Korean words in the chapter

*dongsaeng: one's younger sibling or a close friend that is younger than oneself

*unnie: addresses as an older sister of a female speaker

*maknea: refer to the youngest in a group

*Kong-guksu: noodles in cold soybean soup

After the horizon line is the change of POV

Tired, Tired, Tired 

You and your group are in the practice room, having a small break in the middle of their choreography lecture for the upcoming comeback. Their leader, Eunbi unnie, decides to call for a break earlier than usual. She must have noticed how tired you are. You can tell by her worried eyes when she looks at you. That makes you feel guilty. You feel like you are slowing down your group. 

“Minju unnie, here, drink this. You look like you're gonna pass out soon.”

That is the voice of your favorite dongsaeng/former roommate, Yujin. 

Well, the whole favorite dongsaeng thing is her self-proclaim. Yours is actually the youngest Wonyoung, but you won’t tell that giant puppy. Or else you will have to deal with a whiny puppy for a whole day long. And that’s so tiring. Still, you are thankful to have her as your dongsaeng. Despite how noisy and annoying she is, Yuding is such a sweet girl. She takes good care of you, even though you should be the one to do that since you are older. 

“Unnie, take care of yourself more. You are old now.”  

You take back what you think earlier. Excuse me, that puppy just three years younger than you. You huff. How dare she call you old. You are not old. You are just tired due to the hormone change. That damn puppy needs a lesson for messing with a pretty (pregnant) woman like you. 

You quickly lock your former roommate into a headlock before she can run. Unfortunately, your attempt to kill that puppy is interrupted by no other than Eunbi unnie.  And now, "your favorite dongsaeng" is hiding behind Wonyoung, looking like a scared puppy while the maknae is trying to cheer her up. Serves her right. 

You give the big puppy one last warning glance before looking for the culprit behind your changing hormone. She has been avoiding you lately. It's not like she tells you she wants space or anything. It's just whenever you try to have some alone time with her; she will find a way to turn it down. Neither sticking with another member, usually Yena or Hyewon unnie, nor telling you she has "more important" work to do, and they should discuss whatever it is later. This happens a lot, so you are sure that she is avoiding you, but you don't know the reason tho. You are pretty sure you didn't do anything that made her upset. Could it be she has found out you're pregnant, and she is scared to address this issue? Even worse, what if she doesn’t want anything to do with the child? 

No, this won’t happen. You just overthink again. Stay positive Min. Your group will eventually discover your pregnancy. It is not like you can keep it from them forever anyway. But, for now, you are hiding your little secret as best as you can. Not to mention, other members can be a little dense sometimes. You are not sure about Yujin tho. That girl is the most quick-witted one among the members. If she hasn't figured it out, then you have the confidence that you have done a pretty good job. Your secret is safe. Well, at least during this time, before your baby bump becomes more evident. So, there is no way Chaewon unnie can find out about the pregnancy that early. You love her, but not gonna lie. That unnie is really dense. Maybe because he hangs out with Yena unnie too much, that’s why. 

Besides, your best friend is not a person who runs away from responsibility. She won’t abandon you and their unborn baby. She won’t, right? 

She is doing it again, overthinking, doubting about scenarios that are not going to happen. You are her best friend for almost seven years. You can easily tell what’s going on in her head.  And it is not like she did a good job in hiding it anyway. Even Yena unnie can easily tell what she is thinking, so it wouldn’t be a problem for someone close to her like you. 

You hate it whenever she does it. Why can’t she see how perfect she is? Why bother to worry about uncertain things? 

Seeing her like that makes you want to pull her into a tight embrace and whisper some soft compliments (maybe telling her some sort of “I love you” won’t hurt or, at least, it won’t hurt too badly).  

You wish you could do what your heart is telling you to do. 

But 

You can’t, and you shouldn’t do that. Not when you are making an effort to avoid her. 

“Chaewon ah.” 

A bright, feminine, and strangely familiar voice snaps you out of your thoughts. 

You quickly turn your attention to the newcomer. Only to be surprised by the voice’s owner. 

No wonder that voice is so familiar to you. That is your friend’s Park Chaewon. Yeah, another Chaewon with a different surname. She prefers to be called by her stage name Gowon tho. 

The two of you exchanged contacts and became friends last year when her group had a comeback around the same time as yours. 

What is she doing here anyway? 

You and she haven’t contacted each other lately because of their busy schedules. However, as far as you remember, she told you a few weeks ago that her group is going to come back with a full album next month. They haven’ set the comeback date, but probably it will be the end of next month, two weeks earlier than your group. 

That means she must be hella busy right now. Shouldn’t she be in her company and prepare for the upcoming comeback instead of being here? Not to mention her company, Blockberry Creative, is quite far from your company, Off The Record. 

Could it be a special collaboration between the two groups? Or maybe she has a schedule nearby, so she decides to visit you. 

Many possibilities are running through your head. Nevertheless, you give her a small “hey” and a hug as a greeting. 

“What are you doing here? Didn’t you say your group is preparing for a comeback?”, you ask her 

“Yeah, we are. But, I only had to record audio for the title song and intro this morning. I am free for the rest of the day, so I decide to pay you a quick visit”. She answers after handing you a drink she bought from a coffee shop nearby. 

