06
It does happen
It had been half a month since Minho left. Disappeared. His family wouldn’t tell Jinki what happened to him. Minseok had looked frustrated when Jinki asked a week after his friend was gone, so he didn’t bother asking him again. And Minho’s parents had brushed him off more or less when he tried there. Jinki really didn’t know what to do, so he didn’t do anything. He couldn’t. He had to wait now. The helpless feeling was awful though…
It was far too late to still be up, and Jinki was half-asleep when his phone buzzed noisily beside his head. He didn’t recognize the number, but he didn’t care either. Jinki lazily answered, “Hello…”
“Hyung?”
Jinki shot up in bed, blinking sleep from his eyes. It was almost hard to tell; voice over the line quite deep and still throwing Jinki off ever since puberty struck down a squeaky, soft-voiced boy. “Minho-ya?” Jinki did possibly think he was dreaming. It would be the best dream he’s had in weeks.
“Yes. It’s me, hyung.”
“Minho, where have you been?”
Jinki regretted asking once he heard Minho hesitation. “I.. uh.. family. I’m at a relative’s home.”
“Really?” Jink knew he shouldn’t, but he asked, “Is.. is it because-”
“Uh.. yeah… yes.”
“Minho-ya..” Jinki dropped his head in his hand, “I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t blame you, hyung.”
That didn’t stop Jinki from hurting with guilt.
“Hyung,” Minho’s voice was low as if a warning, “Stop.”
Jinki took a deep breath.
“Really hyung,” Minho’s voice grew soft, and Jinki would swear he was smiling, “I’m glad it happened. I’m happy here.”
Though Jinki was sadly missing his friend, he suddenly felt full of hope. Minho sounded happy. He sounded good. Better.
“I miss you though,” Minho laughed awkwardly.
Jinki felt his eyes slowly burn with embarrassing tears, though he still spoke with a strong voice and blinked them away. “Minho-ya I-”
“Oh uh..” There was some loud thumbing on Minho’s end before he hurriedly said in a whisper, “I’m not really supposed to be calling people.. I gotta go. Later hyung.”
Before Jinki could say anything, the line was dead.
Jinki fell back to his mattress with a deep sigh. He was relieved and sad at the same time.
______________
Jinki didn’t bother standing outside Minho’s school now that he wasn’t around. It was weird, being that he was so used to it. It was part of his daily routine if he could mange to get out of after school activities parents wanted him to participate in. If he did his work quickly enough, or turned it in early, he would leave much faster. It was no secret his parents worried about him taking on tutoring someone, especially still doing it during one of the most important years of his life – the year he would find a university. No one should bother him, not a soul. Education was top priority. Jinki tried to make it to a few piano lessons, but he still had no desire to play.
Instead Jinki’s time was mostly full of studies still, then work at his parents’ shop, as he worried about his parents working themselves to death, especially for a son he didn’t feel was really worthy of it. If anything else, Jinki would wander around town, stop to boredly play at the arcade to set some new highest score records for others to try and beat – something Minho would try to do in the past, and sometimes succeed. He even checked out hot hangout spots by kids from school. He had been welcomed while lingering around, trying to act like he wasn’t actually there just so see what they were up to.
Schoolmates smiled at him, offered him a seat. Jinki listened to the teenagers but hardly understood what they were talking about. He just wasn’t in their social scene, he didn’t quite fit. It wasn’t the first time he tried, it probably wouldn’t be the last time either.
Jinki even attempted going on a date with a girl from school, someone in a grade below him. It had been a long time since anyone showed interest in him, called him handsome, and she basically asked him out, or rather, silently urged him to while he fumbled in a rambling voice, glasses falling crooked and making him feel less-than handsome. She was attractive. Her big, dark eyes and long lashes drew Jinki to her. They only had one date. Once Jinki kissed the girl in a gentle peck to the cheek, he knew it was off. It wasn’t the same. It was the first time Jinki broke up with a girl, if he could even call it that after only one date. It was the new shortest-lived relationship of his few dating experiences.
