way he can calm the patient. The man in front of him continues his verbal abuse, though, and as he starts to grab whatever he can get his hands on and throw it towards the walls with incredible strength, Minseok has to suspect something more sinister at play. The patient reaches out towards the table that holds all the emergency syringes and that’s the last straw. If he gets his hands on the sharp needles, there’s no way Minseok will be able to protect his staff without restraints of some kind.

“Put the syringe down,” Minseok says calmly, just as a couple of security guards arrive behind him and step into the room. The patient waves it towards them, losing focus as he starts to sweat profusely. Minseok eyes him worriedly. His symptoms are worsening in the presence of more people, but he has to put an end to the agitation before someone gets hurt.

“No!” the man screams before he drags his hand over his forehead to remove the sweat, which only comes back faster than before. “Don’t come near me! You’re all going to kill me!”

Time slows in the ED as Minseok considers his options, but there really isn’t anything more he can do with someone in such an altered state. He nods to the security guards, who surge forward to grab the patient and hold him as he struggles with incredible strength. The guards are strong, but they’re struggling against a patient in agitated delirium. Minseok takes the syringe of ketamine Nurse Han holds out towards him and jams it in the patient's thigh. It’s a fast-working sedative and the patient is sedated within five minutes. Minseok springs into action.

“Call the respiratory technician, get monitoring on the patient and call the laboratory to get me a blood gas and an electrolyte count. I need an anaesthesiologist if intubation becomes necessary.” He reaches for the stethoscope in his pocket and quickly listens to the patient’s lungs and heart. They’ll have to figure out what caused the agitation and they have to do it quickly so they can treat it.

High blood pressure numbers are called out in the room. His body temperature is high also and his rapid heart rate tracing scrolls along the ECG monitor screen. Everybody is focused on their own tasks, and Minseok takes a step back and lets the anaesthesiologist take over. He needs to find the cause of the agitated delirium so he can treat it. He considers sending the patient for a head CT to rule out traumatic head injury when a heart-wrenching scream rings through the ED.

He hurries towards the waiting area and finds a woman sitting on the floor and sobbing. She’s dressed in a short red dress, high heels and a fake leopard fur.

“Kyunsung,” she sobs, repeating the name over and over. Minseok turns to look at Aecha who’s crouching down beside the woman. She shrugs her shoulders. “Kyunsung, please,” the woman begs and Minseok crouches down in front of her.

“Who’s Kyunsung?” he asks her and she looks up with red eyes and mascara on her cheeks. She sniffles and runs a finger under her eye to remove her tears. Minseok sends her a kind smile.

“My boyfriend...he had a seizure. I called the ambulance and followed him here,” she tells them. Aecha gets up from the floor and heads back to the triage station computer, and Minseok hands the woman on the floor a tissue so she can dry her eyes.

“Does he have epilepsy?” he asks but she shakes her head. Aecha has looked up the recent ambulance arrivals and pipes up with a room number. It’s the room Minseok just left a few minutes prior, the room with the agitated and now-sedated man.

“Do you know if he has any medical conditions?” he asks the woman and she shakes her head.

“He is healthy.” She sniffles again and blows her nose in the tissue. When she removes the tissue from her nose, Minseok notices a streak of red on it. He tilts his head.

“Your nose is bleeding,” he tells her. It’s not immediately concerning, she has been crying and that can cause nosebleeds in people susceptible to them, but the woman’s eyes go wide, her expression caught, and she quickly hides the tissue. The furtive action clues him in to another possible cause.

“Do you know if Kyunsung took any drugs or any substances?” he asks, and something in her demeanor changes. She straightens her back and her gaze hardens.

“How dare you accuse -!” she says, her voice rising. Minseok sends her his most non-threatening smile. He stands up and reaches a hand down to help her up.

“Come. Let me help you up.” She takes his hand uncertainly, but Minseok stays calm. He turns to look over his shoulder towards Aecha. She nods, understanding, and points towards a free room. When the door closes behind them, Minseok turns towards the cabinets and finds a small cotton ball. He hands it to the woman, who is now sitting on the exam bed and smiles at her. “Use it to stop your nosebleed.” She reaches out to take it, hands shaking, but Minseok just encourages her to take it. Slowly she takes a deep breath and presses the cotton to her nose.