Her actions slightly touch you. She really goes that far to see you, despite her busy schedule. You even bought your favorite drink for you.   

“When will your practice be done? Let’s grab dinner together. We haven’t hung out for quite a while. Heejin told me there is a new restaurant near your company and their Kongguksu is a must-tried item”.

Oh, the new restaurant. Yeah, you had heard about it. The restaurant has been a hot topic lately. There is quite a lot of praise and excellent reviews from costumes for the food. 

So, of course, food lovers in your group (actually the entire group) can’t miss this. Unfortunately, none of them, even the big food eater who always organizes a time for trying out food at different places like Hyewon unnie, have time to try the food there. 

This idea is pretty tempting. You and Gowon haven’t had time to hang out with each other lately. You sure the two of you will have a lot of things to catch up. You also need some time to relax and forget about all your problems. Maybe you could give members some reviews about the food and what they must get there. Fortunately, the practice will end soon, and they will be free for the rest of the day. 

“Sure, why not? Our practice will end one hour later, and we are free after that”. 

“Cool. I guess I will stay at a nearby cafe while waiting for you. Text me when you’re done with the practice”. 

The ride back to their dorms is too quiet. Maybe because most of your fellow members have fallen into a deep slumber because of exhaustion, or perhaps it is the lack of presence of someone you are longing for, makes everything look dull. 

You take a quick look at the giant puppy sitting next to you in the van. She is busy texting the youngest of the group on her phone while looking like a love-struck fool with a goofy smile across her face. You can’t help but form a little smile at that scene. 

Maybe you should take a nap like the rest. After all, you also feel exhausted after all the work they have done. Unfortunately, your mind is too full of unpleasant things to allow you to fall into sleep. 

The previous scenes of how comfortable your best friend is when having a small chat with her friend, Gowon of LOONA, keep replaying in your head like a broken tape.  

Unconsciously, you narrow your eyes—a sense of annoyance filling in your chest before you could help it. You shouldn't feel like this. It is childish. You know they are just friends. And it’s normal for friends to hang out with each other, especially when they haven’t met for quite a while. 

Not that you hate her friend or something. In fact, you encourage your best friend to be more social, to be more open, and have more friends. Not to mention, Gowon unnie is also one of a few idols that make you feel comfortable. They had exchanged some sort of greetings and maybe a few chats when she came to visit your best friend in their waiting room in some music shows. But it’s enough to tell that you genuinely enjoy her company. 

Frustrated. 

You are happy that she has a good friend outside the group. But the displeased feeling keeps growing. This feeling piercing your heart makes it bleed and leaves nothing but bitter at the tip of your tongue. 

Your mind and your heart are in conflict. And obviously, you are not happy about this. 

How could you be happy when she likes to spend time with other people and completely ignore you? 

You hate when she is spending too much time with other people that are not you. You blame the pregnancy for this greediness. You want all her attention. 

Ok, maybe not all. You can’t be greedy like that. Her world cannot move sorely around you. She needs to spend her time with her family, her friends too. 

You must talk to her, to break this icy wall is pulling the two of you apart. You must do that before it drives you crazy. They need to fix whatever their relationship is for the group’s sake and, of course, for their unborn child. 

You slowly open the door to the dorm after the hangout with your friend Gowon. They were too engaged in the conversation that they didn’t notice it was already midnight. You had already told Eunbi unnie about your little meeting with your friend beforehand. She didn't give you a single call, so you guess it’s ok to come back late, or at least, that is what you are hoping for. She might wait for you to return to the dorm to scold you about being late. It doesn’t matter whether you like it or not; your group still has a lot of work. 

They should use their time to rest as much as possible before drowning in exhaustion from the comeback. 

Stepping in, you expect the dorm to be noisy as it is with the small fight for food or whatever Yena does, but what welcomes your return is how quiet it is. That’s strange. Your dorm is not usually like this, considering how noisy your dormmates are, especially with the presence of An Yujin and her big puppy vibe. Maybe they are already asleep. 

You notice a familiar back of someone sitting in the kitchen where the light is still on. Someone who you try to avoid the past few weeks. Someone you are longing for, no matter how hard you compel yourself not to. 

Shouldn’t she be in her room? You know her routine. She never stays up this late, especially when they have a scheduled early in the morning. Should you approach her? Or it is better not to bother, just leave and enter your room.  

Before you could make your decision, her voice interrupts you.

“Chaewon unnie.” 

At this rate, leaving her alone is not an option, not when she looks fragile and vulnerable like this.  You slowly walk to where she is. 

“Where is everyone?” You slowly ask. 

“They have already slept.”

“Then why are you still up?” 

You hope she can’t see through your mask. Even though you may seem like you're totally not interested, you actually worry about her well-being when you notice how tired and vulnerable she is lately. She even starts to lose some weight. 

“I can’t sleep, so I come here for a glass of milk.” She said while showing you a glass of milk in her hand. 

“We have an early schedule tomorrow, you should get some sleep. If you still can’t sleep, then at least take a rest.” 

