That night, I really can’t sleep. I feel so guilty about my act toward Moonbyul lately, leaving her speechless like that. I don’t know, I feel so lost. I just know that my body feel so burned thinking Byul being asked by Eric to have lunch or go home together. But still I couldn’t describe what this feeling…

I tried to find the best position to sleep, turning my body left and right. Still don’t know why I feel so anxious. I took my phone on the cabinet beside my bed and glanced at the clock. It’s already 11.30 PM. I feel I should contact Byul no matter what even I know that contacting someone at this late is really impolite… but screw it, I chose contacting her or I can’t sleep all night…

 

To: Byulie

Byul.. are you sleeping?

 

It didn’t take much time until her reply.

 

From: Byulie

Not yet… How do you think I can sleep?

 

Reading her reply, I’m getting more and more guilty as hell. I’s too much.

 

To: Byulie

I really am sorry Byul, I know I’m , my act towards you..

 

Byul continued reply,

 

To: Byulie

Eonni, can I visit you this weekend?

There’s something I wanna ask

 

I said yes to her. This weekend my parents are going to visit our relatives in Daegu, I think they will understand if I ask to not join them. So Byul can come to my house. I read her message once again, it seemed she didn’t reply my apologize… is she really mad at me… I better ask when she comes later. The important thing righ now, I already apologized to her and I little bit relieved.

I tried to close my eyes and goes to sleep. I should sleep no matter what cause I have a morning class tomorrow.

----------------------

Ding Dong!

I rushed open the front door. It must be Byulie. It’s weekend and the D-day Byul finally came visit me.

“Come in, Byul-ah…” I welcomed her, smiling awkwardly. I remember she still not accept my apologies yet. Moonbyul then step into the living room, I invited her to sit and offer a drink for her. Byul said I could give any drink to her, she wouldn’t mind, then I made her a cold Korean traditional tea.

“How are you Byul-ah?” I asked, breaking the silence after Byul drinking the tea I made.

“upset”

I stunned with her answer. Byul sighed before finally looking at me, “I am so desperate because of you Eonni. You shut me away..”

“I apologize Byul-ah.. I really am sorry, I know I’m too much..” I answered timid and anxious, overwhelmed by the guilt. “Will you.. accept my sorry?”

“Eonni.. you know what, I’m so scared?”

“Scared?”

“Yeah. I’m scared your changed attitude will affect our band, affect when we perform on stage. We are on the same team, Eonni. We should make it more engaged and closely, don’t make a discord. Don’t you know Eonni, it makes me crazy..”

I could only look at her, don’t know what to say. But her words was right. It seemed I didn’t think about our band. Byul is clearly a part of Hoshizora, our beloved band. I should be more professional.

“and You know what,” she continued, breaking my thoughts. “I miss You Yong.. I missed the cheerful you.. the grumpy side of you when you scolded me or anything. I confused what’s going on with you…”

Byul take her cap off, frustrating messed her hair. She then stared at me deeply with her teary eyes, asking for explanation. I could see her breath uncontrollable, perhaps tried to hold back her feeling to mad at me. I know I’m really . For a second I really want to hug her, to embrace her body tightly and said that everything’s gonna be fine. She was right, it was me.. there was something wrong with me..

 “Byulie..”

“May I know your reason? Please spit it out..”

I was silent for a moment before finally gathering my guts to answer her question,

“I… actually don’t understand what’s wrong with me, Byul-ah.. I still don’t know the reason behind it. It started when Eric Oppa try to getting closer to you. So, I.. want to give you some space. All I know it’s just I feel my body burned when Eric Oppa asked you to have lunch and go home together.. Me too don’t understand why I felt like that. I know I don’t have any right.. I just feel so funny.” I confessed, staring at the floor and not daring look at Byul. I was so embarrassed with my confession.

 “Yong..” she called me softly. I finally glanced at her, try to gather my guts. She sighed and smiled at me in such a way.

“Who told you to give some space? I don’t want that.” She stared at me deeply.

“You are my eonni, my Ddun, Yong.. before we both know Eric, we always together anywhere and anytime.. and you always asks me to accompany you. I miss you, Yong.”

“and you need to know, actually today Eric Oppa asked me to go on a date with him. But here I am, visiting your place to meet you.”

I surprised “What, How? Why?” stuttered with the fact that Eric Oppa ask Byul for a date.

“I refused him and said I cannot return his feeling because I already love someone else.”

I suddenly felt my body burned again, my blood seems boiling.

“You love my someone? Who? Why you never told me? I t-think we are close enough to share story with each other. Who is it Byul? May I know that person?” There’s a tone of disappointment in my voice.  I feel I’m gonna cry right now.

Byul then reached out both of my hands, bring them to to her lap. She held them and touching it softly. The confused me just froze there when she began caressing my fingers gently.

“Of course, it’s you, Yong. The person that I love is You…” her gaze made me weak, staring at me sincerely. I can’t believe what she said ‘till I didn’t realised my tears broke. I never knew I’m such a cry baby, crying in front of Byul, my junior in Japanese Community, the guitarist of Hoshizora, only her.. only Moon Byulyi who can made me like this.

“I love you, Yong. Why are you crying?” she giggled, brought my body to her embrace and let my puffed face lean on her shoulder, crying there.

Now I understand the reason I feel so nervous when Eric Oppa said He likes Byul, or why my body burned inside when Eric Oppa invited Byul to go home together, or when suddenly I really want to cry hearing Byul loved someone. I know the answer now, I am jealous. I am so jealous by the truth it’s not me who will always next to her, standing beside her.. It really took a long time for me to realize this feeling, that I love her too, I love her so much. Her greasy, annoying, and her teasing act unconsciously becomes a part of my life.

I shed my tear and confessed “I love you too, Byul-ah..” I don’t care with my face condition right now, I must be so ugly, but I really don’t care.

“It takes a lot time to realize our feeling, right?” Byul wipe my tears off, cupping my chubby cheeks softly. “Please don’t cry..” she said softly.

I nodded and smiled.

“Please be my Sun, and I will be your Moon.” She whispered before our body getting closer and we can count each other’s eyelashes.

 

END