KEY'S POV

"Come quick! Come inside! ...! He-! Taemin! He's trying to kill himself!" Jonghyun yelled frantically as he ran to us. I didnt even wonder how he had fiured we were all the way out here.

Both Minho and I found ourselves standing and sprinting before we were even aware of what was going on.

My head was screaming  oh my god oh my god oh my god! even as we raced upstairs and barged through Taemins door. I heard myself scream, not even realizing it was me at first.

There was a noose made of a twisted sheet tied to a wooden frame above a hole in his ceiling. Taemin was tied to the other end, and Onew stood under him, holding his legs, appearantly having caought him right before it was too late. Onew held tight, even as Taemin kicked, tying to get Onew to let go, let him fall...to his death.

I raced downstairs, praying Onew could hold him, and within seconds I came back up with a knife. I stood on Taemins bed so I could reach the makeshift rope, then I sawed the damned thing until Taemin dropped and all his weight was on Onew. We all helped get him down on the ground. When we did, his eyes were so...dead. He looked so defeated, like he wanted nothing more than to have been killed. He numbly pulled the cloth from around his neck and walked zombie-like down out of his bedroom.

It was now that I looked to three terrified faces, that matched what I thought I must look like. Onew was in silent tears, folding his arms close to his chest and tucking his hands under his armpits. His adams apple jumping every once in a while.

We all seemed to realize at the same time we had let Taemin leave....alone. We all scurried out and sprinted downstairs, only to see he had folded himself into a ball on the floor. He wasnt crying, he didnt speak or even look at us. He was just...staring at nothing. He looked dead. I could see no life in those eyes that usually glimmer with a smile, bursting with energy and happiness.

I swallowed hard, I had to speak.

"What is going on, Taemin," I was ashamed to hear my voice crack. Taemin just stared.

"Taemin!" I repeated. Dead eyes.

"Taemin, you answer me NOW! WHAT the HELL is going on? Something has really got you-why the hell would you EVER resort to this? Are you an idiot? Don't you know how important you are?" I broke. I said more than I needed to but I couldnt help it.

"I'm sorry, hyung. I know SHINee just wouldnt be the same without a lead dancer," he answered in a voice that matched his eyes.

"Thats NOT what I mean and you know it! Now tell me whats happened to you?" I almost yelled but realized that would do no one any good.

Taemin hesitated.

"Its school, its too hard, and people follow me around all the time! They either make fun of me o try to hold my hand, but they all just treat my badly because they think I think I'm special because I am a celebrity." His voice was back, less than his usual voice but it was there at least. But I wasnt buying it.

"That's not it, you've had to deal with that forever."

"Exactly and Im tired of it." He said.

"Taemin, I know you, you are stronger than that. Now tell me whats really going on." Finally his eyes moved.

"I'm tired of being treated like the baby, Im not a kid anymore! I thought smoking and drinking would make me feel more grown up, but it didnt-"

"So you tried to hang yourself? Taemin you're lying! Tell me the truth! You've always been treated like the youngest, but something has changed. Why can't you just tell us the truth? We are your best friends! Basically brothers! You know you can tell us anything!" I pleaded.

"Just tell us whats going on!" Jonghyun said.

"Yeah, tell us!" Onew said.

"Please. Talk to us. Taemin, tell us. Taemin-"

Taemin looked frantially between us, looking at each of us. I could tel he was shaking.

"I-" He started and we all quieted down.

"I think I'm gay!" Taemin screamed. His voice broke as hot tears suddenly leaked from his eyes. All we could do was stand there and stare. Our Taeminie, gay?

"I-I think I like boys...but I don't want to, hyung, I dont want-" He looked pleadingly into my eyes, searching for.....acceptance? The boy was quaking now, on his knees in a begging possition, head down between his arms, which seemed to be the only thing holding up his frail body.

