Life wasn’t going well for me, I deduced. Even though most people would say otherwise, I believed so. How else could everything go to drains like this. Rosé and I had planned everything to perfection and now that it was time to execute it, she wasn’t going to be in it. It was sad that I would be the only one going to Seoul. 

 

After I moved back to Seoul, I started school in SM junior high. It did take time for me to settle in well. And even though I missed Rosé a lot, life was getting better. Mom and dad bought a house in Seoul for his job transfer and everything moved on slowly. It was awkward on the first day of school. Everyone knew each other except me. And that’s when I had met Soojin. The first friend I made in Korea. That’s probably why she owns a corner in my heart. It was because of her that I got to know amazing people such as Jennie, Wendy and Jisoo.

 

I knew Taeyong through my friends. Not exactly knew. That wouldn’t properly define our relationship. I heard about him. Yes. Heard. He was pretty notorious for being a playboy. Although that’s totally justifiable given his good looks. It was only after the second semester that we talked though. That too because we were seatmates. It would be an understatement to say how much we didn’t get along. He really got on my nerves, with the way he irritated me or even the way his girlfriends bothered me. 

 

I still can’t believe that one time where he was playing with eraser and threw it in the air only for it to get into my nose. And that too when we were meditating. I swear I never had another embarrassing incident such as this. 

 

But nothing could compare to the time where he ate the love letter that his girlfriend had sent, when the teacher asked for it. The disbelief ! It was safe to say that after grade seven, we never saw each other again. Well we did. But we never interacted again. We did smile at each other once but that was it. The only other time I saw him was when he tagged along with Doyoung. 

 

Doyoung and I had known each other in grade tenth. We did have something going on between us but it never went further than that. Doyoung came to visit me during lunch breaks and recess and I think I saw Taeyong behind him during those times. Although Doyoung now had a new girlfriend and I swear on my Cheetos that I’m not jealous. I think I may have forgotten about Taeyong because of this. He wasn’t really relevant and I had other people surround me so it didn’t surprise me when I forgot him.

 

—

 

Taeyong stood  by the door, still smiling at me while I probably looked like a fool. I quickly hand him the gift and pull Rosé inside.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” She asks, concerned because of my weird behavior. 

 

“I totally forgot about him. Do you remember that guy I told you about? That one who threw an eraser into my nose. Or the one who used to shoot spitballs? “ I whisper and she nods, remembering the time when I complained to her about my seatmate. “That’s him! I totally forgot about it. Ahh this is so embarrassing!”

 

“It’s fine Yuko. It’s all in the past. I’m sure he’s forgotten about it too. Although you didn’t mention that he was a fine beast.” She smirks while rubbing my back. 

 

“Amish whatever. You’re not helping.” I roll my eyes and pull her hand out to the front yard. We were immediately greeted with the smell of roasted meat in the air. Both Rosé and I smile at each other and quickly rush over to the grill. 

Doyoung was the one frying the meat alongside Taeil.

 

“Oppa!” I say as I run to hug Taeil. 

 

“How have you been, Yuko?” He asks.

 

“I’m good, oppa. Oh, you know Rosé right. Rosé come here. This is Taeil oppa.” I say as I introduce them. 

 

“Hello. I’ve heard a lot about you. Pleased to meet you.” Rosé extends a hand. Behind her is Doyoung who cutely pouts.

 

“What. So I get no hugs?” He ask, his face contorted but I know it’s only to tease me so I go in to hug him.

 

“I was deciding against it but oh well.” I say and then grab a chopstick so I can steal the meat. 

 

Everyone was enjoying the night. I was glad I came because it truly was a fun night. Taeyong even had a bonfire made so we 

 were all warm, despite the mosquitoes coming in to attack us every once in a while.  The boys too seemed to be enjoying their night. They were all listening to jungwoo joke about something and then laughing at it. When I was all but occupied by the food in front of me, Rose had already stolen the heart of the yoda. He slyly went behind and then the two began talking. Maybe she had taken a liking to him too. I got up to go to the kitchen to get some water and Rosé tagged along. That’s when I knew she wasn’t beside me but instead with him.

 

“Ooo I see someone’s occupied” I say and Rosé blushes.

 

“Tell me! Tell me.” I chant the Tell Me song by T-ARA.

 

“What about you and Winwin? You didn’t tell me that.” She retorts and I blush too.

 

“Ok fine. We went to Jungkook’s party last time and I guess I got too drunk, Wendy said we two were eating each others face off. I only remember bits of it though. But I never imagined it would be so bad. Wendy showed me the video and believe me when I tell you I died!” I say and then fan myself. “ Now your turn.”

 

“He’s cute. Andheaskedmeoutonadate.” She says quickly to get rid of the embarrassment.

 

“Oohhh someone is getting it tonight.” I howl and she smack me.

 

“So what’s the deal between you and that stupid cousin of yours?” She asks to change the topic and I look at her. The atmosphere almost immediately turns icy.

