six;

Myungsoo’s birthday ten days later was not a pleasant one.

The night before his birthday, when he was eating dinner, he suddenly complained of a chest pain and not being able to breathe. He passed out not long after that.

My parents drove them to the hospital after dropping me off at Chorong’s house. It was a school night, so they did not allow us to go with them until the next day.

“Will he be alright?” Chorong asked me as we both were lying in the darkness in her bedroom. Neither of us could fall asleep. “I heard some people die on their birthday.”

“He won’t die.” I told her firmly. “He won’t.”

At that time, I did not know whether the words I said were to comfort my best friend or my own self, because as I spoke, I remembered what Myungsoo told me his birthday wish was.

I want to live.

We went to visit Myungsoo right after school ended, bringing along our gifts and a slice of carrot cake. We were told that he was not allowed to eat sweets, so we had to use carrot cake to replace his favourite chocolate moist.

“Don’t worry,” Chorong patted him. “We’ll get you as much chocolate moist you want once you get discharged.”

After singing the birthday song and handing him his presents, the atmosphere felt a little uncomfortable to me. Chorong tried her best to ignore it by telling him what happened in school and some songs I didn’t know of. Myungsoo, meanwhile, understood her attempt to lift the mood up and just smiled and nodded at what she said like the good kid he was.

At last, I could not take the awkwardness and left the room. “I’m just gonna go get something to drink,” I told them, even though there was a giant bottle of green tea on the table.

I wandered around the hall alone before settling in an empty seat at one corner not far from the room, watching the passing patients and doctors. The smell of anaesthetic filled my lungs. In truth, I have always hated the hospital and would do anything possible to avoid going to one. However, ever since I got to know Myungsoo, the number of times I had to go to the hospital in a year sometimes exceeded ten times.

I know it was not his fault, and that he never asked to be sick. Nobody would. But once in a while, at times like this, I wondered how my life would be like if he never moved into our neighbourhood. I wondered if Chorong and I would still be best friends.

Five minutes later, I picked up my pace back and returned to the room. My steps came to a halt when Myungsoo’s gentle voice caught my ears as I was approaching the door.

“I don’t know if I should say this, but after what happened last night, I thought I shouldn’t waste my time anymore, because I have no idea if I can get another chance like this. I might not have much time.”

“Don’t say things like that!” Chorong snapped.” You’ll get better. Your mom will find a way. We all will.”

Myungsoo gave her a tiny smile, and he took her hands. “You see, I like you. Ever since the first day I came here when you told me your name and I gave you my Rubik’s cube. I’ve always liked you,” he said. There was a brief pause, and when Chorong didn’t say anything, he continued. “I held back because I did not want you to become uncomfortable and stop spending time with me. I was scared that you’d reject me, and that we’d stop being friends. But I don’t want to hide it any longer. Right now, I’m more afraid that I won’t have enough time to tell you this.”

I didn’t stay to hear Chorong’s answer. I never asked her either after that as we both walked to and from school the next day and pretended nothing ever happened in that hospital room. I never asked, not because I knew she said yes, but because I was afraid that I would not be able to congratulate her with a smile like a good best friend would do.

She never told me about it either.  Not during classes when the two of us always exchanged secret jokes and giggled to ourselves as the teacher spoke in front. Not during the breaks when we both shared my lunch, laughing about the previous night’s comedy show. Not when we were alone in my house playing video games like we always did before Myungsoo came along. Not when he came home three days later.

The first morning after Myungsoo was discharged, however, they walked to my house hand in hand. I was not surprised to see it, though. Perhaps it was because I had readied myself for it for days.

“Hyung,” Myungsoo called in a cheerful voice. “I have something to tell you.”

“What?” I asked, although I already knew.

“From now on, Chorong noona and I are together,” he announced with that sweet childlike smile of his.

I looked at my childhood best friend who buried her face underneath her scarf, but I could see her red cheeks. “You two are sneaky,” I finally replied, flashing them a congratulatory smile that I had practiced all morning. “Good for you.”

At first, I thought it was just sympathy that made Chorong said yes. But as time passed, I could see the genuine happy smile that is painted on her face whenever they are together. I could see the joy in their eyes as the three of us spent our times together like always. It was as if someone finally opened my eyes to see the truth that I could not perceive.

I began to feel left out. I felt like I was the odd one out. Like I was the only dark cloud in a perfect blue sky, and that my presence ruined the whole landscape. Seeing them together, I felt as if I was watching a picture perfect couple in a film and I was just a boy amongst the audiences. Not matter how much I wished for it, I could never be them.

All these while, I always thought that Myungsoo was the third person in our friendship. Even though I never hated him, I always wondered about life without him in the picture. But for the first time, it occurred to me, perhaps it was not Myungsoo. Perhaps, the other person was me.

Sometimes, I wished I never left the room that day.

It's sad that I lost all the good comments after the AFF breakdown ;_;