He realized this poor girl was a substitute for his missing friend. It was a scary realization. He felt ashamed when he saw the girl in school now.
He didn’t ask anyone else out after that and no one showed any sort of interest either.
School would be out for a summer break soon, then Jinki could maybe clear his thoughts.
______________
Jinki laughed, hands over his mouth, feeling a little tipsy but surely nowhere near as wasted as his schoolmate. Jinki had to squint at a nametag again to recall the student’s name. Some kid in his grade another classroom down the hall.
Jinki took another drink of alcohol that some kids had stashed at school and he heard whispers of it. He thought he would get in on it before adults found out and lashing punishments would be distributed.
Jinki liked it more than smokes. It wasn’t his first time drinking either, and he had early on found he had a stronger tolerance for it than some of the other kids. A girl once puked right in front of everyone, they all laughed while the teenage girl looked a mess. No one really helped her either.
The kid coughed and handed over his cigarette they were sharing. Jinki took a puff, nose crinkling as he tried to wave smoke away and brush off his uniform vest.
“You- you get all the good grades, huh... I see your name on the thing- the top ranking.”
Jinki nearly rolled his eyes. If his academics were what he took with him as success in life to the grave, maybe that would be worth something to someone. He sipped his drink again, giving a cheer to the schoolmate and passing the cigarette back as the other fumbled. The schoolmate was drunk and that made Jinki want to laugh.
Drinks were good, they were good until his mind got so fuzzy he would look at someone kind of cute, someone kind of appealing with a sort of delicate charm, someone- who wasn’t a girl.
He would be scared.
Jinki would avoid drinking for a while after that.
Now though, drinking was just what Jinki thought he needed. He was a little more social during, it gave him something to do outside of hours of studies and no girlfriend like other classmates bragged about.
Studies were so important this year though.
He should go study, really.
Jinki tipped back another gulping drink with a silly, crinkled-eyed smile.
______________
Jinki woke in his bed, pouring with sweat and an ever-obvious problem between his legs, pants now wet and sticky. Jinki curled up, trying to forget the dream he just had, hands pulled away from his waist where he had been rubbing in his sleep.
A now recurring dream.
Jinki squeezed his eyes closed, not wanting the images of Minho on his knees again, head tilting, puffy lips him off. His dreams seem to suggest the memory was more pleasant than he remembered it. Longer. A mouth doing all sorts of dirty things like those adult movies with women that had long since made Jinki curious what it would be like, until it actually happened, sort of, with a male friend instead of a woman.
In reality Minho hadn’t gotten off with the help of Jinki, either. His hands roaming beneath Minho’s pants in his dreams, just desperately wanting to know what it was like, touching intimately like that with the same gender, wanting to see a face small and feminine smile, just for him again like it used to.
That was only in his dreams.
Nightmares.
______________
It was a bright, warm day, summer finally showing itself, when Jinki passed by a group teenagers playing soccer on a nearby field. Jinki smiled, watching and fondly remembering Minho playing with his friends.
He munched on a snack grabbed from his bag, lingering there too long with a smile growing sad.
Soon, Jinki dragged his feet downside walks, and he stopped and stared a long moment at a shop that said they do piercing and body art. He grinned, crooked and almost cocky, reminded of a year or two a go he was thinking a lot about getting a pierced ear. Just one, something simple – something that would make him standout among the rest, feel a little less isolated. Maybe classmates would ask him what it was like, did it hurt, ‘you look cool’, Jinki had thought back then.
He dismissed the idea again, boarding a bus to quickly return to the family shop to stock shelves or do whatever else was needed of a well-mannered son.
______________
Two slow weeks went by before Minho had called Jinki late at night again. Jinki smiled the whole time. They only talked about trivial things, but Jinki felt great hearing Minho’s voice again. He sounded happy, like before.