 

“We met last thanksgiving. It was all good until he had to come along and spoil the mood by asking me to help him hook up with my friends. He always does this but it never fails to hurt me.” 

 

“What did you say?” She asks and I can see the concern on her face

 

“What could I say? I just told him to go himself. And the next time I see him, he has a girl with him. It’s hard being in love with your cousin. No one gets to know of this tragic love story of mine, nor can I share it. Its like embarrassing but I can’t help it.” I say. Rosé really was the only one I could pour this out to.

 

“You should give up on him. He sounds like a jackass.” She says and I laugh. Well at least she got that right.

 

“I tried. You know how it ends. I’m always in search of a new crush but it never works out because I’m always thinking about Jae. He might be a duck but he’s nice too. And I guess I like him for that.”

 

“Aww babygirl, that’s just because you haven’t met the right one. “ she says, rubbing my arm. I pass her the drink and she drinks it.

 

“Well you better get back. Mr Chanyoel won’t be too pleased if I keep you here any longer. “

 

“Let’s go together.” She says.

 

“I’ll clean this and then come. I gotta clear my head too. So.. go on.” I usher her out.  I could really use the silence. She leaves and I turn my back to the cabinet. Talking about Jaehyun really got me emotional.

 

“In love with your cousin.  Hmm that’s scandalous.” A voice come behind me, almost sending me back to hell. I turn around slowly and see Taeyong. 

 

“Says who?” I challenge him. 

 

“You” he inches closer every time he speaks and although I don’t want to admit it, I feel intimidated. He knew of my secret which I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone and that scared me.

 

“Were you eavesdropping on us. Wah! I never knew you were the type to do that.” I sneer at him.

 

“I wasn’t. You two were just so loud.” He shrugs and I swear to god, my hand nearly made contact with his jaw. 

 

“Well whatever you heard, it’s not true. So don’t go around spreading rumors.” I say and then walk out, only to be turned around by him.

 

“It is a rumor if it’s true, right?” He asks and I can’t think clearly because he’s dangerously close to me.

 

I quickly step back. Ahh this wasn’t how I wanted my night to go. Taeyong just keeps smirking and I want to rip out his pretty face so bad.

 

“This.. this. Ahhh”. I stutter and I absolutely cannot believe myself. 

 

“I can help you with that.” He says calmly, all the while closing the distance between us. “ I can help you with it. He says again and I gulp.

 

“H..how?” I gulp. 

 

“Lets try to make your cousin fall in love with you too. I mean, you’re a beautiful girl yourself so that shouldn’t be hard right.” He says and for a hot second, I believe him. I quickly get back to earth and then look at him, steeping further away from him.

 

“Stop being silly. Go find someone else to play with.” I scrunch my nose at him before turning away to leave. Gawd he can be such a douchebag sometimes.

 

As if confirming my thoughts, he says “well too bad then. You can sleep knowing you’ll never get him” and I can feel him smirking again.

 

“Lee Taeyong-sii, come here for a second. Let me smack you across the face.” I threaten abs he laughs.

 

“Are you sure you should be saying that to someone who has your life in his hands now?” He asks cheekily. I can only sigh. 

 

“Ahh what ever it is, I’m not listening to you. Goodnight.” I say and then rush outside. 

 

 

Spending too much time with him really eats away my brain cells. 

 

—

 

 So far, the night has progressed peacefully after the incident. The meat was still being supplied and the alcohol tasted better than any other times. I guess it probably because of how bitter I was today. I watch the people around me and sigh. If only I could get myself to stop liking Jaehyun, then I could enjoy my life like others. I feel a little lonely with how other people are cuddled with their beloved. Even Rosé and Chanyoel were sitting together and chatting.  I decide it’s for the better if I just scroll through Instagram only to regret it after a few minutes.

 

There’s a picture that Jaehyun had uploaded with his girlfriend and I felt blue with jealousy. Maybe it was because of the alcohol but I couldn’t get a good grip of myself. I even started thinking that Taeyong’s idea seemed fine at the moment. I torture myself more by looking at the comment and it worked. People commented on how cute they looked together and wished them luck and I wasn’t happy. 

 

I look up and see Taeyong by the grill, girls around him too. And that’s when I decide, if I really wanted Jaehyun, shouldn’t I work for it instead of waiting for a miracle to happen? It wasn’t like he was going to magically fall into my arms and say he liked me right? I get a grip on myself and stand up. I try to walk but instead stagger . Taeyong is still there although the girls aren’t. 

 

“Hey! Come here for a second. I need to talk to you.” I say and before he can respond, I pull him inside his house. 

 

“What?” He says.

 

“ I’ve thought about it and I want to do it. If it means Jaehyun will like me back, I’m ready for it.” I say and he laughs, pleased that he got me to do it.

 

“But it’s not free. You have to help me too.” He says and I nod. Anything. I was willing to anything at this point.

 

“Deal!” I say and shake his hand. 

 

 

I can’t believe I just made a deal with the devil.