The nerves that were building in your stomach weren’t explainable. You were simply going to see your mother. Who you hadn’t seen in nearly five years. It wasn’t because of a falling out or an argument or any disownment. You loved your mother. She was the one who knew you best, even better than Lon. Certain things you kept from Lon, but your mother could read it just by one look in your eyes. “Motherly instinct” she called it. A superpower.

Maybe you were nervous to see what she looked like now. If she really was as sick as she explained in the letter then you were scared to find her looking frail. Your mother was never an intimidating woman. She was soft and warm and welcoming. She wasn’t the kind to raise her voice or use her hands in anger, but she was still strong. She still stood on her own two feet for the good of her family.

Or maybe you were nervous for a completely different reason. You were still battling with yourself on how you dealt with Chanyeol. Over and over again, you told yourself not to feel guilty. Sure, he’d go through a little pain, but over time the bond would weaken and you’d both go on with your lives. In the end, he’d be fine.

After hours of debating with yourself, you decided that you didn’t want to talk about it with your mother. If everything went as planned, you could go to your grave with the knowledge that you’d once met your mate and rejected him. Lon didn’t need to know either. You didn’t want to deal with the fallout if he did. Though you couldn’t be entirely sure of his reaction, you were certain that it could be the one thing that tore you apart.

You tried to push all those thoughts away so they wouldn’t be readable on your face as you stared out the window. Lon was driving too fast as you made your way to your old home, but that was normal. He didn’t know what a speed limit was. The fact that Lon still had a license after all the tickets he’d gotten was a shock.

With a final left turn, the road changed from smooth asphalt to bumpy gravel. Lon slowed down to an aching pace to try and preserve the paint job on his precious car. The side road was flanked by miles of trees on either side. Their branches were budding with little baby leaves trying to push through as the weather began to warm up. Not much had changed about home from what you could see.

Lon pulled into a long driveway and parked just a few feet away from the white front door. The outside of the house had never been changed from its original faded sky blue and rose bushes still grew up against the house on either side of the porch. Where they used to be perfectly trimmed and cared for, now they were overgrown in some areas and while others were cut too short. Mom took pride in her roses and therefore someone else had to be “taking care of them”. You could easily guess who that might have been.

Neither of you bothered to knock once you stepped up onto the porch, opting to just head inside as the front door was unlocked.

“Mom?” Lon called out. There was no answer. “Mom? It’s us. We’re here.”

Footsteps too heavy to be your petite mother rumbled from the back where the kitchen was located. Your mood immediately plummeted to rage when the mysterious person emerged into the living room.

It was Markus.

He, too, hadn’t changed much in the years that have passed. He was still talk, muscular, almost too much, with curly brown hair and hazel eyes that seemed to look right through you. Everything about him screamed “alpha”. Which made sense as he was born to be one, being descended from a long line of alpha leaders. He never had to fight for his spot, it simply went to him by nature with everyone seceding to him without protest.

By instinct, you took a step forward before Lon caught you by your wrist, even though he too was on high alert, letting out a continuous low growl.

The man currently invading your home was the reason you’d left in the first place. How your mother could allow the alpha of your father’s old pack to step foot into your home just proved how much of a saint she was.

“Well, would you look at the two of you,” Markus whistled. His face seemed sincere, like an uncle seeing his niece and nephew. Growing up, he pretty much was. “How you’ve grown. I nearly didn’t recognize you.” He motioned with his head over his shoulder. “Your mother is in the backyard. (y/n), why don’t you go see her. Lon, would you please come with me? There’s something we need to discuss.”

At first, neither of you moved. But the only other option was to turn around and leave and that wasn’t something you were willing to do. You needed to see your mother. So you gave in, passing Markus to the back door while your brother sat down at the table with the alpha taking the seat across from him.

Out in the open backyard, your mother sat in a lawn chair, reading a book with a hat on her head to block out the sun.

“Mom?” you choked out.

Slowly, she turned around as she laid the book down, a wide smile stretching across her thin face. Her bone structure was easy traceable under the taunt skin. Her eyes still shined, but all of her movements expressed great effort and energy for them to be executed.