The call was over far too early. Jinki laid in bed, repeating Minho’s deep toned, but finally smiling again, voice in his mind as he fell back to sleep.
Maybe Minho would come home soon. Maybe.
______________
Jinki dropped his bag in an empty kitchen while tugging off the sweater vest of his school uniform. It was much too hot. He was home from school, apartment too quite like usual. Something slipped from under his bag to the floor. Jinki bent to pick it up.
In his hands was a small note in his mother’s handwriting.
She had written him a note that day before leaving for work.
It’s sweet words, encouragement in his studies and noting she missed him a lot.
Jinki smiled. It had been a while since mother left him a note. He used to get them often during the weeks she would be gone to work heavily. He was much younger then.
With a grin, Jinki made himself a quick cup of noodles and pulled out a dish from the fridge that was made specifically for him by his mother; pointed out in her note.
It was Jinki’s favorite homemade snack.
It was good to be reminded that though he had very busy parents, they still remembered he existed.
He wanted to exist.
Jinki went to study in his bedroom, fan blowing a calming breeze as weather heated fiercely during summer months, and despite the heat, he was re-motivated to be the best he could be.
______________
It was a hot afternoon, school just ending and Jinki taking his lone walk home, when he had received a call from Minseok telling him he was going to see Minho and asked Jinki if he wanted to come. Jinki said yes a little too eagerly, making Minseok laugh. Jinki was too excited to really feel embarrassed though.
Parents looked concerned when he told them, stopping by their shop that evening. He would be away some of the weekend, which could be going into studying, but still they gave him their blessing. They might have heard some rumors around town, that Choi’s youngest was pulled from school and out of town. If they worried about their son around the Choi family any longer, they didn’t say anything. Jinki believed it was because despite the rumors, they knew better. Jinki of course couldn’t tell them what really happened, why he was so eager to help a friend.
That night he shoved a bag full of things he would need while he was gone, and even a gift he had bought for Minho in hopes of giving it to his friend once he came home. This would just have to do instead.
Jinki barely slept that night. He was busy trying to go over what he could say to Minho. It seemed he had so much to say, but no way to communicate it properly.
______________
Minseok had picked Jinki up that Saturday afternoon, right after weekend school activities ended, and Jinki had rushed to get his work done and out of the school building in a hurry, paying no mind to others looking at him suspiciously. The car ride was mostly quiet. They talked a little about their lives lately, the going ons. Small chat, nothing much else to say.
“Thanks,” Minseok suddenly said after a long silence. Jinki had been drifting off even, his lack of sleep getting to him. “You know.. for telling me. I know he wasn’t happy about it, but it’s what he needed. Though,” Jinki watched Minseok’s hands tighten around the steering wheel, “I don’t think he needed to be sent away like this. He’s been gone too long.”
“He’s sounds happier,” Jinki quietly commented.
Minseok just made a sound, something like he was disbelieving, but didn’t speak. Jinki didn’t know what was going on in their family behind closed doors, and he didn’t feel he could really ask either.
There was more silence.
Jinki side-glanced at Minseok, and again, as an only child, he wondered what it would be like to have a brother, or a sibling of any kind. He’s hung around cousins, more so when he was young, but he guessed it wasn’t the same. Minseok was taken his time out of school, out of a social life, to drive all this way to meet his brother. So Jinki wondered, he wondered what a bond like that might feel like, and really, he thought it might be something like how he felt about Minho. Minho was probably the closest thing to a brother he’s ever had.
When quiet music cut on through the car speakers, Jinki actually fell asleep. It soothed his tired mind into drifting off.
______________
It was nearing dark when they had arrived in the country at the Choi relative’s home. Minho was walking across the old wood porch barefoot in hot weather but long pants and t-shirt still looking bigger on him than they should, and horribly contrasting Jinki’s summer shorts and tee in obviously humid air. Minho watched as they walking up to the home with bags around their shoulders, his expression shocked. Soon, Minho’s face was lit up with excitement and he rushed from the porch, shouting “Hyung?!” before he actually jumped into Minseok’s opened arms, hugging his brother tightly with arms and legs, somehow without taking them to the dirt ground. Jinki stood by with a growing smile.