"So I punished myself, tried to make myself forget-by drinking til I threw up I thought it would give me some kind of distraction...so I would forget-" Then words became sobs and I couldn't understand them. I didn't want to understand. I wished I could un-hear the truth, un-hear that my Taeminie was questioning his uality, but mostly un-hear that all this was just because he thought he was gay. But then I thought about it and understood. He thought we couldnt look at him the same. His family wouldnt understand, he thought he would be judged. And who can live with themselves when they don't want to be what they are? Oh Taemin.

But Taemin needed me right now. I could tell he wasn't telling me everything, but it could wait until he was calm.

"Shhhh, it's alright. We don't think any less of you, we all love you, Taemin." But he just shook his head frantically. I could faintly hear desperate whispers, "Im sorry-sooo sorry. I didnt- didn't want-Im soo sorry."

I put a hand on his shoulder and rubbed his back.

Suddenly, he shot up and grabbed my shirt.

"FIX ME HYUNG!" Those words almost broke me down into tears. "Fix me! I dont want to be like this!" He had a look of such desperation in his wet eyes that he almost looked crazed.

It tore my heart out, and the words I said next, shattered it.

"I-I don't know how." I let the tear fall that had been blurring my vision. Im used to being able to fix everything....but how could I fix this? Minho crouched and hugged Taemin, the back of his head with his hand, binging Taemins face to his chest.

Taemin let himself sink, putting his head in Minho's lap. Suddenly he sprang back up, eyes angry.

"Stop! You're not helping anything, GO AWAY!" I had never seen Taemin yell at Minho before. Minho looked completely shocked.

"All of you just leave me alone!" Taemin shouted. Minho stood, looking like he was about to cry again. He silently ran up to his room. Jonghyun and Onew followed. I stayed. I couldnt move. Taemin was doubled over, holding his stomach like he was hurting. He sobbed loudly. I heard him mutter something in those cries.

"Damn it. Damn it damnit damnit damnit." I stopped cold. Hearing such wreched words from the precious boy who was once so innocent.

"Are-are you telling me everything?" I asked, instantly regreting it....I didnt know if i could handle anymore. Taemin's face shot up at me, eyes in pain, a tear hangign from his chin.

"I love him." He whispered, his voice shook.

"What? Who?" I asked.

"Minho, I'm in love with Minho, and now he hates me, damnit!"

I couldn't breathe. Taemin was feeling so bad and all I could do was just sit there. Finally, words came, and I let them spill off my tongue like water, not even thinking about them.

"He loves you too." And as soon I said it, I knew it was true, because Minho, in some way, does in fact love Taemin. We all do. I brushed his hair behind his ear with my fingers, and we just sat there. I could never judge Taemin in any way. I was not upset with him, or freaked out. I was sad because Taemin thought I was...and that's what kept me silent, because nothing I could say would help.

"It's hard to pretend." He said, sounding a bit more in control of himself. "To pretend I dont want to spend every minute with him, so instead, I've been trying to stay away from him, and I think he thinks Im mad at him. You know I really don't want to be in love with him, he's like a brother to me."

"Maybe you just think your in love with him because you are so close." I said, seizing the opportunity to be in the least bit helpful.

"I'm close with all of you." He retorted, sounding fully recovered from his panic, knowing I understood.

"Maybe you're just confused, you havn't finished discovering yourself yet, maybe you just are curious." I said. He looked thoughtful, then smiled brightly. He leapt forward and hugged me playfully, yet meaningful at the same time.

"I love you hyung. In a straight way." He added, giggling.

"I love you too." My heart was overwealmed with gladness.

"You're gonna help me get through this." He whispered.

"I will." I answered.

We got up and he headed up to his room, then he turned around.

"Hyung, dont tell anyone, especially Minho. You know, that I think I love him and all." I smiled and raised a finger to my lips.

"As long as you dont hurt yourself anymore." I said. Taemin nodded, smiling and ran upstairs.

"Um can someone help me clean up in here? My suicide attempt messed up my room!" Taemin said, back to his old self. It felt good to have him back. But we need to work on him finding out who he is. I ran up to help him.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

If you want you can stop reading here, but if you want to find out how Taemin goes through discovering his uality, read on....I will write a sequal titled "Dealing With It" if you want to read it...

Thank you so much everybody!!!!!