08
It does happen
The rest of the summer passed by and Jinki managed to find a summer job for part of it. A delivery job that was easy enough and kept his mind distracted from thoughts of Minho, and refreshingly get him out of the bakery for a while. The tips were also a nice touch. Many days were still full of studies and bakery duties, and a side of video games and model kits, but a part-time job was something Jinki had wanted to try for a long time, and now was his chance.
He should count his tutoring of Minho as a part-time job, but he didn’t usually think of it as such. School was school and everyone needed a little help now and then. Besides, he hadn’t been doing it for some time now, not regularly. He couldn’t recall the last time he was paid.
Jinki sat tiredly, eating his food on a lunch break. He had sat close to his scooter while opening his boxed lunch. Jinki wasn’t in the mood to talk on the phone when it buzzed noisily inside his pocket.
He really hoped it wasn’t a complaining customer. “Hello..?”
“Hyung.”
Jinki choked on his meal at the familiar, deep voice. He coughed and cleared is throat quickly. “Minho-ya.”
“You’re always so surprised to hear me now,” Minho laughed. “It’s funny.”
“You don’t call me in the middle of the day anymore,” Jinki said with a pout, but he soon cringed at his words. They were thoughtless.
“I was given special permission today,” Minho told him with no reaction to what Jinki had said. “Thought I’d check up on you.” Minho’s quiet laugh was cut short, “Are you busy? I didn’t mean-”
“No,” Jinki said too loudly, “No. I’m taking a lunch break, actually.”
Jinki would never be too busy to answer Minho’s calls.
“I got a job for the rest of the summer.”
“Ah. Good for you, hyung. I hope it’s working out.”
Jinki wanted to ask Minho if he was better yet, if he could come home now.
Jinki didn’t.
They talked about this and that while he ate, like Jinki’s job and a few funny stories about his deliveries. It made Minho laugh, and suddenly Jinki wasn’t so tired anymore.
He went back to work with a smile the rest of the day.
______________
Jinki walked past Minho’s school on his way home from work. It made no sense, it was dark and a cooling summer night; no summer actives even in session during those hours. But still, part of him hoped he would see Minho walk out of the school like before.
He missed his friend terribly.
Minho never came out of the school. No one did.
______________
Jinki tiredly dragged his scooter back to work, once again done for the day. A nice cold shower sounded really good. And a big, meaty meal. Yes, one he would be too tried to make once he got home, so he thought about stopping by a shop and spending a little earned money on some prepared spicy meat so he could actually study before bed on a full stomach.
And to share it with Minho.
Jinki stopped, realizing he was smiling out of nowhere while people walked him by. Jinki shook the thought.
No- and studying after dinner would be good. Very good and needed.
Jinki pushed Minho from his mind and entered his place of work. He shoved his helmet and work things way, giving a quick bow to fellow employees and told them he’d see them tomorrow.
Later that night, Jinki scratched his head, trying to focus his mind on important studies.
Still, Minho wouldn’t leave his thoughts for long and he kept glancing at his phone, hoping it would be his friend calling.
______________
School had just begun again for Jinki. His part-time work had ended with a little extra money in his pocket. Like many school nights, Jinki sat tiredly at his desk, studying. His vision blurred while he tried reading, so he pulled off glasses, but it didn’t seem to help much. Maybe too much energy had been spent on a side job. Parents had tried to tell him it would be too much, just study hard and help at the shop, that’s all he would need. It’s all Jinki ever did.
He shifts tiredly in his chair, still recovering from his summer job, and still, thoughts of how Minho was doing clouded his mind. Jinki was about to just shove everything off his desk in frustrated exhaustion, but the doorbell stopped him. He wished his parents were home so he didn’t have to drag his tired body to the front door. Sleep sounded really great right about now. Maybe he could go to bed really early.
He dragged his feet while the doorbell went off again. “Coming, coming…” Jinki mumbled as he reached the door. He shoved it open to find his friend standing there, peering through the small crack in the door.
Minho tried to smile. It was the weakest, tiniest thing, but Jinki was too shocked to be seeing his friend on his doorstep to feel disheartened by it. He shoved the door all the way open. “Minho-ya!”
Minho flinched a little at Jinki’s sudden embrace, but that might have been the fact that Jinki was holding him so tightly. When Jinki pulled back, he almost shoved his lips to Minho’s, but he realized the ridiculous impulsive thought and stopped it. He wasn’t even sure how that thought got there. How was it even related to the situation right now?
Jinki pulled Minho inside. “Wha.. why.. why are you here?”