You couldn’t hold it in. You ran to her, throwing your arms around her neck, careful not to break her. Five years worth of tears burst out in ugly sobs as you held on tight to your mom. She patted and rubbed your back in that way that only the woman who gave birth to you could.

“Thank you,” she whispered, her small voice matching her current state. “Thank you for coming.”

Shaking your head, you pulled back and sat down on the grass beside her. “Why, Mom? Why won’t you take the medicine and get better?”

Your mother patted your face, the smile on her face dimming greatly. “It’s just my time, sweetheart.”

“You’re not eighty,” you argued. “You could still have decades ahead of you. What about everything you’ll miss? Parts of my life? Parts of Lon’s? Doesn’t that matter?”

“Oh, my little pup,” she sighed. “Ever since your brother was born, I’ve sacrificed so much. Don’t you think I could be selfish just this once? Even if I take the medicine, even if I get surgery, I’ll still be living a half life, still in pain every day, still depending on something other than sure will to survive. Doctor’s appointments every month, prescription refills, needing constant supervision in case something were to happen. Is that how you want me to live?”

If it meant you staying here, then yes.

But that would be selfish of you. Granted, you’re mother was being selfish as well, but she was right. Being a mom meant putting yourself last while your children got to put themselves first. You had to let her have this. To repay her.

“I just want to see your father again,” she sighed.

Your only response was to scoff and shake your head.

Your mom laughed. “You’ll understand once you’ve found your mate, sweetheart.”

Exactly the subject matter you wanted to avoid. A poker face was never something you were good at, especially around your mom. Others who didn’t really know you, like Chanyeol, could be fooled with a little bit of effort. But not her. She could read you like the book laying in her lap.

Shifting slightly, you looked off into the horizon, scanning the trees that created the barrier of your backyard. In your effort to avoid her gaze, you gave yourself away.

“You’ve found him already, haven’t you?” your mother guessed.

You heavily denied it. “No. Of course not. I’m never going to be mated. I don’t want to be tied like that.”

The laugh that left your mom was light and airy. “Oh, sweetheart, you can’t lie to me. Your mother or not, I can recognize that look in  your eyes. Who is the lucky boy?”

“It doesn’t matter,” you bit, dropping the innocent act. “I’m not going to be tied to a pack. He can go on with his life and I can go on with mine.”

Whatever reaction you’d imagined from your mother, the fiery panic that emminated from her eyes as she nearly crushed your fingers in her grip.

“(y/n), what did you do?” Her voice was still at it’s normal volume, but the sharpness that whipped out was more frightening than if she’d yelled you.

“I-I don’t-” You were so confused. Why was she in such a panic? “I don’t understand. What’s the big deal? You told me that they just had some pain for a while and then they’re fine. Why are you so mad?”

“I only said that because you were a child,” she groaned. “I didn’t think you needed to know the entire outcome. I never imagined that you would actually consider rejecting your wolf.”

You swallowed, scared at your next question but knowing that you needed the answer. “Mom. If that’s not what happens, then what is the consequence of me rejecting him?”

Your mother closed her eyes tight, inhaling deeply. When she opened them again, she stared straight at you with a seriousness you hadn’t witnessed since your father’s sentencing. “The pain never goes away. It becomes too much… and the wolf dies.”

“WHAT!” You jumped up to your feet, staring down at her in disbelief. “Why didn’t you tell me that? Why does that even happen?”

“I don’t make the rules, sweetheart,” your mother scolded. “But is that really worth it? You would also feel it, when he passed. Rejected or accepted, there’s an emptiness that can never be filled once your wolf is no longer walking the earth. I didn’t want to scare you when you were younger, but now I realize I should have been more honest with you.”

This couldn’t be happening. This could not be your reality. That’s what Chanyeol meant when he’d asked you if you new what would happen. No wonder he looked like he hated you when he screamed at you to go. He had every right to. As far as he knew, you didn’t care if he lived or died. You didn’t want him die. Screw how you would feel, the idea of a world where Chanyeol wasn’t lighting up the room with his smile or laugh was torture.