“What are you doing here?” Minho asked, nuzzling his smiling face into his brother’s neck.
Minseok grinned, “I came to take you home, Minho.”
Minho released Minseok then, feet dropping to the ground and face no longer filled with happiness. He actually looked frightened as he pulled back slightly. “Wha… why?”
“We’ll talk about it later,” Minseok told Minho and ruffled his slightly taller brother’s hair like he was a little kid still. “Besides,” Minseok grinned, “Someone else came along.”
Jinki almost laughed at Minho’s expression. He hadn’t been aware that Minho didn’t even see him there. He smiled at Jinki - one of the greatest smiles he’d ever been given from his friend. Real and beautiful. And Minho felt firmer when they met in a tight hug.
Jinki smiled bigger.
His friend was getting better.
______________
That evening was spent eating delicious traditional country made food and fun stories about the Choi Family line, along with a few stories Jinki hadn’t ever heard about Minho and his brother.
It was one of the best evenings Jinki had experienced in a long time, full of family with a home cooked meal. So much better than a lonely, cold apartment with a cup of noodles. It made his heart drop slightly, only because he missed family that had since passed at a younger age. He wouldn’t experience these sorts of meals with those family members anymore.
Seeing Minho’s sweet old grandma sitting beside him reminded Jinki of missing his own grandparents that had passed several years ago, before Jinki was ready for them to go.
Jinki couldn’t help his smile every time he glanced at Minho though, finding the teenager’s face bright with life again, that softer and squishy look to it gradually returning, albeit a little more tanned from all the sun exposure too. He shoved, and was shoved by family, without a flinch.
Minho was better. Just like old times.
All the pain and suffering the last few months, it was finally over.
______________
That night, Minho dragged his bedding out to sleep with Jinki and Minseok in another room. He shoved his way to sleep between the two on the floor, much like a child. Neither cared though. Minseok had pulled Minho into a playful headlock, and to both their surprise, Minho seemed okay. He didn’t react negatively to the touch.
Minseok finally demanded they all settle down, only because he was being ganged up on by the other two. Once they were cozy under their blankets, Minho quietly spoke in the dark.
“I missed you guys.”
Jinki heard Minho choke on a laugh, obviously Minseok having elbowed him.
“Go to sleep,” Minseok told them.
It didn’t take long for Jinki to fall asleep, being that he had a busy day and an eventful night. He fell asleep with a smile and peaceful dreams.
______________
Jinki jerked awake, and kicked his blankets down, much too hot in the summer night. He took a deep breath and rolled over on his side. His eyes widened when he came face to face with Minho. The younger was still sleeping though, as Jinki quickly realized, sleepy eyes adjusting in the room’s dim light.
Jinki calmed, watching Minho breath in and out. He slept peacefully beside Jinki. Jinki reached his hand to brush Minho’s long bangs from his face. Jinki thought of that word again that he was asked - ‘pretty’.
Minho was more than pretty. Some part of Jinki’s mind tried to tell him Minho was perfect. But the thought didn’t quite make sense to him, especially tired. There had always been something about Minho, even from Jinki’s younger age he knew it, something…
Jinki blinked and pushed forward until his lips pressed to Minho’s in a light kiss. Jinki pulled back and smiled, watching Minho’s face slightly scrunch up before he relaxed in his sleep again.
That part of his mind still demanded he think Minho to be perfect.
Jinki kept his face close to Minho’s, and soon he fell asleep again thinking that he might have really missed Minho on a deeper level, beyond their friendship. He was too exhausted to process the thought any further though. If he did it would terrify him.
______________
The next morning Minho woke Jinki ever-so-lovingly with his foot.
His friend’s deep, whiny voice pierced his dreams, “Hyung. Wake up..”