Minho looked at Jinki while he pulled his shoes off. His eyes flashed with hurt and he bowed his head back to his shoes.
Jinki felt awful, realizing what it looked like. He was just surprised. “I didn’t mean it like-”
“It’s okay, hyung.” Minho was still forcing a smile. He took a deep, shaky breath. “I’m home.”
Jinki smiled gently with a happiness he couldn’t fully understand. “Welcome home, Minho.”
Minho was home.
Minho was finally back.
______________
When Jinki had a moment alone with Minho a week after his return, Jinki told himself not to, it was stupid and uncalled for, but he tried anyway.
He leaned in and tried kissing Minho on the lips.
Minho ducked away. “I’m better, hyung,” he told Jinki, eyes downcast.
Jinki felt embarrassed as he pulled away. He looked everywhere but at Minho, palms rubbing his thighs anxiously. It was a stupid idea and he couldn’t figure out why he thought it would be okay. It wasn’t okay, not at all. They’ll go back to being normal friends, everything would be back to normal. Boys fall in love with girls, girls fall in love with boys, you die happy, etc. – the mold Jinki still tried to squeeze his way into.
“I’m not sick,” Minho whispered beside him.
Jinki scratched the back of his head and laughed awkwardly. He never thought of Minho as sick, really. If anyone was—
Jinki didn’t try kissing Minho again after that.
______________
It was a rainy chill of a Saturday a week later when Minho was sitting outside Jinki’s apartment again. He was bent over rubbing his head when Jinki stepped out of the elevator. Jinki couldn’t breathe when Minho looked up, eyes red and actual tears falling from them. As he drew near, Minho’s voice was so tiny Jinki almost didn’t hear it.
“I wasn’t supposed to come home. I’m not supposed to be here.”
“Minho-ya. Don’t say that,” Jinki’s voice fell to a whisper as he tried to breathe even again. “Please don’t.”
“My brother brought me back. Dad.. dad still doesn’t want me around.”
“Minho…” Jinki frowned, hurting for his friend.
Jinki slowly pulled Minho inside and they silently played video games in Jinki’s living room the rest of the day. Jinki couldn’t bring himself to ask any questions. He hoped just being there was enough. Minho didn’t volunteer anymore information.
______________
Minho spent that Saturday night over at Jinki’s, just never telling Jinki he needed to leave now. Jinki wouldn’t force him to leave. Jinki had made cups of noodles for each at dinner, but Minho barely touched his. He gave his friend some old clothes to sleep in, then offered up his bed for a friend.
Jinki woke late to the sound of parents returning home after late hours at work, but that was usual. He drifted back to sleep, Minho still silent beside him in a shared bed.
Jinki wasn’t very surprised this time when he was awakened a couple hours later by screaming and Minho falling from his bed. Jinki jumped from tangled sheets in a dizzy haze, bare feet slipping on wood floors, knees stinging against the impact falling to them, while he wrapped his arms around Minho from behind. The younger struggled and shouted.
“Don’t touch me! I- I don’t want this!”
Jinki struggled with Minho and tried to speak calmly near his ear like he had seen Minseok do. “It’s okay, Minho. It was only a dream. You’re okay.”
“Hyu-ung..?” Minho slowly stilled, body only slightly shaking as he became aware of his surroundings. He choked on a breath, words heavily slurred in that distinctive speech impairment, so hard to get out but something needing to be said. “I.. I don’t wants to be- to be like thish anymore.. I don’t want to..” Minho broke off into a whine of a sob. “I’m sho tired.”
“Minho-ya…” Jinki buried his sad face into his friend’s shoulder, feeling the younger breathing jagged against him.
Jinki had to tell his parents everything was fine when they pushed his door open with worried expressions, not even aware Minho was sleeping in Jinki’s bedroom. He dragged Minho back to bed and held him until they fell asleep. Minho used to sleep like the dead when Jinki had spent nights with him, both away from home, and younger hard to wake in the mornings with a swollen sleepy face. It was such a drastic change for Jinki to handle.
“I’m tired..” Minho had whispered while he twitched and fidgeted in cold sweats against Jinki, like he no longer had control of his body at all.
Jinki slept restless himself that night.
______________
Days past by. Minho didn’t talk about that night. Jinki didn’t press.
They were on track to become good friends again.
Just friend.
Being just friends was okay. There’s not more there can possibly be.
______________
Minho’s voice was small over the phone, showing his distress to Jinki with or without intent. “I start school again tomorrow..” Minho tried to laugh like it was funny, but Jinki was frowning.