For years, you’d avoided the idea of being mated, of settling down like that. You still weren’t completely accepting of your fate, but you wouldn’t let him die to satisfy yourself. For him, you would try. You had to see him. You needed to talk to him. But first-

“What else, Mom,” you murmured. “What else haven’t you told me?”

Your mother looked down at the grass guiltily. “Markus is speaking with Lon now, isn’t he?”

You nodded. “Yeah. He is.”

“Please,” your mother begged. “Please, don’t think any less of your father.”

“Why would I ever so that?” Your father was a hero in your eyes. Better than Superman. But the way your mother was pleading with you made scared that he might turn out to be the villain. “Mom, what is it?”

She motioned for you to sit back down, taking your hand in hers, much more gently this time. “You remember why your father was banished from the pack, of course?”

You nodded again. How could you ever forget? “Someone framed him for stealing from the pack.”

The pack had an account used for expenses that affected the pack as a whole and the occasional emergency. Everyone contributed to it and votes would be held for when to use it. The only people allowed to touch it was Markus, as the alpha, and his second in command, your father. When it was discovered that someone had been messing with the books and embezzling money from the account, everyone became panicked. Markus began looking into where it could have possibly gone. All the evidence had pointed towards your father, but he protested his innocence. The trial with the pack was quick and, in your eyes, unfair. You didn’t know exactly what happened as only the adults sworn to the pack were allowed to participate - not even mates were allowed to attend, including your mother - but you knew your father had lost before it even began.

He was banished from the pack, becoming an omega. Barely a month later, he was out running in a different territory and was attacked by a particularly powerful pack. You never really found out who they were, only that they weren’t average wolves. They killed your father, showing no mercy. When you and your brother found out, you both declared that you would have no connections to any pack, never able to trust other wolves again.

Markus decided since your family wasn’t directly tied to the embezzlement that he would take care of your family. Not wanting his help or be forced to see him, you and your brother packed up your things, said goodbye to your mother, and left. For the last five years, you’d been moving place to place, never able to truly settle down and feel at home. It wasn’t fair, but it was also your own choice.

“Markus always let me believe your father over him,” your mother said. “But when I got sick, he thought I should know the truth. The reason your father’s trial was so quick was because there was video evidence.”

Your jaw dropped. “W-what?”

She nodded solemnly. “Markus had installed cameras in the office that the books were kept in to try and find out who was stealing the money. The video showed your father taking the money and then changing the books so the math added up. I’m sorry, (y/n). I wish things were different, but the truth can’t be ignored.”

“But, why?” you asked desperately.

“Your father’s hours at work had been cut and it was hard to make ends meet,” she explained. “He was too proud to ask for the help.”

“So, why didn’t  they go easy on him?” you scoffed. “Why didn’t they just help him after finding out?”

“He’d broken the law,” she countered. “It doesn’t matter the reason why. He still knew that it was wrong. They never imagined that it would lead to him being killed. That’s why Markus has tried so hard to take care of me. He feels guilty, but as the alpha, he couldn’t show favoritism but letting your father off.”

You wished he’d had. Your father had been his best friend since childhood and yet, he’d chosen the pack over him. But that was the wolf way.

“Is that what they’re talking about right now?” you motioned to the house with your head.

Your mother nodded. “Markus wanted to show him the footage, to explain. And then offer him a place in the pack, if he so wishes.”

Curious, you watched the back door, wondering yourself how Lon would take the news. He’d idolized your father even more than you had. The realization that your father had been in the wrong all along…. It was world shattering.

You were so wrong about everything. And it hurt. It hurt more than you ever imagined it could be. As much as you wanted to stay by your mother’s side, you needed to get back to Chanyeol. You needed to explain to him that you didn’t know. You just hoped that he’d be willing to give you another chance.

Suddenly, the back door slammed open and Lon came storming out of the house. He stared down at your mother with red eyes. His shoulders heaved up and down as his lungs struggled to get full breaths of air.

In just one look, you could see it. He was completely destroyed. You both were. In this visit that was supposed to be a simple one in seeing your mother again, your entire world was flipped around. Everything you’d been fighting and running from had caught up with you both and now neither of you knew what to do.