“I’m also waiting for you.” 

“Why are you waiting for me?”

“We need to talk.”

“It’s already late. If it is not important, then let’s talk tomorrow.”

She let out a tired sign before continuing. 

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” 

You know where this conversation is heading to. You know you could make it easy for you to just tell her the truth, to tell her how much you love her, to tell her to stay away from that Kim Minjun cause you want her to be yours. But you don’t. You can’t. She may leave you if she finds out about your feelings. 

“Then why are you avoiding me?”

“I am not avoiding you.”

A few tears escape her eyes, wetting her cheek. 

“You are so frustrating Kim Chaewon. You said you were not avoiding me, but you leave me on seen. You turn away whenever you see me. No more movie night, cuddles. And you know what’s worse? You turn me down every time I try to reach out to you. I don’t know what I did that made you upset, but I’m sorry. Don’t leave me alone. I can’t lose you.” 

She pulls you in a hug before you could react, holding you as tight as she can.

“You promised you would never leave me. You already promise that Chaewonie.”

You feel your eyes become watery. You’re such a jerk. You swore to always be there for her, but you broke your promise. You hurt her. You hurt your own best friend and the love of your life. Just because you are a ing coward who afraid of admitting their own feelings, afraid of getting hurt. What kind of best friend are you? It seems like she is always keeping their promises, but you didn’t. And now she is saying sorry while she did nothing wrong. 

God, you don’t deserve an angel like her. 

Screw it. Forget about your insecure self. You’re gonna deal with it later. Right now, you need to make it up for her. 

You pull her closer in a tight embrace. Your arms are tight against her waist. 

“No, Min. You did nothing wrong. It’s me. I'm the one at fault. I’ve hurt you. I’m a terrible friend for breaking our promises, for leaving you alone. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Minmin… Please forgive me… Forgive this terrible friend of your.”

You try harder to shallow the tears threaten to fall down. You hate it when your emotions are out of your control. You don’t want to cry. At least not now. You are afraid it will make your best friend cry harder and make your dormmates awake. 

Pathetic. 

You tighten your hug. You hope it could deliver how sincere you are right now. You also don’t want to lose her. 

She doesn’t say anything afterward, but it seems like she could understand your sincerity, illustrated by how she snuggles closer to you. 

Friend or anything else, it’s fine if you are with her. 

She is warm. You like being in her arms. It feels like you could escape reality. Even if it's just a moment, they are not IZONE’s Minju and IZONE’s Chaewon. no need to worry about what people may think about them. They are just two ordinary people named Kim Minju and Kim Chaewon.

Snuggling closer into her embrace. Oh, how much you miss the feeling of being in her arms and breathing in her sweet minty scent and baby powder. 

Later that night, the two of you end up cuddling in your bed with her being the big spoon. It has been a while since they last do this. They used to cuddle so much to the point other members got used to seeing the two of you like this. You are the big spoon sometimes too, but for an obvious reason, you can’t do that now. You are not complaining, tho. Chae feels like home and you wish they could say in this position forever. 

Right now, she is singing to some sort of lullaby. A small favor you ask her since you can’t sleep. Learning closer into her warmth. You close your eyes and listen to her sweet voice. Did you mention how much you love to hear her singing. She is a talented singer. You remember the countless times you are amazed by how beautiful her voice is when you listen to her. You can’t help but fall deeper in love with her voice, even when you get to hear it every day. But again, who won’t fall for it? Her voice is soft, warm and comforting. Maybe that’s why you always ask her to sing for you whenever you feel down. 

That’s one of countless things you love about her. You love how gentle she is whenever she pulls in a hug, like you are the most fragile thing in the world. You love how she can light up your days with a smile. You love how she hums to the songs she likes with a cute face. You love looking at her eyes, the doe eyes contain the whole universe in it, especially when she’s looking at you with the eyes full of love and affection. You also love how she sounds like a baby while saying "uh, I don't want to" and "uh,no". You chuckle. A baby indeed. Your Chaewonies may look intimidating, but she actually is the softest human being ever. 

You could spend the entire day listing everything you love about her. You love her so much that you always want her to be happy. To always have her by your side, to hold her tight in your arms and never let her go. 

Oh. You think you’ve found the reason why you’re feeling like this. Why there is a sense of annoyance filling in your chest when you notice how she spends a lot of time with others but you. 

Love. 

And it is not the kind of love shared between family members and friends. 

It’s love love. 

Oh, god. You love love her. 

It takes you awhile to realize your feelings for her but it’s okay. You still have plenty of time to fully enjoy this new discovery feeling. They will be okay, as long as you have your best friend by your side. And of course their unborn baby too. 

(Sometimes later on, when you and she finally got together, you found out you were jealous for nothing as your best friend only set her eyes on you. She’s fallen in love with you before you could realize your feelings for her. Not to mention her friend, Gowon, was already in a relationship back then. 

You would laugh at your silly self whenever you think back about this day. Maybe you should give Gowon a gift for helping you realize your feelings. Maybe an airpod case with a cute teddy bear is perfect. Chae has mentioned how her friend is dying to have a cute airpod case to replace her already broken one.)