The thought of me wishing my sister was alive when I thought she was dead haunts me. I wanted her dead, right now. Not because I wanted her gone. But because I didn't want her to suffer more when I'm fighting a deadly battle in the arena. She was better off gone. In peace. Out of this never ending war. I somehow felt as if the Capitol hates me—as if the world despises me. I wanted her alive when I believed she was dead, yes. But her being deceased is better than herself alive yet utterly suffering. 

    I tried not to look at her when Nako asked the both of us to proceed to my room. It was forbidden. Talking to the Avox girl and you'll be dead. Dead meat. Pushing the door located just in front of my room, I let Yuri come in first. I knew I had to stay still. To not mess up. To calm myself and try my hardest not to converse with her. Or else she'll be punished. 

    I handed her my clothes from the reaping, as Nako told me to give my Avox the dress I wore the day before. It's for laundry purposes so I don't question it. As I handed the neat pile of clothes to her, I observed her features. She smiled. I wonder why, though. Curiosity took the best of me as I followed her gaze and saw her glancing at my ring. The ring she used the day of the reaping. She could've been traumatised by the thought of it; by the remembrance the ring holds. But no. I was expecting her to frown or something. But she did not. Maybe because she went into a realisation that I used the ring as my token. And she looked happy for it. 

    Gulping, as I was aware I could only speak to her when giving an order, “Take these to the laundry room, please” I spoke, trying not to familiarise with Yuri. I was terrified that she might get punished because of me. She almost died because of me. I can't risk losing her again. She bowed to me and I'm not gonna lie here, it pained me. 

    As I saw her walk towards the door, I couldn't help but tear up. She was too sweet, too fragile. Pure, gentle Yuri who didn't want anything but for the two of us to survive. While I was hunting for food, she was nursing people for money. She was too naive. Too lovely. Too kind. She did not deserve this fate. 

    She shut the door close and I plopped myself on the soft mattress of my bedroom. I whispered a simple “Thank You” even though I'm certain she won't be hearing it anymore. There was one thing for sure. I can't let her suffer now that I know she's not dead. I have to get out of the arena for her. Alive. 

    I tried to bear the next day. And days yet to come. It was dreadful, honestly. Although the food was peculiarly great, a part of me still wishes home. I'm now seated at the frame of the study room's window, waiting for Jeongin to come sit with me. It's not that I like him. The last thing I would want is to be in love in the arena and figure out a way how the both of us can survive. I didn't want that. It was too risky. 

    Jeongin sat down beside me as we stared upon a dozen dazzling stars above the Capitol's night sky. It was beautiful, indeed. I've never seen this many stars before—blinking and shining and shimmering at you. Beside us was a platter of purple grapes. I plucked one from the stem and devoured it. “You know, it'll be nice if all of us come home.” Jeongin whispers, his voice slightly muffled due to how quick the train moves. I can hear the hopeful smile in his voice. I knew he wasn't just referring to him; Nor me; But to every tribute in this year's games. 

    I took another berry, popping it in my mouth, “What do you mean?” I asked. He didn't look at me, though. He was still gazing at the calming night sky. “Even if we say we're killing each other, I still don't think it's everyone's fault.” he says, “We're controlled, being left without a choice. There's no freedom nor justice.” he adds, “I mean we could all run away together. But the Capitol would find a way to break us apart. The last thing they need is unity amongst tributes. It's futile. It's just…” there was a pause. “Just…?” I asked, waiting for him to continue.

    He gives in, “It's just that I want to show the Capitol a way, telling them that they don't own me. That if my fate was to die, I'll die just the way I am. Pure. Naive. That 18 year old boy who likes art and science at school. The Yang Jeongin from District Seven. Me.” I thought for a single moment once his words reached my ears, and I found myself guilty. “I just…” I paused, thinking about Yuri's unexpected fate, “Can't afford to think like that”

    “No one does, Wonyoung. I just… feel a bit sentimental lately,” he laughs. But I could tell it in his confession earlier that it was real. That he was telling the truth. That this young boy back in our district was sincere. “Back in the district, no one even knows me personally. I had no friends except for my pet squirrel. My mom passed away at the age of thirty-two, leaving me with my father who works hard in the farm.” Jeongin formed his lips into a thin line, as if reminiscing a painful memory, “Now that I got reaped in the games, I thought maybe people would recognise me. That they'll know my name. Not just that schoolboy who's fond of Science.” he chuckles, then frowns a bit, “But I guess that didn't matter. I'm dying anyways.” 

    I looked down onto his pale hands, and noticed a dark brown sewn watch with a brilliant touch of colors. I think it's his token. Maybe he made it, I don't know. I didn't even bother to ask. We just sat there in complete silence, gazing into the sapphire coloured sky in front of us as we counted our remaining days. Anytime in the Arena, we're ought to die.