“I need to know if Kyunsung took any drugs. His life depends on it. I’m not going to tell the police. I just want to save his life.”

The woman sniffles again, her eyes getting wet as the thought sinks in. Soon after she’s crying again, her knees drawn against her chest as she rocks back and forth on the exam bed. Minseok sits down beside her.

“Did you take something too?” he asks her quietly. She continues crying as the thought seems to overwhelm her. Then a soft whispered answer.

“,” she sniffles. “I didn’t think he’d do the last line, but he was so cocky and, oh God, is he going to die? Please save him...” She’s unable to say more through her tears and Minseok squeezes her shoulder.

“Can you tell me how much he took?” he asks, and carefully notes her answer, before telling her he’ll do his best and getting up to go back to Kyunsung. The fact that they’re dealing with a stimulant overdose is important information and the treating team needs to know.

He finds Nurse Kim at the nursing station and asks her to attend to the woman with the nosebleed before he heads back to Kyunsung, now intubated and on life support as his team fights to keep his body from losing the battle. There’s nothing they can do to directly counteract the overdose, but they can provide aggressive cooling for his overheating body temperature, treat any more seizures, and support his vital signs as best they can.

Kyunsung is transferred to the ICU when his vitals stabilize. Minseok thinks of Eunsook and hopes there’ll be another doctor assigned to him, not because he doubts her work, but because he knows how agitated Kyunsung was when he arrived at the ED and he doesn’t want Eunsook to have to deal with patients like that. He’s heading back towards the patient he left with Dr. Min when the door to his room opens and he gets eye contact with the brown eyes he’d just been thinking of. Eunsook smiles at him and Minseok finds himself automatically smiling back, like there’s nothing else in the entire world.

“What brings you here?” he asks. Eunsook points towards the now closed door behind her.

“Patient with liver failure. Your resident called me,” she says. “He’s a smart one, that Dr. Min of yours.” Her pager interrupts them before Minseok gets to answer and her eyebrows furrow when she reads the message on it.

“I have to go. I’ll see you,” Eunsook says as she starts walking back towards the elevators so she can get back to the ICU. Minseok stares at her retreating back.

“Don’t forget me tonight!” he calls after her and she turns around with a big smile, gums showing and eyes crinkling, before she turns around a corner and disappears. Minseok’s heart flutters and he takes a deep breath as he turns on his heels and walks in the opposite direction.

When lunch comes around, Minseok clocks out. He has an appointment with Fanxing at one o’clock and he has to eat lunch before then. He leaves his doctor's coat on the chair in his office and as the computer slowly shuts down, his attention is caught by the two pictures on his desk. A year ago he hadn’t been able to look at them without pain searing through his entire being, paralyzing him with sadness and grief. Now he sends both pictures a smile. There is still a sting of sadness, a fist of grief squeezing his heart, but it lets go and he’s able to breathe again. No flashbacks, no clawing hands of guilt and blame, no overwhelming sadness. The computer screen goes black and Minseok sends it a quick glance before he leaves his office that was once a bedroom, but now has turned back into an office.

On his way towards the front doors, he sees Kyungsoo across the front hall, on his way back towards the stairs with a sandwich in hand. The radiologist raises a hand in greeting and Minseok waves back, but they’re too far away from each other to stop for conversation.

His lunch consists of two triangle-shaped kimbap from the nearest convenience store as he makes his way out of the hospital and towards the familiar old building that hosts GreenLine Psychology. The heavy doors open into the dark waiting area, but after six months it feels familiar and soothing instead of disconcerting. The receptionist barely looks at him, but she doesn’t need to because Changwook recognizes him and calls his name in cheerful greeting. Minseok smiles at him and returns the greeting, and Fanxing’s partner heads back into his office with the papers in hand, shutting the door behind him. Minseok sits down on the couch, but he can’t stop smiling. He thinks about the evening he has planned with Eunsook and how much fun it’s going to be. When Fanxing finally pops his head out to scour the waiting area for Minseok, he’s so deep in his thoughts that he doesn’t hear Fanxing call out his name until the third time. Fanxing lifts an eyebrow but doesn’t ask questions. He just sits down in his chair and Minseok takes his seat on the couch and leans back.