He sighed and put on a show, the type he always hoped cheered people up. “Good luck, my dongsaeng~.”
There was an awkward silence after that, but Jinki rounded up the courage to say, “Minho-ya. I’m here to help you.. with anything.”
Jinki heard some noises on the line then, “Thank you, hyung.” The sincerity in Minho’s voice made Jinki’s chest ache a moment.
“..oh.. I gotta go, someone needs this phone.”
“Minho fighting~,” Jinki grinned, making a fist that Minho couldn’t even see.
The younger’s laugh could be heard loudly through the phone though, voice no longer small and distressed but lively like it used to be.
Jinki sighed happily when he hung up his phone.
______________
“Again hyung?” Minho asked with an embarrassed laugh as he stepped outside his gate.
Jinki smiled, feeling a little stupid and also tired in his rush, but he wanted to walk Minho to school again. He had been trying to since Minho started school again two weeks ago.
They talked and shoved playfully at each other all the way to Minho’s school, passing other students on their way.
Once Minho was inside, out of sight of smiling Jinki, he held his bag tightly and dashed for his school blocks away.
Jinki walked in slightly late again. He kept his head low as he found his seat. He pulled out what he needed for the class and smiled again. It was worth it, sitting late in class out of breath, knowing he would be receiving a punishment before school ends.
Always worth it for Minho. He couldn’t be mad, even as he was humiliated by the teacher calling him out and a punishment given in front of the whole class. Classmates later asked why he was smiling, Jinki couldn’t say, because he honestly didn’t really understand it himself.
______________
Once Minho had a cellphone again, Jinki changed the ringtone just for Minho’s number, something he had only vaguely thought of doing before, but never bothered.
Jinki smiled whenever he heard Minho call now. Especially since the tune somehow reminded Jinki of his friend; something cheery and upbeat, always wanting to give a smile to someone else.
Maybe it was dorky, something only cutie couples in high school do, but Jinki couldn’t care.
______________
“What do you think?” Minho asked, fluffing his new hair. He had gotten a haircut, removing most the length that had grown over the summer. Large brown eyes were mostly visible again, still puffy but in a much more healthy way. He still looked soft.
Jinki stared at the dark hair, then Minho’s face again. “You look pretty with it long,” was out of Jinki’s mouth before he could even register his thoughts. He cringed and felt horrible watching Minho’s happy face turn away, eyes moving on the ground anxiously.
Minho didn’t say anything about the comment.
Jinki wasn’t sure, but the next time he saw Minho it look like the teenager’s hair was even shorter, chopped up in odd angles.
Something possibly self-done, butchered by school scissors.
______________
Jinki began standing outside Minho’s school again, those days his own class time ran shorter and no after class schedules. At least half the time he got the younger to spend the afternoon with him. Though it was usually quiet with lots of siting around (too much time to think) or trying to do lots in a short amount of time (forget for a little while).
But slowly, things seemed to be smoothing out, something back to how it all used to be.
Jinki was glad.
A normal friendship again.
______________
Jinki ran a lazy hand over his neck, trying to focus his tired brain. He was slouched over on his bed, warm laptop in his lap while scrolling over all the pages and notes he had made over the summer about ual assault.
He was frustrated there wasn’t more information on male attacks – no, assault. It wasn’t even a fight like that, it was an assault. But in the end of his search it was like no one acknowledged it ever happened.
It happened.
It happened to his friend.
So Jinki tried to understand what he could from female assault.
It hurt to continuously read over such information – know his friend suffered similarly and seeing all the signs he missed. But he wanted to try and understand Minho better. If only a little. Because really, he couldn’t actually understand, never fully grasp it.
It was upsetting knowing anyone went through that, hurt by people like that. It was a thing he so rarely thought about in his daily life. So hushed and dealt with behind the closed doors of society, just like bullies in school, just like suicides. No wonder no one acknowledged it. It was angering skimming over faceless comments blaming any woman for what had been done to her. How could someone be so cruel? He’s seen what it did to a person, to a dear friend, and in no way had Minho ever deserved something like that. So how could a person be so cruel?
Because they could hide behind a computer, Jinki realized. Those men, the people that hurt his friend, they were in hiding just the same.
They all hid from the disgusting things they had done.
Cowards.
Jinki was raised to know a man was better than that, had seen it in his father if no place else. That’s what a good man was.
The teenager was startled from his thoughts when his phone buzzed beside him. Jinki blinked his focus back, adjusting his lopsided glasses before grabbing the cell from his nightstand.