Jinki groaned and hid under his pillow, still waking from sleep and desperately wanting to go back. He was shoved by a foot again. “Minho-ya…” Jinki whined from under his pillow. Really, Jinki’s surprised Minho’s up. Whenever he was on an outing with Minho, he was up before Minho, and even Jinki was known for sleeping in. Maybe he’s dreaming. That’s why Minho is ups before him, when he should be oversleeping anyone else.
“Jinki-hyung~…” Minho repeated, upper lip jutting out as he mocked Jinki’s tone. Minho waited a moment before saying in a heavier whine, “Fine. I’m not saving you breakfast though.”
Jinki perked up at that, apparently very much awake despite Minho up and functioning before him.
“The meat is almost gone,” Minho said as he left the room.
Jinki sat straight up and scrambled after Minho, bed-hair and all, not letting a meal get past him.
______________
After breakfast and washing up for the day, Jinki pulled his gift for Minho from his bag. Jinki didn’t have to go looking for his friend because he was now right behind him. Minho’s voice almost made Jinki jump.
“Hyung, what are you doing?”
“I.. uh..” Jinki looked at his present, realizing how stupid and childish it was now. It was a stupid plush soccer ball pillow. Jinki cringed at himself, was he eight years old? “I got you something,” Jinki awkwardly told Minho.
“Oh?”
Jinki turned around, holding out the gift towards Minho. Minho blinked while Jinki continued cringing at himself.
“A soccer ball?” Minho questioned, brows lifting.
“I didn’t want you to forget..” Jinki paused, trying to find the right words. A pronounced adam’s apple bobbed with nervousness, lips twitching then . “..your passion?” Jinki audibly cringed at himself now. He wasn’t good at this sort of thing, not at all.
Minho was soon laughing and grabbing the plush pillow held out to him. He tossed it around, “That’s very thoughtful of you, hyung.”
Jinki watched Minho play with the plush like it was a real soccer ball, bouncing it from bent knee to bent knee, and he saw that confidence in his friend again then, even if a little. It was one of the many things missing from Minho and he was grateful to see it somewhere in there still.
Maybe an embarrassing gift was worth it.
______________
By afternoon, Jinki followed Minho around helping him with his routine chores. Jinki half-noted Minho still being fairly covered up for the hot weather. Normally his friend would be in shorts and possibly a tanktop in this type of weather, not baggy running pants and a over-sized t-shirt, still making Jinki slightly self-conscious about his shorts and thin fitted tee.
“Hyung, you don’t have to help me with this, really.” Minho laughed while hanging wet clothes out to dry on a clothing line.
“I do this at home all the time,” Jinki paused, hanging a shirt awkwardly on purpose. “A little…” he joked. He did try to help his mother with laundry when she was looking awfully stressed, worrying more and more about parents health as they grew older.
Minho laughed again though, the reaction he had wanted. It was the laughter of the boy he remembered and probably missed the most, breathy giggles and near squeaks.
Jinki kept silent as Minseok sneaked up behind Minho, and soon Minho was grabbed around the chest and lifted backwards up off the ground. Minseok laughed playfully, but Jinki saw it, the flash of terror in Minho’s eyes.
A look that had never been there before when he watched Minseok play with Minho.
“Minho?” Minseok called, voice no longer playful as he carefully dropped Minho’s feet to the ground. He appeared to be as worried as Jinki, stepping back from his brother.
Minho forced one of those smiles again, something Jinki hadn’t seen since he’d been visiting here.
“I’m fine,” Minho told them and turned back to hanging clothes. Jinki watched Minho’s hands shake while working.
Jinki had been wrong. Minho wasn’t better, not like he had thought.
It wasn’t over.
______________
Jinki quietly eavesdropped on Minho’s conversation with Minseok later that afternoon.
“I can’t go home now, hyung,” Minho said. “I’m.. I’m not ready.”
“Minho, we can help you.”