“You look happy,” Fanxing notes after a few seconds of silence. Normally their sessions would start with Minseok recounting his steps from the last time. He’d list what he’s done to stay out of the office at night and get back to his own apartment. It has taken a while and he’s still not entirely comfortable in his large, empty apartment, but at least he sleeps in his own bed these nights.

“I am,” he confirms. Fanxing smiles and nods for Minseok to elaborate. That surprises Minseok for a second or two. Talking about his new friendship with Eunsook feels oddly private, which is weird, because it’s just a friendship, but he switches his thoughts to one of the other good things that has happened recently.

“Jangmi allowed Nayoung to have a small birthday party with me this year,” he tells Fanxing. “Obviously Jangmi still hosted the bigger family birthday party with all her friends over, but when Nayoung brought up the idea, she wasn’t against it. We had fun, just the three of us, Nayoung, Eunbi and I.” He smiles at the thought. There was a cake, store bought but tasty nonetheless, and he’d put eleven candles on it so she could blow them out and make a wish. They’d opened Nayoung’s presents - a soccer jersey with her favourite player’s name and number emblazoned on the back and the next book in the series she’s been reading - and then they had cuddled on the couch and watched Disney movies until the girls had fallen asleep in the late evening hours. For the first time since Ilsung’s death, Minseok had felt like a good father and he enjoyed every minute of it. Fanxing nods at him when he finishes his retelling.

“That sounds lovely.”

“It was,” Minseok agrees. He’d like to do it again in November when Eunbi turns nine.

“But there’s something else, isn’t there?”

Minseok is taken aback. Fanxing’s ability to see through him is almost scary at times. He laughs a little, giving up on his idea of keeping Eunsook to himself. There’s no reason to, anyway.

“I made a new friend,” he says. “I’ve been really enjoying getting to know her.”

“Tell me more about her?” Fanxing asks. Minseok eyes him suspiciously, and Fanxing raises his hands in surrender and laughs. “I’m just curious. You’ve been keeping everything secret. I wonder who this new friend is.” There’s a genuine smile on his lips, and Minseok’s hackles lower.

“She’s an intensivist at the hospital. There was a case a month ago that reminded me of Ilsung at the ED. He was sent to the ICU and we spoke in the morning when I went to check on the patient. I was a bit overwhelmed and she was really nice about it.” Fanxing lifts a questioning eyebrow at that, and Minseok leans back against the couch.

“I’m okay. I have friends now,” he jokes but the psychologist nods again without showing any readable emotion on his face. “I ended up working through that case when I shouldn’t have, but at least I recognize my bad coping mechanisms now.”

“She sounds like a good friend already,” Fanxing says, not digging into the case Minseok tells him about. Minseok nods.

“I enjoy hanging out with her.” A smile creeps onto his lips at the thought of spending time with Eunsook.

Their conversation turns a little sombre, a little darker, when he asks if Minseok has told Eunsook about Ilsung, and they discuss Minseok’s reluctance to bring up the subject with his new friend and why he might be wanting to keep things light between them. Fanxing suggests he tell Eunsook sooner rather than later, explaining that trust is important in all kinds of relationships, but Minseok still doesn’t feel happy about it. He doesn’t want to weigh things down with tragic topics like the death of his child and all that had followed.

By the time he leaves the happiness he’d arrived with is gone. His face doesn’t show his emotions as he walks down the street towards his car, but there’s turmoil inside him. The sadness of his past weighs down on him like it always does when he talks about Ilsung with Fanxing. He has stopped crying now, at least, at every mention of Ilsung’s name, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Yet still, under all the terrible sadness is a growing spark of silly giddiness at the thought of meeting Eunsook later.