There was a new text from Minho.
‘Meeting my soccer team again soon. Practice with me? ^^’
Jinki glanced at his computer screen again, eyes slowly running over it.
‘Sure thing. ^0^ Bring you’re A game. I won’t go easy.’ Jinki grinned, sending his text minutes later.
He breathed freely, closing his laptop and checking his phone when it buzzed again.
‘We’ll just see about that. keke’
Jinki’s grin spread to a full smile. With one had he pulled his glasses off, laying back on his bed while holding his phone close in the other. Minho was taking steps forward again.
He hoped it was real this time.
______________
Jinki was sitting at his desk, scribbling notes for school when his phone rang. Jinki scrambled for it, knowing it was Minho because of the silly special ringtone. He tripped over clothing he still hadn’t finished folding, falling against his bed with yelp.
“H-Hello?” Jinki ran fingers through his hair, trying to appear calmer than he felt.
“Hyung?” Minho laughed, nervous, “Umm.. Store.” He got right to the point, “I mean, I’m running to the store for my mom,” there was a long pause. “…Would you like to come with me?”
Jinki wasn’t sure why he was needed for such a thing. Minho had done it millions of times on his own. But he grinned, not minding spending some time with Minho. “Sure. I’ll be ther-”
“I’m outside your place,” Minho blurted out. His voice quickly quieted, “I mean.. uhh I’m out here.”
Jinki blinked, trying to think of a response, but when Minho started laughing, Jinki joined him. “Be right out.” Jinki hung up and scurried around his room, getting ready.
Like Minho had said, he was standing outside the apartment door, hands in his pockets, head tilted and smile nervous. Jinki stepped out, letting the door fall shut behind him. Minho pulled the hood of his sweater over his head, disappearing behind it.
Jinki noticed Minho’s tense posture as they walked to the store, but then that wasn’t out of the ordinary for Minho now. Jinki frowned inwardly at it. He didn’t ask why Minho wanted him to come. Minho didn’t volunteer a reason.
Minho stepped throw the door of the store first and held it open for Jinki. He noticed Minho staying fairly close to him while he carried his basket through the narrow isles. Minho was glancing at a list and grabbing things from shelves.
When Jinki saw an opportunity, he grabbed whatever he could near him and called Minho to look back at him while he made a stupid joke. Minho only blinked blankly at Jinki. Jinki slowly pushed the item back on the shelf, feeling suddenly embarrassed. Minho slowly grabbed something again from the shelf beside him. Instead of dropping it in his basket, he turned back to Jinki, a smile growing as he continued Jinki’s lame joke.
Minho laughed loudly and looked the most relaxed Jinki had seen him that day. Jinki grinned big and carried on the joke with Minho. They laughed at themselves and their lame back and forth, but it was the funnest time Jinki had in awhile, and it was a relief to see Minho out of his shell again.
Just as soon as Minho was back though, he was gone again. An older man bumped into Minho from behind. Jinki watched as Minho almost dropped his basket to the floor and quickly turned to a couple of men also shopping. The guy apologized with a quick bow and they hurried on their way, brushing against Minho as they passed through the narrow isle. Minho stood frozen, staring at the floor.
“Minho..?” Jinki reached out to touch his friend but stopped himself. Minho raised his head, looking beyond Jinki. Before he could speak again though, Minho’s eyes focused on Jinki and that forced smile was back.
Minho’s voice broke slightly while he pathetically stammered in a slurred lisp trying to complete his unfinished joke. Jinki brushed it off and smiled softly while carefully pulling Minho’s basket from him. He swung it a bit, asking, “What’s next on the list~?”
Minho looked lost while his big eyes ran anxiously over paper.
Jinki stood close to Minho as they finished shopping for Minho’s mother. Though Jinki tried, Minho didn’t leave his shell like earlier. It worried Jinki enough to walk a quite Minho all the way home, even though Minho said he could leave the store by himself.
Jinki never asked what happened to him at the store. Minho didn’t tell.
When Minho entered his home with the bags groceries, he turned back to Jinki, smiling. Really smiling.
“Thank you hyung.”
Jinki fumbled over a simple reply, “Welcome- um.. anytime.”
Jinki’s fists tightened, nervous about his sudden and confusing emotions toward his friend. He shouldn’t be this awkward and nervous around him, especially not over a smile. People smile and thank each other all the time. It’s natural, it’s normal.
Black and white, that’s what the world was - Jinki repeated to himself, shuffling home alone.
That’s all it could ever be.
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