“Like before?” Minho’s voice sounded more accusing than questioning, and Minseok didn’t reply. Jinki had obviously missed something. But then, Minho had pushed Jinki away multiple times while he was at home still. Jinki really didn’t know what went on while he wasn’t around.
“Minho-”
“Don’t make me go back.” Minho voice was a quit plea, “Please don’t. I can’t yet..”
Jinki tried to appear busy when Minseok silently stormed out if the room, soon slamming sliding doors behind him. Minho appeared a few moments later. He noticed Jinki, and Jinki tried to look like he was doing anything other than spying.
Minho smiled sad and tired and left out the same door without a word.
______________
Jinki glanced out the corner of his eye, hands slowing as he peeled and cut some vegetables for chores, still helping out where he felt he could. His crossed legs pulled up to his chest, and he continued. His mind weight heavy still, after hearing that conversations - after knowing Minho wasn’t going to come home.
Jinki’s smiles were a little smaller.
In a moment, Jinki glanced at Minho again, and the younger had shifted, sitting like him once more. He’s doing it again, Jinki thought. Something he hadn’t seen in months. Minho was oddly mimicking his movements, consciously or not.
Jinki was pretty good at readying food, even if simple dishes, having grown up cooking meals for himself, or for working parents who hadn’t the time, those days he didn’t want a simple cup of noodles and side of plain rice. So maybe Minho was just picking up his technique.
Minho used to do it a lot when they were younger; mimic Jinki’s actions, mostly when Jinki was trying to be goofy for a laugh, then Minho would be riding his coattail, dragging on the joke, or failing to while Jinki felt slightly embarrassed. Or sometimes, maybe funniest of all, Minho trying to stand like him, move like him, as if he was trying to emulate his frumpy boyish actions when Minho was already a boy too, one Jinki was sure would get the handsome and cool label more readily than he would.
Jinki hadn’t expected Minho to keep doing it once they grew older – he didn’t expect to see it now, of all times.
“You’re doing the thing again..”
“Huh?” Minho looked up, seeming genuinely confused.
Jinki grinned, head fallen like a shy child. “Nothing..”
Minho’s bare feet suddenly kick playfully at Jinki, and the older ducked away, acting up his hurt. They laughed themselves breathless.
He almost forgot Minho wasn’t coming home, they weren’t going to continue to be like this.
______________
Jinki stood next to the car early evening, watching Minho say goodbye to his brother. Minho hugged Minseok tightly.
“Tell mom and dad I miss them,” Minho whispered.
Minseok pulled Minho down in a gentle tug to kiss his little brother’s forehead and ruffled his hair with a smile. A sad smile. “Ah. I’ll be back, baby Choi.” Minseok said teasingly, but the hurt could be heard in his voice. He quickly stepped away from Minho and circled the car to get going.
Jinki shifted nervously. In a moment Minho’s long arms wrapped around him in a warm hug. Jinki reached out to hold his friend close.
“Take care, hyung.”
“You too, Minho.”
Minho didn’t let go. He shifted in the hug, and seconds later Minho’s lips pressed to his cheek, partly touching Jinki’s lips. He pulled back before Jinki could fully process what had happened.
Minho smiled and gently patted at Jinki’s bottom behind him, an old endearment they used to do often with each other, before Jinki stumbled backwards a bit and almost into the car. Minho laughed and punched playfully at Jinki’s shoulder.
Jinki forced a smile, still not understand what happened. When the horn honked, Jinki jumped and awkwardly hurried to get into the car.
“We gotta go now, or this is going to take all night.” Minseok told him from the open door.
“Sorry,” Jinki laughed through his apology.
Minho waved goodbye, smiling as they slowly drove down the dirt road, kicking up dust behind them.
______________
“Did we do the right thing?” Jinki asked an hour later in the quit car ride, home growing closer.
Minseok sighed loudly, “I don’t know.”
The rest of the drive was silent. Jinki wished he could sleep this time, but it wouldn’t come.
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