He unlocks the apartment door in the afternoon. It’s still too empty, the ceiling light shining down on empty floors and bare walls. The long hallway into the living space of his apartment seems too long today so he steers off to the left and into the kitchen to get a drink. He’d been in such a good mood when he left the hospital, feeling like he was finally getting his life together, but now he’s no longer so sure. His hair falls into his eyes as he fills a glass with water and he blows it from his eyes with a huff. He should get it cut, it’s getting too long. As he’s gulping the water down, a low pling sounds from his phone, a reminder he’d set for an hour before he’s to meet Eunsook.

A hot shower later, Minseok feels a little better. The thoughts of today’s session with Fanxing is replaced by thoughts of meeting Eunsook, and the smile he’d worn when he’d left the hospital has returned to his lips. Minseok tries to style his hair in the mirror but it really is too long, he should get someone to cut it. In the end he gives up and lets it flop whichever way it wants. He’s wearing a dark blue shirt and a pair of tight jeans. On the table in front of him are two different ties but they both feel too formal and this is not a formal date, it’s just two friends hanging out. Still, he wants to look like he’s made an effort. He brushes his teeth for the second time this evening before he turns to leave the bathroom behind. As he waits for time to pass by, he starts stress-cleaning the apartment. For years this particular coping mechanism was suppressed by his work and his escapism, but now that he’s slowly working through his grief, it has returned full force. Whenever he’s nervous he moves things back and forth, cleans up every little tiny dust speck that has found its way onto his surfaces and vacuums imaginary dirt from his floors.

Ten minutes before he’s supposed to leave, he decides to just go. He has so much pent up nervousness and it’s better for him to wait at the café than stay at home destroying the skin of his hands with overexposure to cleaning chemicals. It takes him fifteen minutes to walk to the café and he stops outside the door, soaks in the soft fall air and takes a deep breath. His stomach tightens in nervousness and excitement and Minseok has to close his eyes to try and convince himself this is just a friendly hang-out. She’s a good friend, that is all. He thinks of Fanxing asking him to consider telling her about Ilsung, but Minseok isn’t quite there yet. One day, maybe, when he feels better.

Instead of making his way inside the café, Minseok stays outside in the fresh air, hoping it’ll quell his nerves. A silver Kia rolls up in front of the café five minutes before their meeting time and Eunsook steps out, sends her friend in the driver’s seat a smile and waves at her. Minseok unfortunately gets eye contact with the friend over Eunsook’s shoulder, and the glare she sends him makes shivers roll down his spine. Then he catches Eunsook’s eyes and she immediately smiles wide, and his stomach starts doing acrobatics. She’s beautiful. She’s wearing a white dress with red flowers that stops right below her knees with a black belt to accentuate her waist. The white flats on her feet have her almost dancing her way towards him and she stops in front of him with a happy smile. Minseok feels like his breath has been stolen. She’s so attractive. , he realises with startling clarity. This is not platonic in the least. He’s horribly, terribly attracted to her and it sends him into a mini panic attack. He can’t be attracted to her. He’s going to ruin the friendship they have going. What is he supposed to do?

“Hey, Minseok, are you okay?” Eunsook asks and distracts his thoughts from spiraling further into panic. He then realises the easiest way out would be to say no, but he doesn’t want to leave. His feet can’t physically take him away from her, his entire body is locked in its position right in front of her. This is not meeting for the first time, they’ve spoken before. He brought her to Busan, they have fun together. He will just have to deal with the attraction when he’s back alone. Minseok nods his head and sends her a smile that feels so natural, he has to wonder for a second if the panic he felt two seconds earlier was real.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Where are we going?” he asks her and walks up so he stands beside her, not in front of her. Maybe if he just doesn’t look at her on the way to where they’re going, he’ll stop thinking of her as more than a good friend. Eunsook smiles and naturally links her arm with his as she starts pulling him towards the subway station closest to the café.

So much for not looking at Eunsook, Minseok thinks bitterly in the subway. He has been unable to keep his eyes off her. Every time other men in the train car look at her - and why wouldn’t they, she’s gorgeous - he fights the scowl that wants to grow on his face and he has to fist his hand around the handle so hard his fingers cramp to stop himself from putting a possessive arm around her. Eunsook chatters happily about a new plant she has added to her collection and managed to keep alive for a few days and Minseok has never been as interested in plants as he is when Eunsook talks about them.

The overhead announcer takes them through the city as they ride the green line. Eunsook grabs onto his hand when she gets up and a bolt of heat shoots through Minseok’s body. He looks down as the announcer tells them to leave through the left door at Ttukseom station and hopes he isn’t blushing like a mad man. They buy tteokbokki from a nearby street stall before they arrive at their destination. Seoul Forest is a large park in the middle of the city, but as they enter the noise of the traffic is left behind by children laughing and people talking. The trees transform the large city they live in into a tranquil forest. Minseok turns to look at Eunsook and is surprised to find that she’s looking at him too. She has sauce from her tteokbokki on the side of and Minseok automatically reaches out to remove it. When he realises what he’s doing, thumb on the side of , he pulls away quickly and looks away.

“You have sauce…” he mumbles and points to his own mouth. Eunsook wipes it quickly and giggles.

“Thanks,” she tells him but Minseok feels like he’s overstepped a million boundaries by doing this. He doesn’t think he can ever recover. Eunsook doesn’t mention it any more, though, as they walk away from playgrounds and fountains and into the trees. The farther they walk, the fewer people there are. They have thrown their cups into the trash cans and Minseok has dug his hands so very far into his pockets that he’s afraid he might poke holes in them. Every time he turns to look at her, he wants to reach out and hold her hand and there is no way he’s overstepping more boundaries than he has already done thus far.

Eunsook pulls him towards a bench when they’ve walked for another twenty minutes. Minseok looks towards her but she just shrugs.

“My feet are killing me,” Eunsook says dramatically, but Minseok knows that isn’t quite the truth. Still he humours her when he sits down beside her and sends her a smile.

“Poor Eunsook, should I carry you back?” he asks and she laughs and smacks his shoulder. Minseok’s heart beats in his chest and he curses himself for joking with her because he wants to lean over and kiss her lips. She doesn’t seem to notice his predicament. Minseok is both relieved that he hasn’t messed up yet and terrified that he’ll slip up at some point and hint towards more than friendship. It’s a fine balance, one he isn’t quite sure he can manage if she keeps on being so cute.

“No need for that. You should massage them though,” she laughs and lifts her feet into the air, pretending to put them on Minseok’s lap and he scoots away.

“I don’t want your dirty shoes in my lap!” There’s laughter twinkling in his eyes and Eunsook gasps in mock offense before she puts down her feet again. The atmosphere loosens up as they make their way down the forest paths again, her feet never really hurting to begin with. Minseok’s feelings don’t dwindle. Every minute he spends with Eunsook he becomes more acutely aware of his attraction to her. It’s not only physical, he realises, when they walk towards the food stand selling hot dogs. She’s so easy to talk to, so easy to be with. He doesn’t have to pretend he’s someone he’s not, doesn’t have to act a certain way. He can just be Minseok with all his flaws, and although Eunsook doesn’t know the worst of his trauma yet, she has accepted him as the Kim Minseok he presented to her, divorced with two daughters and a demanding job and a tendency to space out or react oddly at certain times. She’s taken it all in her stride, and there is no underlying feeling of not being good enough, just respect and kindness extended to the person he is. Minseok likes that feeling, likes fitting in right beside her and it only makes the thought of it all being platonic so much harder.

He shakes his head to stop himself from thinking of it. He’s with her right now. There’s no reason to be gloomy. He should blame Fanxing for making him in tune with his emotions. A year ago, Minseok didn’t feel anything but shame and guilt. Now that he’s able to cry, he’s also able to fall in love. That thought sends another jolt of panic through his body. How did he go from being physically attracted to falling in love in the span of a couple of hours? He’s in so much trouble.

He’s pulled from his thoughts again when Eunsook latches onto his arm, her chest pressing against his side as she looks up at him with wide eyes.

“Oppa,” she says, stretching the word in a deliberately cutesy way. Minseok fights to keep his feelings from the surface and raises an eyebrow.

“What do you mean oppa?” he asks her. “You’re older than me.”

Eunsook sulks and lets go of him and Minseok wishes he could pull her back.

“Only by a year,” she says and then points towards the hot dog stand. “Buy me a corn dog, will